Happily Never After_A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy

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by Emma Robinson


  Again, Rory was faced with a choice to make, as there were three different brands. Reluctant to open up the possibility of more advice, she picked the one in the middle. ‘Thanks for your help.’ She nodded to indicate that she didn’t need him any more.

  ‘You’ll be wanting sandpaper, too. Follow me.’ He walked away without giving her the chance to refuse him. Getting help in this place went from one extreme to another. Obviously, he must be on commission. At least he seemed quite confident about where the sandpaper could be found.

  Again, more choices – there were even different colours and different numbers to choose from – but this time he didn’t wait for her to decide. He selected a couple of types and gave them to her. But she would have to admit her ignorance. ‘What do I need this for?’

  ‘After you’ve used the filler. You’ll need to let it dry until it’s completely hard and then sand it down. Like I said, it’s a tricky business. I really do think you should consider getting a professional. Did you say you were having a room rewired?’

  Rory shook her head. ‘Not just a room. The whole house needs new electrics, apparently. We turned on a light switch and there was a big bang. The electrician I called in spent a lot of time making tutting sounds as he looked around. I got him off the Internet, so I’m hoping he knows what he’s doing.’ She had been tearing her hair out about the expense of the electrical work. She would have to use Sheila’s money and she hated it. ‘I’ve taken on a bit of a project, to be honest. The estate agent wasn’t entirely truthful. By the time we got the survey back and realised the extent of the work, my daughter and I had already fallen in love with it.’ She didn’t add that everyone, from her mother to her ex-husband, had told her that she was being completely ridiculous. They would have to admit they were wrong when she single-handedly transformed it into a show home. Belle had already made a sign for the front door: The Palace.

  ‘Then you really do need to think about getting someone in. Otherwise you’ll be looking at hours and hours of hard work. Hard, dusty work. You’ll need a mask.’ He took one from the shelf above the sandpaper and put it onto the pile of products in her arms. ‘Where’s your house? If you’re local, I could pop back with you and take a look at it now, if you like?’

  Rory was slightly alarmed at the prospect of taking a strange man back to her house. She hadn’t done that in at least seventeen years, and she wasn’t about to start now. ‘Do you usually offer this kind of service to your customers, or is it just the inept female ones? I’m sure your boss wouldn’t be too pleased with you following me home halfway through the day.’

  He looked confused. ‘I don’t work here.’

  Rory could feel a deep flush starting at the base of her neck. She started to stammer. ‘I’m so sorry. I thought… Well, you know what I thought… And I was dragging you around the shop.’ The flush had reached her cheeks. ‘I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  He grinned. ‘Because I was taught never to ignore a damsel in distress. Look, I’m a builder. I can get one of my friends to give you a quote on the plastering if you like, then you can decide what to do. Let me give you my card.’ He felt around in his back pocket, then held out a small white business card. ‘With a job as big as yours sounds, you’re going to need help with some of it.’ As she couldn’t move her full arms to reach out for it, he tucked the card into her hand, under the original bag of screws. ‘Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. I was supposed to be in here to get some drill bits before you tempted me away to the plastering section.’ He tapped the card she was still holding in front of her, then looked her straight in the eye. ‘Give me a call.’

  After dropping her purchases onto the conveyor belt at the till, Rory had a closer look at the man’s card: JP Building Services. Maybe he was right, maybe she would have to give in and pay someone to do the more difficult work on the house. Obviously, she hadn’t planned to do the electrics or the plumbing herself, but she had hoped to do most other things. The problem was, she and Belle had to live there now, so they couldn’t wait for months for it to be made habitable. Even if they could get a couple of the bedrooms straight, and the kitchen and bathroom, they could be more patient with the rest. Unless someone she knew could recommend someone, maybe she would give this guy a call. Looking for a contact name and number, she flipped the card over. It looked as if JP Building Services was the man’s own company. His name was John Prince.

  Her mum was going to love that.

  Chapter Six

  Rory had spent so much time at work trying to get these damn seating plans done for Nathan Finch that she hadn’t even begun to think about what to cook for dinner. It was probably a moot point anyway; she only had one working gas ring and the microwave would be out of action until the electrics were done. Pizza?

  Sheila arrived at the house before Belle got home. Belle was spending a lot of time at Fiona’s – her own house being a building site – but Rory missed having her around, and they still hadn’t discussed this boy who was supposedly on the horizon.

  ‘How was your day?’ Her mum always asked this, and Rory always answered the same way.

  ‘Fine. Busy. Yours?’

  ‘Fun. We had our first meeting of Flo’s new committee today. Barb and I sat at the back and giggled like two naughty schoolgirls.’

  ‘She’s a bad influence on you.’ Rory was shuffling through a drawer for the pizza delivery menu.

  Sheila grinned. ‘I know. Marvellous, isn’t it? Anyway, Flo wants to have a rota for checking the laundry room to make sure that no one is leaving behind oddments of their washing. Apparently, there was a Y-fronts incident.’ She made pretend inverted comma marks in the air. Belle must have taught her that.

  Rory grimaced. The thought of old men’s baggy underwear nearly turned her off the pizza idea. ‘Thanks for that, Mum.’

  ‘She also wants each of us to organise a social event. You should have seen her face at Barb’s suggestion. To be fair, I am not sure speed dating would really work, either. It takes some of the older ones more than three minutes to get out of their chair. The date would be over before they’d got a chance to shake hands.’

  Rory looked up with a smile. ‘I had Susie trying to persuade me to do the exact same thing. It sounds hideous. Would you do it?’

  Sheila had been on her own for over fifteen years now. Although Rory hadn’t thought about it at the time, her mum had only been in her early fifties when Rory’s dad had died – she could have met someone else. Still could?

  ‘I don’t think so. We’ve only really got Sid who’s on his own, and I’d rather collect the random pants from the laundry room than get romantic with him. Where’s Belle? Has she spoken to you about this boy yet?’

  Rory shook her head. ‘No. She’s at Fiona’s all the time at the moment, so I’ve hardly seen her, and I don’t want to be the one to bring it up. I’ll wait for her to tell me.’

  Sheila crossed her arms. ‘I don’t want to make you feel worse, Aurora, but that’s the trouble with being such an old cynic – people don’t want to talk to you about their romances, not even your own daughter.’ She put her head on one side. ‘It is normal for teenagers to keep secrets from their parents, though. As your mother, I know that better than anyone.’

  That was what bothered Rory the most. Up until now, her relationship with her daughter hadn’t been normal in the sense that Sheila was talking about. Belle had been barely a year old when Rory had found out about Scott’s affairs and had asked him to leave. Since then, it had always been the two of them against the world. They had been a team. They had never had secrets. Until now.

  The front door banged and Belle’s breathless face peeped around the sitting room door. ‘Hi, Mum. Hi, Gran. What’s for dinner?’

  Rory held up the menu. ‘Pizza.’

  ‘Great. I’m just going to get changed out of my uniform. I’ll be down in a minute.’

  ‘Pizza?’ Sheila’s nose wrinkled. ‘You could have come to me if you were too tired to c
ook.’

  ‘It’s not that, Mum. The cooker isn’t working properly.’

  Sheila threw her hands in the air. ‘Oh, Aurora. If that doesn’t constitute a reason to crack into your so-called “emergency” fund, I don’t know what does. You have to eat.’

  ‘It’s in hand, Mum. I’ve met a man.’ Rory paused on purpose. She had been waiting to get her own back on her mum for pretending she wanted to move in with her. This was her chance.

  Sheila nearly combusted on the spot. ‘Really? Oh Aurora! How wonderful! Who is he? What is his name? Where did you meet him?’

  ‘His name’ – Rory was enjoying this – ‘is John Prince.’

  Sheila’s hand fluttered to her chest. She looked like she might actually faint, so Rory decided it was time to put her out of her misery. Or false hope.

  ‘Don’t get excited, Mum. He’s a builder. I might ask him to do some work on the house. No romance.’ She picked up her mobile and scrolled through to find the pizza delivery app.

  But Sheila was still smiling. ‘We shall see. It’s early days.’ She paused and frowned. ‘You did check he wasn’t married?’

  Rory looked up from the screen. ‘How the hell would I know that?’

  Sheila rolled her eyes. ‘What woman doesn’t check for a wedding ring when she talks to a man? Sometimes I wonder if you are my daughter at all.’

  Rory wished she hadn’t started this. ‘Whether or not he is married is irrelevant, mother. As long as he does a good job and doesn’t charge me too much, that’s all I’m interested in.’

  Her words fell on deaf ears: Sheila was lost in thought. ‘A builder. Like your dad.’

  ‘Mum. I am warning you.’

  Sheila held her hands up. ‘I’m not doing anything.’ But she was still smiling when Belle reappeared, slipped in next to her on the sofa and gave her a kiss.

  Sheila turned her attention to her granddaughter. ‘How’s college?’

  Belle pulled her legs up under her. ‘It’s good. I’m really busy but I’m enjoying it. How’re things at Seymour House? Any more gossip? What’s Barb been up to?’

  Sheila settled into the sofa, ready to launch into a story. These two loved a gossip. It was amazing how interested Belle was in her grandmother’s anecdotes. They made Rory want to boil her own head.

  ‘There has been quite a bit of excitement actually. New residents moved into the vacant two-bedroomed place on the floor below mine – a couple. Although we’ve only seen the man so far. Well, you can imagine, Barb was all over him like a rash. Introducing herself, telling him about all the social events we have on. He said it wasn’t his sort of thing. Although I think he probably meant Barb wasn’t his sort of thing. She calmed down a bit when he told her his wife was moving in later.’

  Belle wriggled closer to her gran. ‘I didn’t understand what people meant by man-eater until I met her.’

  Sheila smiled. ‘You can’t blame her, really. Decent men are a bit thin on the ground and she’s been divorced for over twenty years. I think she’s hoping for a bit of fun. A bit of harmless fun can do anyone the world of good.’ Sheila looked pointedly at Rory. ‘He’s pretty good-looking, I suppose – the new resident – he looks a bit like Cary Grant. Only thinner. And with less hair. There was something a bit strange about him, though. Shifty eyes.’

  Rory looked over the top of the pizza delivery menu. ‘Now who’s being choosy?’

  ‘No, I’m serious.’ Sheila turned back to Belle. ‘He came and went a few times, bringing boxes of belongings, and then disappeared into his flat. No one has seen his wife.’

  Belle was leaning forward now. Listening to every word. Rory loved how close they were. When Belle was little, Sheila would collect her from school every day and they’d have a wonderful time. Sheila would let Belle play with her make-up, which drove Rory mad. She didn’t want Belle encouraged to do typically girly things. All Sheila would say at the time was, ‘I’m sure even Germaine Greer wears a bit of lippy now and again.’ Rory was biased, but she thought that Belle was beautiful just as she was. Although she was wearing more lipstick than usual today. And was that mascara on her lashes?

  Rory was less interested in this new man and his invisible wife. ‘He probably made her up to get away from Barb.’

  Sheila shook her head. ‘No. We saw him bring in armfuls of women’s clothes on hangers. There must be a wife.’

  Belle had the wild imagination of the young. ‘That’s so suspicious, Gran. Do you think he’s keeping her prisoner? You should go and find out!’

  ‘Hang on. Hang on.’ Rory needed to put the brakes on these two. ‘Don’t you think you should wait and see what the situation is before you go ploughing in?’

  ‘Of course I will.’ Sheila leaned in to Belle. ‘And then we’ll sweep in and save her.’

  Rory sighed. Here they went again. ‘You two can’t fix a happy ending for everyone you meet, you know.’

  But Belle put up a hand. ‘We know. We know. “Life is not a fairy tale.”’ She rolled her eyes at Sheila, then winked at Rory. That was definitely mascara. ‘How was your day, Mum? Was that Finch man still awful?’

  Sheila’s ears pricked up. ‘Another man? They’re like buses around here. Nothing for sixteen years and then two at once.’

  Rory groaned. ‘Don’t mention the “M” word around your gran, Belle. She gets overly hopeful.’ She turned to Sheila to nip any potential unpalatable comments in the bud. ‘He’s the new deputy head at school and is an emotionless educational robot.’

  ‘Deputy head, eh? How do you know he’s really emotionless? Maybe he’s just finding his feet. You know, like when you did your teacher training and they told you to start off strict and get nicer once you had them under control. What was it that you used to say? “Don’t smile until Christmas.”’

  ‘No, it’s not that, Mum. He’s actually quite unpleasant – to the staff as well as the pupils. He’s clearly very ambitious, and it’s never about the kids with people like that.’ Everything about Nathan Finch was irritating, but the worst part was the way he spoke to the students, like they were dirt on his shoes. He’d roared at Charlie the other day for messing around in the corridor. Everyone lost their temper at times – goodness knows the kids could push you to it some days – but, if you disliked children as much as he obviously did, why start teaching in the first place?

  Sheila got up and prodded Rory in the direction of the kitchen. ‘Well, maybe you should give him a chance, too. What were you just saying about waiting before you plough in? Anyway, if you’re going to order this pizza business I at least want a proper plate and cutlery. Do you want a hand with that washing up?’ She motioned towards the sink full of the morning’s breakfast things. And last night’s dinner things. Rory had been busy.

  The sink was the one part of the kitchen that had worked up until now. But when Sheila tried to drain the water, it didn’t go anywhere. ‘Rory, is there a problem with your sink?’

  ‘I don’t think so. Is there something blocking the plughole?’ Rory stuck her hand into the greasy water and whirled it around. It made her feel queasy. But there was nothing blocking the water. Great. That meant something else that needed fixing.

  ‘I can’t face dealing with that tonight. We’ll use the other plates and I’ll think about it in the morning.’ The morning, when she had already planned to be in early, to catch up on the marking she hadn’t done because of those sodding seating plans. She’d like to stick Nathan Finch down this greasy plughole.

  But Sheila looked almost pleased at the prospect. ‘Oh well, maybe you can give your John Prince a call? I’m sure he’ll be able to fix it in a trice.’

  She wouldn’t be giving her mother the satisfaction of calling John while she was still here. Rory wouldn’t put it past her to make kissing noises in the background. Besides, John was a builder, not a handyman.

  Although, maybe she could just ask him to tell her how to do it herself?

  Chapter Seven

  Rory sent John a
text first thing in the morning but she wasn’t expecting him to call her back almost immediately.

  ‘I can pop round tonight if you like?’

  ‘No, no. I don’t need you to come round. I just thought you could tell me what to do. I can’t get the sink to empty.’ She sounded like a feeble woman. She didn’t want him to look down the plughole, take two seconds to fix it and then leave her looking like an incompetent. Even if she was.

  ‘It’s probably just the trap. But it might be the drains that are blocked. It’s no trouble.’ There was a muffled sound and she heard him speak to someone else. ‘Sorry, I need to go. I’ll be there about five.’

  She didn’t want to admit it, but she was relieved. Once this week was over, she’d research some local DIY classes. Then she wouldn’t need to call for help every time something went wrong. Right now, it was more pressing to get into school and cut up strips of coloured paper for a lesson.

  * * *

  ‘Good morning, everybody. Lacey, can you sit on a chair rather than a desk please, and can you put those crisps away, Harry?’ Rory was usually at the classroom door ready to greet her class, but after cutting the paper strips, she’d had a violent altercation with the photocopier which had made her late.

  A chubby-looking boy towards the back of the classroom grumbled something about breakfast under his breath and scrunched a family-sized bag of Doritos into his pocket.

  ‘Is it going to be a fun lesson today, Miss?’ Lacey swung her long legs and her not-so-long skirt under the nearest desk. The frequency with which that question was asked would lead a casual bystander to believe that every other lesson included cartwheels and rap music.

 

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