“Wa-wait-wait-wait. Why do you have to apologize for everything? You didn’t do anything wrong, did you?”
“That isn’t the case at all, Subaru. I’m your friend, and Julius’s as well. Not stopping my friends from making a mistake was a failure on my part.”
“Fr…iends…”
Subaru’s breath caught a little at the mention of the second-to-last name in the world he wanted to hear. But Reinhard bore no malice. Indeed, he was apologizing for not intervening at the time. If he’d involved himself, no doubt Subaru wouldn’t have experienced a fraction of the misery he was going through now.
The “duel” between Subaru and Julius might not have qualified as the real thing, but it was not the place of others to interfere with a bout that was held to settle an issue. That much was set in stone. Therefore, Reinhard had been feeling guilt for something he shouldn’t have given a second thought. The fact that he still felt compelled to apologize showed why Reinhard was the “knight among knights.”
“…Well, whatever the case, I’m real happy you came all the way over to see me. You have to be busy with a million things right now?” Subaru said.
“I do not want to balance my schedule and my friendships on a set of scales. If I hadn’t taken the opportunity tonight, I wouldn’t have had a chance to apologize to you for some time.”
“‘Some time’? What, you’re heading off somewhere?”
“Lady Felt will be away from the royal capital, under the care of my family. There are many things she needs to learn, and there are new recruits who require training.”
Reinhard talked with a thin, wry smile at the numerous hardships he expected. But at the very least, the knight didn’t harbor any unease about the rapport in his master-vassal relationship. Subaru posed a question.
“You think Felt can really pull this off?”
“—Strangely, more so than I ever did before. I’m sure her determination and talent will surprise everyone. I will be merely encouraging her to help bring that future about.”
Hearing that unreserved reply, Subaru subconsciously shifted his gaze away from Reinhard.
“…Is that so? Glad to hear it.”
He couldn’t bear to look straight at the knight. The red-haired young man didn’t worry about hardships, nor did he hold any concerns about his relationship with his master. He had not even the slightest ambivalence about doing his duty to his utmost abilities.
At that moment, the difference between him and Subaru was simply too great—
Noticing Subaru was averting his gaze, Reinhard’s brows furrowed in a sympathetic look.
“Do you…have regrets?”
Regrets.
…Subaru bit his lip as the word floated inside his head.
He’d always had regrets. Yesterday, he felt remorse for the day before that. Today, he was bitter about yesterday. Tomorrow, he’d no doubt be anguished about the present day, too.
The choices made over the course of his life amounted to a never-ending trail of regrets. It was impossible not to yearn for the world he’d missed due to choices he hadn’t made.
With Subaru silent, Reinhard lowered his eyes.
“I will not say anything as flippant as, ‘I understand how you feel.’ But I am equally ashamed of what transpired. Perhaps it is the first time I’ve said such a thing, but I regret what happened.”
The words seemed not quite apropos to the chagrin that enveloped Subaru, but that was only natural. Their positions were different, so their points of view were different. The two didn’t see events the same way. That was why Subaru braced his heart for what Reinhard might say next. And yet—
“The duel that day between you and Julius…was a meaningless battle. I knew, but I did nothing, and as a result, you were unjustly hurt. It has pained me ever since how I simply stood back and watched.”
“”
But his meager resolve didn’t prepare him to hear that.
“—No meaning at all?”
“Yes, that’s right. What happened because you and Julius clashed there? You were injured, and Julius has a black mark on his record, nothing more. Are you aware that he was placed under house arrest afterward? I’m sure Julius is regretting his own actions this very moment.”
Julius’s punishment was news to Subaru, and it actually surprised him. So many knights watching the spectacle had been in Julius’s corner. Subaru had been convinced his opponent had made arrangements to avoid trouble afterward. And yet, he had been disciplined.
—But Subaru didn’t think the knight felt any regret at all. He had crossed swords with him, albeit wooden ones, more than enough to understand that loud and clear.
Unaware of what was in Subaru’s heart, Reinhard said with sincerity in his eyes, “If you had both had more time, you could have calmly discussed the matter. I should have ensured you had it… Things could have been resolved peacefully with no ill feelings instead of with a duel.”
“…So there’d have been no fight at all?”
“Correct. This may seem somewhat hard to believe, but normally Julius is a man who sincerely listens. If you’d fully aired your differences, the misunderstanding could have been immediately—”
“Reinhard.”
With an earnest voice, Subaru interrupted him.
The red-haired young man closed his mouth, looking back at Subaru with an unclouded gaze. Not a single negative emotion resided in his azure eyes.
In other words, Reinhard had been completely serious.
He truly believed that duel held no meaning.
—He couldn’t understand that it was a matter of pride, with neither side able to pull back from the brink.
“I understand how you feel, and I’m glad. You’re…a really good guy.”
“Then…”
“But I won’t accept what you said. I can’t accept what you said… This conversation’s over.”
The sight of Subaru breaking off the discussion and turning his back left Reinhard beyond surprised. When the boy passed through the gates to return to the mansion, the knight instantly began to reach out to him.
“Reinhard. You’re a super-good guy. I totally understand that everything you said just now was out of pure goodwill, and you meant no harm at all… I get that.”
The remark stopped Reinhard mid-motion. Sensing it behind him, Subaru didn’t turn back as he passed through the gate.
“But…just don’t. I won’t let you rob that duel of its meaning. Anything…but that.”
Subaru didn’t want that, and neither did Julius or the knights who had seen the duel to the end.
Their fight had to be worth something. It had concrete, definite value, even if Reinhard, the Sword Saint, couldn’t understand it.
While Subaru distanced himself, Reinhard attempted to bridge the gap.
“Even if that is so… What did you gain from that duel? You’ve only lost things, haven’t you?” But the words he chose for that purpose provided the last nail in the coffin. “You’ve even lost Lady Emilia.”
The very last name in the world Subaru wanted to hear at that moment had materialized. He replied to the Sword Saint indifferently.
“Go home, Reinhard. Before your master gets lonely and starts yelling.”
With a loud noise, the gate closed between them. And so they parted ways.
“…He didn’t need to bother, geez.”
Subaru gritted his teeth at the memory of the previous night as curses he couldn’t bring himself to say to Reinhard’s face spilled out.
His lips twisted as he tore at his head, as though brushing away the still-raw memory.
“Do not be like that, Subaru. You’ve been hit on the head, so behave while I tend to it.”
As Subaru lay there, a voice full of affection gently brushed his eardrums.
When he glanced up, he saw the blue-haired girl smiling down at him pleasantly. She was wearing a rather short black-motif apron dress. The maid with the adorable face—Rem—was kneeling on the gree
n grass with Subaru’s head on her lap in the venerable “lap pillow” position.
Rem, appointed as Subaru’s maid, ran a finger through his hair as she whispered softly.
“You’ve worked hard in special training. Please, relax and rest on my lap for a while.”
“Doesn’t really deserve to be called ‘special training’… Just simple sword practice. Must’ve been boring to watch, huh?”
“It was not boring at all. Just spending time with you makes me very happy, Subaru.”
Everything pouring out of Rem was positive, but in his current state, Subaru couldn’t accept any of it. He covered his face with a hand, averting his gaze from her, who saw even his most unsightly moments in a positive light. She’d watched the sword practice, hardly anything more than playing around, from beginning to bitter end without complaint.
Even despite Subaru concealing his emotions, Rem didn’t speak a single cross word.
She silently waited out his attempt to hide his true feelings and affectionately supported his weight, softly running her finger through his hair as if to simply remind him that time hadn’t stopped.
Unable to bear the silence any longer, Subaru spoke first.
“…Hey…Rem.”
His halting voice brought Rem’s finger to a standstill. As she indulgently waited for him to talk, Subaru took a fair bit of time before continuing to speak.
“Do you…think I’m pathetic?”
It had come from his own mouth, but he genuinely wondered what answer he was hoping to hear. Did he want her to say yes? Did he want her to say no? What exactly did he want her to appraise about him? Did he mean right then, or three days prior, or perhaps long before that…?
“I do.”
Rem easily answered, interrupting Subaru’s rumination.
As his concerns unraveled, Subaru glared at Rem from below in protest.
“So you think that, too? Why are you sticking with me if I’m pathetic, then? ’Cause you were told to?”
Rem, upside down in his field of vision, gently shook her head at Subaru’s acerbic reaction.
“Thinking you are pathetic and being with you is not a contradiction. Even without a command, I believe I would have stayed with you regardless, Subaru.”
“…Why’s that?”
“Because I want to.”
Her reply was brief.
The matter-of-fact delivery left Subaru speechless. He had no idea what to say, although the words made his chest feel light.
It was as if his incomprehensible self-examination had received an equally baffling answer.
“Rem… You’re really something else.”
“I am. But Sister is even more incredible.”
“I still don’t understand why you put your sister on a pedestal, but you’re incredible.”
Subaru raised a hand in surrender, letting his entire body relax as he sank into Rem’s lap fully. He closed his eyes, leaving her to stroke his forelocks with her finger once more as she said, “I am here because I believe you want me to be here, Subaru.”
“So I want you to watch me get beaten up and then act pathetic and embarrassing after? That makes me sound like some kind of masochist…”
Rem curiously inclined her head, asking with a completely innocent look, “You aren’t?”
Subaru could only exhale deeply through his nostrils in a wordless reply.
Time continued in a quiet, lazy fashion, without any intrusions. Finally she asked, “Perhaps we should head back in? Any longer and we might be in the way of Lady Crusch’s sword practice.”
When Rem’s thighs seemed about to move, Subaru grabbed hold of them, his cheek savoring the feeling.
“Just a little longer. I’ve been hit on the head. Might be dangerous to move this soon?”
Rem let her legs relax as she acceded to Subaru’s suggestion.
“Yes… If that is what you desire, Subaru.”
Thanks to her unlimited kindness, he didn’t have to think about the things he didn’t want to. He let his body sink deeper and deeper into that gentle quicksand.
—It had been three days since the declaration of the royal selection. Three days since Subaru and Emilia had parted ways.
Subaru Natsuki was steadily rotting away.
3
I must’ve done something wrong, Subaru thought once he had time to reflect.
He knew it was an unpleasant memory, but before he realized, he was going back over and over to that evening and the sight of a silver-haired girl turning from him and walking away.
As the sound of a closing door echoed, Subaru thought, I must’ve come up short somewhere.
He was well aware that his words had gone too far.
The fact that it had come right after receiving a beating had been part of it. When Emilia’s words forced him into a corner, he’d ended up blurting out a lot of really unacceptable things.
As a result, Subaru and Emilia had ended up separating.
Did the suddenness of his words mean that they were just jumbled half thoughts? Or did it mean that they had been dwelling in his heart all along?
He cared for her, and he wanted her to acknowledge that; both feelings were true.
But how much he meant the rest of what he’d said… Even he wasn’t sure anymore.
“—Hey, kid. Kid!!”
Subaru was submerged in a sea of self-doubt when a throaty voice from nearby reeled him back to reality.
When he blinked, the man standing right in front of him slumped his shoulders, lamenting as he creased his brow.
“Come on, kid. Don’t be glaring like that in front of a man’s shop. You’ll scare off the customers,” he lamented with a frown on his stern face, marked by an attention-grabbing vertical scar.
Subaru, back in the present, gently rubbed his eyelids, quickly recovering from the impact of the man’s fierce countenance.
“Hey, Pops. I think it’s your glaring at customers that scares ’em off.”
“I’m not glaring! I’m worrying about you, damn it! You come here with some weirdo in tow, and then when Old Man Rom hears your message, I can’t get in touch with him anymore. I should be giving you an earful for all the trouble you put me through!”
The shopkeeper raised his voice in anger and pounded the counter with one of his thick arms.
As he did, the slam caused a basket with fruit on display to tilt, threatening to send his produce tumbling. However, with a flutter of the hem of her skirt, Rem landed in the space right in front of the shop.
“That is no way to handle food.”
Her fingers gripped the basket on the counter, gently catching it before it could fall along with all the fruit within.
“Ohh, thanks a lot, miss.”
The man—Cadmon—sighed with admiration at her skillful move, taking the basket back from Rem with visible relief.
Then he lowered his voice as he directed a look back at Subaru. “So take my advice. Get away from this mean-mug guy. It won’t end well.”
“Hey, what are you talkin’ about here? Don’t go around spreading unfounded rumors, geez,” Subaru countered.
“It’s not unfounded at all. You were here with a girl not long ago, and now you’ve got a different one, don’t you? The earlier girl… Ah, I can’t remember clearly, but that just means this young lady is prettier. Two-timers can go to hell.”
“Do I look like I can handle two-timing girls? In the first place, how did you…?”
Forget about Emilia, Subaru had been going to say. But Cadmon’s lack of memory was an effect of the anti-recognition magic she used to conceal her identity.
Recalling that brought her face to the forefront of his thoughts, accompanied by a painful throb in his chest.
As Subaru fell into silence, Cadmon gave him a suspicious look before resuming his speech to Rem.
“You see? Incorrigible. You’ll end up with nothing but hardship no matter how hard you try.”
“Thank you very much for your considera
tion… However, I am doing this because I want to.” Rem’s cheeks reddened as she glanced at Subaru to gauge his reaction. Cadmon’s look, even sourer than before, made plain that he thought her unfortunate.
“I have to say, though, the feel on the street’s different today. There aren’t more people than usual, but… It’s like there’s a stir in the air. Maybe more people are…stopping and standing than usual?”
Subaru gazed at the hustle and bustle, changing the topic to distract them from how he hadn’t finished his previous sentence.
“Surprisingly sharp eye. Well, that’s how it is. When big stuff’s going on, it’s time for merchants to make some money. Right now, everyone’s hungry for the next rumor.”
Cadmon nodded at Subaru’s musings as he grabbed one of the fruits lined up in front of his shop and took a bite.
Subaru gawked at the owner holding fruit with teeth marks. “That’s your merchandise…,” he remarked before he continued. “Well, I’m not sure what business opportunities the royal selection has for a fruit vendor, but I’m impressed you weren’t left behind when it started. Guess you’re a natural genius at this, Pops.”
“Oh, shut your mouth. At any rate, it’s because there’re more people rubbing shoulders and whispering to one another. Everyone’s talking to everyone else right now. See, look over there.”
Cadmon forcefully pointed with the core of his fruit, indicating a sign at the edge of the street. Even among the signs desperately competing to stand out along Market Street, this one stood taller than all the rest.
“Well, if it’s anything but I-script, I can’t read it.”
“What? How uneducated. You can read my store’s sign, then?”
“I feel like the characters are close to I-script, but they’re so bad that I can’t read them.”
Cadmon was taken aback at Subaru’s ill-natured attempt to cover up his own lack of education.
“So what is written on that sign, anyway?”
“The same thing we’ve been talking about. ‘The Royal Selection Has Commenced.’” Subaru frowned, unsure what Cadmon’s point was, so the shopkeeper roughly scratched at his head and added, “All right. Let me spell it out to you. Miss, take care of the store for a bit.”
ReZERO_Starting Life in Another World Vol. 5 Page 2