by Bowes, K T
“That’s a good idea. Let’s not worry about things we can’t change. Not tonight, Izz.” Hana reached across and clasped her daughter’s wet and writhing hand in hers, infusing her with love and security. “It will be ok, Izz. Just like it was before.”
The moment was interrupted by the appearance of a small, dark haired boy, who plonked his plate down next to Hana. Clambering onto the chair, he sat on his knees and began pulling at a sausage roll and popping the flakes of pastry into his mouth. In between swallowing each mouthful, his thumb found its way into his mouth instead and it seemed hard for the child to decide which he needed most. Hana’s heart quailed at the complete lack of recognition in Izzie’s face and realised yet another situation was brewing. It was too late to head it off as the boy turned towards Hana. “Granny, is that my baby too?”
Hana took a deep breath in, concentrating all her energy on the child, not looking at Izzie or Marcus. “Yes,” she replied casually, turning Elizabeth towards him so he could see her better. “Do you like her? Her name’s Elizabeth.”
Jas carried on, alternately eating and sucking his thumb, watching Elizabeth with interest. Eventually, he spoke like a politician, as though having given his answer great consideration. “Yes,” he said weightily, “I like her a lot. I’m going to love her and look after her forever. I have a mummy and daddy now, aye?” He fought with an egg sandwich which, once he realised it was egg, he discarded onto the tablecloth, “I’m gonna to tell Jarad Smith all ‘bout my new fambly on Monday when I go back to kindy. He’s got no daddy neither. He’s gonna be jealous.” After another suck of his thumb he said confidentially, leaning his face into Hana’s, “Would it be ok if Jarad shared her?” Jas pointed at Elizabeth. “I don’t want him to stop being my friend, but he in’t sharin’ my new dad.”
Hana smiled and nodded, still not looking at Izzie. Jas was oblivious. “Do you want to see my bestest chickenspot?” he offered, “It’s in my hair.”
Hana said she would love to see it, but maybe later as it was a bit dark. Jas picked around on his plate and abandoned it in a sea of crumbs and detritus, making a beeline for his mother again. When Hana turned towards her companions, she intercepted them exchanging a knowing look. Marcus was scarcely hiding a smirk but Izzie looked cross. “Seems to be a day for secrets,” she muttered uncharitably but Marcus, sensing conflict, slapped her playfully on the arm, diffusing the situation with his usual good grace.
“Can I just remind you that you had your own secret, my love?”
“Yes, well some of us had more than one, clearly!” Izzie’s tone was abrasive, scolding her husband for being everyone’s confidante. He wiggled his eyebrows at Hana and she shook her head. Was there anything this man didn’t know? A wave of fear came from nowhere, snaking up her spine as the thought rose unbidden. There was one thing he didn’t and could never know.
Izzie sighed with resignation, taking Elizabeth back from Hana so her mother could accompany Logan onto the dance floor. Having won the battle with the lighting after Miriam appeared and pressed the right switch, the scene was set for the newlyweds to perform the first dance. A slow, romantic smoochy song rang out into the coloured spots of moving light. Logan held Hana close and moved her slowly around the parquet floor, to the sound of clapping and wolf whistling from their gathered friends.
Hana heard the click of cameras and occasional flash of light but cuddled in close to her husband, enjoying his proximity and the clean, musky scent of him. Logan bent into her, holding her tightly round her waist, his hands clasped in the small of her back. She felt his fingers brushing sensuously across her spine and shivered. “That wasn’t so bad was it?” he asked, his face close to hers so she could hear him over the music which Alfred accidentally cranked up to a deafening volume. “Nobody fainted or ran out, so that must be a positive thing.” Logan raised his eyebrows, looking at her for an answer and Hana smiled up at him.
“No. Nobody ran out.”
Logan looked satisfied and Hana nuzzled into his chest, feeling his heart beat through the tight shirt. The series of shocks she had endured would keep until later.
They danced companionably, Logan’s breath warm on Hana’s cheek as they moved to the music, bodies pressed together in an intimate closeness. She resisted the urge to slide her hand up his shirt now she knew what delights lay underneath.
A gentle Scots voice interrupted, “May I cut in?” Angus smiled beatifically as he held out his hand to Hana and Logan graciously allowed him, bowing dramatically as he left them there on the floor. Angus took both of Hana’s hands and they resumed the dance as the music changed to yet another slow, melodic tune. Miriam wrestled the controls away from her trigger happy husband and order was resumed. Other dancers joined them on the floor, Pete amongst them. Somehow he ensnared Logan’s reluctant sister. Hana realised he probably knew her and he chatted gaily into her bosoms, although she didn’t look amused. The tall, severe woman shot occasional spiteful glances in Hana’s direction, making her blood run cold.
“I sincerely hope you will both be very, very happy,” Angus stated gently, although the look in his eyes spoke of wistfulness. “It must be a big thing, starting again.”
Hana held his gaze, unsure how to answer. Her mind cast back to the afternoon some days after Vik’s death when Angus appeared fresh from his own grief, urging her to do nothing for a full year. He advised her to live with her memories and trials until she dealt with them adequately. A calendar year after his wife died, Angus left their restored Gordonton house and headed into his retirement village. Did he regret it now? Hana wondered. “I did wait like you suggested,” she said softly, “but I think I got stuck waiting.”
Angus tilted his head slightly as though trying to hear the gravity of her wisdom better. His face was a mask of serious intensity as he hung onto her every word, mentally accessing an invisible lifeline. “Do you think one can ever fully love again?” he asked her, biting his lip as he realised the disrespect within the implication. Hana smiled sadly, refusing to see any insult in his question, choosing instead to see the desperation in his eyes. She focused on their feet as she ordered her thoughts.
“I didn’t believe I would ever love anyone like I loved Vik,” she stated quietly, “I gave my marriage everything I had. But when I finally met Logan, I realised I could start again. Love didn’t wait for me to be ready. It just grabbed me and made me dance.” They swayed to the music, slowly, deliberately, Angus looking for clues in every syllable. Hana continued, “I didn’t realise how far I’d come without Vik. I healed, but didn’t let myself see it. You encouraged me to rent out the Achilles Rise house and I saw how good life could be. It was a turning point for me and I’m really grateful to you.”
Angus breathed in a huge sigh. Hana waited and then concluded, “I guess I got lonely, I’d done my bit. Bodie and Izzie,” she sighted them across the dance floor, Bodie holding Izzie, both of them talking quietly. “Well, they have their lives; they’re sorted I guess.”
Angus nodded. He had no children so perhaps couldn’t comprehend what power the permanent umbilical cord kept over a parent’s life, to tie them to a point in time no matter how old the child became. Hana watched them intently for a moment; Izzie dabbed at her eyes again, poor girl. “None of that,” she went on, “seemed the same once I met Logan. I fell in love with him. Somehow, once you feel that way, it all falls into place. It just worked. I’ll always have a place in my heart for Vik which my feelings for Logan won’t be able to erase. But I didn’t realise it would work in reverse; Logan has a place in my life that won’t be harmed or changed by Vik’s memory. They are entirely different men but what I didn’t anticipate, was that I’m such a different Hana now from the girl who got married all those years ago. I guess I’ve grown, matured. Logan loves a different Hana to Vik’s.”
Angus nodded his head like a bobble head toy. He held Hana’s hands tightly for a long moment, even after the music ended. “That gives me great hope,” he said finally. He sm
iled at her and went back to his seat, instantly enfolded in a conversation with Henrietta. Pete stood next to them, blatantly picking his bulbous nose. Hana stood by herself in the middle of the dance floor, watching the strobe lighting twist and turn on the parquet at her feet and wondering if Angus wasn’t a little stuck himself. A sudden tug on her dress made Hana start, looking into the eyes of her new grandson as he stared up at her, arms outstretched. “Dance?” he asked her, bouncing from foot to foot in anticipation.
“I’m figuring you hit the buffet table again?” Hana smiled. Jas smiled back through a mouth which bore the unmistakable signs of chocolate and a dribble of cola joined the sauce on his shirt. Hana bopped and shook with him for the next few minutes until he went a disgusting shade of pale green and clapped his hand over his mouth. At the perfect moment, Amy arrived and hastened him off to find a bathroom before it was too late. They reappeared some half an hour later with Jas looking much more sober and content to sit still at the table with his mother, graduating to her lap after a short time where he fell asleep. Izzie and Bodie joined them, all three having a decent talk.
Hana frowned observing her son, a momentary hurt and confusion marring her beautiful green eyes. The existence of the little boy was a conversation they would certainly have, but not today. Soft fingers on her shoulder caressed the line of Hana’s dress and she sighed, pleasure alighting on her pretty lips.
“Hey, beautiful.” Logan’s gentle kiss was welcome as he wrapped his arms around his new wife and breathed out a contented sigh. “Who’s the wee boy with Bodie?”
“Tell you later.” Hana sounded guarded and sad. Logan leaned back to study the sadness in her face.
“Ok,” he whispered, not needing to see the flash of warning in her eyes to know not to push. He stuck close to her for the rest of the evening. Logan was intentional in his care of his new wife, attentive and gallant. He fetched her anything she wanted from a sandwich to a glass of wine.
Hana danced with Alfred who kissed her on the cheek. “Welcome to the insane branch of the Du Rose family, kōtiro,” he smiled.
“Thank you for the massive effort you and Miriam have gone to,” Hana said, still feeling guilty for the deception. “I honestly didn’t know about all this.” She waved her arm to take in the beautifully decorated ballroom.
Alfred laughed. “Logan rang at the start of last week. We thought he wanted to throw youse a birthday party. We’ve even got a little gift.”
Hana’s face flushed in shame as she thanked him, reassuring him it was her birthday in a few days’ time. Alfred leaned in and whispered, “Miriam sensed something was goin’ on. She’s been excited ever since the boy phoned. And she really liked you when Logan brought youse home. She was upset at first. She thought she’d messed somethin’ up for him.”
Hana gulped and her face paled, remembering the awkward conversation with her husband. She shivered at the memory of him having seen her pregnant with her illegitimate son and shook herself. It still felt unbelievably freaky and she banished the vision of the fourteen year old Logan, feeling a flush of desire as she watched the thirty-nine year old man observing her across the crowded room. His lips tilted upwards on one side and he winked. Hana pouted over Alfred’s shoulder, offering her husband a pair of sensual lips ripe for kissing. Pete’s head popped up midpoint between them and his eyes widened at Hana’s intercepted offer of intimacy. She snorted next to Alfred’s ear and the old man asked her if she was all right.
“Hey, babe. My bro’ and big sis want to meet you properly,” Logan said later, leading Hana towards the imposing Du Roses. With a drink clutched in her hand, Hana looked up at her husband’s siblings, overwhelmed by their height and grace. Nervousness robbed her of thinking time between the questions Logan’s sister, Liza fired at her and Hana spluttered out answers as though she was in a witness box. Liza was intimidating and abrupt and stared at Hana with dark grey eyes filled with venom. She leaned in close to Hana. “We thought we’d better come down and check you out. We didn’t realise he’d already married you.” There was no attempt at pleasantries. “If you hurt him, I’ll make you sorry!” she hissed.
Hana’s eyes widened and she took a step back, the night tilting out of control at an alarming rate. There was no twinkle in the grey eyes, no hint of a joke in the austere face. Liza meant it. Hana chose not to pursue the conversation, gripping Logan’s fingers in hers and facing his brother instead. Liza’s eyes bored into Hana’s back. She was a power dresser, olive skinned and more like Miriam in her facial features. She reached a long arm across Hana and ruffled Logan’s hair, treating him very much as the little bro’. She eyed Hana with mildly disguised suspicion with unjustified flecks of hatred.
“You only just met me,” Hana whispered. “You can’t possibly have formed a judgement already!”
“Oh, can’t I?” Liza spoke without moving her lips or teeth and it was an action filled with menace. Hana’s righteous indignation died an instant death and when Logan went to fetch another drink, leaving her alone with the lawyer, she was hit with a barrage of pointed questions.
“What do you actually do for a living?”
“How did your first husband die?”
“Did he leave you well provided for?”
“What’s your interest in my brother?”
There seemed no end to Liza’s inquisition and the questions became even more personal. Hana’s snippy retorts stumbled from her lips without effect because if Liza realised she was offended, she seemed not to care.
To Hana’s great surprise as she paused mid-sentence, considering whether or not it was any of Liza’s business if she was financially solvent, Logan stepped in to offer rescue. In his best school teacher voice, he commanded Liza to, “Leave it!” Animosity oozed from his flashing eyes and Hana caught a whiff of what brewed beneath the guise of happy families. She felt the tension in Logan hike.
Liza pouted and the salvo of inappropriate questions temporarily stemmed. The look she gave her brother was pointed, alerting Hana to some reason beneath her questioning. “Let’s hope you know what you’re doing, you idiot!” she spat and moved off towards the buffet table.
“I understand you work in careers at a secondary school.” Michael Du Rose turned his attention on Hana. Affability flowered in his face, drawing her into the conversation and Hana felt Logan stiffen next to her. “I’ve worked at Auckland General Hospital’s Emergency Room for the last ten years. I always liked the careers modules at our school. It’s what helped me decide to go into medicine.” The familial grey eyes fixed on Hana’s face, preventing her from following Liza’s aggressive shape with her eyes. “Do many boys go from the Pressy school into medicine?”
Hana dragged her attention back to the kind, softly spoken voice. “I don’t really know. I don’t actually give advice. I’m more of a personal assistant to the careers advisor and a dean and two guidance counsellors.”
“Oh.” Michael’s tone was dismissive. He shrugged, the conversation over. “Hey sis,” he said to Liza as she strolled back towards the small group, pulling some poor sausage roll apart with her fingers. “How’s life out at Mission Bay?”
“Fine,” she grunted, feeding the crumbled remains through perfectly painted lips. Michael Du Rose’s movements were smooth as he turned and winked at Hana. Plainly used to dealing with drunks and rowdy, injured parties, he placated Liza with a well-timed question about her latest case and prevented her pursuing her quarry further. Logan inclined his head towards him in a look of gratitude and extracted Hana quickly from Liza’s clutches before the woman got her second wind. “Sorry about her,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have left you with her.”
The family dynamic perplexed Hana. She gleaned from the short but painful conversation with Liza that she and Logan’s ex-fiancé, Caroline Marsh, were friends. Despite not wanting it to, it rattled her. That there was a family connection to Logan seriously bothered her and hindered her ability to expunge the woman from her life altogether. Ca
roline intentionally disrupted Hana’s relationship with Logan and would definitely try it again. The end of the term and victorious return of her gentle colleague Rory, could not come soon enough for Hana or her boss, Sheila. The two powerful women, Sheila and Caroline edged around each other, sizing each other up for a monumental scrap which as yet hadn’t quite amounted to anything. Given time, it just might.
Thinking of Sheila, Hana expressed surprise to Logan she wasn’t at the party. “I invited her,” he shrugged, “I called Rory too.”
Reluctantly, Hana was whisked away for a short dance with Peter North. She realised too late he hadn’t offered out of any desire to genuinely spend time with her, but because a relative of Logan’s who appeared a little worse for wear, frolicked around behind them with the lovely Henrietta.
After Pete stepped on her bare feet four times, Hana left him doing his loose-armed impression of John Travolta alone in the middle of the floor and trooped off to find her shoes under the table. Gwynne, the media studies teacher and his new wife of two weeks had seated themselves there and Hana joined them, frantically feeling around for her stilettos with her toes. She salvaged one of them, but not the other so abandoned the task and retrieved her glass of Baileys, sitting peaceably watching the dancers.
“Whatever happened with that…incident?” Gwynne asked, breaking into the silence as Pete moved on to the ‘Chicken Dance.’
“Which incident?” Hana asked and Gwynne’s eyes widened.
“You mean there’s been more than the mugging? Oh yeah, I guess there was the broken windscreen too.” He turned to explain to his wife. “A woman and male teenager attacked Hana in the chapel car park, trying to snatch her handbag. I was at a cricket meeting and we managed to grab the boy.”
“Oh,” Hana exclaimed. “The police never contacted me about that. After all the initial statement taking it disappeared into the ether, a lot like my stolen car which went missing a few weeks later. But you guys caught him, didn’t you?” she asked, “Did they ever identify the boy?”