“Nay, and you will not have to. Benedict told me that the king did not believe his lies. Your men will side with you; you did what you had to.”
Annabel chewed at her lip, fear still written on her face.
“Offer the king my neck. I shall admit all and tell him of your uncle’s plot.”
She stared at him in horror and he waited, his heart pounding as if he were facing the noose already.
“Nay,” she shook her head vigorously. “I cannot. I shall trust that the king will take me at my word.”
Nicholas was overtaken by simultaneous emotions of joy and sorrow. The joy stemmed from knowing that she would not send him to his death, but the sorrow took root with the knowledge that he would have to live with the pain he had caused her. He would have to live knowing there was a woman out there that had once loved him and whom he would love until the end of his days.
Annabel shook her head. “I still cannot believe my uncle would deliberately invite the rebels to Alderweald and risk all of our lives.” Her eyes flicked to his. “Why would you offer up your life?”
Nicholas’ heart buffeted against his chest as her eyes fastened onto his, the futile hope that she would forgive him still lingering. “I wished for you to make the choice, my life is yours to do as you will with it. I have fulfilled my duty now.”
“Aye.” She watched him sadly. “You have done that.”
An intense look passed between them as they eyed each other, both weighing each other’s intents. Nicholas realised he was holding his breath and he released it quickly when she offered naught more. A subdued groan announced the passing of Godfrey and Annabel seemed to suddenly remember the dead men occupying the hall. She blanched as she glanced at the blood soaked bodies.
“Annabel, go to your chamber. I shall inform the men-at-arms that you are mistress once again and we shall see the keep to rights.” He reached for her arm, intending to lead her upstairs but she recoiled from his hold.
“Nay!” she exclaimed. Gathering herself, she raised her chin and held him with a firm gaze. “This is my keep and I shall do my duty. I hope you find forgiveness, but forgive me, Nicholas, for I cannot offer it. I just cannot. Pray go, and do not return.” Her voice fractured as she uttered the last part.
He froze as his heart shattered inside and Nicholas realised that there would be no redeeming himself. Any honourable actions from him had come too late and could not make up for a lifetime of sin. In his heart, he already knew that, but a small measure of him had believed that Annabel’s compassionate nature would re-emerge and all would be well once more.
Sighing, he clenched his jaw to hold back the emotions that threatened to take hold. “Aye, my lady,” he said formally.
With stiff fingers, he untied the tattered ribbon from his arm and held it out to her.
She glanced down briefly. “Keep it, ‘twas a gift.”
“Aye, to an honourable man…”
“Go and find your honour.”
She considered him despondently before turning her back on him, her shoulders shaking.
Nicholas looked from the ribbon to her quaking body and shook his head. Loosening his fingers he let the ribbon drop, watching it flutter to the floor.
Before he could weaken further, he spun on his heel and strode away from her, deafening himself to the sound of distress she made. Slamming open the main door, he hastened down the outer stairs. It took all his strength to continue forwards, to resist the urge to fall to his knees and crawl his way to her feet. Nicholas recognised that the best thing he could do for Annabel was to do as she asked and leave. It was the most difficult thing he had ever done, but he did it. He walked out of Alderweald and never looked back.
Chapter 10
The sounds of resonant snoring greeted Annabel as she entered the solar. With a fond smile, she looked over at the rounded form that was Matilda. Sat on a wooden chair in a darkened corner, it was hard to tell the slumbering creature was a woman – her shadowy outline and guttural sounds gave her the appearance of a beast – but Matilda was currently the only servant Annabel trusted enough to leave in the solar unattended.
Annabel had become increasingly fond of her solitude as late, and most of the servants knew to stay clear of the solar in the evening. She no longer drew comfort from the company of others and Annabel didn’t doubt the cause. No matter how hard she tried, a pair of glittering black eyes haunted her every thought.
Stepping lightly across the large floor, the candles flickered as she brushed past, skirting the small oak table which was once surrounded by her maids. A fire roared in the grate and, though the shutters did not keep out all light, it was a dark night. As the chamber spanned the entire top floor it meant that the room was shrouded in shadow. Annabel somehow found comfort in the alternating warm glow of flame and gloomy corners. It leant the room a feeling of cosiness that the harsh sunlight did not.
Gently shaking Matilda awake with a hand to her shoulder, the older woman jumped, her eyes becoming wide when she recognised her mistress.
“Oh, milady, forgive me. I was just closing me eyes. I weren’t ignoring me duties.”
Annabel smiled. “‘Tis well enough, Mattie. Be off with you now, I’ll call for you should I need you.”
The stout woman nodded as she stood and smiled in response. “Aye, milady. Mind ye get some rest, ye have an ailing look about ye.”
“I will.”
Annabel took no offence at her words. She was right. Dark rings circled her eyes and she was looking more ashen by the day. Part of it was lack of sleep but part of it was the regret that seemed to pursue her incessantly.
Watching the woman shuffle out of the solar, a glint atop the fireplace caught her eye. With a frown, she moved over to the fireplace, her confusion slowly becoming replaced with disbelief. Her fingers danced over the gold necklace that laid waiting for her, assuring her it was real. Fingering the chain, she could see where it must have snapped from her neck in the fire.
A quiver shot up her spine as she picked up the necklace, folding it into her palm. She straightened abruptly. A feeling resounded in her senses, one she had not felt for too long.
“Nicholas?”
Annabel didn’t turn, just waited, her breath catching.
A footstep echoed and she turned wildly towards the sound as Nicholas stepped from the shadows in the corner. Her legs shook violently as he tentatively took a step towards her, bringing his face into the light of the fire.
Dark circles surrounded his eyes, brought out by the ill-light of the chamber, and he looked weary. Wearier even, than her. His mouth was pulled into a grim line and the stubble that normally shrouded his jawline was thick and coarse.
They stared at each other for a while, taking in the changes that almost four seasons had wrought. When Nicholas finally spoke, Annabel jolted.
“How…how did you know I was here?”
His voice, in spite of being little more than a murmur, reverberated through her, renewing the ache that she had tried so hard to forget.
“Why are you here?” Her own voice came out barely more than a croak as hidden emotions clawed their way up her throat, begging to be released.
Nicholas glanced to the floor. “Forgive me, I intended not for you to see me. I wished only to see your necklace returned to you.”
She opened her hand to look at her mother’s necklace once more before placing it carefully back onto the fireplace. “How did you find it?”
“Surely it matters not, my lady. ‘Tis returned to you now.”
It couldn’t have been an easy feat. If it had been found inside the inn’s wreckage it would likely have been sold or bartered. Nicholas must have searched long and hard for it.
“I thank you for your efforts, Nicholas. It must have taken much time to find it. ‘Twas most precious to me…”
“I know,” he murmured.
“Nicholas-”
A shrill cry sounded from the back of the chamber, interrupting her. Nicholas tu
rned his head with a start and Annabel scurried over to the curtained partition where the child lay in his cradle. Cooing and shushing to the babe, she scooped him up, settling the infant into her arms. He settled instantly in his mother’s arms, his high-pitched cries giving way to burbling sounds of joy.
Nicholas stared at Annabel as she returned to stand in front of him, babe in arms. Astonishment revealed itself on his face as he looked over the dark haired child.
Annabel looked up at him with a cautious smile. “Will you not hold your son?”
“Son?” His voice came out strangled.
Merely nodding, she held the infant out. “His name is Joshua.”
From the look in his eyes, Annabel didn’t need to tell him why she had named him so. Joshua meant salvation.
Tentatively taking the babe from her, he positioned him into the crook of his arm. Joshua looked up at his father with the same dark eyes before nestling into him, obviously satisfied with the comfort Nicholas provided.
Nicholas watched him in awe before brushing a tremulous finger across the soft thatch of hair that crowned the infants head.
He looked back to Annabel, a haunted look in his eyes. She could not mistake the emotion that simmered behind them.
“I did not know…” Nicholas took a gulp, seemingly trying to keep his emotions in check. “I thank you for allowing me to see him.”
Her eyes glittered as he handed Joshua back to her, the reluctance behind the movement clear. The babe merely sighed as he was passed between them, entirely unaware of the cloying emotions that ran between his parents.
Annabel studied the man in front of her, comparing him to the demon she had thought him to be.
Thought him to be, but never really believed.
Aye, he had lived most sinfully but there was not a chance that the same man could hold his child with such undisguised love. Nicholas had been right, he was a changed man. And she, who believed in redemption more than any other, had been unable to see that. There would be no forgetting his past, for it was too evil a past to dismiss, but could there be a chance for his redemption? And was she, as he believed, the woman who was to set him on the right path?
She had been studying him for some time, she realised, but he had not noticed for he was too absorbed with the sight of her and the babe, his eyes flicking with regret between the two. He moved back slightly, as if unable to bear the sight any longer, turning his head to the fire.
“I will send what I can to you.”
Annabel shook her head in confusion.
“I am no wealthy man…not any longer…” he added quietly.
“I have no need of your coin,” she said with a tinge of frustration. A thought occurred to her and she uttered it before thinking. “I thought you had a vast wealth or was that a lie also?”
Nicholas’ head jerked towards her as he recognised the bitterness that laced the question.
“Nay, ‘twas no lie. But I am no longer in possession of it.”
A pang of horror assailed her at the thought of him living penniless, in spite of herself. What could have possibly occurred that would take all his wealth from him? Had he been punished for his crimes? Nay, he would have surely hung if that were true. The thought sickened her.
“What has happened these seasons that you have lost everything?”
He gave her a wry look. “Naught, aside from the bewitchment of my heart by an angel.”
A smile tugged at her lips. “I have not robbed you of your coin.”
“Nay, the nuns of St Mary’s have taken care of that.” He saw her look of confusion. “‘Twas tainted money; I could no longer live on the rewards of my wickedness. I am not wholly changed, Annabel, but I am seeking redemption”
“So you are a poor man now,” she mused. “What will you do?”
“I would do whatever you bid, Annabel. I am still yours to command.”
“I have no wish to command you.”
Tears of exasperation beaded in her eyes. Would he not fight for her? Had all his focus and determination departed him? The empty shell of a man that stood before her tugged at her heart. She wanted him back, she realised. She wanted her Nicolas back. The man that she knew he could be.
“Why do I vex you so, sweet angel? I intended not to cause you harm. Should you wish me gone, I shall stick to my word and bid you farewell. I know that I have broken my vow to leave you alone by coming to you now, but I had need to see that you were safe. I will not return again if it pains you so.”
Annabel felt the trickle of tears escape over her cheeks before she could stop them and Nicholas’ hand instinctively darted out to sweep them away.
He paused, remembering himself, but when she didn’t shirk away, he allowed himself to brush his thumb across her cheek. His heart twisted at her sadness and he felt frustrated by the well of impotence that threatened to drown him. He was thoroughly lost when it came to Annabel. Foolishly, he hoped that by seeing her once more, and seeing her happy, would seal his heart to her and allow him to move on.
To move on and make reparations for all the hurt he had caused.
That had been his plan at least. He had spent near three seasons searching for her necklace, living like a penniless pilgrim. A minor penance for how he had wronged her, he had decided. Now it seemed it was too little for not only had he destroyed her, but he had left her with a babe in her belly.
She was beautiful still, though she looked tired, and he wondered if it was the babe taking its toll or the task of running a keep. How he wished he could have been there for her - while she struggled to bear his child, while she recovered from the wrong that he had done to her.
And now he was hurting her all over again. Nicholas should have never even attempted to come to her. Though he could not regret it, for at least he had seen his son. He glanced at the sleeping infant once more and was astounded by the swelling of love that overwhelmed him for the babe and his mother.
Nay, he would always love her, sweet angel that she was, and he would do better to leave them rather than burden them with his hell-bound soul.
He turned to leave but a slight cry of distress from Annabel stopped him and he turned.
“‘Twas never out of spite that I bed you, my intentions were well meaning…if wrong. Pray will you…will you tell our son of that? I would not have him believe he was borne of evil.”
“Nor I. I would have him know he was borne of love.”
Nicholas’ eyes flashed, a wary hope taking root in his expression. “Aye, he was that.”
Swallowing, Annabel pulled in a breath. Nervous energy surged through Nicholas, readying himself for the moment she would send him away.
“Will you not tell him yourself?”
She waited, watching him with her glistening wide eyes. Waiting for what? Was this his test? His angel was testing him but he had no idea what she wanted from him. He had assumed she would want naught more to do with him. Her last words to him had been so bitter. But now she spoke of love…
“Annabel…?”
Courage bolstered him. If he had the remotest chance of winning her affection, or even just gaining her forgiveness, then he would have to take it. Nicholas felt his determination emerging once more.
Placing his fingers over the hand that held Joshua’s tiny form, he was gratified to see not fear or anger in her gaze, but something deeper and altogether removed from such emotions.
“I would tell him every day if you let me. As I would his mother.” He dropped to his knee in front of her, still clinging to her hand. “I vow I would protect and cherish you until the end of my days. There is naught in my heart but love. ‘Tis you, Annabel, you have banished the darkness from me.”
Annabel gave a choked laugh. “Rise, Sir Knight, I will not see you on your knees in front of me again.”
He did as she bid, rising until he stood only a short step away from her, gripping onto her hand fervently.
She viewed him with a watery smile. “You have given me a most precio
us gift. Our son is proof of the good within you, Nicholas. Now strengthen that proof and take me as your wife, for I cannot bear another day apart from you.”
“Truly?” Nicholas spluttered.
“Aye, truly. I love you.”
“And I have never stopped loving you, my angel.” He smiled hesitantly, the joy slowly threading its way through him feeling foreign, yet so very right.
Annabel looked at him in delight and traced a finger across his mouth. “You should smile more often, Nicholas.”
“I’ve had little reason to.”
“But you do now?”
“Annabel, with you by my side, I shall have little reason not to.” He gave her a serious look. “Can you truly love me with all that you know about me?”
“What kind of angel would I be if I did ignore my duty? I believe I have a soul to save, do I not?”
“Aye.” He nodded solemnly.
“Though I suspect ‘tis too late.” She reached into her bodice and Nicholas’ eyes widened as he watched her in confusion. Drawing out a tattered red ribbon, she grinned. “I believe you are a man of honour now.”
Passing Joshua back to him, Nicholas felt his heart swell as the tiny babe slept peacefully in his arms. Before meeting Annabel he had never believed he would ever love and now he had two people that he loved more than aught.
Annabel drew the ribbon around his arm, tying it back into position, and Nicholas watched her in awe, still not quite believing that she wanted to become his wife. Carefully curling an arm around her shoulders, he drew her into him - their son tucked between them - and pressed a kiss to her lips. As Annabel returned the kiss with ardour, Nicholas knew that it was true. She had been sent to save his soul.
And save it she had.
********************
Other titles by Samantha Holt
The Crimson Castle
A Summer Siege
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The Angel's Assassin Page 13