by Nikki Wild
And that was a little intimidating—the idea that a woman like Liz wanted to fuck a man like me. That twice now, I’d talked her into bed when she should have been with someone who wasn’t such a colossal fuck-up. Oh, how I wanted her—how that brilliant light inside her appealed to me—but putting my hands on her divine curves reminded me of how filthy I was.
Still, I wasn’t about to disappoint. And so I rose to the occasion.
I kissed her, and time stopped. With some guidance from her hand, I’d positioned myself at her entrance and could feel each shiver she gave in prolonged fashion, my world slowed by virtue of the solace I found against her lips. For a moment, there was simply nothing that existed outside of her save for me. She, and the sensation of breaching her, became my entire universe.
Her lips were scorching upon mine, heated through by the passion and elation coursing through us in equal measure. It took me several moments of breathless wonder to realize I’d slid into her all the way to the hilt, that I’d left no quarter within her for anything else but my cock. As I drew away, Liz looked up at me with her bruised and bitten mouth slightly agape, like she’d never been so full before. Grasping her hands and fitting her fingers through mine in hopes she would remember, I angled my hips and drew a steep breath as I plunged again, my spine tingling with a craven shudder.
“Julian,” she whispered, rolling her hips to meet mine. The rendezvous wrested a snarl from deep in my throat. “Slow… slow…”
I nodded to her. Usually, that was not a word in my vocabulary—it wasn’t that the act was ever quick, per se, but it was never gentle. It was always a flurry of motion, a locomotive churning. Fucking, not making love. Just sticking my dick in something over and over until we were both satisfied enough to call it quits.
Once again, things with Liz were going different. For so long, every day of my life had seemed exactly the same. I grunted and swallowed the unbidden lump of emotion in my throat as I obeyed her command, rocking into her in a slow, methodical rhythm, ensuring neither of us lost even the slightest sensation to the blur of somatic bliss a less patient pace wrought.
She clutched me to her, fingers leaving hot, stinging trails down my back. We pressed out foreheads together and I inhaled each one of Liz’s sighs, murmuring a few of my own against her lips as her cries steadily became more frenetic. Those ankles locked behind my back just as they had the first time I’d taken her, ensuring I stayed in place. No longer was it a mystery how she’d gotten pregnant with this as her strategy. I smirked.
“Get your fingers in the gears, love,” I encouraged her, taking her earlobe between my teeth and lightly tugging. “I want to feel you coming around me. I need to… ah…” Her inner muscles tightened in response to my love bite, and I just barely held it together. “I need to feel it when you lose control.”
Liz slid her hand down her body, and I watched as her fingers came to settle at the place of our joining. The way she squirmed on me was heavenly, and those hungry motions only become more pronounced as the friction of her touch did its work. With her head tipped back like this, hair spilling around her, she looked like a goddamn angel. I kissed each of her closed eyelids and then her forehead, pushing forward onto my knees until her hips were off the mattress.
At this angle, I had unfettered access to her fathoms. Though evidently, our first time had been bareback as well, I couldn’t remember the sensation of it—so I basked in it now, thinking of how, before Liz, there’d been no one else I’d been inside without a barrier. Skin-on-skin felt amazing, and not only in a physical sense. There was a kind of closeness involved that transcended the meeting of our bodies and, in some ways, felt more like a meeting of our souls.
I pushed one of her legs back, grasping the back of her knee, and then kissed her calf as I sought to know her even deeper than before. Liz wailed in the most glorious way, keening for me as if nothing in her life had ever felt better. I knew for me it hadn’t. This was the pinnacle of all the pleasure I’d experienced. Any other woman in my life simply couldn’t compare. There was no competition to be won—Liz had taken the prize, and the effortless way she did it made me feel like she wasn’t even playing the same game as everyone else.
“Don’t stop,” she begged of me, and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from disappointing her in that regard. The husky tremble of her voice nearly drove me over the edge each time it sounded. I was just barely hanging on. “Please, Julian. I’m so close…”
I pushed her hand away abruptly, eliciting a short, almost indignant cry. But when I pressed my thumb into her clit a moment later, I heard no more complaints. Looking down at her stretched beneath me, giving me so much for so little in return, it reminded me that I needed to take responsibility for something. And I could start with taking responsibility for Liz’s orgasm.
It didn’t take long to send her into a fit of ecstasy. I continued to abrade her bundle of nerves with my thumb, hissing through my teeth as Liz thrashed and bared her throat to me. The arc of her body was so perfect, so graceful, and the way she gripped the pillows until her knuckles whitened was just too much to bear. I felt a tell-tale pulse rush through me, and a moment later, the rippling clench of her pussy took me over the edge and brought all that rapture into a single point of focus. I spilled into her on the back of a startled groan, the bucking of my hips taking on an erratic cadence as the most intense climax of my life overtook me.
There was a certain clarity in the spasming of my muscles, a certain sense of knowing. And in those scant few moments I could hang on to it, I knew this: whatever this had started out as between me and Liz, it was turning into something altogether different. There was a bond stronger than political necessity well on its way to wrapping itself around our hearts. Or at least, on my end it was. But the look in her eyes just now, the warmth with which she beheld me… I wanted to believe that meant something more than just a comfort lay. I wanted to believe it was the start of something genuine, something real.
Between the orgasm and the revelation, I found myself dizzy. Very gently, I let myself fall forward onto my hands on top of her, holding myself inside just a moment longer so I could feel the fading resonance of our shared bliss. I kissed her lips, once, twice, and then again for good measure. I didn’t even care if I could breathe, when my mouth was on hers. All that mattered was that I could feel her. Nothing else struck me as being quite as important to my continued survival.
Jesus, I thought to myself in the afterglow, allowing myself a small laugh as she smiled against my lips. If she fucked me like this the first go around, then no wonder I bloody well married her…
11
Elizabeth
I’d had no idea anyone could be so good at sex.
Julian Bastille was… an experience. I now realized that the tales Jen had told weren’t exaggerations in the slightest—if anything, they failed to fully capture the extent of his prowess. It had little to do with the mechanics of the act itself, though he was awfully good there. It was that he invested himself in the act in a way I’d never seen before, committing so completely that it was easy for me to feel like I was the only woman in the entire world.
“Holy shit,” I breathed, a slow, lazy smile spreading across my face as he lay next to me, armed draped across my stomach. “That was incredible.”
“I aim to please,” he rumbled, and for the first time since I’d met him, I was actually starting to enjoy that accent of his. I didn’t think I’d ever been so at peace. The weight of Julian’s arm over me brought about a sense of comfort and safety I hadn’t felt in such a long time. I was prepared to drift off into sleep right then and there.
“I guess now I’ve got something to brag about,” I teased as I turned onto my side to face him. “I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard in all my life.”
Julian’s eyes glinted as he looked down at me, stroking my hair back from my face. “Well, there’s plenty more where that came from, love.” The effortless way he could produce a quip, which had
annoyed me before, now just about melted my ovaries. I sighed into him as he drew me close, kissing the crown of my head and tucking me beneath his chin.
We were silent for several moments, the two of us utterly entwined and neither one willing to move. If you’d told me just twenty-four hours ago that I’d be naked in Julian Bastille’s arms, and enjoying it, I would have laughed straight in your face. And yet here I was, doing just that. And as content as the cat who ate the cream, no less.
I was starting to think maybe I’d been wrong about him. Not only was Julian amazing in the sack, but the more I spent time with him, the more I began to see a side of him that they never showed on the gossip shows and in the tabloids. The Julian Bastille I saw now was tender and sweet, someone who might actually be father-, and even husband-material if he ever got his act together. This wasn’t the smart-ass, selfish boozehound and playboy that I had come to expect. This was a man worth knowing. Worth trusting, even.
Was this really happening? Was I actually considering this man to not only be the father of the kid growing inside of me, but also my husband?
I blame the endorphins, I thought, trying to assuage myself of any lingering guilt about these conflicting thoughts. They’ve got to account for some of this insanity. Right?
But no amount of mental gymnastics were enough to wash away the warm and fuzzies. With a reluctant grumble, I kissed over Julian’s bicep and shoulder, following the path of his tattoos. When I got to his pec, he chuckled and stirred beside me.
“Are you trying to get me started on round two?” he asked. I was glad I was lying down—the gravelly purr of his voice made my knees weak.
“Maybe,” I hummed, rousing his nipple to attention with my tongue. He twitched against me, and not unpleasantly. “Actually, I was going to ask what these mean.”
“Which?” he asked, cocking his head at me. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
I took in the spread of ink that drifted down one whole side of his body. After a time, I let my fingertips settle upon the scales of the koi near his hip bone, painted in splashes of gold and atomic tangerine. “This one.”
“Ah,” Julian said, “that’s the one everyone always asks about.” He shifted slightly to give me better access to its full span. “It’s in memory of my grandmother.”
I looked up at him then. That was certainly not the answer I had expected. “Your grandmother?”
“Mmhm.” Julian trailed his fingers up and down my arm as I flared my fingers across the delicate line work of his tattoo. “It was something she used to say to me when I was younger. Something I’ve kept with me all these years. She told me koi are unique among goldfish, as they’ll grow to fit whatever size container you keep them in. Raise them in tight quarters, they’ll only get as big as a few inches. But put them in a pond and nourish them?” He chuckled. “The biggest ever caught was a hundred and ten centimeters. That’s a bit over forty-three inches to you Americans. Three and a half feet of fish.”
“And that stuck with you?” Granted, that was one enormous carp, but it hardly seemed like the kind of thing you commemorated on your skin. “Why?”
Julian smiled. It was a wistful, almost melancholy one. “Because it was a metaphor, love. She told me about the koi to encourage me not to put myself in too small a box. She believed in me when no one else did. She always wanted me to branch out, to find a bigger pond. She didn’t want me to grow up stunted. She wanted me to grow as big as I possibly could.” His smile faded. “Sometimes I think I let her down, in that regard.”
“You don’t think she’d have been proud of you—Julian Bastille, the rising star?”
With a shrug, he met my gaze again. “Maybe. But the last couple of years, I’ve settled, haven’t I? Let it all slip through my fingers. I’ve given so much of my power away to people like Tessa, and if you can believe, even worse sorts than that. Just… emptied myself out until it seemed there was nothing left for me anymore.” He drew a breath, then smiled. “You should probably know I’ve never told anyone that before.”
I leaned into his touch as he traced the swirling curvature of my ear. “About feeling like you’ve failed?”
He shook his head. “No. I’ve told a fair few people that before. They just never seemed to care. I meant the tattoo.”
Touching it again, I asked him, “I thought you said everyone asks you about it?”
A faint smirk curled the edges of his lips like parchment smoldering. “I never said I answered them.”
My breath caught in my throat as I realized Julian was entrusting me with an enormous secret. This wasn’t something I’d find on his fan page—it wasn’t even something someone like Jen would know. This was as personal as it got: an admission of regret and a memory that, until now, he’d been the only one to keep.
“But you answered me,” I said softly. “Why?”
Julian pressed his hand to the small of my back, drawing me even closer to his body. “Because if anyone on this earth ever deserved to know me, it’s you, love.”
He kissed me again, this time on the mouth, and there was nothing I could do but submit. The press of his lips was like a warm blanket around my shoulders, fending off the chill of reality and making me think of far more pleasant things—winters I’d sat in front of the fireplace with my cousins, blocking out the sounds of my parents fighting by engaging in the fairy tales they told. Those were the days when a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows could solve everything, at least for a little while.
Julian’s kiss brought me back to a place where that was possible. God help me, I thought, allowing him to envelop me in his arms and delighting in the smell of him—sex and cologne and something else that was entirely Julian Bastille. This might not actually turn out so bad, after all.
And then he had to open his mouth and ruin it.
“Speaking of knowing one another,” he said, pulling back enough to look down at me again. “I wanted to talk to you about how we’re going to be… well, making our living arrangements.”
I frowned at him. “Do we absolutely have to talk about this now?” I’d just been getting comfortable with the idea that Julian was a real person. Discussing our little charade was going to taint that.
“Well, I… we want people to think that this is real, don’t we?” he asked, an awkward smile crossing his lips. “It’s rather important to our cause. So… I thought maybe you should come live with me in London. At least for a while—you know, for the duration of our romance.”
Just like that, all the warmth I’d felt toward him faded away, sapped straight out of my heart by the cold and callous way he jumped right back into the scenario that was most financially lucrative for him. It made me question whether I’d been wrong about Julian in a different way. Maybe these tender moments weren’t him being real. Maybe they were him being manipulative. Maybe he was showing me what he thought I wanted to see, hoping to soften me up to obeying his every whim. In fact, that sounded exactly like something Tessa would have instructed him to do.
It was all so clear now: Julian had me on a leash. Every time I strayed too far from his machinations, he put on the puppy dog eyes and reeled me back in. I felt like an idiot. How had I not seen this before now? Why did it always take jumping into bed with this man for me to realize what a bad idea it was?
“I… I don’t think that’s going to work for me, Julian,” I said, my voice so soft that even I could barely hear myself speak. “In fact, I’m not sure just how comfortable I am with this anymore.”
“Liz,” he said, trying to placate me with a gentle touch on my shoulder. I pulled back from his hand as though he’d scalded me, suddenly unable to tolerate the mere idea of physical contact with him. Turning away, I sat on the edge of the bed.
“I’m going to get dressed,” I told him. “And I’d really like to do it alone.”
I felt him sit up behind me, moving to circle my waist with his arm. “Hey, love, hey. What happened? What’d I say? Is living in London such a terr
ible idea?” Once upon a time, the rough scratch of his stubble on my neck and shoulder had made my body sing. Now it just made my skin crawl. “It’s really great over there. You’ll see. There’s so much I could show you, so many places I’m just dying to—”
There it was again. The moment I began to withdraw, to show any signs of thinking for myself, I was bombarded with sweet nothings and candied promises. I put my face in my hands, laughing disdainfully at myself. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…
“Julian,” I gritted, wrenching out of his grasp. “Just go, okay?” When he didn’t move, I reiterated, louder, “Get out of here.”
“This is my room, love…”
“And I’m asking you to leave. I need a little time to think.”
I kept my face covered as he slipped out of the sheets. I heard him place his feet on the floor, heard him moving toward the end of the bed where our clothes were strewn. He gathered his without saying a word, and just as silently, he padded out into the common area of our suite stark-naked. He must have been; I hadn’t heard him put his clothes on. I only lifted my head once I’d heard the door to his room open and shut again.
All this is ever going to be for him is just some publicity arrangement, I thought numbly, wrapping my arms around myself as hot, shameful tears welled in my eyes. I’d slept with that bastard again—this time of my own free will—and all I got for it was a reminder that I was nothing more than an opportunity for a headline or two. Just a cash cow… and a pregnant one, at that.
Come on, Liz, said a voice from the back of my head—one I should have listened to from the start. You knew this was too good to be true. Happiness always comes with a catch. And this time, the catch is that none of what you’re being sold is real.
Despite my best efforts, a steady stream of those tears slipped down my face. But I felt nothing. Maybe I’d cried all my despair out before Julian had chased me down after what happened at the studio, because now, when I probably should have been reeling the most, all I could do was slowly pick my clothes up off of Julian Bastille’s hotel room floor for the second time in my life.