He managed to look up at the shattered mirror and saw cracked images of himself. The broken glass symbolized the pain he felt and the pain he caused others. It reflected how his heart looked ever since his family died and left him all alone. He never thought he would ever feel a pain that paralleled the one from that moment.
He tried to stand to his feet but his legs couldn’t support the near dead weight that was being forced on them. He fell forward, barely missing the edge of the dresser, and lay there waiting. Waiting for death to come and take him to see Jesus. “I’m sorry Khalil. I didn’t mean too, I was just lonely. I love you,” he weakly mumbled, before his eyes forced themselves closed.“So when do you go back to the doctor?” Spencer asked.
“Tomorrow.” Khalil softly mumbled.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“No. You have clients and I don’t want you to miss out on any money.”
“Fuck them, I’m going. They can wait. You don’t need to be alone to find out news like that.” Spencer insisted.
Khalil shrugged his shoulders and looked out the window of the salon at the people passing by. He appreciated the fact that he had someone willing to be by his side at a time like this, but deep down he really wanted to be alone when the news was confirmed.
He glanced over at Spencer who was sitting on one of the leather couches, thumbing through a black hair magazine, and for a moment felt a twinge of jealousy. Thoughts about Spencer raced through his mind that he dare not utter. “He still had his health and his whole life ahead of him. He had never undergone the pain of a ripped out heart, never been betrayed, never lost anything close to what I’m about to lose. All he ever has to worry about is where his next glass of liquor is coming from. Bitching about being single, not having anybody to lie next to, being horny. Here I am covered with fleas because of the dog I chose to lay up with. All of this bullshit is happening to me why, because I loved a man, because I had sex with a man, men, because I have desires that I have no control over. This is a fucked up place to be. I should have married a woman and just jacked off to the thoughts of men. Or while I was fucking her, let thoughts of some fine brother race through my mind. Too fucking late now.” Spencer looked up and noticed Khalil staring at him.
He turned and looked behind him to make sure that nobody was walking up on him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“No reason, just got caught up for a moment.”
“You were looking like you wanted to swing on me. You feeling froggy? Leap.” He jokingly flexed his body and Khalil weakly smiled, but unbeknown to Spencer, Khalil was in fact feeling a little amphibian like.
“I already know the results, so I am pretty much just going to get my prescriptions started,” he said to Spencer.
“You don’t know that, so stop saying it.”
“Spencer we have been discussing this for two whole days, lets face the facts. I have been with one man, that one man is infected and we didn’t use protection. Duh, I have it too. You need to start facing that fact and stop being in denial about all of this. Shit, I’m the one on a roller coaster with no brakes, not you,” he said as he rolled his eyes and looked back out the window.
“Let’s just wait for the results. Please.” he said somberly.
Lea stepped away from her station for a well deserved break and started to walk over toward her boys. After she retrieved a beverage from the mini fridge located underneath the receptionist counter, she came by her two buddies and stood there sipping on her soda like it was the last carbonated drink on earth. “Bitch, we don’t pay you to drink soda.” Spencer said.
“You don’t pay me at all. This is how it works, so listen close. My customers give me money and then I give you a percentage, so technically, I pay your broke ass.” She said as she took another sip of her cool drink. “How you feeling Boo?”
“I’m holding on. Making it through.” Khalil said.
“You heard from Tyrin?” she asked.
“No!” he snapped.
“Khalil, you need to get a resolution.”
“It’s been resolved as far as I’m concerned. Thanks for asking. Matter of fact I need to call Brian, I have a few legal questions for him. I’m not about to go broke behind this bullshit.” He looked at her and hoped that she would catch the fact that he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.
“What kind of questions?” Spencer asked with a frown of concern.
“OK. First of all, Tyrin and I own a house. Secondly, we own an apartment complex. Third, we have joint stocks, mutual funds and a joint banking account.”
“You’re going to sue Tyrin for all of that?” Spencer asked.
“I need to be fairly compensated. I don’t trust him and he may try and get over on me financially. I want to be one step ahead of his bitch ass.”
“Khalil, you need to really talk to him before you start on a legal route. I mean this is not your ordinary type of breakup. I’m sure that the two of you can come to some mutual type of agreement. If you just calmly sit down together and talk things through I’m almost certain it would work out for the better. But a lawyer, that’s a bit extreme, even for you.” Spencer continued.
“Can you be my fucking best friend? I mean damn, where is your loyalty? Whose side are you on?” Khalil questioned.
Spencer sat there shocked that he would call him out like this but how could he admit that he was torn between the two of them. He had grown to love Tyrin as his brother, just as he did Khalil. Even though he knew in his heart of hearts that Khalil came first, he still had an urge and desire to call Tyrin to make sure he was holding up O.K.
“Have you seen or talked to your mother?” Lea asked, trying to ease the tension.
“Fuck, Lea. No I haven’t. I’m waiting for the swelling on my fucking lip to go down.” he replied with angry sarcasm “Besides my mom has enough to worry about with me being gay and all of that shit. I dare not tell her that I’m HIV positive as well.”
“You’re not positive,” Spencer interjected.
“Spencer, shut the fuck up!” Khalil left the two of them there and walked outside to get some fresh air.
“Could you have asked anything else that would irritate him?” Spencer asked her.
“Me? You’re the one that tried to stop him from getting legal counsel. He needs to deal with what is going on instead of running from it. And if he feels that having someone interject in regards to the division of their assets, I say do what you got to do,” she said defensively.
“I just hate that it had to end like this. They bought a house, an apartment complex, and own a vault full of stock options. They have been to Africa, Greece, Malaysia, and own a timeshare in the fucking Grand Cayman Islands. Their six-year anniversary is in three months and they have already booked a cruise through the Mediterranean. Do you remember their commitment ceremony? It was beautiful, I never thought two men would ever have something so lavish, but it was one of the most exquisite things I have ever witnessed. I can’t even dream about all of that being taken from a person in an instant. Imagine if every beautiful memory of love you have revolved around one particular person, and then it’s gone overnight. But the sad part is that the person didn’t die, they just betrayed you in the most ultimate of ways. Between you and me, we better watch him because he is a time bomb that is going to explode when we least expect it, and I am scared for him. I personally wish that all of this could somehow be put back together again,” Spencer concluded.
“Why? If they got back together it would be the worst mistake they ever made. Once trust is gone, so is the relationship. I feel sorry for him,” she said.
“Don’t feel sorry for him, he would hate that. One thing that brother despises is pity.”
“Let me ask you something. Do you wish they would get back together so you could somehow have hope for your own personal love life? I mean you have said time and time again that Tyrin and Khalil have the best gay relationship you had ever witnessed. And if the best one that you
know of is now over, wouldn’t that be a symbol that all of them would somehow end no matter how good they look? You’re not scared for Khalil, you’re scared for yourself. Me personally, I’m cool on Tyrin and whatever he gets he deserves. Fuck him.” Lea concluded.
“You are making me sound really selfish,” he said in his defense.
“A hit dog will holler,” she said taking another sip of her soda.
Khalil and Kerrion walked into the shop full of laughter, while Lea and Spencer stood staring at each other in silence. Kerrion held a bag from Prada and stood there smiling like he had just wonthe lottery. “Do y’all bitches want to see the baddest pair of shoes ever made? Andre is going to love me in these this weekend.” Kerrion sat on the couch like a child on Christmas day and uncovered a pair of midnight blue leather loafers that were in fact a sight to make one look twice. Lea threw her hands up in the air and walked away from the three gasping men and back to her client, who was sitting anxiously under the dryer.
The phone rang and they continued to talk as the receptionist politely answered, “Good afternoon, Ashe’ Hair Studio, how can I help you? Sure, hold on please. Khalil you have a call.” He walked over to the phone and said, “This is Khalil, how can I help you?” he listened to the voice on the other end and responded
“Craig, don’t bullshit me.” His face went from stern and tight, to soft and compassionate, “Oh my God. Where is he? O.K., I’m on my way… yeah bye.” He slammed down the phone, ran to his station, grabbed his keys, and headed towards the door.
“What’s up, what happened?” Spencer asked.
“Tyrin’s in the hospital,” he responded with a look of fear.
“What? What do you mean, what the hell happened?” Spencer continued.
“Does it matter? I hope his ass is on life support,” Kerrion said as he put his shoes back in the box without looking up.
“I have to go.”
“Pull the plug K. Get your insurance money boo-boo,” Kerrion continued.
“Wait for me.” Spencer said.
“No, I need to go alone,” He expressed as he headed out the door.
“Khalil wait, shit.” Spencer raced out and followed him down the street to his car. “Let me drive you, you’re in no condition to do this on your own. You have too much going on right now,” he begged.
“Spencer. I know you care, but please let me do this by myself. I am begging you. I can’t have you or anyone else around me right now. I don’t know what I might say or do. Please understand and don’t take it personal. It’s not you. I swear it isn’t. But I need to do this alone. I will call you and let you know exactly what happened when I find more out. I promise. I love you man, I really do. But shit is really crazy for me right now. By the way, I apologize for snapping at you earlier.”
“No problem, just make sure you call me.”
“Will do” He gave Spencer a hug, got into his car and began his journey to find out what happened to the man that didn’t deserve anything from him.
*****
Khalil sped through traffic in a hysteric frenzy and the feelings of guilt weighed heavy on his entire being. So many thoughts ran through his mind, causing his heartbeat to accelerate, and breathing to change. All he could collect from the phone call was that Tyrin tried to kill himself. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was the aftermath of all that is going on.
Feelings of guilt suffocated him because in the midst of this entire ordeal he never once stopped to hear Tyrin’s side of the story. Maybe it was something that could have been avoided. Maybe there was something he was lacking, that the other person was able to provide. He should have heard what Tyrin had to say, instead of handling it the way he did. His mother always told him that there are three sides to every story, and one side is always the truth. If only he hadn’t planned the dinner party, they could have dealt with this on their own, instead of airing their dirty laundry amongst friends.
Each red light caused him to grow more anxious, and as he tailgated every car driving under fifty miles an hour on the surface street he thought more and more about his life without Tyrin. Even when they had their worst arguments, he never wanted to be without him. But how could you totally love someone you couldn’t trust? How could you allow yourself to be with a partner that decided to be with someone else in the midst of your love for each other? But then again, everyone makes mistakes, and some people deserve a second chance. On the other hand, who would be a bigger fool if it happened again? “Drive, or get out the way, you stupid bitch!”
However, this mistake could have been avoided. There is too much planning when it comes to cheating. There are too many steps: you have to meet, then you have to get undressed, or at least unzip your pants, next there comes the condom, “which obviously wasn’t used”, and then there’s the insertion. Throughout the course of all of those acts, when does it dawn on you that you’re in a committed relationship with someone? While you are busy pumping away, there is another human somewhere on Earth thinking happy thoughts about you. That person is either washing your dirty ass underwear, slaving over a hot stove so you don’t go to bed hungry, or simply staying faithful his damn self. On top of that, you had the unmitigated gall to come home and smile in that person’s face like all is cool. “Oh hell no. You got me fucked up. Suicide? What a bitch move Tyrin. If I have to live with this, then so do you.”
Khalil wiped his face, eased his foot off of the gas pedal, turned up Foxy Brown and cautiously drove the rest of the way to the hospital. He bobbed his head, as the honey with the slanted eyes, told the world that they could catch her at the Hot Spot.
*****
He walked down the cold and sterile halls of the hospital in search of room 331. He stopped at the nurses’ station and requested further directions. He hated looking into the rooms and seeing the grim faces of patients that were being treated for whatever illness they have. He came to room 331, paused outside the door, took a deep breath, and walked in. He saw Tyrin lying face up in the bed, arms cuffed to the railing. His wrists were tightly wrapped with gauze, along with the knuckles on his right hand. The knife wound on his forearm, along with the gash on his jaw was also receiving care.
Tyrin turned his head and stared at Khalil with a look of shame and embarrassment, before refocusing his sights back to the cheesy talk show that was on TV. The sound of a toilet flushing came from behind Khalil. Seconds later Craig walked out of the bathroom and stopped in his tracks when he noticed the new visitor. The two stood side by side never acknowledging each other. Khalil let out a sigh of irritation and Craig figured it would be best if he left the room, “I’m going to leave you two alone, and go get something to eat.”
Khalil made his way over to the chair next to the bed. He stared at the bandages on Tyrin’s wrists and the feelings of detest subsided to those of sorrow. The two of them sat there staring at the TV waiting to see who was going to break the silence first. “I hate when they portray gays in this image. This is the exact reason why society hates us. TV makes us look like disgusting fags.” Khalil said as he watched the pointless show.
“Yep,” Tyrin whispered.
“You mind if I turn this down?” Khalil asked.
“Nope.”
Khalil grabbed the remote and commenced to lower the volume. Tyrin lay there staring at the ceiling; as he listened to Khalil readjust himself in the seat. “So is there anything you want to talk about? Now is as good a time as ever.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Tyrin whispered.
“Ok. Well I’ll start. Why did they strap you to the bed?”
“Because of what I did they feel as though I may still be a threat to myself. The funny part is that I am supposed to be dead right now. If only I had broken the glass a little gentler, the guy in the next room wouldn’t have called the front desk,” he said somberly like a person that had failed the ultimate test.
Khalil understood that now was not the time for a stormy argument, so he took caution in how he w
ould proceed with the conversation. He wanted to get to some type of mutual understanding, if not for himself for the relationship as a whole. The questions that couldn’t be asked, or answered two days ago, were now about to be brought up and discussed once and for all. “Sorry to hear that. Do they know of your health condition?”
“Koya quit. Craig told me today that she packed up all of her stuff and stormed out of the office without saying anything to anybody,” he responded, ignoring Khalil’s last question.
“Can you really blame her? This whole situation is quite a shock.”
“I deserve it, I guess.”
“What did I do wrong? What made you look elsewhere for what I thought I was giving you?” he asked quietly.
“I don’t know.”
“Did you stop loving me?”
“No.”
“Did you think I was being unfaithful to you?”
“No.”
“Did you think I stopped loving you?”
“Yes.”
Khalil paused at the last answer and tried to continue without losing his composure, “Why would you think that?”
“During that time, you started talking to me differently, like I was irritating you. You started treating me like I was your child, and not your equal. For a time I was bending over backwards trying to make you happy and it never seemed to work. I just wanted to feel appreciated. You were always on the go at video shoots and traveling everywhere. I even asked you not to go on that concert tour, but you went anyway. I was hurt and I felt like you were going to do what you wanted to do, and not what I needed you to do.”
“So all of this happened when I went on tour?”
“Yes?” he answered. Hoping that his honesty would be the salve Khalil needed to accept him back.
“Can I ask you something else?”
”Sure.”
“Did you pursue him?”
Tyrin let out a sigh and knew that he couldn’t avoid the questions any longer, “It started out as playful flirtation and then it led to something else.”
“Was it just one time?”
The End of the Rainbow Page 17