by T. K. Chapin
“No, ma’am. You kissed me.”
Glaring at him, I said through my teeth, “It’s Chelsea.”
Suddenly, Jonathan walked outside from the side door of the church. I jumped away from Jax, then proceeded over to Jonathan. Still rattled by the kiss we’d shared in the van, I tried to make a conscious effort not to appear as flustered as I truly felt on the inside. This trip is about serving people, not myself and my desires. Stupid, Chelsea, stupid! I thought to myself.
“You okay?” Jonathan asked, glancing behind me at Jax. “Did he touch you?”
“Shut up, Jonathan.”
Jonathan followed along with me inside. “Glad you got the van back. I couldn’t believe your text about it breaking down. How inconvenient! Rick and I were about to head out and pick you up.”
I heard his words, but my mind was elsewhere. It was still in that van, trying to understand what had just happened with my bodyguard. Replaying the kiss in my mind as I traversed the hallway of the church, I saw myself lean in. It was me. My heart raced. The plastic sack slipped loose from my fingers and fell to the floor.
Jonathan stopped as I did and tried to pick it up.
“Stop it!” I scolded him as I scooped the medicine and pulled the bag away from him. “I’m fine.”
Holding his hands up, he backed away and left me alone.
Continuing down the hall to where Makayla was, in the pre-school Sunday school room a few doors down from Pastor Jose’s office, I rushed to her side.
“My poor Makayla! I’m here now!” I began measuring out the medicine. I tried to stay focused.
She sat up. In a weak voice, she said, “Thank you for getting it.”
I finished pouring and gave it to her. Taking her washcloth from her blanket, I headed down the hall to the kitchen to re-soak it with cold water.
As I ran the water in the sink, the kitchen door opened. Peering over my shoulder, I saw it was Jax. My heart sank into my stomach. Don’t look at him, don’t look at him, don’t look at him.
He walked over to the fridge. Stealing a glance, I saw him pull out a water bottle, undo the cap, and then proceed to take a long drink. Turning my eyes back to the running water, I saw the washcloth had more than enough water soaked into it.
Jax walked behind me. A whiff of his scent lingered in the air. It was intoxicating. Part of me wanted to spin around and revisit his lips once more. This isn’t what this mission trip is for! I reminded myself yet again as guilt weighed heavily on my thoughts.
Reaching into the cupboard right beside me, he grabbed a bag of sunflower seeds from the lowest shelf. Glancing over, I saw his arm, the muscles bulging against the black fabric of his shirt. Was he torturing me on purpose?
Turning off the faucet as he pulled away from me, I turned around. No words. Resting my hands on the counter as I leaned against it, I waited for him to say something.
“We can’t happen.” His words were like a dagger slipping straight into my chest and puncturing my heart. He opened the bag of sunflower seeds in his hands and tossed a couple in his mouth.
Retaliating, I said, “Oh, I know. It was an accident.”
Washcloth dripping with water, I left the kitchen.
Chapter 15 - Jax
ATTRACTION TO ONE’S BODYGUARD WAS a common occurrence in the industry. After all, we do protect and provide a level of security and comfort that is not only on the outside, but on the inside. I didn’t blame Chelsea for what had happened. It was innocent. How I felt, on the other hand, was not okay. A part of me felt like I needed to be reassigned, but I didn’t want that. I knew full well that having feelings for my client put us both in a dangerous position.
That night, as I lay on my side on the air mattress, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her as she slept soundly only a few paces away on the opposite side of the room. That kiss hadn’t been like the countless others I had experienced in my life. There was something to this woman. Something real, something deep. Dealing with my emotions in their raw state was something I wasn’t used to, but it was part of the new normal since I’d quit drinking.
Turning my sights to the ceiling, I lay flat on my back. My mind bounced through flashes of the numerous bars I had seen earlier that day in Guadalajara. A drink sounded good right about now. Squeezing my eyes tightly, I prayed to God to help the urge to pass. I hadn’t had a desire in so long. I felt bad. I was filled with a sense of defeat, failure and a measure of doubt in my ability to stay strong. Though I prayed, I couldn’t put a stop to the waves of thoughts pelting against my mind, weakening my defenses and swallowing me whole. Just one drink can’t hurt, I told myself. You already did it in your mind. You might as well go ahead with it now.
Not long from there, I was up and out of my bed, heading for the door that led outside.
Stepping out and into the coolness of the night, I fell to my knees in the gravel and squeezed the small rocks through the grooves between my fingers. I cried out to God as my will fought against the Spirit and truth.
“I’m trying to do the right thing, God! A little help would be appreciated!”
My chest was tight, my breathing short.
“Jax?” a man’s voice invaded my ears from a distance.
My heart jerked. I rose to my feet and looked into the darkness. Rick emerged from the shadows a moment later.
“What are you doing out here?” Embarrassment reddened my face. I felt dumb thinking he might have seen me.
“I struggle with insomnia. Walks help. You okay over here?”
Shaking my head, I rubbed the back of my neck. “Honestly?” I sighed. “No.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Turning away from him, I shook my head.
“That’s fine.” His eyes fixed forward and he started to walk. “You coming?” he asked over his shoulder, inviting me along for the stroll.
I caught up to him and we walked. Through the glow of the moonlight, we shared in the quietness of the evening. Peering up, he said, “There sure are a lot of stars up there. I like to look at them and think about the fact that the God of the Universe who put the stars in place also cares about me and my little problems. I’m selfish that way.” His smiling eyes found mine as he let out a laugh.
Stopping my steps, I thought of Chelsea and then looked at him. “Why doesn’t God just make life easier for us? Not totally easy, but … maybe a little smoother in those rough spots we come across?”
“And eliminate free will?”
Shrugging, I said, “No, just keep it not so messy. At least for His followers.”
Rick raised an eyebrow. “It doesn’t work. For Him to do that, you’d have to answer at what times would He intervene? What would merit it? And how could He do it without interrupting others’ free will? Real answers don’t exist to these questions. The Scriptures never promise us a perfect life, but they do promise us that Jesus will never abandon us and we are safe in a spiritual sense which is everlasting.”
I nodded.
We continued our walk.
That night, the craving for a drink eventually subsided, but I was left in wanting. Not for a drink, but for Chelsea.
Chapter 16 - Chelsea
AFTER EXCHANGING OUR VAN at the rental shop the next morning, we headed out for another day of door knocking. At two o’clock that afternoon, we headed over to the park to help set up for the festivities that would be happening the next day. Jonathan and I were setting up the face painting station, Valorie was helping set up the popcorn machine with Sister Lopez, and Jax was patrolling the park.
Jonathan stopped what he was doing and looked at me.
“You remember that foreign exchange student we had in our junior year? I forget her name.” He rested a hand on one of the poles holding up the tent as he mulled over his own question.
I recalled the girl. Her name was unforgettable. “It was Ezzy. Sweet gal.”
“She was. Riley had the biggest crush on her even though he couldn’t speak a lick of Spanish.”
<
br /> Laughing, I recalled one incident in which Riley had hi-jacked a microphone at an assembly and attempted to sing a song to her in Spanish. “He tried though. ‘A’ for effort.”
“Yeah, true. I wonder what ever happened with her.”
“Rachel keeps up with her. She’s married and a kid on the way.”
“Oh, wow! She was our age!” Jonathan was about to return to the box he was pulling stuff out of but glanced over and into the park. A few kids were playing in a grassy patch. “You think all this we’re doing here really helps? Giving them paint on their face and showing them a fun time?”
I shrugged. “It’s up to God to save people, not us, Jonathan. We’re just here to sow seeds.”
“You’re right.” He pulled out a tray of face paint from the box and set it on the table.
“I know it’s hard to see at times,” I added. “But we can’t fathom all the work God is doing behind the scenes.” As I spoke, I spotted Jax getting in some young man’s face. Shock lifted my eyebrows as I saw the local twenty-something-year-old push his fingers into Jax’s chest. This kid wasn’t smart.
Leaving the tent, I sprinted toward the two of them. Jonathan followed me over.
“You need to leave,” Jax said firmly to the guy as I approached. “You’re not welcome here, Antonio.”
One of the adult women from the Church of God added, “We’ve had enough! Show this weasel your gun, Jax.”
The young man peered at Jax’s holstered pistol and took a couple of steps back. Raising his hands, he glared at all of us standing around. “Whatever.” Turning, he took off through the park.
Jax walked the rest of the way over to me. His hand came up along my back and he led me away from the crowd. His eyes went back toward the kid as he lingered on the sidewalk bordering the park on the other side. Looking directly into my eyes, he said, “I’m afraid this won’t be the last time we see him.”
“Really?” Jonathan asked, walking up to us. “What was going on?”
“He was messing around with some of the girls in the youth group.”
Jonathan shook his head. “I guess having a meat shield around doesn’t matter so much.”
I furrowed my eyebrows at Jonathan.
“Sorry,” Jonathan said to Jax. “I didn’t mean to say that.”
“I’m afraid he’s only more agitated now,” Jax said, his eyes once more taking a glance at Antonio. “We need to go, all of us, away from this place.”
I didn’t question Jax in the moment. Instead, I helped him gather everyone from the church and our group to leave. With a lot of activities already set up and the event not until tomorrow, we had time to come up with a plan.
Chapter 17 - Jax
AFTER MEETING ANTONIO, I KNEW it wouldn’t be the last time we saw him. I had to take extra precautions to protect not only Chelsea, but all the members of Church of God. The kid had a crazy look in his eyes and I didn’t trust him. I knew he’d be back one way or another. I decided to spend the afternoon securing the church perimeter with wireless cameras.
“We’re not in danger, are we? Maria’s husband, the police chief, is setting up security at the park for tomorrow’s event.” Chelsea’s voice carried both worry and anxiety in her delivery as she stood at the bottom of my ladder. I was busy setting up the cameras outside of the church.
Coming down the ladder, I arrived at the bottom and turned to her. “I can’t say for certain if anyone is in danger, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”
“What’s that mean? No park tomorrow? Didn’t you hear me? There are going to be police there.”
I held back from responding. My heart didn’t want to interfere with Chelsea and her desire to serve. I was torn between making her happy and protecting her the best way I knew how.
Leaning forward, she raised her eyebrows as she raised her voice at me. “Are you serious right now, Jax? I can’t stay away from the park! This is the main reason we came!”
“I don’t recommend that you go.”
Shaking her head, she rested her hands on her hips. “This is great. Of course something would have to go wrong down here. Wait a second.” She came closer to me. “This is your fault, Jax. You made this guy mad. You provoked him!”
Picking up the ladder, I moved it down along the side of the church. “Not exactly. He was harassing the teenagers.”
“And you had to get in his face about it? Why do you have to take things on yourself?”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I set the ladder down, letting it hit the ground firmly. I turned to her. “Really? Some guy is messing with teenage girls and you don’t think it’s my place?”
She sighed. She touched her brow with a hand. “I guess it’s your job. I just really wanted to go.” The sadness in her voice tore me apart inside. I couldn’t be the man responsible for that sadness. I would move heaven and earth to make her happy.
“Then we’ll go. With police presence and me there … I can’t imagine them trying anything.”
She smiled and jumped over to me, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “Thank you!” Her arms around me and a smile in her heart were worth the worry.
After our embrace, she turned and quickly made her way inside, almost skipping as she did so, bubbling with joy. Turning to the ladder, I smiled and started to climb to mount the next camera. Chances were slim that Antonio would try anything at the park, but there was still a chance.
Chapter 18 - Chelsea
THAT EVENING, OUR ENTIRE GROUP headed to Cadipsi, a homeless shelter in Guadalajara. Our home church back in Washington had teamed up with Sister Lopez from the Church of God and her husband, Tom. They were the ones who ran the homeless shelter and they did it full-time during the week, providing meals, clothing, and whatever else they could do for the locals. These two were truly the hands and feet of Christ. Sister Lopez had informed us earlier that day that the boxes Serenah had shipped had arrived at the shelter. My insides were jumping at the thought of finally getting my hands on them and handing them out to those in need.
Arriving just outside the shelter’s entrance, I noticed a number of tables set up outside and a line that went on forever. We continued down the block and I saw the line wrap all the way down the sidewalk and around the corner. My heart was broken for these people. There were more than I could count, all waiting for a simple bowl of chili and maybe something extra if it was available. Thinking of the luxuries I had back home, the lack of nothing, my soul sagged with sadness to see the reality of a needy people.
My eyes welled with tears as I looked upon all the people. I saw young and old, women and children, mothers and fathers. I had done homeless shelter volunteer work in Spokane, but this time, it hit a part of my heart that hadn’t had the surface even scratched.
I pulled the van around to the back of the building. The youth piled out and headed to a side door leading into the shelter.
“Let’s pray before we go in,” Rick said. Everyone stopped and gathered in a circle. He led the prayer. “Lord, we surrender ourselves to Your will. To Your desires. Help reach these people who need You. We love You and pray these things in Your heavenly name, Jesus. Amen.”
Walking inside, we were stopped by Sister Lopez. “Hello, my brothers and sisters in Christ.” She started to split us all up into two separate groups, some to go help feed the hungry outside, and the rest, including Jax and myself, to stay behind in the recreation room to hand out clothing and shoes.
With Jax by my side, we walked over to the tables set up in the recreation room. Some local volunteers had already began sorting the clothing boxes that had arrived from Spokane. There were piles of clothing on each of the tables with even more boxes stacked up against the wall behind them, filled with donations.
“Go ahead and jump right in,” Sister Lopez charged Jax and me. “These ladies won’t bite too hard. I promise.” She winked at me and then proceeded over to the side door we came through. She opened it and allowed the people waiting outside t
o start flooding in.
Jax helped me sort a clothing box designated for small children. Glancing over at him, I couldn’t help but smile as he handed me a cute blue button shirt for a three-or four-year-old boy. He didn’t have to help, but I could tell he wanted to be involved, to be there. I hadn’t forgotten about our kiss. In fact, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how much I wanted it to happen again. I worried if I tried to kiss him, he’d reject me. After all, he’d plainly told me we could never be together.
Waves of adults and children began flowing in through the door moments later. As my eyes caught with the local faces, my heart filled with an overwhelming sense of purpose. A woman and small girl approached our table. Looking into the little girl’s big brown eyes, I leaned forward to listen.
“Shoes?” she said in a quiet, shy voice.
“What’s your shoe size, precious?”
The nearby translator volunteer translated for me.
Her tone soft, the little girl said, “Tres.”
Taking a pink pair of Princess shoes, size three, from the table, I came around and got down on my knees, showing them to her. Her eyes lit up with a twinkle and she let out a gleeful sound from her lips. Taking them from my hands, she promptly sat down on the floor and put them on. Glancing up at who I assumed was the girl’s mother, I saw her eyes watering and her lips trembling as she looked upon her child. A moment later, her gaze came to me.
“Free? Free?”
I nodded and said, “Sí.”
She beamed all the more and cried too, covering her mouth with her hands. Her thankfulness warmed my heart. She grabbed a flyer off the table for the big event tomorrow in the park and left with her child.
More people poured in through the doors over the next two hours. Sadly, the need was greater than what we had to offer. Later that evening, after I gave my last large men’s shirt to a middle-aged man, I spotted Jax across the room talking with a familiar looking teenage boy. As I watched him speak to the kid, I looked on as the child’s head bobbed in agreement as Jax spoke. This man was invading my heart in the deepest of parts and not even meaning to do so in the process. My desire for him is growing more and I have no way of stopping it. My throat clenched. Each passing moment I spent with Jax pulled me in deeper. My desire for him was growing like wildfire in my heart. With his having no interest, I had to somehow put a stop to it.