“I’m sure there will be a lot of people who’ll miss him.”
“You know, I don’t quite have Will’s gift for being perceptive or Haylee and Brian’s knack for saying the right thing to people. But I didn’t think it was coincidence that he asked if I’d spoken with you today and how you were doing and that he isn’t happy about moving. So I took him aside and asked him what was going on.”
I raised a brow. “And he told you?”
“Not in so many words. But considering the half-eaten cheesecake on your counter, I’m assuming he’s not the only one miserable right now.”
I cracked a smile that he still wasn’t touching the fact that I probably looked like hell after my restless night. “I need coffee before I can talk about this. Didn’t sleep much last night. You want a cup?”
“Sure.”
I moved to the kitchen, taking down two mugs and using the Keurig to brew coffee quickly. Once it was ready, I slid a cup to him as we stood across the island from one another.
He sighed heavily. “Catherine, we’ve been friends for many years and have seen one another go through some pretty rough times with our divorces. So believe me when I say you deserve someone who makes you happy. Matter of fact, once I realized the possibility of you and Will together, I couldn’t think of someone better suited for you. He’s a good guy.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.”
“So then, what’s the problem?”
It dawned on me that Josh seemed to think I was the one responsible for Will leaving. “Did he tell you why he was moving to Australia?”
“He mentioned his brother and a job there, but I assumed part of it might have to do with you. He went on about how incredible you are and that he wished things could work out differently. He seems absolutely shredded.”
I had to bite down on my frustration considering I very much wished they could, too. “I love him, and I want to be with him, but unfortunately, he has some things he needs to deal with. In Australia which isn’t exactly conducive to a long distance relationship. As far as working out differently, he must be referring to the choice he’s making to move, a decision I have very little say over.”
“I’m sorry. I’d thought perhaps I was on a mission to convince you to give him a shot.”
I shook my head. “I wish you were. Just as I wish he believed me when I say how much I love him. I want nothing more than to help him find other options that’ll allow him to stay, but we’re at a catch twenty-two considering he’d resent me if I so much as made one phone call.”
“You know, Haylee had some things to work out when she moved up to Connecticut last year. Hell, she basically broke up with me.”
My eyes got big with disbelief. I’d always thought that he and Haylee had struggled at first with the long distance thing, but then had found their rhythm without too many bumps. “So what did you do?”
He sipped his coffee and sighed. “Almost fucked it up by letting her go completely, hoping she’d figure it out and come back to me.”
“But she did, right? I mean, obviously you two are together and happy.”
He shook his head. “No. Matter of fact, if it hadn’t been for Will letting me know how miserable she was, I would’ve kept on assuming she was happier without me. If I’d had it all to do over, I would’ve made sure she knew my loving her wasn’t going to change. Her underlying issue in not believing that might be different from Will’s, but the part about needing to convince them seems to remain the same.”
Considering Will didn’t feel worthy of living a happy life because of his guilt over his brother, it stood to reason that feeling worthy of being loved by me was in that same bucket. But how could I convince him differently? And to what lengths would I go if I wasn’t to lapse back into my insecurities about not feeling like I was good enough?
He went on, “He’s staying in our guest apartment tonight and leaving tomorrow for LA. Then on to Australia.”
“Wait, he’s going to LA first?”
“Yeah, to spend time with his dad, I think he said. He didn’t mention what for, but judging from your expression, that’s a good thing?”
I had a flicker of hope that Will was exploring his alternative options or, at the very least, would get his father’s side of the story. “It could be.”
“I’ll leave your name with the front desk in case you want to come by to see him tonight. I should get back, but if you need anything, you let me know, okay?”
I gave him a smile, grateful for his friendship. “I will. Thank you for coming by.”
After a hug goodbye and seeing him out, I sighed heavily. He’d offered some good advice to contemplate, but I wasn’t sure what to say that hadn’t already been said if I did go over to see Will.
Thankfully the knock at the door made the decision for me. I opened it to see Will standing there, looking awkward with his hands in his jeans pockets.
“Hiya.
“Hi.” I moved to the side, letting him in and shutting the door.
“I, uh, passed Josh in the lobby.”
My lips curved into a smile. “Since falling in love with Haylee, I think he’s on a mission to ensure everyone is as happy. He was here to tell me what a great guy you are. Ratted out your location for tonight and everything.”
He grinned. “Guess my questions asking him how you were doing gave me away. I didn’t mean—”
I stepped closer, holding up my fingers to his mouth. “I don’t care if the entire world knows I love you Will, let alone Josh.”
His eyes reflected surprise at my declaration. “Were you going to come by?”
I was honest in my reply. “I don’t know. But I’m glad you’re here.”
“I didn’t want yesterday or last night’s drunken conversation to be the way we left things.”
“Me neither.”
“You have to know me leaving isn’t about you.”
It was just like Will to try to ensure I wouldn’t beat myself up over this. “I know it isn’t. Same as I know you have enough guilt to deal with without adding this to it. I have no regrets, Will. None. Well, except going to Club T that one night, which I can’t help but feel put this whole thing in motion.”
He shook his head sadly. “I promise that wasn’t your fault. It was a ticking time bomb and bound to come up either way.”
“If you say so.”
“I do.” He stepped closer, putting his hands on my hips. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, which only makes saying goodbye so much harder.”
I smiled. “Yeah, well, I heard easy love is pretty bor—dull, so…”
His chuckle gave our conversation some much-needed levity. “Nice save on the word.”
I put my arms around his neck. “It’s our last night. Any ideas what to do with it?”
“Absolutely.”
And with that, all talking was done.
***
I couldn’t lie in my bed, anticipating the moment Will would need to walk out this morning, and listen to the sound of the door closing behind him again. I didn’t have it in me. So that’s why, after setting an alarm to give him time to make his midday flight, I took a few minutes in writing him a note including what I needed to say goodbye and slipped out of my own condo. I grabbed coffee and went into my office. With no one else there on a Sunday, I could be alone with my thoughts.
Curled up on my office sofa, I sipped my brew, smiling while I thought about our night together, realizing there wasn’t one minute I would take back.
And now, no matter how much I wished he’d include me in the game, the ball was in his court completely. Whether or not he made a decision to stay, it was clear he needed to work on his feelings of guilt from his childhood.
Simply put, I wanted a partner in every sense. And until Will could deal with his own demons, we’d only be kicking the proverbial can down the road, and it wouldn’t matter where we lived—we’d eventually break apart.
Ironic that in him leaving
, I’d learned a valuable lesson. Perhaps life wasn’t all about the ending, but rather the journey. The expectation of a happily ever after set us up for failure from the start if anything fell short and we should instead measure relationships by what we received from them. In my case, there weren’t enough words to describe what Will had done for my self-confidence. He’d also helped me believe everything happened for a reason. I wouldn’t beat myself up over what I could or couldn’t have done differently.
As for the future, I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit to some hope that we’d find our way back to one another, especially if what Josh had brought up was true about Will traveling to LA to talk with his dad. But in the meantime, for the first time in my adult life, I was content to start this next chapter my life by being by myself.
Matter of fact, I was even going to embrace turning thirty-five this year. What better way to do that, not to mention give myself a much needed distraction, than to plan a party? And since it fell on Halloween, a costume party seemed in order.
Considering I’d never associated either event with much fun, it was time I changed that. Instead of panicking about turning a year older without a husband or family, it was time to embrace that I was another year wiser and be more thankful for what I did have in my life, which were a great family and amazing friends.
Energized with the idea, I sent off emails to the people I absolutely wanted to be there in a couple of weeks, worked on a venue, and compiled a guest list. I hoped that everyone could make the impromptu party without a lot of notice.
I only wished the one person I wanted there the most could be there.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
On Halloween night, I was dressed up as a cat for my costume party. Not a cute fuzzy one, but rather the Cat Woman type with the leather pants, bustier, and mask. Maybe it was a homage to channeling my inner Kat.
Plus, if in doubt, look a helluva lot better than you feel. Always. And since it had been over two weeks without a word from Will, I needed the boost.
I surveyed the hotel restaurant which I’d rented for the event and was happy with all of the spooky decorations. It had been fun to be in party-planning mode over the last few days and a welcome distraction to look forward to something. After making my rounds of the preparations, talking with the DJ and the caterers, I then focused on my guests as they arrived.
A petite woman dressed up as a pretty snow fairy came over, and I smiled in recognition. “Juliette, is that you?”
“Yes. Catherine?” She tipped her mask up so I could see her face and I did the same, both of us grinning.
“Nice to see you again. You look incredible, but, uh, weren’t you blonder before?”
She appeared almost angelic in her costume with golden brown ringlets down her back. “Ms. Clairol and I decided to return me to my roots one night. My ex loved the bleached blonde, and I got to thinking I liked it better natural, which of course meant I had to do it right then and there. Then because I did a horrible job of it, Haylee was kind enough to get me in with her hairdresser to help fix it.”
Ah. Say no more. I’m sure many a box of hair color was bought and a hairdresser called to correct it with a breakup to blame. “I love it.”
“I love your costume, too. You look—well, let’s just say, if you had a whip in your hand, I think you could be cat woman slash dominatrix.”
We both laughed.
“You know what they say, if ever you’re down, wrap yourself in leather so no one’s the wiser.”
“Amen, but I’m sorry to hear that’s the reason. Boy trouble?”
I smiled. “That obvious, huh?”
She shrugged. “Only from one woman to another.”
“Well, the benefit of having been through hell is knowing you can make it through again if you have to. My new motto would be to keep taking chances. Sometimes the things that make you happy are found when you least expect it.”
“You have no idea how much I needed to hear that because I might, you know, be interested in someone. And it may not be forever, but I’m sure having a lot of fun with it in the meantime.”
“Maybe that needs to be an article in my next issue: romance isn’t always about the destination but the journey. Enjoy it because you deserve it.”
“Cheers to that,” she responded, holding up her glass.
***
Although I’d made this a costume party for Halloween without any emphasis or mention of my birthday, I should’ve known Haylee and Sasha, combined with my mother, wouldn’t miss the chance to ensure it was, first and foremost, a birthday celebration. When they wheeled out the cake half way into the party, a rendition of a ghoulish cemetery with candles, and sang “Happy Birthday,” I found myself appreciative they had. Even the thirty-five candles didn’t faze me.
“Happy Birthday, Catherine,” Josh said a few minutes later when he found me up at the bar ordering another drink. He kissed my cheek.
“Thank you, and love the couples costume.” He was dressed as the Big Bad Wolf with Haylee as Little Red Riding Hood.
“This is the first time I’ve dressed up since the age of twelve.”
I chuckled, thinking this new version of Josh had definitely lightened up under the influence of his lovely wife. “Well, then I feel honored you would do so for my party.”
He smiled, his eyes assessing me. “It was fun. Especially to see the expression on Sasha’s face when Brian came out in his costume.”
I looked over to the happily engaged pair walking towards us. Sasha was Cruella De Vil and Brian had surprised her by donning a Dalmatian puppy suit. I couldn’t help laughing. “It is pretty funny and typical Brian.”
“Definitely. You doing all right?”
I knew he meant things with Will, but answered generically. “I am. I’ve embraced being mid-thirties, although that could be the wine talking. Come tomorrow, I could be in a full-on panic about being close to forty.”
He smirked. “Something tells me tomorrow you won’t be thinking about that at all.”
I quirked a brow, about to ask him what he meant, but was interrupted when Kenzie came up on the other side.
Dressed as Harley Quinn, she insisted we all do shots together and ordered a bunch.
Brian, of course, couldn’t help teasing his little sister. “Is it just me, or are your shorts getting smaller?” Then he looked towards Colby, who made a fantastic likeness to the Joker. “Seriously, Colby, you were okay with this outfit?”
Frankly, Kenzie’s long legs and toned body were pretty much made for the Harley Quinn, short, sparkly shorts. However, looking at it like a big brother, well, maybe not so much.
Kenzie looked amused and then winked at me. “Wanna see three grown men instantly uncomfortable?”
“Uh, sure.” It was obvious she was going to take action regardless of my answer.
And just like that, she tipped the shot, jumped up on Colby with her legs wrapping around his waist, and kissed him spectacularly. Not only her older brother, but also Josh and Mark, dressed as Superman, all groaned out loud at the action. Obviously none of them were used to the girl they’d always seen as a little sister hopping on anyone, let alone on former playboy Colby.
“By my count, that made four men uncomfortable, Kenz,” Colby muttered, smirking nonetheless. He set her down gently and gave her nose a playful kiss.
She only tossed her pigtails and laughed, swinging her prop bat up on her shoulder and wiping some of the lipstick off of Colby’s mouth. “Let’s not forget who has the power here, boys.”
Later on the dance floor, we girls were all still laughing about her stunt of using the crazy of her character as an excuse. I was delightfully tipsy and having a great time, thinking this was just what I’d needed.
But when hands settled on my hips from behind me, I froze. I turned around to tell whoever it was that I was a firm believer in this is my dance space and this is yours. Only I found myself staring into ice-blue eyes I’d recognize anywhere behind a mask. Thi
s time in the form of Batman.
He offered up a tentative smile. “Haylee told me once I put on the costume she rented for me, I’d find you by looking for my match. Good thing for both of us, there’s only one cat woman tonight.”
“Yeah.” Because when love was stuck as a lump in your throat, you said lame one-word answers like that.
“Happy Birthday, Cath. Sorry I’m late.” His voice was low and husky.
“I didn’t even know you were coming.” Or what it meant that he was here.
“I wanted a redo of all the times I should’ve taken the opportunity to haul you up against me, tell you I loved you, and kissed you breathless in front of everyone.”
My lips parted in surprise while I absorbed his declaration. But before I could respond, my mother’s voice reverberated across the dance floor, breaking the moment as only she could.
“KISS HER.”
“Your mum?” Amusement danced in his eyes although he didn’t take his focus away from me for a moment.
“None other. I’d blame the wine, but I think she’d do the same completely sober.”
His arm reached out, banding me flush with him while his hand moved to the side of my face. “I’d hate to disappoint her.”
I could only nod as his lips met mine, and my body registered how much I’d missed him. I returned his kiss without hesitation.
The cheers were deafening, which only spurred Will on to pull me closer and dip me in dramatic fashion. He brought me back to center where my grin matched his. “Guess it’s official now.”
“Guess it is, but does this mean you’re here to stay?” Was he home to visit? Did he have a plan now that didn’t include moving to Australia?
Leaning in, he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”
***
We made our rounds at the party for the next hour, and I noticed that Will hardly let go of me. Obviously slipping into this new relationship role in front of our friends wasn’t a problem for him. But neither did it provide me a clue what to expect from our future.
His breath came at my ear. “Would it be terribly rude if we got out of here right now?”
Teach Me Something (Something Series Book 4) Page 26