Lucas felt a sense of relief as he felt the armour re-strengthen around his heart.
He wouldn’t be fooled by Anna Spencer. Not again.
And given that he’d never see her again, one day he would stop thinking about her.
One day.
HELL AND DAMNATION. The woman wanted to send him to Bedlam.
Lucas scowled as he watched the unmistakeable figure of Anna Spencer — he couldn’t think of her as Grant, especially after what she’d told him of her marriage — alight from a carriage that had pulled up outside his dockland offices.
He was busy today, and he’d had no bloody sleep because of her, so the last thing he wanted to do was be confronted by her again: her body, her glorious blonde hair, her startling amber eyes, her scent, her damned presence.
He couldn’t deal with it.
Tomorrow couldn’t come quick enough.
Lucas’ office at the London headquarters of his shipping company had become a sort of sanctuary. He spent more time here than his home. It gave him a sense of pride every time he walked into this bright, spacious room overlooking the hustle and bustle of the docks below.
He had earned this place. He had worked hard for every inch, and it brought him an overwhelming feeling of peace and pride every time he stepped foot inside it.
And it was all about to be ruined by her.
Lucas’ frown deepened as he watched the immediate attention she drew.
For God’s sake, had she no sense of self-preservation?
Last night she showed up at his house alone. Today, she was putting herself in harm’s way, standing their chatting with her coachman, looking like a damned angel amongst the lowlife hellions who lurked around these parts.
Lucas clenched his fists as he saw her gain the attention of a particularly shady group of men hovering nearby.
He was about to turn and race downstairs to drag her inside to safety when she looked in the direction of the men.
Her coachman looked distressed, Anna looked stunned, as though surprised that a beautiful woman bedecked in lavender silk should gain their attention.
He was pleased to see that the footmen who had travelled with her were stepping forward to flank her on either side.
Anna noticed their actions, too, and even from this distance, he saw her roll her eyes at them.
Finally, just as he decided he was going to march down there and demand she return to safety, she turned and leaned into the carriage. She came back out with her hand clasped firmly around the wrist of a terrified-looking maid and walked purposefully toward the door of the building.
Blast it all, her coachman had obviously failed to convince her that this was folly.
Lucas hurried back to his desk to affect a look of casual ignorance of the goings on outside, rather than admit that he’d been fretting like a damned mother hen worrying about her chick.
Mere moments later, there was a short, sharp rap on the door, and before he even had the chance to shout and tell her to go away, the door swung open and in she swept, bringing with her the scent of a summer meadow, which he knew would haunt him now for the rest of the day.
Since they appeared to have reached a sort of uneasy truce the evening before, amongst the biting comments and throwaway insults, of course, Lucas stood and bowed, hiding his irritation and everything else he felt upon seeing her.
“Mrs. Grant…” The greeting was meant to keep a distance between them. He had come so close to kissing her senseless last night that he didn’t want to take any chances with impropriety, so though it galled him to refer to her married name, he did so just the same. “…I cannot begin to imagine what brings you here, of all places. Do you have no idea how dangerous this place can be for a lady? Especially when that lady has only a tiny maid for an escort? It is—”
“Oh, hush,” Anna interrupted, waving a hand as though he were an irritating fly. “My maid is ensconced downstairs with the two rather burly footmen who accompanied me. And my driver is guarding the carriage as though Prinny himself were sitting inside.”
Lucas narrowed his eyes, assessing the woman standing before him.
Good God, she was beautiful. Even now, it had the power to surprise him.
Her golden locks were covered by a white bonnet adorned with a lavender ribbon.
Her lavender pelisse clung to her body like a second skin. It would have bordered on daring, were it not for the virginal white she wore underneath.
As a widow, she had no need to wear white, but he was glad she still did. Where it washed out nearly every other lady he knew, it highlighted her peaches-and-cream complexion and rosebud lips.
He sounded like a damned mantua maker.
Lucas shook his head to dispel such ridiculous thoughts and resumed glaring at his unexpected, unwanted guess.
“Should I sit?” she asked snippily, and he realised that his manners were lacking yet again.
She made him forget his manners; that was the problem. She made him forget everything but the memory of her lips beneath his… the sound of her gasps of pleasure… the scent of her skin in the rain…
“I’ll take your silence as a yes.” She interrupted his wayward thoughts yet again, her tone freezing.
‘Twas no wonder she found him an ill-mannered oaf. He turned into one whenever she was around.
“What do you want, Anna?” he bit out harsher than he intended.
Anna sighed as she took a seat in front of his desk then gazed up at him with those fiery amber eyes that had haunted his dreams for years.
“Really, Lucas. Must we be enemies? There was a time when we were rather fond of each other,” Anna said softly.
She couldn’t be serious?
Rather fond of each other?
He had loved her with every single piece of himself.
It was a testament to how heartless she really was, and resentments that had been somewhat soothed during their unexpected time together last night came once more to the fore.
“Let’s not dwell on the past, shall we?” he answered, clenching his jaw to keep from railing at her or showing any real emotion.
Her sparkling eyes dimmed slightly, but within seconds, they brightened again as she smiled widely at him.
What the hell is she up to?
“No, let’s not. After all, the future is what’s important, and after our conversation last night and your talk at dinner at Jonathan’s, well, I am quite envious of yours.”
Lucas didn’t respond, merely raised his brow. He couldn’t help feeling that she was here for a reason he really wouldn’t like.
Anna was silent, no doubt expecting an answer of sorts.
He remained silent.
Anna sighed again, and he tried not to notice how her pelisse tightened with the action.
Hell and damnation. He felt like he’d been at sea for months on end without seeing a female with the way his body was responding to her.
Just twelve hours. Twelve hours and I will be free for good.
“Well, it sounds simply wonderful and so, I have come to proposition you.”
Christ.
He would need a swim in the icy Thames if she kept speaking in such a way.
Of course, she didn’t mean anything remotely flirtatious by her words, but his body was hearing what it wanted to at this point.
Deciding that the quickest way to be rid of her so he could breathe again without the odd constriction in his heart he seemed to develop when she was near, Lucas moved round the desk and sat behind it, putting some much needed distance between them.
“What would that be?” he asked, leaning back, feigning a casualness he didn’t feel.
Anna took another deep breath designed, he was sure, to torture him, then smiled again, her dark golden eyes burning into his.
“I want you to take me with you.”
ANNA ALLOWED HER gaze to wander round the spacious office where she sat.
It had been quite some time since she’d told Lucas that she wanted to
leave England.
She wasn’t sure what reaction she had expected. But no reaction at all wasn’t it.
Eyeing the pitcher of water on a stand in the corner, she did wonder if she should grab it and fling it over him — the water, not the pitcher.
But instinct told her that if she wanted him to do this rather colossal favour, she should probably refrain from drowning him.
Lucas hadn’t so much as blinked since her blurted request.
It was becoming decidedly awkward.
Well, she couldn’t very well sit there all day. If she was moving to the West Indies tomorrow, she had things to do. Rather a lot of things.
“Um…” she began, not really knowing what she would say.
As it turned out, all it took was that slight sound from her to spring him into action.
“Have you lost your mind?” he yelled, jumping from his chair and very nearly causing her to jump out of her skin. “Have you any idea how insane that is? What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking that I have lived too long under the unforgiving scrutiny of the ton, and that I want to have a life again, a life defined by what I want, not by what my father wants, or my husband wants, or what the ton thinks I should want. Is that really so insane, Lucas? Isn’t that why you’re leaving?”
He stood staring at her — looming over her, frankly. But rather than find it intimidating, Anna’s heart sped with excitement. He was so close now that, if she too stood, they would be mere inches apart, their lips so close to touching.
“I’m leaving because I need to, Anna. For reasons that I wish to God didn’t still exist.”
Before she could even begin to try to interpret his cryptic remark, Lucas was moving. Stepping round from behind the desk, he came to her chair, clasped her upper arm, and pulled her into a standing position.
“You need to leave,” he said.
Anna felt a moment’s exquisite excitement as the heat of his hand seared her, even through the material of her carriage dress.
“But, you haven’t even considered it,” she argued mutinously, digging her heels in.
“Of course I haven’t bloody considered it,” he bit back. “It is so ridiculous it doesn’t deserve any consideration.”
“Lucas, please.” Anna wasn’t above begging. She had thought about this all of the night before and all of that morning. “Please, allow me to tell you my plan.”
He wasn’t going to. She could tell by the look of fury on his face. Well, that and the fact that he was still trying to march her from the room.
It was time for a change in tactics.
“All right,” she sighed, “I shan’t ask again. You have made your position quite clear.”
As Anna suspected, this brought an abrupt stop to his efforts to remove her.
But he looked suspicious of her sudden turnaround.
As well he should be.
Feigning innocence, Anna gazed up at him and gave a conciliatory smile.
“On my way in, I noticed quite a few ships that seemed ready to depart soon enough. And I’m not terribly fussed about where I end up, as long as it’s not here. So, I’ll just go and have a word with one of the nice gentlemen out there and—”
“Like hell you will.”
Anna bit her lip to keep from grinning.
“If you so much as go near one of those miscreants, Anna, I’ll—”
“You’ll what?” she interrupted swinging from his grip and planting her fists on her hips. “What does it have to do with you? You do not want to take me with you.”
Lucas ran a hand agitatedly through his hair, making it appear rather beautifully mussed. He muttered a string of oaths, eyes turned to the ceiling as though to implore the gods to make her reasonable.
He would be sorely disappointed, however.
“You haven’t thought about this.” He glowered at her now. “You really want to sail off to God-knows-where, with no home to go to, no family or friends, completely alone? It would be laughable if I weren’t so worried that you are serious.”
“I am serious,” Anna responded, trying her best to sound reasonable and logical. “And I have thought about it. I am a grown woman, Lucas,” she continued, a bite to her tone now at his obvious scepticism, “not a little girl.”
The sudden heat that flared in his navy-blue gaze made Anna’s mouth dry up, and she had to swallow hard just to be able to breathe properly.
“Trust me,” he said now, his voice hoarse and deep, “I know you’re a woman.”
Good lord!
Anna thought she might expire from the heat of that gaze.
“Well then,” she stuttered, suddenly feeling shy and wrong-footed. “Will you hear me out?”
Lucas narrowed his eyes and merely studied her for a few moments, and Anna held her breath, awaiting his decision.
Finally, he nodded briefly.
“Two minutes,” he warned.
This time, Anna didn’t hold back her grin.
She returned to her seat and folded her hands primly in her lap, took a deep breath, and stated her case, not leaving out any detail of her thought process so he would see that she was serious and had a solid plan.
The idea came to her close to dawn that morning. Having spent the night tossing and turning, torn between resenting Lucas’ continued coldness toward her when she was the one who had been maltreated by him and pining desperately for him, she had given up on sleep and was making her way below stairs to seek out a hot drink.
Her thoughts had been on Lucas, but they became tinged with an unspeakable sadness at the idea of him leaving for good. And what a life he would have. It sounded so exotic, so different and, best of all, so free compared to the stuffy world she inhabited. And that was when it hit her with all the force of a runaway carriage.
She could leave, too!
The idea of starting afresh somewhere far away from the memories and demons of her past…
Somewhere where nobody knew her, or the scandal of her husband’s suicide and father’s crimes…
And, much as she adored her family, to be away from their pitying glances and charity would be wonderful.
Anna’s step had faltered then on the staircase as a pain had gripped her heart.
Could she really leave? What about Evelyn and Jonathan? What about William and the children that Gabrielle would no doubt have? Much as Jonathan’s overprotectiveness and Evelyn’s smothering had irritated her, they came from a place of love. And she loved them back. Could she really, truly leave and not see them again?
The thought seemed too much to bear, and Anna had very nearly talked herself out of leaving, standing there on that cold stair.
But then, she had reasoned, it didn’t have to be forever. She could come back to visit and they could visit her.
They could write. She would write every day.
Being a part of their lives was so important. But was it more important than having some sort of life of her own?
Filled with a renewed determination and nervous excitement, Anna had bounded back up the stairs, hot drink quite forgotten.
As London awoke and the birds chirped the first notes of their dawn chorus, Anna had finished up the last of her extensive list.
There would be a lot to do in a very short space of time, if she intended to take passage on Lucas’ ship.
Her heart had thumped loudly at the thought of being alone with Lucas for weeks aboard his ship as they sailed to new lands. But Anna had valiantly pushed such thoughts away. She could not give way to the confusing feelings they roused. Not when so much needed to be done.
She had hurried to see her man of business that morning and made arrangements for her house in Town and her estate in Sussex and withdrew enough money to see her through some months at least, until more could be sent.
She would be able to purchase a comfortable house, set up a household of staff, and hire a companion so that she could keep up appearances of respectability.
The West Indies may
be more tolerant than England, but old habits die hard.
The only whiff of impropriety was the fact that she would be alone on the ship for a while. But she couldn’t risk bringing her maid. She couldn’t risk telling any other person in case word got out.
Evelyn and Andrew had retired to the country, and Jonathan and Gabby were halfway to Ireland by now.
She had left notes for them all, to be sent after she set sail.
And by the time they found out, it would be too late for them to do anything about it.
It really was perfect.
Upon finishing her remembrance of the account, Anna once again found herself nervously awaiting his reply.
Lucas hadn’t yet spoken. He stared at her, face solemn and unreadable.
But really, what could the answer be but yes? It was the perfect plan.
After eons, he heaved a sigh and started to open his mouth.
He frowned.
She smiled.
“No,” he said decisively.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“I BEG YOUR pardon?” Anna choked out, and Lucas could have sworn there was smoke coming from her ears.
“I said no,” he responded firmly. “This is beyond foolish. And contrary to what you think, you haven’t thought it through properly. You have no idea of the hardships of a life at sea. And even if you were able to cope with that, how will you cope with not seeing William grow up? Not seeing Jon and Evelyn all the time? Not meeting Jonathan’s children?”
Her amber eyes grew steadily more desolate as he spoke. But he pressed on relentlessly.
“At Christmastide and birthdays, will you sit alone on the other side of the world, wondering what they are doing to celebrate? Wondering if they are thinking of you? Is that the life you want?”
Guilt tried to rear its head, but Lucas ignored it ruthlessly. She needed to hear this. She needed to understand that a life away from the people she loved was really no life at all. He should know. He’d been experiencing it for years.
He thought, naïvely, that he’d gotten through to her. But he saw the exact moment that she shook off his words.
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