by Ann McMan
“I’ve been wanting to ask you about something,” she said, in a low voice. “But I don’t want to embarrass you or get too personal.”
Syd was intrigued. She’d known Edna Freemantle for nearly three years—ever since the day she arrived in Jericho to open the town’s fledgling public library. The Freemantles were like her surrogate Virginia family.
“You can ask me anything. I hope you know that by now.”
Edna nodded. “But this is different, and I don’t want to offend you by making any wrong assumptions.”
Syd really had no idea where this was going, but she wanted to try and put Edna at ease. “Whatever it is, just say it. I promise that you won’t offend me.”
Edna looked dubious.
“I promise,” she repeated.
Edna nodded, but she wouldn’t meet Syd’s eyes. “I, um . . . I think it’s possible that Roma Jean might be like you.”
“Like me?” Syd still didn’t get it. “You mean, because she wants to be a librarian?”
“No . . .” Edna looked up at her. Her gray eyes were dark with worry. “Like you. Like you and Dr. Stevenson.”
“Oh.” Syd felt like an idiot. “Oh, god . . . I’m sorry, Edna. I didn’t know what you meant.”
Edna slowly nodded, but didn’t say anything.
Syd felt like she had five seconds to come up with the right thing to say. Why did Edna pick now to have this conversation—now when she was fifteen minutes away from having to meet Doris?
“What makes you think that Roma Jean is . . . like me?” she asked.
Edna shook her head. “It’s just a feeling I have–that I’ve always had, really. And she’s been spending a lot of time with Charlie Davis, and everybody knows about her. Nelda Rae said that’s why Charlie went away to school. She got in trouble a couple of times for . . . well . . . you know.”
“Don’t you like Charlie?” Syd asked.
Edna shrugged. “She seems like a nice girl.”
“Do you think she’s bad for Roma Jean?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want Roma Jean to get into something that might not be right for her. What if she goes too far with Charlie and then can’t get out of it?”
Syd nodded. “I agree that Roma Jean is young. But she’s a good girl, and she has a good head on her shoulders. You gave her that . . . you and Curtis. And I don’t think she’d ever do anything that she didn’t think was right for her. And we both know how much she loves her family.”
“But what if it’s just something that she can’t control?”
“What if it is? She’s a teenager, Edna. The next few years for her are going to be all about figuring these things out—whether that involves Charlie Davis or not.”
Edna looked down at the countertop. “I just don’t know if I can support her in this.”
“You don’t really have to support her in this. You just have to support her—like you’ve always done. And trust her enough to believe that she’ll make the choices that she thinks are best for her.”
“What if she makes the wrong choices?”
“Then she’ll be the one who lives with them—just like we all do.”
Edna sighed. “Curtis won’t talk about it.”
“Have you said anything to Roma Jean?”
Edna looked horrified. “No. I can’t do that. What if I’m wrong?”
“It’s okay.” Syd touched her hand. “Let this evolve in the way it’s going to go. She’s a grown-up now. Even if you wanted to, you couldn’t change who she is—and she’s wonderful. Roma Jean is one of the kindest hearted and sweetest young women I’ve ever known. You should be very proud of the job you’ve done raising her.”
“I am.”
“Then try to concentrate on that, and give her the trust and respect she’s learned to expect from you. I don’t think she’ll disappoint you.”
“I wanted grandchildren . . .”
Syd smiled. “So did my parents.” She held up the PlayStation battery. “You see how that turned out.”
Syd could tell that Edna was embarrassed and trying not to smile.
“I guess I need to let you get on to your lunch date,” she said. “Thanks for talking to me.”
“We can talk any time, Edna. I mean that.”
Edna nodded.
Syd squeezed her hand. “Try not to worry.”
“I’ll try,” Edna said.
Syd turned toward the door.
“Say hello to your little boy for me,” Edna called out.
My little boy? Syd felt her throat grow thick.
“I will,” she promised.
She waved goodbye to Edna and walked out to her car.
“HOW DOES THAT feel?”
Maddie was holding Roma Jean’s arm and gently rotating her elbow.
“Not too bad,” Roma Jean replied.
“Does it hurt at all?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Tell me again how you injured it,” Maddie said.
“I was shelving some books at the library, and I ran into the corner of the circulation desk.”
“And when did this happen?”
“Saturday.”
“Has it gotten worse since then?” Maddie was looking for any obvious signs of bruising or swelling, but didn’t see anything worrisome.
“Not really.” Roma Jean hesitated. “Charlie wanted me to come over and see you right away, but I told her it wasn’t that bad.”
Maddie sat back on her stool. “Charlie was with you when it happened?”
Roma Jean nodded.
“Well, I don’t really see signs of any serious injury, but I want you to take it easy on this arm for a few days. No lifting or straining, okay? And take some Ibuprofen for any pain or minor swelling that might show up.” Maddie made some notes on Roma Jean’s chart. “And call me right away if it starts feeling worse.”
“Okay.”
Maddie stood up, but Roma Jean remained seated on the examination table.
“Was there something else you wanted today?” Maddie asked.
She was terrified that Roma Jean would say yes.
Roma Jean nodded.
Shit.
“What is it?”
Roma Jean shrugged.
“Roma Jean?”
“It’s about Charlie.”
“Oh.” Maddie sat back down on her stool. She had a feeling that this was going to be a long conversation. She stole a quick look at the clock above Roma Jean’s head and wondered how Syd was faring with Doris. She watched Roma Jean fiddle with the hem of her blouse.
“What about Charlie?” she asked.
“She was helping me on Saturday.”
“Okay.” Maddie was pretty sure she knew where this was heading. But she also knew that Roma Jean needed to get there on her own.
“She stayed until closing time so she could help me lock up.” She looked up at Maddie. “She likes to walk me to my car—it’s kinda creepy out back. I don’t really feel safe out there since the fire.”
Maddie nodded. Beau Pitzer’s failed attempt to burn down the tiny library had damaged a lot more than the books inside the building. His rampage had nearly cost Syd and Lizzy their lives.
“I can understand that, Roma Jean. But Beau won’t hurt anyone again.”
“I know. That’s what Charlie says, too.”
“She’s right.”
Roma Jean nodded. “I guess so.”
“Is that what you wanted to talk with me about—your feelings about being alone at the library?”
Roma Jean shook her head.
Maddie decided to take the plunge. “Is it something else about Charlie?”
Roma Jean nodded.
Maddie could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “Do you want to tell me what it is?” she asked, in a quiet voice.
Roma Jean sat there, biting her bottom lip. Then she took a deep breath and let it fly. “I was trying to do the deadbolt on the back door, and it wasn’t working because the door
swells up whenever it rains, and you can’t force it—because I already tried that and broke the key off in the lock twice—and Charlie was standing there beside me and kept saying that I should let her try, and she finally just tried to take the keys out of my hand—but I was so nervous that I dropped them, and we both bent over at the same time to pick them up and hit our heads together—and I when reached out to touch her head to be sure she was okay, she kissed me.”
Maddie sat there for a moment, mentally trying to punctuate all Roma Jean had just said. “Could you repeat that last part, please?”
Roma Jean looked at her. “The part about hitting our heads?”
“No,” Maddie corrected. “The part after that.”
Roma Jean looked down at her shoes. “She kissed me.”
“That’s what I thought you said.”
Roma Jean was blushing, and her face was beet red. “I didn’t want that to happen. I tried really hard not to do it.”
“It doesn’t sound to me like you did anything.”
“But I did,” she said. “I didn’t stop her. I didn’t want to.”
“And that scares you?” Maddie asked.
Roma Jean nodded. “I never wanted this to happen. I didn’t want to be like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like Charlie. Like . . . like you and Miss Murphy.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I can’t be . . . my parents won’t ever accept it. If they find out, I won’t be able to live at home any more . . . I’ll have to move away, and I don’t have anyplace to go.” She wiped at her eyes. “I graduate from high school next Sunday, and I don’t want to be alone, Dr. Stevenson. I don’t want to be a freak.”
Maddie picked up a box of Kleenex and held it out to Roma Jean. “Do you think Charlie is a freak?”
Roma Jean blew her nose. “No . . .”
“Do you think I’m a freak? Or Syd?”
Roma Jean shook her head.
“Then why would you say such a thing about yourself?”
Roma Jean bit her lip. “Because I’ve always been different. I never liked boys—no matter how hard I tried.” She wiped at her eyes. “I even went on a date with the Lear twins, but I was just miserable the whole time.”
“You went out with the Lear twins?”
Roma Jean nodded.
“Both of them? At the same time?”
Roma Jean nodded again. “They do everything together.” She shrugged her narrow shoulders. “I figured if I couldn’t make it work with two boys, there wasn’t much hope for me with one.” She rolled her eyes. “I was sure right about that. It was a big-time slobber fest . . . really gross.”
Maddie tried hard not to laugh.
“Roma Jean, can you tell me how you felt during that encounter with Charlie?”
“It hurt.”
Maddie looked at her with alarm.
“No . . . it really hurt. Her chin hit the top of my head right here.” She pointed at a spot above her right eyebrow.
“No . . . that’s not what I meant.”
“It isn’t?”
Maddie shook her head.
“You mean when she kissed me, don’t you?”
Maddie nodded.
Roma Jean looked away. “I really liked it. It wasn’t like being with the Lear twins at all. She was soft, and she smelled so nice . . . like those really good cherry cordials they sell at CVS.”
“Did it scare you?”
“Not at first. It just felt . . .”
“It just felt—what?” Maddie asked.
Roma Jean looked at her. “Good. It just felt good.”
“Roma Jean. There are a lot of things in life that feel good, and not all of them are. That’s why it’s important for you to take your time and be really sure.”
“Do you think Charlie is bad for me?” Roma Jean was looking at Maddie with a panicked expression.
“No. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m saying that there’s a difference between things that feel good, and things that feel right.”
“How did you know it was right with Miss Murphy?”
Maddie was unprepared for that question. But, in all fairness, she could hardly refuse to answer. “To be truthful, I didn’t know at first. And like you, I tried to fight against it.”
“Why?”
“It was complicated. I had just returned here to live, and Syd was trying to deal with the breakup of her marriage. I didn’t want to complicate her life any more than it already was, and I wasn’t even sure if she felt the same way about me that I knew I was beginning to feel about her.”
“But you two seem so perfect for each other.”
Maddie smiled at that. “I hope we are. But it could just as easily have gone another way. And that’s why it’s so important to take your time and not rush into anything you’re not really certain about.”
“Did you always know?”
“Did I always know what?”
“That you were . . . that you liked girls.”
“Oh.” Maddie thought about how to answer her, and how much it was appropriate to share. “I guess I probably started to figure it out when I was about your same age—although I never really acted on anything until I was well into college.”
Roma Jean seemed surprised by her answer. “What did your parents say?”
“Well, they didn’t really ‘say’ anything.”
“Why not?”
“I never really talked with my father—not directly, anyway. It was just kind of understood between us, and we never discussed it in specific terms. But I never doubted his support for me, and I know that he knew, but just chose not to talk about it with me. And I think that might be a pretty typical reaction for many folks—especially in a small community like ours.”
“What about your mom?”
Maddie sighed. “Explaining my relationship with my mother would take more time than either of us has right now. Let me just assure you that any problems I ever had with her were unrelated to her discovery of my sexual orientation. Fortunately, we now are on the road to a much happier and healthier bond. And remember that my mother is a scientist who lived most of her adult life in California. She generally takes a much more academic view of things.”
Maddie could tell that Roma Jean really didn’t know what that meant.
“She pretty much takes things in stride,” she added.
“But she likes Syd?”
Maddie smiled. “She loves Syd. But it’s also true that I had another partner before Syd who she didn’t like very much.”
Roma Jean shook her head. “I don’t think Mama likes Charlie.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She never wants me to spend time with her. She never really says much, but I can tell by her reactions when Charlie calls or comes over that she thinks it’s not good for me.”
“Have you thought about asking her what she thinks?”
Roma Jean looked horrified. “No. I’d never do that.”
“Okay.” Maddie backed off from that suggestion.
“Do you think Charlie is bad for me?”
“Roma Jean. It only really matters what you think. But to answer your question—no, I don’t think Charlie is bad for you . . . or for anyone. Charlie seems like a fine person to me—honest and hard working. And I know that Sheriff Martin thinks very highly of her. It took a lot of guts for her to put herself through police training, and then come back here to live. I think she’s an admirable young woman.”
“I think so, too.”
“Do you want to keep seeing Charlie?”
Roma Jean nodded.
“Do you think you can trust Charlie to give you the time you need, and not to force anything that you might not be ready for?”
Roma Jean nodded again. “She knew I was pretty freaked out. She apologized over and over for . . . what happened.”
“That’s good. It’s important for Charlie to respect you—and your process. No one should ever push you into anything that you don’t fre
ely choose.”
“I know.”