Happily Never After_A laugh-out-loud romantic comedy

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by Emma Robinson


  At least this was more fun than wandering around aimlessly. ‘You need to give me something to work with here, Mum. Am I washing a roasting tin? Wine glasses?’ Rory turned back to the sink and pretended to hold up a glass. ‘The smears on this. I really should change my liquid.’

  ‘Do you need any help, ladies?’

  Rory jumped and turned around to see a man young enough that she could have taught him in the last five years. He gave them a toothpaste-ad smile.

  ‘Yes, please.’ Sheila had taken control. ‘We would like to buy a kitchen.’

  The young man winked at them. They probably deserved that. ‘Then you’re in the right place. Shall we sit down?’

  As per the instructions on the showroom’s website, Rory had written down the dimensions of her kitchen, marking on the doors and window. She passed these to the young man – ‘Please, call me Adrian’ – and he punched them into his computer before spinning the screen around to show her a 3D picture of her kitchen.

  ‘Well, isn’t that clever?’ Sheila looked like Penny had when watching Nathan’s PowerPoint. ‘It looks just like your kitchen, Aurora. Only cleaner.’

  Call Me Adrian took them through the rest of the process, moving cupboards and white goods around the room with a flick of his mouse. ‘Once you have the layout, you can choose which doors and worktops you want.’

  Rory leaned closer to the screen. ‘And are these all quite easy to put together?’

  Call Me Adrian slid an A4 glossy brochure across the desk. ‘We have a full installation service available. It starts from as little as two-nine-nine-nine.’

  Rory nearly choked. Three thousand pounds? ‘It’s okay. I’m going to do it.’

  It was impossible to tell who looked more incredulous: Call Me Adrian or Sheila.

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Rory.’ Sheila got there first. Although Call Me Adrian didn’t contradict her. ‘Just let the professionals do it.’

  But Rory was not going to be persuaded on this one. Electrics and plumbing were beyond her, but she’d put together a variety of IKEA furniture over the years. How different could this be?

  Then Sheila’s eyes lit up. ‘Unless you were going to ask Mr Prince to do it?’

  Rory ignored her and turned back to Call Me Adrian. ‘How soon can I get this delivered?’

  * * *

  Rory and Sheila were still arguing about whether or not she should pay for installation, when Rory heard her name called. ‘Ms Wilson?’

  She turned with a fixed smile. Bumping into pupils, or parents of pupils, was relatively common when you lived in the catchment area of your school. Often it happened when you had a large bottle of gin in your trolley, or you’d decided to dash to your local Spar without combing your hair.

  But this wasn’t a student or a parent. It was the deputy head. Nathan Finch.

  He looked very different outside of school. In place of the sharp suit was a polo shirt and jeans. His hair wasn’t quite so perfect. He was softer, somehow.

  He waved a brochure in the air. ‘Are you kitchen shopping too?’

  ‘Er, yes.’ Rory was conscious of Sheila floating at her shoulder. ‘This is my mother, Sheila.’

  ‘Hi.’ Nathan stuck out his hand. ‘Nathan Finch. I work with your daughter.’

  Sheila beamed, shook his right hand, then looked directly at his left one. Oh God, she was looking for a wedding ring.

  ‘Your daughter is a real asset to St Anthony’s. Everyone speaks very highly of her. I only joined this term, but I’m already beginning to see why they are so keen on her.’

  That was surprising. Praise?

  ‘Nathan is the new deputy head, Mum.’ If Rory was hoping that this information would signal to her mother that she could dial down on the 100-megawatt smile, she was sadly disappointed.

  ‘That’s a lovely thing to say. Every mother likes to hear that her daughter is doing well.’ Her laugh was borderline flirtatious. Rory needed to escape. Could she fit herself inside the under-the-counter fridge behind her?

  It got worse. Sheila was on the offensive. ‘So, have you moved into the area? With your family?’

  There was no time for the fridge. Rory should just fake a faint. Right now.

  ‘Yes. I’ve got a flat near to the school. Just me, though. No family.’

  Had Nathan just flicked a glance in Rory’s direction? If she held her breath, could she make herself pass out?

  ‘Well, I’m sure you’ve got lots to do and Mum needs to sit down, so we’ll leave you to it.’ Rory put a firm hand on Sheila’s back and nearly catapulted her in the direction of the door.

  ‘See you Monday!’ Nathan called.

  Once they were sitting down with a drink in the café next door, Sheila started. ‘He seems lovely, Aurora. And not at all how you described him.’

  To be fair to her mother, Nathan hadn’t looked – or acted – as he usually did. It was quite unsettling to see this other side to him. Now Rory knew how the students felt when they encountered her out of school and treated her like an E-List celebrity.

  ‘Don’t be fooled, Mum. He has not been like that in school.’

  Sheila was not for turning. ‘Perhaps you haven’t seen the real him yet. You shouldn’t judge people until you have got to know them.’ She brought her teacup to her lips and blew on it. ‘Speaking of which. I’ve seen the new tenant. The wife.’

  At least this would get her mum off the subject of Nathan Finch. ‘Did you?’

  ‘I bumped into her in the lift. She looks older than him, although it’s difficult to tell – it really ages a woman when she doesn’t dye her hair. And’ – she paused for emphasis – ‘she had a big bruise below her right eye.’

  Rory frowned. ‘Did you speak to her?’

  ‘Well, she seemed a bit agitated, so I asked if she was okay and she shook her head. When the doors opened at the ground floor, her husband was standing there waiting for her! He looked really cross and took her away with him back to their flat; barely even looked at me. I felt very uncomfortable.’

  Maybe Belle had been on the right track about him. ‘That does sound odd, Mum. Maybe you should be suspicious.’

  ‘That’s what I thought. So, what shall I do? Go round to her flat?’

  Rory drained her coffee mug. ‘I don’t know. You still don’t know much about them.’ Rory was all for helping people out, but she didn’t want her mother to put herself in a vulnerable position. ‘Give it a couple of days and see what he’s like once they’ve settled in properly. If you’re still worried, I’ll come with you and we’ll drop by and say hello.’

  Sheila poured the last four drops out of her teapot into her cup. ‘Thanks, love. You’re right, I need to let them settle in first.’

  Rory wanted to leave. She was concerned about running into Nathan again. Plus, John was at her house repairing the cornice. She’d merely asked him to loan her a large stepladder so she could reach, but he’d mumbled something about his public liability insurance and how he’d have to do it himself. Nevertheless, she really wanted to get back and help. ‘Shall we go?’

  Sheila put down her cup and shuffled to the end of the booth. ‘Yes, let’s go. It’s the same with your deputy head chap, you know. You need to let him settle in before you make your mind up.’

  Not this again. Rory stood and held Sheila’s coat out for her. But could her mother be right? Had Rory misjudged Nathan Finch?

  Chapter Eleven

  By Monday morning, Nathan was back in Deputy Head Mode. He caught Rory as soon as she got into the building.

  She crossed her fingers that it wasn’t about data again. She had entered everything she had to and did not want to see another spreadsheet until half term. However, when she found out what it was about, she would have happily swapped it for typing numbers into small cells for the rest of the day.

  ‘Ms Wilson, could you step into my office for a moment?’

  He closed the door behind her gently. ‘You have 10-G today, I believe? I just wanted to
give you the heads up that Charlie won’t be in your lesson. Apparently, his mother is in hospital again and he has been taken into emergency foster care. But it seems he has run away.’

  Rory’s heart plunged. ‘Run away? Are the police looking for him?’

  Nathan nodded. ‘I’m afraid so. They called the head last night to ask if he had any information about his whereabouts. Apparently, it’s happened before?’

  Rory wanted to drop everything and go and look for him herself. If the police had called Derek Brown yesterday, that meant Charlie had been out all night. She couldn’t bear the idea of him walking the streets, cold and alone. ‘Yes. Last time his mum went in, he did the same thing. But he turned out to just be at the hospital with her. I presume they have already checked the hospital?’

  Nathan clasped his hands and leaned forwards. ‘Yes, they have. The police have asked us to keep our ears to the ground. Find out if any of the other kids know where he is.’

  Charlie’s mum must be beside herself, Rory thought. If she was in hospital, that might mean she needed an operation. It had been on the cards for a while. ‘Of course. Of course. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.’

  Rory hurried towards her classroom. She was glad that Nathan had told her about Charlie. He had seemed almost caring when he spoke about the boy. Maybe there was another side to him. Right now, though, she had to focus on finding Charlie, and she knew exactly where to start.

  * * *

  As soon as the class had dragged themselves into the room, she closed the door purposefully and looked at them. ‘Okay. Where is he?’

  ‘Who?’ Lacey’s mock innocence wasn’t going to win any Oscars.

  Rory didn’t have time to play nice. ‘You know who. Charlie.’

  ‘We already told Finchy.’ Harry had his legs stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, his pose more appropriate for a beach café than a secondary school classroom. ‘We don’t know where he is.’

  They must think that Rory had been teacher-trained yesterday. ‘So, if I check your mobile, there won’t be any messages from him?’

  Harry sat up quickly and crossed his arms over his chest. ‘You ain’t allowed to do that. That’s my civil liberties.’

  ‘And Charlie is a boy whose mum is in hospital and he has nowhere to go. I think I’ll take my chances with the Human Rights Police on that one.’ Rory held out her hand for Harry’s mobile.

  ‘Just tell her.’ Lacey nudged Harry. ‘Charlie likes her.’

  Harry sighed and took another bite from the chocolate bar that Rory hadn’t even noticed until that moment. ‘He slept at mine last night. He’s gonna go in and see his mum later. He ain’t run away. He just don’t want to stay with those idiots the social have put him with.’

  Rory breathed again. If Charlie was in contact with his friends, he was all right. She would call the hospital at breaktime and speak with his mum. That poor woman didn’t need any added stress exacerbating her condition.

  Just then, there was a knock on the door. Nathan. He beckoned at her through the window. For the first time, Rory wasn’t angry to see him. She held the door open but didn’t go out into the corridor. ‘Yes, Mr Finch?’

  ‘Just wanted to let you know that the boy has been found. Emergency over. He turned up at the hospital. They are letting him stay there with his mother today and she has made him promise to go back to the foster carers tonight. He will be back in school tomorrow.’

  ‘Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate it.’ And she did. He probably had a lot of other important things to be getting on with. It was thoughtful of him to let her know that Charlie was okay.

  Then he had to go and ruin it. ‘Mark his absence as an “authorised family event” on the register. No need to damage our attendance data.’ And he turned and left her with the door, and her mouth, wide open. That’s why he’d been concerned.

  * * *

  ‘That man is a data machine.’ Rory had come to the staffroom for coffee as soon as the students left and had bumped into Susie doing the same.

  ‘Yes, but a nicely packaged one.’ Susie winked.

  This was almost as bad as her mother having scanned him for evidence of a wife. ‘Eurgh. Can you stop? What is wrong with you?’

  ‘What is wrong with me is that I haven’t met a decent man in months.’ She lowered her voice. ‘I just had to throw away a twelve-pack of unopened condoms because they had gone out of date.’

  ‘Do they go out of date, then?’ Rory stopped stirring her coffee. She’d never scrutinised a condom box enough to notice a best before date.

  Susie hit her forehead with the heel of her hand. ‘That comment is why you also need to find yourself a man. And soon. Things have changed since people made acquaintance with the opposite sex whilst taking a turn around the drawing room, you know.’

  ‘Hello, ladies.’ Penny joined them in the kitchen. ‘What are you whispering about?’

  Rory threw her spoon into the dishwasher. ‘I was moaning about Mr Finch and Susie was rutting the fridge.’

  ‘By which she means I am making it my personal crusade to ensure Rory gets some action this side of the menopause. I’m arranging a girls’ night out. Are you in?’

  ‘Maybe.’ Penny flopped down into a nearby chair. ‘I’m rather more interested in the slagging off Nathan Finch conversation. He’s dropping into my lessons almost every day. Always going on about the same thing. “Consistency, Miss Phillips. Consistency.”’

  Penny wasn’t the most modern of teachers. She wasn’t at the cutting edge of three-part lesson plans, catering for different learning styles and incorporating whatever latest technique in pupil engagement was doing the rounds on Twitter. But she was a wonderful teacher in the holistic sense of the word. Students in her lessons really got to learn something important. And they got good grades.

  Rory was sick of hearing Nathan Finch’s favourite word. ‘What was he criticising?’

  The gentle RE teacher shrugged her shoulders. ‘My books weren’t marked according to his new marking policy, and when he looked at my data on the system, it didn’t match the data on my seating plans because I haven’t had a chance to update them. I tried to explain that I have fourteen different classes, but he didn’t want to listen. He even accused me of cutting and pasting the marks from their previous assessment. Which is ironic, as I didn’t even know you could do that.’

  Rory knew that you could do it because she’d done it. Last Friday. Although she’d had the foresight to tweak some of them so that it didn’t look obvious.

  ‘I know why he’s doing this.’ Susie pressed her lips together. ‘You’ve got a student teacher in RE, haven’t you? She’ll be looking for her first full-time job at the end of the year. Newly Qualified Teachers are a lot cheaper than you, with your years of experience.’

  Penny’s hand went to her neck. ‘Surely, you don’t think…’

  Rory nodded. ‘She could be right. Well, he’s not going to get away with that. You are an excellent teacher, Penny; the kids love you. So what if your seating plans aren’t perfect? And what about all the extra stuff you do – bringing in the wedding costumes, and getting in interesting guest speakers? I am so angry.’ And to think she had begun to question whether she had misjudged the man. If he was going after Penny, her original view of him was spot on.

  ‘Me too.’ Penny didn’t look angry. Just upset. ‘But what can I do about it? Obviously I’ll get my seating plans up to date this weekend but if he’s really after me like Susie thinks, it’ll just be something else next time.’

  Rory wanted to put her arms around her. Penny was one of those people who needed someone else to fight their battles. Like Charlie.

  ‘We need to talk about this off-site.’ Susie was decisive. ‘We need to make a plan to meet this head on.’

  ‘Hold up.’ Rory was most definitely on Penny’s side, but she had Sheila’s warnings about not assuming she knew the whole story still whispering in her ear. ‘Maybe we are getting ahead of
ourselves. It could just be that he wants to scare everyone into action. New broom and all that.’

  ‘Do you think?’ Penny looked hopeful. She wasn’t the type to meet anything head on. She’d be more likely to be found hiding in the stationery cupboard until it was all over.

  ‘No. We need to be ready, and we need to find somewhere we can discuss it.’ Susie was being uncharacteristically militant about this. They were both protective about Penny, but Susie was very keen on discussing this off-site. Surely she didn’t think the place was bugged? Could it be bugged?

  ‘Be ready?’ Penny’s voice wavered.

  ‘Yes. Ready. And I know just the place we can meet to talk about it. Ronnie’s Bar on the High Street. This Friday night.’ Susie held up a hand to silence Rory’s protest. ‘This is our friend’s career at stake, Rory. I do not want to hear any dissent from you. There are some things which are non-negotiable.’

  So that was why. And Rory had no choice. Penny was looking at them like a lost puppy. Rory couldn’t tell her that she needed to stay home and pull 1960s kitchen cupboards from the wall so that she could paint it before the new stuff came. Call Me Adrian had pulled out all the stops to get the kitchen delivered during the half-term holiday.

  It wouldn’t be so bad if they were just meeting for a coffee to discuss Penny’s problem. But Susie had a lot more in mind than work talk.

  Somehow, Rory was going on a girls’ night out with St Anthony’s answer to Cupid.

  Chapter Twelve

  Friday night came around far too quickly. Rory had got home from school relatively early for once and had a few hours before she needed to get ready to go out with Susie and Penny. She changed into her jeans and an old rock band T-shirt of Scott’s from the 1980s that had somehow moved to the house with them. The band were called Cinderella – maybe Belle had requisitioned it for that reason.

  The sitting room had a cast iron fireplace in need of a lot of love. For reasons best known to the previous occupant, it had been painted pumpkin orange. John had suggested she get it sandblasted, but Rory had done a bit of research online and found instructions for doing it herself with chemical paint stripper.

 

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