by Sarah Morgan
Sonia was trying to breathe steadily. ‘My back hurts so much. I’m so uncomfortable.’
Evanna looked at Steve who had returned with armfuls of towels, which he placed at Sonia’s feet. ‘If you could just rub her lower back, that might help.’ She quickly checked her equipment and prepared for the delivery. A swift examination told her that there was no time to move Sonia even had she wanted to. Her perineum was distended and the head was clearly visible. ‘This baby is certainly in a hurry. I can see the baby’s head, Sonia, so I don’t need to examine you. Try and relax between contractions. That’s good. Now pant. Don’t push. Pant.’ As she delivered the baby’s head she was aware of Logan beside her and felt relieved to have him there.
‘Cord,’ he said quietly, and she gave a nod and gently freed the loop of cord that was round the baby’s neck. ‘I’ll give the syntometrine. I don’t think we should risk a physiological third stage. Do you agree?’
It was typical of Logan to confer with her rather than just dictating, as so many other doctors would have done in the same situation. Evanna nodded agreement, knowing that to leave the placenta to be delivered naturally increased the chances of post-partum haemorrhage. And they had no facilities to deal with haemorrhage.
‘One more push and the baby should be born, Sonia,’ she said huskily, hoping and praying that this was one delivery that would be straightforward from here on. Please, don’t let there be any complications. Not this time. Not again. Glenmore Island had already had its fair share of obstetric emergencies.
The baby shot out into her waiting hands and Evanna let out a delighted laugh that was full of relief. ‘Oh, Sonia, she’s beautiful. A little girl.’ The baby yelled furiously and Sonia gave a sob as she turned onto her bottom and took the baby from Evanna.
‘Oh, Steve.’ Sonia’s voice was choked and tears poured down her face as she held her daughter. ‘She’s beautiful. Perfect.’
Evanna looked at Logan, saw him dispose of the syringe and close his eyes briefly. Then he caught her gaze and gave a faint smile and a nod.
‘OK.’
‘OK,’ Evanna agreed quietly, as she clamped the cord. ‘A perfectly straightforward delivery. Thank you, Dr MacNeil.’
‘I didn’t—’
‘You were great. Sonia, I think you’d be more comfortable up on the bed now. You can have a proper cuddle with her.’
Kyla appeared in the doorway. ‘I gather we’re having a drama. The helicopter is here. Oh, my goodness, they’re obviously a bit late.’ She watched as Evanna delivered the placenta and then she grinned at Sonia. ‘You were always determined to have your home birth, weren’t you?’
Sonia shook her head, her eyes misty. ‘It was perfect. I wouldn’t have missed a moment of it.’
‘Perfect? Are you kidding?’ Steve stared at her in confusion. ‘You were yelling like a madwoman. And telling me we were never having any more children. And swearing.’
‘Was I?’ Placid and calm now, Sonia gently stroked the baby’s head. ‘She needs a bath. And so do I. It’s so hot in here. Why did I have to have a baby in August? Next time I’m going for January.’
Quietly, and with a minimum of fuss, Evanna helped Sonia attach the baby to the breast, skin to skin, and then covered her. ‘It will help your uterus contract,’ she explained, ‘and also keep the baby warm.’ She looked at Logan. Saw the lines of strain around his eyes. ‘She needs to go to the hospital anyway, given that her blood pressure was up and the baby is four weeks early. We may as well use your helicopter.’
He nodded agreement. ‘I’ll go and speak to them. Will you get her ready?’
‘She’s a month early.’ Sonia was watching the feeding baby with wonder and awe. ‘Will she be all right?’
‘Well, if her appetite is anything to go by, she’s going to fit right into this island. We’ll have her gorging herself at Meg’s in no time,’ Kyla said with a grin, helping Evanna to clear up. ‘What are you calling her?’
‘Oh…’ Sonia glanced at Steve, her eyes shining. ‘We couldn’t agree, could we? It was a battle between Emma and Rachel.’
‘You wanted Rachel and I think she looks like a Rachel,’ Steve murmured, his voice gruff. ‘What do you think of Rachel Evanna?’
Touched, Evanna glanced up from her preparations. ‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘We want to.’ Sonia smiled at her husband and then looked at Evanna, gratitude in her eyes. ‘We’re so grateful to you and Dr MacNeil. You were both amazing.’
‘Just don’t call her Logan,’ Kyla advised cheerfully, folding a towel neatly. ‘One of those is more than enough on an island this size. I’ll go and tell the helicopter lads what’s happening. Which one of you is going with her?’
‘Me,’ Evanna said immediately. ‘Logan has to get back to surgery and then there’s Kirsty to think of. Can you cover my clinic, Kyla? Ask some of them to come back tomorrow.’
‘I don’t think they’ll mind doing that, given the reason.’ Kyla took a last peep at the baby and sighed. ‘Maybe I’m broody after all.’
Evanna laughed and ignored the painful twist of her heart. ‘I’d better warn Ethan.’
CHAPTER EIGHT
LOGAN’S house was in darkness.
Could he already be in bed? She was later than she’d planned, but by the time she’d sorted Sonia out and completed all the paperwork, several hours had passed. Reluctant to knock on the front door in case she woke Kirsty, Evanna walked round the back of the house and opened the garden gate.
She’d just take a look. If there were no lights on then she’d give up and go home. But she wasn’t comfortable about just going home.
Not until she’d checked on Logan. The whole experience must have been completely harrowing for him and she wanted to give him a chance to talk about it. But there was no sign of life in the house. Just one small light burning in the hall.
Could he be out?
Perhaps he’d found a babysitter and gone down to the pub to celebrate the birth of Rachel Evanna, along with the rest of the locals.
She walked into his garden, intending to look through the back door, but then she spotted him sprawled in the hammock at the end of the garden. The moon provided just enough light for her to see that he was holding a bottle of beer in his hand.
‘Logan?’ Perhaps he didn’t want to be disturbed. It was a stiflingly warm summer’s evening, but his garden was cooled by a breeze drifting in from the sea. It was peaceful and tranquil and the perfect setting for quiet contemplation. And she was fairly sure that she knew what he was thinking about. Or who.
Catherine.
Feeling like an intruder and wishing she’d never come, Evanna was just wondering whether to melt back through the garden gate and into her car when he spoke.
‘I thought you’d be in the pub with the others.’ His voice was low and impossibly sexy and she walked across to him on shaking legs, wondering why she continued to torture herself like this.
‘I wasn’t in the mood for celebrations.’
‘Why not?’ He lifted the bottle and drank. ‘You did a good job.’
‘So did you.’
‘Me?’ His mouth twisted into a smile and his blue eyes glittered with an emotion that she didn’t recognise. ‘You did all the work, Evanna.’
‘I’m the midwife. I’m supposed to do all the work. If you’d taken over, I would have resigned on the spot. Goodness knows, I get little enough opportunity to deliver babies on this island—that’s why I go to the mainland once a year. Otherwise I’d forget how to do it.’ She kept her tone light and then sighed. ‘All right, let’s stop being tactful and be honest. I was worried about you. That’s why I’m here. It must have been completely hideous to have to cope with that. I can’t even begin to imagine—and I wasn’t able to give you any support because of Sonia, and all the time I knew that you were in agony and I just wanted to give you a hug. So I’m here to check you’re all right.’ The words tumbled out of her and she felt horribly self-conscious.
They hadn’t had a proper talk since he’d caught her coming out of the shower and their whole relationship seemed to have changed since then. What if he didn’t want to talk to her any more?
What if things were different?
He stirred and the hammock swung gently. ‘I’m sorry if I gave you a fright back there. You needed support and I wasn’t any help at all.’
‘That’s not true,’ Evanna said quickly. ‘You were great.’
He gave a twisted smile that was loaded with derision. ‘I froze. If you hadn’t given me that look, I probably would have just turned and run. Yesterday was the first time in my entire medical career that I panicked.’
‘And is that really so surprising? No one who had been through what you went through would have found that situation anything other than difficult.’
There was a long silence and then he put the empty bottle down on the grass and stretched out a hand. ‘Come and sit down.’
Evanna eyed the swaying hammock. ‘In that?’
‘Of course. There’s plenty of room for two.’
‘That’s when one of the two is a toddler.’
‘Just be careful how you climb in or you’ll tip me out.’ He closed his fingers over her wrist and gave her a gentle tug so that she tumbled off balance and landed on top of him.
‘Logan!’ Thoroughly embarrassed, she rolled off him and lay on her back in the hammock. They were hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder and, for a moment, she couldn’t breathe. Then she looked up and gave a murmur of delight. ‘Oh—the stars are amazing.’
‘You’ve never lain in this at night?’
‘You know I haven’t.’
‘It’s so hot indoors that I’d sleep here at the moment if it weren’t for Kirsty. So why did you come, Evanna?’
His quiet question flustered her. ‘I wanted to check on you.’
‘I’m not one of your patients.’
‘I—’ What did he want her to say? ‘I know that. But I care about you.’
‘And that’s why you wanted to hug me?’ He turned to look at her, a dangerous glitter in his blue eyes. ‘Because you care about me? You care about everyone, Evanna. You always have. At school you were the one who broke up fights, smoothed everyone’s feathers. You always hated conflict. Caring is part of your personality.’
His face was close to hers. So close. Evanna’s heart lurched. Had he guessed how she felt about him? Had she failed to hide it? ‘Of course I care about you.’ Her voice came out as a whisper, as if anything else would have punctured the perfect stillness of the garden. ‘We all care about you, Logan.’
For a moment he didn’t respond and it seemed to her that the air around them thickened with tension. ‘So the whole community is still keeping an eye on me.’
‘You make it sound patronising, but it isn’t like that.’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘No.’ His eyelashes were really long. And dark. Such a contrast to his blue eyes. ‘You’re not an object of pity, if that’s what you mean. No one could ever pity you because you’re so strong, but that doesn’t stop them feeling sad for you or wanting to protect you from any more pain. The situation with Sonia this afternoon must bring it all back and that must be hard.’ She felt the hard muscle of his leg brush against hers and felt crazy flutters of excitement in her stomach.
‘What’s hard is realising that I’m nothing like people’s image of me.’ There was a harshness in his tone that disturbed her.
‘What do you mean?’
He gave a faint smile. ‘People look at me and see a dedicated doctor. Grieving widower. Single father. Doting dad.’
‘I suppose. Maybe. Aren’t you all those things?’
He stared at her for a long moment and then dragged his eyes away and stared up at the sky. ‘Am I?’
He was frustratingly uncommunicative. ‘What are you thinking? You’re obviously upset. Talk to me,’ she urged, and he gave a cynical laugh.
‘You know that men aren’t great at talking.’
‘But you are. When you want to be. I’ve seen you spend hours with patients who are worried about something. You’re amazingly intuitive and a fantastic listener.’
‘Not such a great talker.’
Evanna swallowed. ‘You’ve always talked to me.’
‘That’s true. Funny, that, isn’t it? I’ve said things to you that I’ve never said aloud before.’ There was a long, throbbing silence and then he turned to look at her again. ‘The truth is that I’m not feeling what I’m expected to feel.’
‘I don’t think anyone expects anything, Logan.’
‘Don’t they? I’m supposed to be devastated and far too grief-ridden to even contemplate—’ He broke off, swore softly and ran a hand over his face. ‘I think of Catherine, that’s true, but lately…’
‘Lately?’
He paused and then reached across and took her hand in his. ‘Lately—well, let’s just say that lately a lot of things have changed.’
Evanna didn’t know whether to snatch her hand away or hold on tight. It felt impossibly intimate to be lying together in the dark, touching, even if she knew that, for him, that touch was only a symbol of friendship.
The air around them was still and the heat was stifling, despite the lateness of the hour. They were enclosed by the garden and the silence of a summer evening, disturbed only by the faint barking of a dog from the farm across the fields.
Reminding herself that the whole point of coming up here that evening was to listen to him, she forced herself to ignore the firm press of his fingers against hers. ‘What’s changed, Logan?’ She struggled to sound casual and Logan gave a short laugh.
‘I have. I’ve changed.’
‘Well, I’m sure that’s to be expected. No one could go through what you went through and not change. And I don’t think that there’s a right and a wrong to cope with anything. You just have to do what feels right for you. We all struggle through life in the best way we can, and you do brilliantly.’
‘Do I? Tell me, Evanna, what is the required time for remaining celibate after the loss of a wife? A year? Two years? More?’
‘I’ve never thought about it.’ Startled by the question, she hoped that the darkness hid the sudden rush of colour to her cheeks. ‘I suppose it depends on the individual. You’re a normal, healthy guy, Logan, and surely it’s to be expected that you’d— I mean of course eventually you’re going to— It’s natural to—’
‘Want sex?’ He didn’t let go of her hand. ‘Is it? Is it natural to be interested in another woman? To be honest, the feeling took me by surprise.’
Was he telling her that he wanted to have sex with someone?
Her heart flipped and she struggled to squash down the sick feeling of disappointment that rose up inside her. This wasn’t about her, she reminded herself swiftly, this was about him. Of course he was going to want sex. He was a healthy adult male in his prime. ‘You’re telling me that you’re interested in other women? I think that’s…’ She hesitated over the word. ‘Great,’ she said firmly. ‘Really great. It means you’re moving on.’
‘Does it?’
‘Of course.’
He turned his head to look at her. ‘You’re not shocked?’
‘That you want a relationship? Of course not. I’m thrilled for you.’
His mouth moved into a slow smile. ‘I didn’t say I wanted a relationship,’ he murmured softly. ‘That might be more complicated. I’m just talking about sex.’
‘Oh—yes, of course.’ Suddenly flustered, Evanna struggled for the right thing to say. ‘Well, I think that—that it’s fine. Whatever works for you. More than anyone, you deserve happiness, Logan.’ Despite the darkness, she could feel him watching her.
‘You’re so sweet. And generous.’ His voice was soft and his hand held hers firmly. ‘You never judge, do you?’
She mustn’t mind that he thought she was sweet. Sweet was a compliment, she told herself firmly. ‘What is there to judge?’
&nbs
p; ‘Plenty of people would.’
‘And does that bother you?’
He gave a soft laugh. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think that you’ve never minded what people say about you. You’ve always done your own thing and, frankly, that’s the only way to be able to live on an island this size. So what’s the problem?’ She tried to put her own feelings aside and respond in the way that she would have done had she not been emotionally involved. ‘Is there someone you like? Someone special? Obviously there must be, or you wouldn’t have suddenly started thinking about…sex.’ She tried to sound relaxed, as if conversations about sex were an everyday occurrence for her. He wanted to talk about it, she told herself, and she should allow him that. It was the least she could do.
The darkness of the garden folded over them, creating an atmosphere of intimacy that seemed to mock her. Here she was, lying in the darkness, on a perfect summer’s evening, holding hands with the man she loved while he told her about another woman that interested him.
‘Maybe. I don’t know. I’m in dangerous territory.’
‘Because you feel guilty about Catherine?’
‘Strangely enough, no. I don’t feel guilty. I probably should, but I don’t. If there’s one thing that I learned from Catherine, it’s that life is to be lived.’
‘That’s true.’ Evanna smiled. ‘She was a very adventurous person. A bit wild. If she were standing here now, she’d probably just want to know why it’s taken you so long. So, if you don’t feel guilty and you’re not worried about what anyone thinks, why is it dangerous territory? What’s holding you back?’
He was looking at her and he still hadn’t let go of her hand. ‘Because I’m not sure that the woman in question is interested in me.’
‘Logan MacNeil, I never heard such nonsense! Women have been falling over you since you first learned to walk. And you’ve never been one to hold back! Just ask her!’
‘You think I should ask a woman for sex?’
Evanna laughed to hide her embarrassment. ‘I think you might need to be a little more subtle than that or someone might slap your face.’