“It can’t be done. I know, because I worked on the problem for three years with some of the best brains in the system. To date, it is impossible.”
A click attracted their attention. It was the pneumatic tube. A cylinder dropped out of the tube, and Joe opened it and handed the enclosed paper to Franks.
He read:
-
WALT:
I’M SENDING THIS TO YOU AT JOE’S BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE AND I THINK YOU SHOULD GET THIS REAL QUICK.
JEANNE S.
-
Walt smiled wearily and said: MA good secretary is a thing of beauty. A thing of beauty is admired and is a joy forever. Jeanne is both. She is a jewel.”
“Yeah, we know. What does the letter say?”
“It is another communiqué from our doting boss. He is removing from my control the odd three hundred men I’ve got working on Beam Control. He is to assume the responsibility for them himself. I’m practically out of a job.”
“Make that two Scotches,” Channing told Joe.
“Make it three,” chimed in Arden. “I’ve got to work for him, too!”
“Is that so bad?” asked Channing. “All you’ve got to do is to listen carefully and do as you’re told. We have to answer to the bird, too.”
“Yeah,” said Arden, “but you fellows don’t have to listen to a dopey guy ask foolish questions all day. It’s driving me silly.”
“What I’d like to know,” murmured Franks, “is what is the idea of pulling me off the job? Nuts, I’ve been on the Beam Control for years. I’ve got the finest crew of men anywhere. They can actually foresee a shift and compensate for it, I think. I picked ‘em myself and I’ve been proud of my outfit. Now,” he said brokenly, “I’ve got no outfit. In fact, I have darned little crew left at all. Only my dozen lab members. I’ll have to go back to swinging a meter myself before this is over.”
It was quite a comedown. From the master of over three hundred highly paid, highly prized, intelligent technicians, Walt Franks was now the superintendent of one dozen laboratory technicians. It was a definite cut in his status.
Channing finished his drink and, seeing that Franks’ attention was elsewhere, he told Arden: “Thanks for taking care of him, but don’t use all your sympathy on him. I feel that I’m going to need your shoulder to cry on before long.”
“Anytime you want a soft shoulder,” said Arden generously, “let me know. I’ll come a-running.”
Channing went out. He roamed nervously all the rest of the day. He visited the bar several times, but the general air of the place depressed him. From a place of recreation, laughter, and pleasantry, Joe’s place had changed to a room for reminiscences and remorse, a place to drown one’s troubles—or poison them—or to preserve them in alcohol.
He went to see the local moving picture, a piece advertised as being one of the best mystery thrillers since Hitchcock. He found that all of the interesting parts were cut out and that the only thing that remained was a rather disjointed portrayal of a detective finding meaningless clues and ultimately the criminal. There was a suggestion at the end that the detective and the criminal had fought it out, but whether it was with pistols, field pieces, knives, cream puffs, or words was left to the imagination. It was also to be assumed that he and the heroine, who went into a partial blackout every time she sat down, finally got acquainted enough to hold hands after the picture.
Channing stormed out of the theater after seeing the above and finding that the only cartoon had been barred because it showed an innocuous cow without benefit of shorts.
He troubled Joe for a bottle of the best and took to his apartment in disappointment. By eight o’clock in the evening, Don Channing was asleep with all his clothing on. The bed rolled and refused to stay on an even keel, but Channing found a necktie and tied himself securely in the bed and died off in a beautiful, boiled cloud.
He woke to the tune of a beautiful hangover. Gulped seven glasses of water, he staggered to the shower. Fifteen lavish minutes of iced needles and some coffee brought him part way back to his own, cheerful self. He headed down the hall toward the elevator.
He found a note in his office directing him to appear at a conference in Burbank’s office. Groaning in anguish, Channing went to the Director’s office expecting the worst.
It was bad. In fact, it was enough to drive everyone in the conference to drink. Burbank asked opinions on everything, and then tore the opinions apart with little regard to their validity. He expressed his own opinion many times, which was a disgusted sense of the personnel’s inability to do anything of real value.
“Certainly,” he stormed, “I know you are operating. But have there been any new developments coming out of your laboratory, Mr. Channing?”
Someone was about to tell Burbank that Channing had a doctor’s degree, but Don shook his head.
“We’ve been working on a lot of small items,” said Channing. “I cannot say whether there has been any one big thing that we could point to. As we make developments, we put them into service. Added together, they make quite an honest effort.”
“What, for instance?” Burbank stormed.
“The last one was the coupler machine improvement that permitted better than ten thousand words per minute.”
“Up to that time the best wordage was something like eight thousand words,” said Burbank. “I think that you have been resting too long on your laurels. Unless you can bring me something big enough to advertise, I shall have to take measures. Now you, Mr. Warren,” continued Burbank. “You are the man who is supposed to be superintendent of maintenance. May I ask why the outer hull is not painted?”
“Because it would be a waste of paint,” said Warren. “Figure out the acreage of a surface of a cylinder three miles long and a mile in diameter. It is almost eleven square miles! Eleven square miles to paint from scaffolding hung from the outside itself.”
“Use bos’n’s chairs,” snapped Burbank.
“A bos’n’s chair would be worthless,” Warren informed Burbank. “You must remember that to anyone trying to operate on the outer hull, the outer hull is a ceiling and directly overhead. Another thing,” said Warren, “you paint that hull and you’ll run this station, by yourself. Why d’ya think we have it shiny?”
“If we paint the hull,” persisted Burbank, “it will be more presentable than that nondescript steel color.”
“That steel color is as shiny as we could make it,” growled Warren. “We want to get rid of as much radiated heat as we can. You slap a coat of any kind of paint on that hull and you’ll have plenty of heat in here.”
“Ah, that sounds interesting. We’ll save heating costs—”
“Don’t be an idiot,” snapped Warren. “Heating costs, my grandmother’s eye. Look, Burbank, did you ever hear of the Uranium Pile? Part of our income comes from refining uranium and plutonium and the preparation of radioisotopes. And—Good Lord, I’m not going to try to explain fission-reacting materials to you; get that first old copy of the Smyth Report and get caught up-to-date.
“The fact remains,” continued Warren, cooling somewhat after displaying Burbank’s ignorance, “that we have more power than we know what to do with. We’re operating on a safe margin by radiating just a little more than we generate. We make up the rest by the old methods of artificial heating.
“But there have been a lot of times when it becae necessary to dissipate a lot of energy for divers reasons and then we’ve had to shut off the heating. What would happen if we couldn’t cool off the damned coffee can? We’d roast to death the first time we got a new employee with a body temperature a degree above normal.”
“You’re being openly rebellious,” Burbank warned him.
“So I am. And if you persist in your attempt to make this place presentable, you’ll find me and my gang outright mutinous! Good day, sir!”
He stormed out of the office and slammed the door.
“Take a note, Miss Westland, “Interplanetary Comm
unications Commission, Terra. Gentlemen: Michael Warren, superintendent of maintenance at Venus Equilateral, has proven to be unreceptive to certain suggestions as to the appearance and/or operation of Venus Equilateral. It is my request that he be replaced immediately. Signed, Francis Burbank, Director.” He paused to see what effect that message had upon the faces of the men around the table. “Send that by special delivery!”
Johnny Billings opened his mouth to say something, but shut it with a snap. Westland looked up at Burbank, but she said nothing. She gave Channing a sly smile, and Channing smiled back. There were grins about the table, too, for everyone recognized the boner. Burbank had just sent a letter from the interworld-communications relay station by special delivery mail.
It would not get to Terra for better than two weeks; a use of the station’s facilities would have the message in the hands of the commission within the hour.
“That will be all, gentlemen,” Burbank smiled smugly. “Our next conference will be next Monday morning!”
-
“Mr. Channing,” chortled the pleasant voice of Arden Westland, “now that the trifling influence of the boss versus secretary taboo is off, will you have the pleasure of buying me a drink?”
“Can you repeat that word for word and explain it?” grinned Don.
“A man isn’t supposed to make eyes at his secretary. A gal ain’t supposed to seduce her boss. Now that you are no longer Acting Director, and I no longer your stenog, how about some sociability?”
“I never thought that I’d be propositioned by a typewriter jockey,” said Channing, “but I’ll do it. What time is it? Do we do it openly, or must we sneak over to the apartment and snaffle a snort on the sly?”
“We snaffle. That is, if you trust me in your apartment.”
“I’m scared to death,” Channing informed her. “But if I should fail to defend my honor, we must remember that it is no dishonor to try and fail.”
“That sounds like a nice alibi,” said Arden with a smile. “Or a come-on. I don’t know which. Or, Mr. Channing, am I being told that my advances might not be welcome?”
“We shall see,” Channing said. “We’ll have to make a careful study of the matter. I cannot make any statements without first making a thorough examination under all sorts of conditions. Here we are. You will precede me through the door, please.”
“Why?” asked Arden.
“So that you cannot back out at the last possible moment. Once I get inside, I’ll think about keeping you there!”
“As long as you have some illegal fluid, I’ll stay.” She tried to leer at Don but failed because she had had all too little experience in leering. “Bring it on!”
“Here’s to the good old days,” Don toasted as the drinks were raised.
“Nope. Here’s to the future,” proposed Arden. “Those good old days—all they were was old. If you were back in them, you’d still have to have the pleasure of meeting Burbank.”
“Grrrr,” growled Channing. “That name is never mentioned in this household.”
“You haven’t a pix of the old bird turned to the wall, have you?” asked Arden. “I tossed it out.”
“We’ll drink to that.” They drained glasses. “And we’ll have another.”
“I need another,” said Channing. “Can you imagine that buzzard asking me to invent something big in seven days?”
“Sure. By the same reasoning that he uses to send a letter from Venus Equilateral instead of just slipping it on the Terra beam. Faulty.”
“Phoney.”
The door opened abruptly and Walt Franks entered. “D’ja hear the latest?” he asked breathlessly.
“No,” said Channing.
He was reaching for another glass automatically. He poured, and Walt watched the amber fluid creep up the glass, led by a sheet of white foam.
“Then look!”
Walt handed Channing an official envelope. It was a regular notice to the effect that there had been eleven failures of service through Venus Equilateral.
“Eleven! What makes?”
“Mastermind.”
“What’s he done?”
“Remember the removal of my jurisdiction over the beam control operators? Well, in the last ten days, Burbank has installed some new features to cut expenses. I think that he hopes to lay off a couple of hundred men.”
“What’s he doing, do you know?”
“He’s shortening the dispersion. He intends to cut the power by slamming more of the widespread beam into the receptor. The tighter beam makes aiming more difficult, you know, because at seventy million miles, every time little Joey of Mars swings his toy horseshoe magnet on the end of his string, the beam wobbles. And at seventy million miles, how much wobbling does it take to send a narrow beam clear off the target?”
“The normal dispersion of the beam from Venus is over a thousand miles wide. It gyrates and wobbles through most of that arc. That is why we picked that particular dispersion. If we could have pointed the thing like an arrow, we’d have kept the dispersion down.”
“Right. And he’s tightened the beam to less than a hundred miles’ dispersion. Now, every time a sunspot gets hit amidships with a lady sunspot, the beam goes off on a tangent. We’ve lost the beam eleven times in a week. That’s more times than I’ve lost it in three years!”
“O.K.,” said Channing. “So what? Mastermind is responsible. We’ll sit tight and wait for developments. In any display of abilities, we can spike Mr. Burbank. Have another drink?”
“Got any more? If you’ve not, I’ve got a couple of cases cached underneath the bed in my apartment.”
“I’ve plenty,” said Channing. “And I’ll need plenty. I have exactly twenty-two hours left in which to produce something comparable to the telephone, the electric light, the airplane, or the expanding universe! Phooey. Pour me another, Arden.”
A knock at the door; a feminine voice interrupted simultaneously. “May I come in?”
It was Walt’s secretary. She looked worried. In one hand she waved another letter.
“Another communiqué?” asked Channing.
“Worse. Notice that for the last three hours there have been less than twelve percent of messages relayed!”
“Five minutes’ operation out of an hour,” said Channing. “Where’s that from?”
“Came out on the Terra beam. It’s marked number seventeen, so I guess that sixteen other tries have been made.”
“What has Mastermind tried this time?” Channing stormed. He tore out of the room and headed for the Director’s office on a dead run. On the way, he hit his shoulder on the door, caromed off the opposite wall, righted himself, and was gone in a flurry of flying feet. Three heads popped out of doors to see who was making the noise.
Channing skidded into Burbank’s office on his heels. “What gives?” he snapped. “D’ya realize that we’ve lost the beam? What have you been doing?”
“It is a minor difficulty,” said Burbank calmly. “We will iron it out presently.”
“Presently! Our charter doesn’t permit interruptions of service of that magnitude. I ask again: What are you doing?”
“You, as Electronics Engineer, have no right to question me. I repeat, we shall iron out the difficulty presently.”
Channing snorted and tore out of Burbank’s office. He headed for the Office of Beam Control, turned the corner on one foot, and slammed the door roughly.
“Chuck!” he yelled. “Chuck Thomas! Where are you?”
No answer, Channing left the beam office and headed for the master control panels, out near the airlock end of Venus Equilateral. He found Thomas stewing over a complicated piece of apparatus.
“Chuck, for the love of Michael, what in the devil is going on?”
“Thought you knew,” answered Thomas. “Burbank had the crew install photoelectric mosaic banks on the beam controls. He intends to use the photomosaics to keep Venus, Terra, and Mars on the beam.”
“Great Sniveling Scott! T
hey tried that in the last century and tossed it out three days later. Where’s the crew now?”
“Packing for home. They’ve been laid off!”
“Get ‘em back! Put ‘em to work. Turn off those darned photomosaics and use the manual again. We’ve lost every beam we ever had.”
A sarcastic voice came in at this point. “For what reason do you interfere with my improvements?” sneered the voice, “Could it be that you are accepting graft from the employees to keep them on the job by preventing the installation of superior equipment?”
Channing turned on his toe and let Burbank have one. It was a neat job, coming up at the right time and connecting sweetly. Burbank went over on his head.
“Get going,” Channing snapped at Thomas..
Charles Thomas grinned. It was not Channing’s one-ninety that decided him to comply. He left.
Channing shook Burbank’s shoulder. He slapped the man’s face. Eyes opened, accusing eyes rendered mute by a very sore jaw, tongue, and throat.
“Now listen,” snapped Channing. “Listen to every word! Mosaic directors are useless. Know why? It is because of the lag. At planetary distances, light takes an appreciable time to reach. Your beam wobbles. Your planet swerves out of line because of intervening factors; varying magnetic fields, even the bending of light due to gravitational fields will shake the beam microscopically. But, Burbank, a microscopic discrepancy is all that is needed to bust things wide open. You’ve got to have experienced men to operate the beam controls. Men who can think. Men who can, from experience, reason that this fluctuation will not last, but will swing back in a few seconds, or that this type of swerving will increase in magnitude for a half-hour, maintain the status, and then return, pass through zero and find the same level on the minus side.
“Since light and centimeter waves are not exactly alike in performance, a field that will serve one may not affect the other as much. Ergo, your photomosaic is useless. The photoelectric mosaic is a brilliant gadget for keeping a plane in a spotlight or for aiming a sixteen-inch gun, but it is worthless for anything over a couple of million miles. So I’ve called the men back to their stations. And don’t try anything foolish again without consulting the men who are paid to think!”
Complete Venus Equilateral (1976) SSC Page 3