“Thanks, Alley. No. Have fun talking with your friends. I need to eat, finish up my laundry and start packing for Friday.”
Keeping busy kept me calm and focused.
The laundry took no time at all. I placed a few items in a pile to take with me and put the rest away. I decided to heat myself some chicken noodle soup, needing comfort food to soothe my soul.
I grabbed a pair of comfortable pajamas, hoping for a restful sleep. After slipping into bed and turning off the light, I tried to keep my thoughts positive.
The darkness surrounded me in my slumber as I felt myself creep toward the edge of a dreamful state. Remembering last night’s dreams, I consciously forced myself back, away from the alternate reality that terrified me the night before. Despite my tired state, I would wake myself before I would allow those visions into my mind, again.
The night continued on like this, in an unending state of drifting off and waking up every so many minutes.
The alarm startled me. It felt as though I had just begun to rest and now I had to get up. My hand floundered as it hunted for the snooze bar, hoping to get an additional ten minutes.
Ugh….I knew I had too much to do at work, especially if I wanted to take tomorrow off.
I grabbed some coffee, leaving it black, rather than adding creamer and sweetener, this morning. I needed the unpleasant taste to help get me moving.
Somehow, I managed to shower and dress, quickly. I snatched a frozen dinner for lunch, grabbed my keys, and left for work. The slight chill that hung in the morning air, helped awaken my senses and open my mind.
As I pulled into the parking garage, I could see that Caroline’s car was there already. I hoped she would not be in any meetings and I could go ahead and tell her about my situation.
Luck was with me. I caught Dr. Gibbons exiting Caroline’s office. She had a nice smile on her face, so her day was off to a good start.
I put my things at my desk and proceeded to her door. “Caroline? Do you have a second? I need to talk with you in private.”
She looked up from her desk, still smiling, though her eyes became puzzled. “What can I help you with, Jordan? Is there something wrong? Please, have a seat.” She motioned with her hands to sit at the chair closest to her desk, so we could talk more easily.
I knew the way I looked today would give away that something was amiss. I had hardly slept the last two nights and my eyes gave away the fact that I had been crying.
“I may need to ask for tomorrow off. My father’s strength has been waning and his weight declining for weeks now. The past few days have been the worst. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday and they will be running tests, tomorrow. I wanted to be there for moral support.
“I am prepared to work through most of lunch and some extra hours, tonight, to get all of my work done. I have completed most of the requested work for next week’s company meeting and only have a few of the policy adjustments left to do and send out to the other offices.”
“I’m truly sorry to hear about your dad. Do they have any clues as to what is going on? Is there anything I can do to help?” She truly did remind me of my mother, always putting everyone else first.
“The doctor’s are not sure, but there are speculations. We do not want to think the worst, but we fear it might be cancer.”
Caroline leaned across her desk, relaxing her smile into a more serious tone. “Work on whatever you can, today. I don’t mind if you work through lunch or stay late, though it looks like you could use some rest. Why don’t you put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and close your office door. That should allow you some privacy and maybe help you with your emotions, today. Don’t worry if you don’t complete everything. Let’s just sit down at the end of the day and review what’s left and we can handle it while you are gone.”
I took a deep breath in relief. “Thanks, Caroline. I am not exactly sure about tomorrow, but want to be prepared. I apologize for the short notice. My mother should be calling later today to let me know the schedule.”
Caroline got up from her seat, walked over to me and gave me a brief hug. “Everything is going to be fine. Just focus on that. I am here if you need to talk.”
I was fighting back the urge to cry, but reeled it in. “Thank you!”
I left her office, trying to force a smile onto my face. It was our job to present a reassuring quality to the rest of the staff, despite what was going on within the office or in our personal lives.
“Good morning, Jordan.” A high pitched voice came up behind me.
Internally I cringed, wondering what Pamela wanted. It’s rather strange that she is being nice to me all of the sudden. Usually she takes the long way around to her office rather than talk to me. Wonder what she is up to?
I smiled with my best effort, remembering to lift my eyes and force an endearing look her direction. “Morning, Pamela. How is your day going so far?”
“Wonderful and yours?” She was overly cheerful, given the eerie behavior she had been exhibiting as of late.
I knew I would have to lie through my teeth, which was against everything I stood for. I did not want to give her any ammunition to use against me, since she enjoyed finding faults and weaknesses, then worming her way into your soul and tearing it apart.
I still could not understand how she had gone from being pleasurable to work with to overtly antagonistic. However, around Caroline and the majority of doctor’s, she hid her latest personality well.
As I turned to meet her, I saw a devilish smile spread across her face. Her eyes held a hidden undertone that sent a chill down the center of my spine, reminding me of my nightmare. It was all I could do to keep myself composed and force the words. “I am having a fabulous day. Although I have a very busy agenda to attend to so if you will excuse me? Enjoy your day!” I turned on my heels and walked away, knowing the last remark would spoil her fun. She would never able to get the best of me.
I could hear her hasty retreat.
I could feel the lack of a good night’s sleep already bringing me down. So I went into the break room and made myself two cups of the stronger brew, hoping it would keep my eyes fully focused and my mind alert.
I placed the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on my office door and was about to close it when Linda, the Assistant Administrator, passed by and gave me a questionable look. “Did Caroline give you permission to do that?” Her words were thrown in a harsh tone.
“Good morning, Linda. Yes, I talked with her this morning. It was actually her idea.” I knew this would stop the inquisition.
Linda used to be a very pleasant individual, but as of late, her disposition had shifted, drastically. We were still cordial with one another but only spoke at department meetings or if she needed me to assist her with an overflow of work.
“Fine.” she shrugged her shoulders as she walked past to her own office.
I turned my computer and printer on and grabbed my “To Do” list, crossing out the items I had already completed.
It was nice not having a constant barrage of people in and out of my office, asking me trivial questions or complaining about issues that were inconsequential. Once my mind started processing the tasks at hand, I labored feverishly with my goal of completing everything by this evening in mind. I was so engrossed in my work that the coffee cooled to the point the taste was no longer appealing. I looked glanced at the clock and realized it was 1 p.m. So, I stretched my legs and found my way to the lunchroom, smiling and nodding to everyone as I walked by, trying to keep up a gracious appearance. I had worked five hours straight and a short lunch break was in order.
I could hear the tiny whispers of a few of the employees. “She must have some deadlines she’s working on, today. Her door has been shut all day with a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on it.”
As I turned away, a smile crossed my face. I didn’t realize I was the topic of conversation for the day. Most of the employees were guarded with their discussions whenever I was around, fearing I would repe
at things back to the boss. Though truthfully, I could care less what they talked about, as long as they were civil.
Once I got back to my office, I managed to scarf down my food in record time, without even tasting what I was eating. At the moment, I only cared that it was hot and would satiate me until I got home.
My phone rang. “Jordan, I have a Mrs. Carlisle on line one.”
“Thanks Karen. Please put her through.”
“This is Jordan.”
“Honey its Mom, just calling to give you an update. Your dad’s a bit stronger today and acting a little perkier than usual; so they are proceeding with the tests, tomorrow.”
“That’s wonderful, Mom. Should I come up tonight or tomorrow morning?”
“The tests are scheduled for 11 AM in the outpatient surgery area of the hospital. You can come whenever you want, but answer me this, how well did you sleep last night and how late do you have to work, tonight?”
“I didn’t really sleep, although I did get some rest. I will have to work late in order to have tomorrow off.”
“In that case, get everything ready to come, get to bed early and drive up tomorrow, after the rush hour traffic. That should give you plenty of time to get here and we can go to the hospital, together, in time to see your dad before his tests.”
“Can you tell Dad that I love him, dearly, and will be there with both of you, tomorrow? If you don’t mind, I will probably stay through the weekend.”
“Jordan, you’re passing up Valentine’s Day? You know your dad would want you to be happy.” She was right, he would insist on me keeping my date.
“Mom, we’ve been over this; family comes first. Besides, there’s something about Thomas that doesn’t sit well with me and I have already canceled. I would be happier surrounded by the love of my parents!”
“Ok, we would love spending time with you, too! I need to go; your dad is starting to wake up from his nap.”
“Sounds good. Give me a call when you get home tonight, so I know you are safe. Call me if you need me to come sooner.”
I worked feverishly over the next few hours until my concentration was broken by a loud knock on my door. I opened it to find Caroline standing outside. At that moment, I realized the workday was already over. It was 6 PM. Where had the day gone?
Caroline came in and sat down across from me, “I thought I would check on your progress and see if there is any news with your dad?”
“Thank you for letting me isolate myself, today. It definitely helped with the workload and the emotions. Hopefully my acting and smiling was good enough to fool everyone.”
“I’m sure you did fine. Everyone took your solitude as having a deadline to meet. Speaking of which, what is left for Linda and me to deal with?”
“I am on the last project, now. It should be completed within a half hour. So, there will be nothing left to handle. I will be all caught up.” We both smiled.
“Here are the completed items.” I picked up the stack of folders and handed them to her. Little notes were attached to each of them, identifying where they were in the system, in the event anything needed to be altered or corrected at the last minute.
“As for my father, his strength has improved and they’ll go ahead with the testing, tomorrow. I don’t know that we will have any answers, but I feel the need to be there for my parents.” My eyebrows creased with worry.
Caroline put her hand on my shoulder in reassurance. “Keep positive thoughts running through your mind and I am sure things will all work out for the best. Cherish the time you have with them”.
“Try to have a good Valentine’s and we hope to see you on Monday, Jordan.”
“Thanks, Caroline! I will have this last item to you, shortly. Are you leaving?”
“No, I have some more work to handle, so I will be in my office. Before you leave, be sure to put your phone on ‘Out of Office’ for tomorrow and take down your ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.”
“Ok, will do. I’ll drop by on my way out.” I smiled at her with appreciation.
The project was finished, taking less time than I had imagined. I was surprised when I realized I would be getting out of the office at my regular time. I stepped into the hallway and headed toward Caroline’s office, when Pamela approached.
She put her hand on my arm and I flinched. Her touch always felt like hot coals on my skin.
“Jordan? I’m so sorry to hear of your dad’s illness.” I could hear the words coming out of her mouth, as if they were meant to be sincere; but her facial expression looked forged, as if she had to pout a little to keep up an impression of concern.
“How did you know?” I haven’t told anyone other than Caroline.
“Let’s just say some things or some people are not always what they seem to be around here. Secrets and rumors fly swiftly. If I were you, I’d be careful who I talk to.” She went on her way, flashing an enigmatic smile and gliding along as if she were happy to hear of some bad news. I suddenly recalled my dream of her with vivid clarity and it seemed to be spot on.
Caroline motioned for me to come into her office. “Please close the door behind you, Jordan.”
“Jordan, I am concerned about some of the behaviors around the office. As you are aware, we had two employees quit rather abruptly after Pamela started talking with them. I had a couple more come to me this evening with thoughts of leaving. They informed me of rumors that I am ready to lay off half of the staff, citing that several doctors are going to separate from the practice and form their own clinics. You wouldn’t happen to know where this is coming from, would you?” Her face looked distraught with emotional pain.
“Whoa.” This was the first that I’ve heard of it.”
I tried to wrap my mind around the words she had just uttered. “Caroline… It’s been weird for awhile. Things seemed much happier when I first started working here, but I had no idea this was going on.”
“If you think of anyone or hear anything, please let me know. I hope you realize none of this is factual. Granted, we do have a couple of doctors thinking about pursuing other interests, but we already have others lined up to come in and enlarge the practice.” Caroline’s words were reassuring. I knew she spoke the truth.
“I’ll keep an ear out. Oh, by the way, did you happen to mention to Pamela about my dad? I kind of wanted to keep it private until I know what’s going on.”
“Why would you think that?” Caroline’s looked hurt.
“On the way to your office, she commented about how sorry she was to hear of his health issues.”
“Hmm…I did tell Linda, since she is part of Administration. She was ticked about the sign on your door. She insisted on offloading some of her work to you, today, and kept pressing me until I told her the reasons behind your need to focus. I swore her to secrecy, or at least that was the agreement, until we knew the results of your dad’s tests.” She put a couple of fingers to her head, as if trying to rub out a headache.
“Strange that only the three of us knew and now Pamela does. Guess I am going to have to have a talk with her, tomorrow.”
“I understand why you told Linda; I just wish she hadn’t told anyone else. Pamela and I don’t exactly see eye to eye on things and lately her demeanor is unnerving; she makes it a point to know everyone’s business.”
Caroline glanced down at her watch, “You should really get home and rest. Don’t worry about anything here, just focus on your family. Let us know how your dad’s tests go.”
I could not get out of there fast enough, longing for the comfort of my apartment. I was looking forward to the nightly phone call from my mother and, to the possibility of talking with Gregory, again. Just thinking about it made my heart flutter.
I finished packing and had talked with Mom when my stomach started rumbling, letting me know I had forgotten it. This was a bad habit of mine, especially when work or life got too crazy. I knew I couldn’t handle a full meal, so opted for a classic peanut butter and jelly sandwich with som
e milk.
I headed to the bedroom, sandwich in hand, to boot up the computer. As I was about to engage the phone modem, Alley opened the apartment door.
“Hey, Alley! How was your day?” Since I had been in such a blue mood lately, I decided to attempt some cheerfulness, tonight.
“It was busy and yours?” She was always quite polite about asking how everyone was doing, whether she was interested or not.
I kept my response short. “Same here, but I am not complaining. It kept my mind off things. FYI, I am off tomorrow and headed to Deland for Dad’s tests. I’m probably going to stay the weekend.”
“I hope the tests go well.” She was about to turn toward the kitchen when she remembered. “Don’t you have a date Sunday?”
Alley was never one to forget when I had a date. She had been the strongest promoter of me placing a personal ad.
“I cancelled, given the circumstances. I know you had your heart set on doubling this Sunday, but I don’t think I would be good company.” I could see disappointment in her face.
“Besides, something about Thomas doesn’t sit well with me. I have never encountered someone who wanted to meet so quickly.”
“Bedsides, I’m talking with someone else right now who seems to be more of what I am looking for in a friend. I would rather get to know him, first.”
Alley’s face lit up with a big smile.
“Don’t worry about the weekend; you have other priorities to deal with. I’ll call one of my other friends to see if they want to double.”
“Thanks for understanding about Valentine’s.”
“No problem. I’m going to crash. I don’t think I can stay awake any longer. Have a safe trip tomorrow and tell your parents I said, ‘Hi’.”
She walked toward her room and suddenly turned around, “When you get back, I want all the juicy details about this new guy.” A devilish little smirk spread across her face.
“Have a good night. I’m going to stay up for a while. I’ll set the alarm before I go to bed.”
I Remember (Remembrance Series) Page 4