Mac knew Izzy’s words were meant to comfort him, but the wound went too deep.
How could he not have found her?
How could he not have known he had a child?
How careless he had been back in those joyous holiday days, revelling in the magic that was Bali, and the beautiful woman who called him Nikki Mac?
He took a deep breath and turned back to Izzy.
‘Nikki?’ he said.
Izzy shook her head.
‘I’m not up to that yet. I haven’t worked it out. It frightens me, Mac—all the ifs and buts and maybes. I can’t talk about it yet.’
She hesitated, then added, ‘And in spite of the name and Nikki’s blue eyes, she might not be your child. Wouldn’t you want to be sure?
Mac knew the words made sense—of course they should make sure—but he also felt as if the night—and all his thinking—had given him something precious. A child...
Did he want to risk losing that?
‘I’d be happy to accept her as mine. We could get married,’ he said, trying hard to sound sensible and practical when inside he was a gibbering mess. ‘Wouldn’t that solve all the problems?’
‘Get married?’
She almost yelled the words at him. ‘You don’t want to get married, and I don’t want to marry someone who isn’t a for-ever-and-ever person, and how would Nikki feel? She’s not stupid. She’d know we were doing it for her and that would be a terrible burden for her to bear.’
‘It was just a thought,’ Mac said, slightly staggered that she’d been so adamant. He’d thought it quite a good idea. In fact, the more it moved around in his head now, the better it got.
Which just went to show how little he understood women, he supposed, although now the thought was there it wasn’t going to go away.
Marrying Izzy had become a very attractive proposition...
All he had to do was work out how to do it—how to persuade her...
Start with a kiss?
CHAPTER ELEVEN
IZZY MOVED AWAY, totally befuddled—by the conversation, by her body’s traitorous reaction to Mac’s closeness, and by the ridiculous proposal.
Possibly the ridiculous proposal should have come first.
‘I’m going back,’ she said. ‘I need to run, to clear my head.’
And she set off at a brisk jog, pausing only to turn back.
‘We should check,’ she said. ‘Steve had Nikki’s DNA taken when she was a baby, wanting to be sure the sleaze bag Liane hooked up with for drugs wasn’t the father. If I get a copy to you, can you ask someone to compare them?’
Mac frowned at her.
Had he been serious when he’d said testing didn’t matter—that he was happy to accept Nikki as his child?
‘Well, could you?’ she demanded, as tiredness, confusion and being close to him combined to make standing there any longer almost impossible.
He nodded, nothing more, and she jogged away, turning back a second time.
‘You won’t say anything to anyone?’
She’d meant to sound firm, in control, but knew it had come out as a wimpy, pathetic plea.
‘As if I would,’ Mac muttered at her, and she turned back to her run, racing now, as if demons snapped at her heels.
She had to talk it through with someone, try to get her head around it all.
Hallie would be the ideal listener, and would probably offer sage advice, but to tell her about Mac’s business—well, about his part in it, if he’d had a part in it—when she’d asked him not to say anything...?
She’d sleep on it, then maybe talk to Mac again, be sensible about the test, so they could decide together how to go forward with it.
But being within a two-metre radius of Mac—forget that, being in the same postcode as him—caused so many physical reactions that battling them left little brain space for common-sense discussions.
Except she’d have to do it.
Maybe after a sleep she’d feel better, think better...
* * *
Mac walked slowly back to town, still taking in the fact he was a father, maybe, still obsessing that he should have done something earlier, kept in touch with Liane for all she’d kept reminding him that it would only ever be a holiday fling—a dalliance.
Had she used that word?
Was that where he’d picked it up?
Surely not! He’d moved on, worked, met and married Lauren, been divorced and worked some more.
Then Izzy!
He sighed and walked up to the hospital. Roger was on duty but Mac wanted to see Ahmed, and check on Rhia, and the pregnant woman they’d admitted with pre-eclampsia. For some reason seeing her safely through the rest of her pregnancy was suddenly very important.
Because he was a father?
Might be a father?
Nonsense!
Anyway, being a father was far more than the accident of conception. Being a father was a whole new world of learning.
He stopped at the bottom of the ramp leading into the hospital and turned to look out at the ocean, the revelation so strong it had stolen his breath.
It was what he wanted!
He wanted to be a father, to learn to be a father to Nikki—at least Nikki first. Somehow he and Izzy had to sort this out.
And he and Nikki?
Izzy was right, he had to compare their DNAs, to know for certain, for Nikki’s sake as much as his.
He turned back towards the hospital, the exhilaration of his revelation leaving a far more frightening question in his head.
What if Nikki didn’t want a father—or want him as a father?
Hell’s teeth, no wonder Izzy was in a muddle...
* * *
Sleep brought no answers for Izzy, if anything it made her feel more woolly-headed than ever. She made a cup of tea and stared at her much-changed roster on the door of the refrigerator. Next to it was Nikki’s monthly calendar of the school and social events.
Rehearsals seemed to figure large in after-school activities for Nikki and it took a moment for Izzy to recall they must be coming up to the school concert. This was Nikki’s first year in the high-school concert, held every second year, the primary school having a similar event in between.
But what was Nikki’s group doing? A music video? Well, an onstage performance of a music video, all the year seven students involved either singing and dancing on stage, or making and shifting props around.
Nikki was singing, but then she always did, right from her first year at school.
Could Mac sing?
The thought stopped Izzy dead.
She had to do something and do it now!
Not right now as she had to go to work, but today, or tomorrow.
But right now she could contact Steve, get him to email a copy of the DNA results. Until they knew for sure, there was no point in upsetting Nikki with all of this.
But once they knew?
‘Oh, help!’
She hadn’t realised she’d said the words aloud until Hallie walked in, a tin of freshly baked biscuits in her hands.
‘Help what?’ Hallie demanded. ‘I did knock and when you didn’t answer, I thought you’d gone to work.’
‘On my way,’ Izzy said, grabbing a couple of biscuits.
‘And the help?’ Hallie asked gently.
‘Oh, Hallie, I don’t know if anyone can help.’
And with that she departed.
Although maybe Mac and she could talk to Hallie together. Her mother had seen the best and worst that people could do to each other, and had wisdom that Izzy could never hope to acquire. And Hallie knew children, and relationships, and a lot of psychology...
Fortunately Mac wasn’t at the hos
pital when she arrived, having gone in the ambulance to Braxton with the pre-eclampsia patient whose blood pressure had failed to stabilise and who would probably need a Caesar.
But tomorrow Mac was off, Nikki had early rehearsals, she’d ask Hallie to have a late breakfast with her and Mac in the flat, make pancakes—
She got that far in the planning before panic set in so maybe that was a good thing. The panic usually came much earlier in her plans.
Mac returned as she finished giving out evening medications and the hospital was quietening down for the night.
‘We should have DNA results in a couple of days. I forwarded that copy you emailed me of Nikki’s along with mine—I had mine done when I joined the army—to a mate who’ll fast-track it.’
* * *
The couple of days turned into a week, a week of sleepless nights and tortured days as far as Izzy was concerned. Her mind refused to function when it came to anything personal—Nikki, her, Mac—so she changed the hospital rosters yet again, putting herself on night duty to avoid at least one of the problems as much as possible.
But eventually the results came back, positive as she’d been sure they would be, and another weekend lay before them.
‘It’s Nikki we have to think about,’ Mac said, slipping into a chair across the desk where she was writing up the night report, sliding the confirmation email across the desk towards her.
Izzy looked up at the man she’d been avoiding so assiduously, into the clear blue eyes, and felt her heart weep.
‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘And it terrifies me!’
‘Should we find someone to talk to first—a child psychologist?’ Mac suggested, and Izzy realised he was as anxious about Nikki as she was.
‘I was thinking Hallie,’ she said. ‘If anyone knows children, it’s her. And Pop of course, but he’s not one for words, but I thought if we talked to Hallie...’
Mac reached out and took her hand, squeezing her fingers gently.
‘We’ll work it out,’ he said.
She gave a little huff that was half despair, half laughter.
‘Will we?’
Mac left her to finish her shift, walking downtown to the promenade where he sat, looking out to sea, soothed by the sound of the surf.
And the answer came to him, so suddenly he was suspicious of it. He turned it this way and that, studying it from all directions, from his, Nikki’s and Izzy’s points of view and decided, yes, he was right.
Excited now, he hurried back to the hospital to catch Izzy as she came off duty.
‘Walk you home?’ he said, and whether it was the lightness of his words, or the smile that followed them, Izzy stopped dead and stared at him.
‘What is it?’ she demanded. ‘You’ve won lotto?’
He shook his head and took her hand.
‘No, far better. I’ve thought of how to do it.’
He probably shouldn’t have taken her hand as it had set all the nerves in his body atwitch, registering this was Izzy he was touching, reminding him just how attracted to her he was.
But he held tight and they walked together up the hill, bodies touching, hers bombarding his with silent messages that almost made him forget the purpose of the walk.
‘You’ve thought of how to do it?’ she finally prompted, no doubt battling her own awareness of him.
Remembering them naked together, as he’d been?
‘I’ll talk to Nikki,’ he announced, then wondered why this brilliant solution didn’t seem to have affected Izzy as much as he’d thought it would.
‘Why? What about?’
He stopped, turned to face her, and took her face between his palms so he could look into her dark eyes, run his thumb across her soft lips.
‘I’ll talk to her about Liane, about our holiday together, tell her about the Liane I knew, explain why we parted—different life paths for each of us—and how I didn’t know about the pregnancy, didn’t know I had a child, a daughter.’
He felt the smile as her cheeks moved in his hands.
‘And then?’
He dropped his hands and drew her close, slipping his arms around her to hold her loosely in front of him.
‘I haven’t quite got that far, but she’ll have stuff to say, questions, opinions. I thought we’d take a walk, maybe to the lighthouse, and you’d come, too, but be a bit apart, but she’ll need you, I know she will.’
He leaned forward and kissed her lightly on the lips.
‘What do you think?’
How could she think?
Standing here so close to Mac, his words whirling in her head while emotion whirled in her body.
Instinctively, it felt right what he’d said, or what she’d understood of what he’d said.
And outside, walking, that was good, less formal and more relaxed.
Well, Nikki might be relaxed, at least to start with, but Izzy could feel tension building in her body just thinking about the situation.
She leaned into Mac, and his arms tightened about her.
‘We’ll work it out, you’ll see,’ he said, and he sounded so convinced she almost believed him.
Almost because even fuzzy-headed, she could imagine so many scenarios that wouldn’t be right—
Or was she over-thinking?
Mac was rubbing his hands up and down her arms, warming and reassuring at once.
‘It will be a start,’ he finally said. ‘We both know this will be a huge emotional mess to dump on Nikki, but together, all three of us, I’m sure we can work through it.’
Izzy nodded, wanting nothing more than to stay there in his arms—for the moment to continue for ever.
‘Go get some sleep,’ Mac whispered. ‘We’ll talk later, maybe go out, the three of us, tomorrow afternoon.’
And maybe tomorrow wouldn’t come...
But tomorrow did come, and the rush to get Nikki off to another rehearsal with the necessary props meant there was little time for explanations, although Izzy did mention Mac had asked if they’d both like to walk up to the lighthouse with him later in the day.
‘Can Shan come?’
Izzy shook her head. She should have expected the question. Since the pair had first met in primary school, Shan had been included in most of their excursions, trips and even holidays.
‘Not today.’
Izzy hoped her tone was light enough for Nikki not to ask the inevitable why, but apparently Nikki had already put her own interpretation on the outing.
‘Is he going to ask my permission to marry you?’ Nikki teased, and Izzy chased her out the door.
But he had asked, Izzy remembered, only because of Nikki and family, though, not because he loved her.
Before the thought could settle in her heart, she got busy, doing the spring clean she’d been promising to do, decluttering and cleaning the little flat with ferocious energy.
Anything to stop her thinking about what lay ahead.
About Nikki and how she would take it, what it would mean to her, and the big one—where did they all go from there...?
Mac had arranged to meet them at three, and with no little trepidation Izzy walked with Nikki down to his house.
‘I thought we’d drive to the parking area at the bottom of the hill,’ he said, stowing a backpack into the boot of the car.
‘Is that food?’ Nikki asked, and Mac laughed.
‘Food and drink—all kinds of stuff that’s bad for you, like chips, and cake, and soft drink.’
‘So we’ll have a picnic, that’s great. We haven’t been up there for ages, have we, Mum?’
Which was when Izzy realised that her nerves were so taut she was beyond even the simplest conversation. She made a noise she hoped would be taken for agreement and climbed into the car,
where Mac’s presence was nearly as overwhelming as her tension.
But once walking up through the coastal scrub towards the top of the hill, she relaxed. Mac, with his loaded backpack, was walking with Nikki, asking her about the concert, about her singing, whether she enjoyed it.
Seeing the two of them together, there was no way Izzy couldn’t ask herself about what might have been, although she knew it was time to look to the future, not dwell on the past.
But a tear for Liane slid down her cheek.
* * *
Finding a sheltered spot where they’d be out of the wind but still able to look out at the ocean, Mac spread the picnic blanket he’d purchased that morning, then brought out his goodies.
As they settled down, drinks in hand, Nikki raised her glass to him, grinned, and said, ‘Well, if we’re not here so you can ask my permission to marry Mum, why are we here?’
‘Nikki!’ Izzy protested, but Mac had to laugh. The cheeky question had broken the tension that had been building in him all day.
‘No, I’ve already asked her that and she didn’t think it a good idea, but this is a family thing, Nikki, and something that’s hard for me to tell and maybe going to be even harder for you to hear. I want to talk to you about Liane, your birth mother. You see, I knew her once, a long time ago.’
‘You knew Liane! But that’s amazing, and it’s not hard to hear at all. I’m always asking the family about her, poor woman. What chance did she have after such an appalling childhood? And even when she came to live with Hallie she was never happy—running away, getting into trouble, on and off drugs.’
‘Exactly,’ Mac said, ‘but I didn’t know about that—she never talked about it—never mentioned the past at all. We were both on holiday, I’d just finished at university and she—well, Izzy tells me Liane had been in detox and the holiday was her reward for being off the drugs.’
‘Was this in Bali?’
Mac hesitated. Somehow Nikki was leaping ahead of all his carefully prepared sentences. Had she already guessed where this was going? He looked at Izzy who was looking steadfastly out to sea—no help at all.
A Forever Family for the Army Doc Page 14