by Syndi Powell
Ras called after him, “I don’t understand you.”
“My old partner doesn’t, either, so you’re not alone.” He slid into the car, ready to think of something else besides this case.
* * *
SHERRI PUSHED HER uneaten dinner away. Mama frowned at her. “Are you feeling sick?”
“I’m not hungry.” She needed something besides food, but she wasn’t sure what that was. “I know you went to all that trouble to make it.”
Mama stood and took her plate to the kitchen counter and scraped her dinner into a plastic container and searched for its lid. “I’ll pack it up for you to take home when you’re ready.”
Her dad cleared his throat, and she turned to face him. “Something bothering you, mija?” he asked.
The list for that grew longer by the day. Instead, she shook her head. “Just tired. Maybe I wasn’t ready to go back to work.”
He reached out and took her hand. “You’ll get stronger. You must be patient.”
“Yes, but then I have another chemo appointment and the cycle starts all over again.” She shook her head. “Sorry. It’s been kinda rough lately.”
“Dez must be glad you’re back at work.”
Sherri gave a half-hearted chuckle. “Actually, it’s the opposite. We’re not talking right now.”
Mama came directly over to her at the kitchen table. “But I saw the two of you on the dance floor last Saturday night. You two looked so close. What happened?”
“He told me he loved me.” With those few words, he had changed their friendship and now she was afraid they’d never recover what they’d had.
Mama clapped her hands. “It’s about time that man shared his feelings with you.”
“And I told him we had to stay friends.”
“What? Why did you say that, mija?” Mama groaned and buried her head in her hands. “I’ve never seen any man love you the way he does. So completely. Never wavering. Even with all you’ve been through these past months, he never left your side. Always there.”
She knew everything he had done for her, so why did he have to mess things up between them? She wished he’d never kissed her. Never told her. She’d rather be clueless and go on as they had before. She couldn’t do that anymore. “And I don’t want that to change.”
“Why would loving him back change what you have?”
“Because it would. It has to.” Sherri wiped at the tear that formed in the corner of her eye. “All I need is my friend right now. But he changed it, and I don’t know if we can get it back.”
“Of course you can.” Mama leaned over and took Sherri’s hand. “That is, if you want to get it back.”
She wanted her old friend and partner like before. “I do, but he won’t even look at me.”
“Then call him.”
She burst out laughing as if that was the funniest suggestion that she had ever heard. “And say what, Mama? Don’t give up on me? Let’s be friends? Would it really be that simple?”
“Why not? You two could always say anything to each other. Why should it be different now?”
Sherri doubted her mother, but Mama had never been wrong before. Could it be so easy?
* * *
SHERRI WAITED FOR Ras to go home for the night before approaching Dez at his desk. She put her hands on the armrests of his chair, trapping him and forcing him to look at her. “You need to stop shutting me out. Talk to me.”
Anger blazed in his eyes. Good. It was better than indifference. “What is there to talk about? You made yourself very clear about what you want from me.”
“Yes, your friendship. But you’re acting as if I’ve betrayed you somehow.” She let go of the chair and sat on the corner of his desk. It was now or never. “Dez, I was honest with you.”
“No, I was the one who was honest with you.” He stood so that she had to look up into his face. “You’re running away from the feelings you have for me. And for what? To hold on to a job? Or to keep me at a distance because pursuing something more than friendship scares you more than dealing with cancer?”
Was he serious? He didn’t know what he was talking about. “You have no clue what I’m dealing with, so don’t stand there and tell me what I think and what I feel.”
He put his finger in her face. “I know better than anyone else. I’m the one you share things with. The one who is there for you, but what do I get in return?”
“So because you do nice things, I’m supposed to, what? Date you?” She shook her head. “Do you hear what you’re saying?”
“What I don’t hear is that you have the same feelings for me, but you punish me for expressing mine.”
The captain’s office door swung open, and the man stood in the doorway. “Lopez! Jackson! Get in here now.”
Sherri glared at Dez before breezing past him into the captain’s office. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths.
Dez came to stand next to her while Captain White slammed the door shut and walked behind his desk. “Whatever is going on between the two of you stops now.”
Dez cleared his throat. He spoke quietly as he said, “There’s nothing going on, sir. Just a disagreement.”
The captain pounced at Dez’s words. “A disagreement that is affecting my other agents and the atmosphere in this office. The tension between you two is so thick, we can all see it when you’re both in the same room.”
Sherri glanced at Dez. “We’ll resolve it, sir.”
“See that you do, or I’m transferring one of you out of this office. I won’t put up with two agents who can’t get along.” Captain White sat down behind his desk. “What happened? You two were my best agents who always had each other’s back.” He peered at Sherri. “Is it the desk duty assignment? You know that’s temporary.”
She nodded. “I do. But no, sir, it’s a personal disagreement.”
“Well, keep the personal out of this office.” He pointed at the both of them. “Do you hear me? I won’t hesitate to make changes for what’s best for this organization. Though frankly I’d hate to lose either one of you. Now go!”
“Yes, sir.” Dez opened the door and motioned for Sherri to walk past him. She motioned for him to go first instead. He scowled. As he went toward his desk, she heard him muttering, “I will not be transferred from here.”
“I won’t, either,” she said, kicking her voice up a notch. “So we have to get along.” It was still hard to look at him, her best friend and partner. They used to be so close, to have the same mind about things. But now they couldn’t be in the same space as each other, much less talk civilly.
She went to her desk and got her things. “Dez, I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe a night’s sleep will give us both perspective.”
He gave a curt nod, but said nothing.
* * *
DEZ WATCHED SHERRI leave and collapsed into his chair. She was right. They both needed to get some perspective on their relationship. If there was one they could save.
He closed his eyes. How had they gotten to this place? He loved her. Truly loved her. He wanted only the best for her and yet now he couldn’t look at her without the hurt rising in his chest. Hurt that she wouldn’t give them a chance. Angry that it had taken this long to act on his feelings, and now he could lose her anyway.
Captain White’s office door opened. He scanned the room, only a few agents were still there, then his eyes fell on Dez. “Agent Lopez leave?” he asked.
“Yes, sir.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Dez was confused. The captain didn’t talk about feelings. Ever. He shook his head. “No offense, sir, but this is something I need to work out on my own.”
The captain nodded and he turned, his phone had begun to ring. Dez could hear it from where he was.
&nb
sp; The captain preoccupied, Dez logged off his computer and left the office. The temperature had risen enough that his shirt stuck to his back by the time he’d gotten to his car. Inside, he turned the air-conditioning up full blast. As Dez drove home, he promised himself he’d add central air to the house once he could save enough money. For now, he’d strip down to a pair of shorts and switch on all the fans.
After dinner he settled in front of the television with a cold beer but couldn’t focus on the ball game. Instead, Sherri came to mind as she always did these days. They needed to work together. But for that to happen, he needed to let go of his feelings for her.
Maybe he was wrong. Maybe she didn’t love him, at least not the way he wanted her to. Could he let go of his hopes and stay friends? The role of friend had started to chafe though. He wanted more. Needed more. Yet, if he pushed, he’d lose her. And that was worse than her not sharing his feelings. He needed her in his life, even if it was in a supporting role and not as his girlfriend.
He took a pull on the bottle, let the liquid slide down his throat. Put the bottle to his forehead so that the condensation would cool him.
That was what he would do with Sherri. He would let things cool until he could handle the heat of his love for her so that neither one of them would get burned.
* * *
IN THE MIDDLE of the night, his cell phone rang from the nightstand. Dez groaned and reached across the bed to answer the call. The caller ID said Sherri. He paused. But what if something was wrong? “Sherri, are you okay?”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d answer.”
“Sure I would. Just tell me you’re okay.”
Silence. “I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking.”
He tensed, not wanting to have this conversation. He’d been avoiding her at work for that very reason until it had boiled over earlier that day. He didn’t need to hear again how they should stay friends. But he couldn’t say that, so he asked, “What’s bothering you?”
“The warehouse.”
Okay. He hadn’t expected that. He sat up and turned on the light by his bed. “What about the warehouse?”
“We checked into the backgrounds of the owners of the building because we figured it’d take money to run this kind of operation, but what about the workers they employed? We never checked their backgrounds, right? What if the drug runners are connected to the employees?”
It seemed obvious to him now. “So we looked in the wrong direction.”
“Right. An employee could be using the spot on the weekends when the owners are away or gone to do other business.”
“And they bring the drugs in at night or during off-hours when no one in management is there.”
“Yes.”
He liked where she was going with this. He’d have to jump on the lead in the morning when he got to the office. “So that’s what kept you awake?”
She hesitated again and he feared what she might say next. “I have another chemo coming up, I’ve been worrying about it. I don’t like how it makes me feel.”
“Number five out of six or so. You’ve almost finished and then we can celebrate.”
“Can we?”
He swallowed. “Absolutely we can. If you can forgive me for acting like an idiot.”
A low chuckle sounded through the phone. “But it comes to you so naturally,” she joked.
He could almost picture her smiling. “Thanks for that.”
“You deserve it.”
“And more.”
Silence on both sides. Then Dez looked at his alarm clock. “It’s almost three thirty. Want to meet for breakfast? Then we can go over your ideas. Maybe come up with a plan before we get into the office.”
“Sure. Give me about fifteen minutes to change and I’ll meet you at Lolly’s. If you get there first, get me an iced tea.”
“Tea?”
“I can’t drink coffee lately. My tolerance of what I can eat and drink has changed.”
“All right, iced tea it is.” He wondered how much he should say while their truce remained fragile. “Thank you for calling me.”
“There’s no one else in my life that’s like you, Dez.”
* * *
DEZ HAD ALREADY arrived at the greasy spoon by the time she walked through the door of Lolly’s. Sherri bypassed the other diners and sat down in the booth where he waited. He asked, “Did you get any sleep?”
She shrugged and put her purse on the seat next to her. “I’ll be fine. Everyone already expects me to walk around with dark circles under my eyes. What’s a few shades darker?”
“You need your rest.”
She picked up the menu and pretended to be engrossed in it even though she already knew what she was ordering. If she was honest, she already knew what Dez would order, too. They rarely strayed from their favorites.
She put the menu down, unwrapped a straw and placed it in her iced tea, and took a sip. She glanced around the diner. “Quite a crowd for predawn.”
“I mean it, Sherri. You have to take care of yourself.”
She frowned at him. “I know that. But when I can’t sleep, what am I supposed to do?”
“Have you told your doctor about the insomnia?”
She almost sighed in relief as a waitress arrived to take their orders. After the server left, Sherri played with the straw wrapper, winding it between her fingers. “She’d only prescribe another medication. I’m on five or six already. I keep losing count. I don’t want to take any more than I have to.”
“But if you’re not sleeping—”
“It’s fine. Drop it.”
He opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind. They sipped their drinks and watched each other. Finally, Sherri reached her hand across the table and took Dez’s in hers. “Are we going to talk about it now?”
He removed his hand from hers. “Do we need to?”
Yes. Because if they didn’t, they’d lose each other. Perhaps for good. “You haven’t really spoken to me since I returned to work. What’s up with that?”
“It goes both ways, you know.”
She folded her hands together and placed them on the table in front of her. “I do know, which is why I’ve tried to start conversations with you, but it’s like you shut down. You couldn’t even look at me.”
He looked away. “Maybe because I was ashamed of how I acted.”
She shook her head. “Why? You were a perfect gentleman that night.”
“Who pressed his advantage when you weren’t ready.”
She offered a small smile. “It was just one kiss.”
But that kiss had caused more harm than good. She understood where he was coming from, but if they put too much importance on it, then they wouldn’t be able to get back to the friendship they’d once enjoyed.
Dez set his coffee cup down and motioned to the waitress for a refill. He finally looked at Sherri. “It meant more than a kiss and you know it. But I’ll take your lead. I’ll push down these feelings and we can stay friends.”
She let out a breath and nodded in relief. “It’s what’s best for us right now.”
He watched her intently before saying, “We’ll have to agree to disagree on that.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
DEZ WENT TO pick Luke up from the kid’s apartment. His mother watched Dez with a sour expression on her face, as if he were taking her baby boy away from her. Which maybe he was. Luke came into the kitchen and put the paper bag he carried on the floor beside his feet. “Well, Mom, this is it.”
She wiped at her eyes, then pulled her son into her arms. “You write me every day. Hear? Every. Day.”
Luke hugged her tightly. “Promise.” He let go of her and leaned down for his bag. He looked over at Dez. “We should go. Don’t want to
be late.”
At the front door, Luke turned around one last time. “I’ll be okay, Mom. And I’ll send you whatever money I can.”
His mom nodded. “Just come back.”
Luke stepped into the hallway and Dez gave a nod to Donna, then followed the boy toward the stairs. Boy about to become a man, heading off to boot camp.
Soon they were at the car. Luke clutched his paper bag as he sat in the passenger seat, not saying a word. Dez drove to the bus station, trying to think of more advice to share. But he found none. They sat in silence, both lost in their thoughts.
For Dez, this brought up memories of his own journey to joining the Marine Corps. He remembered the anticipation and the fear. He glanced at Luke, who was focused straight ahead. Dez slugged Luke’s shoulder. The kid smiled at him. “Knock it off. You won’t be able to do that much longer, old man.”
“I know.” Dez knocked Luke’s shoulder again. “So I’ve got to get all my shots in now.”
The ride didn’t take long. They arrived at the bus station and Dez parked the car. He turned to Luke. “You got your ticket?”
Luke nodded as he stared at the bus station. “They sent it last week.” He faced Dez. “I’m making the right decision?”
Dez raised one eyebrow at this. “That a question?”
Luke shook his head. “No. I did choose right. I know it.” He opened the car door and stepped out. Dez got out, too, and walked around the car to stand next to Luke.
“Do you want me to go up there with you?” Dez offered.
Luke took a while to answer him. “Nah. I’ve got to do this myself.” He held out his hand to Dez. “Thank you for everything.”
Dez glanced at the hand, then pulled the kid into a rib-crushing hug. “You take care of yourself, okay? You have my address and number just in case.”
Luke nodded and Dez pulled out his wallet and took a few twenties out and thrust them into the kid’s hand. “For snacks on the bus and once you get on base.”
“Thanks, Dez. Besides my mom and sister, you’re the closest thing I have to family.”
“I know, kid. I feel the same way. I’ve got you and Sherri.” He tried to smile. “That’s a pretty good family in my book.”