“No, I had no idea.”
We both get quiet for a while. I guess we’re just trying to figure all this out. I’m just sitting on the windowsill staring down at the empty street. “Can you send me the links to what you found out?”
“Yeah, sure, maybe between the two of us we can find out what was really going on.”
“Jalisa’s sister, Natalie, is a nurse. I think she’s even at the same hospital the bills are from. I can always ask her.”
“No, it’s hospital policy. I don’t want to get her in trouble. We’ll figure something out. What are you doing tomorrow night?”
“Terrence’s frat brothers are having a party. He invited me. I hear Taj is supposed to be there, too. Are you going?”
“I heard about it. I doubt it. Taj isn’t exactly one of my favorite people and I know she hates my guts because of Ty.”
“Oh, shit, that’s right,” I say, completely forgetting the drama Jade had with Taj wanting to take her fiancé, Ty.
“I’ll think about going, but if Taj shows, I’m out. So do you think you can party with your big sister?”
I smile for the first time since I left school, which now seems like days ago. “Yeah, I think I can do that. Oh, my God, I forgot to tell you about my new job. Or I guess the job I was offered.”
“Oh, yeah, that’s right. You texted me about it, tell me.”
“It’s at Freeman Dance Studio. Ms. Jay asked me to help out teaching the beginner hip-hop class.”
“Are you up for doing that?”
“Hell, yeah.”
“Cool. Okay, listen, I have a study group in a few minutes, so I gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait, you didn’t answer my first question. Does my dad have another family in Maryland?”
“You need to ask your dad, Kenisha.”
“Jade…”
“No, you gotta ask him. I’ll talk to you later,” she says, then hangs up.
“Fine, I’ll ask him,” I say to myself. I hurry up and pack a few things into my dance bag. There’s no way I’m packing to leave for good. I just get what I need for dance and tonight and that’s all. I go downstairs and as soon as I get to the bottom landing I hear it—nothing. It’s quiet, too quiet. I walk into the living room. I look for my grandmother, but she’s not there. I see my dad standing to the side looking at the pictures on the wall. One is a photo of my mom. I stand there for a few minutes and watch him staring at it. He’s not smiling or sad, he’s just standing there staring. I wonder what’s going through his mind.
After a while I speak. “Dad, can we talk?” I say. He turns to me. His eyes are glazed over like he’s about to cry.
“Sit down,” he says. I do. He walks over to the fireplace. “Imagine my surprise when I walk in here this afternoon and your grandmother tells me she’ll be away all next week. I had no idea she’s going to visit her sister. You didn’t tell me.”
This is seriously not what I want to talk to him about right now. “We haven’t been talking to each other for a while.”
“I’ve called and texted you.”
I didn’t say anything. What he said wasn’t exactly true. Yeah, yesterday and today he did call and text me, but what about the past three weeks? I know I don’t want to get into all that with him, so I just agree. “I know.”
“There’s no way you’re staying in this house alone for a week. No way,” he says.
“I’m not going to be alone. Jade’s staying here with me. She’s gonna commute to school instead of staying in the dorm.”
“The two of you in this neighborhood, no, the house has already been broken into.”
“Yeah, but since then, Grandmom had the new security system installed. Now it’s like living in Fort Knox. It’s set up so that we have to code into the system to get in and also once we’re inside. So we’re always safe since security is on all the windows and doors.”
“Why didn’t you tell me your grandmother is going to Georgia for a week?”
I shrug. “I didn’t run and tell you because I guess I figured it didn’t matter to you. I didn’t matter to you. You already have another baby girl, so…”
“Kenisha.” He softens instantly. “I’m your father. I’m always going to be your father no matter what happens in my life or between us. Of course it matters to me, you matter to me. I love you,” he says.
I purposely don’t respond. It’s time to change the subject to what I want to talk about. “Dad, do you have another family in Maryland?”
He looks me right in the eyes and avoids the question. “Tell me about this new job of yours,” he says.
Of course he’s blocking. I knew he would. It’s what he does. “The job’s at Freeman Dance Studio. Ms. Jay, the owner, offered it to me yesterday. She was supposed to talk to Grandmom this morning about it. If Grandmom approves of the hours I can do it.”
He shook his head. “No, if she wants you to work for her, then she needs to talk to me, not your grandmother,” he says. “When she does that, we’ll go from there. Are you packed?”
“I just have my dance bag packed,” I say. He looks at me. “I’m supposed to meet Jalisa and Diamond at Freeman for practice today. Can I please go and then have them drop me off at the house in Virginia instead of leaving with you now?” He looks at me a few seconds as if he’s assessing whether or not I’m lying. Since I wasn’t, I was cool.
“All right, I want you in the house by nine o’clock,” he says, then stands and turns to leave.
“Dad, practice isn’t even over until nine,” I complain.
“Fine, leave early. Nine o’clock,” he repeats more firmly with his hand on the front doorknob. As soon as he opens it there’s a beeping sound. I quickly reset the alarm before it sounds for real.
“That’s it, huh?”
“Yes, it has both a silent and audio alarm. The main feed is connected to the main system at the security company plus to the police, fire and emergency services system. So, what about it?” I ask.
He’s looking at the system, then turns to me. “What about what?”
“Me staying here with Jade next week. Is it okay? Please.”
He relents. “Fine, I’ll call Jade and tell her you’re grounded and have a curfew. And tonight make sure you’re at the house by nine o’clock,” he insisted.
“Are you gonna be home?”
He gives me that look. We both know he won’t be. And now we both know I won’t, either. He leaves right after that, so I lock the door behind him and go into the kitchen. My grandmother is in there. I sit down at the table across from her. “I’m sorry about that, Grandmom. I guess I should have told him about your visiting your sister and not being here next week.”
She nods her head, agreeing. “Yes, you should have.”
“I just didn’t think it mattered to him what I did.”
“He’s your father, Kenisha. It matters. He may not always appear to show it the way you think he should, but it matters.”
“Does he have another family in Maryland like you said?”
“I shouldn’t have suggested that,” she says.
“Does he?”
“You need to ask him about that.”
“I did. He changed the subject.”
“Well, then, I will, too. Are you going to dance class today?”
“Yes, then I’m supposed to go to the house right after. Jalisa and Diamond can give me a ride. Are you still going to bingo tonight?”
She glances at her watch. “Yes, Grace and Edith should be here soon. Lord, I have so much to do still.”
“I can stay and help if you want.”
“No, no, you go on to class. I’ll be fine.”
“Well, since you’re lea
ving tomorrow morning, I guess this is it,” I say, smiling. “Have a great time, Grandmom. Don’t worry about the house. I promise not to have too many wild parties while you’re gone.”
“Now you know I know better than that since you don’t want me coming home early.”
“I know. I’m just joking. Don’t worry, I got this.”
She chuckled, shaking her head. “Lord, child, you sound just like your mother saying that. ‘I got this.’”
“Can I ask you something?” I ask. She nods. “You used to talk about Mom all the time, but now you don’t anymore, why?”
“I don’t know. I guess perhaps it hurts too much knowing that my child is gone before me. That’s not supposed to happen. A parent is never supposed to bury their child.”
“I dream about her a lot. In the dream we’re together and then we get separated and I have to watch her go away.”
“Our dreams are a way of helping us sort through our feeling and our pain. You’re making sense out of all this.”
“All those pills Mom was taking before she died… I’m thinking now they were more than just for her nerves like she said. Was she sick?”
My grandmother looks at me sadly, then reaches out and covers my hand with hers. She pats it gently. “None of that matters anymore, sweetie. There’s no pain. She’s at rest now.”
“I understand, but I still need to know. What was wrong with her?” I ask, holding my breath, not sure I’m ready to hear the answer. Still, I want to know. I need to know. But a part of me is afraid. I watch her closely. She takes a deep breath and shakes her head slowly while exhaling. All this and she still doesn’t speak. “Grandmom, it’s okay. You can tell me.” Just as she opens her mouth the doorbell rings. She smiles, pats my hand a couple more times and then stands and walks away. I don’t know if she was going to tell me or not. I guess I won’t know now.
A few minutes later she calls to tell me she’s on her way to bingo. I get up and go to the front door. I see two of her friends standing in the foyer. “Hi, Ms. Edith, Hi, Ms. Grace.”
“Good Lord, look at you, Kenisha. If I didn’t know any better I’d say I was standing here looking at your mother. Doesn’t she look just like Barbara?” Ms. Edith says.
Ms. Grace nods, agreeing. “Sure ’nuff, just like her. Jade, too. Good Lord, these girls are growing up so fast. You know that makes you old, Edith.”
They both laugh while I just smile. At about seventy-five years old, they still act like they’re twenty-two. They dress young, wear tons of makeup and dye their hair blond so the gray won’t show as much. They text on their cell phones, watch only Blu-ray movies and know all the latest music and dance steps. Sometimes I wish my grandmother would act more like them. And then again, maybe not.
“All right, let’s get this show on the road. I have just about enough time to win super-bingo, finish packing my clothes for the trip and then save the world from falling asteroids,” my grandmom jokes.
Now everybody laughs. My grandmother opens her arms and smiles at me. I go to her. This is the last time I’ll see her for a while. “Have a good time, Grandmom, and don’t forget to call me or text me.”
“I will. Now you know the rules. No boys, no parties, no drama. I know you’ll be just fine,” she says, then hugs and kisses my cheek.
“I will. Have a good time tonight and have a good trip.”
We hug again, but this time it feels like neither one of us wants to ever let go. But we finally do. She leaves and I stand on the porch watching them pile into Ms. Edith’s old 1990 Cadillac Seville. She waves from the passenger seat and I wave back. A few minutes later I go back up to my room. I grab my cell and text a message, telling my girls, Jalisa and Diamond, I’m on my way to Freeman. They respond that they’re on the way, too. I know it’s gonna take them a lot longer since they live in Virginia and I live here in D.C. Still, I grab three bottles of water from the refrigerator and some cookies and head to the front door. I see my backpack on the upstairs landing and decide to take it up to my room when I get back home later. I still have to pack a few things for the weekend, including something to wear to the party with my lawnmower guy.
As soon as I get outside and start walking to Freeman, I see Li’l T sitting on somebody’s steps with a few other guys. I go over to him. He sees me, gets up and meets me halfway. “Did you take that down yet?”
“No, not yet,” he says.
I look at him fiercely. “Do you think I’m playing with you? This isn’t a joke. I don’t want that up.”
“What’s the big deal? Most girls would love to have this kind of attention on YouTube. Damn, girl, it’s not like it’s something embarrassing. You look good up there.”
“That’s not the point, and I’m not most girls.”
“Okay, okay, but I gotta hold up for a minute. I gotta wait until I catch up with my cousin.”
I roll my eyes. “What is your problem? Just take it down.”
“I don’t have my flat pad anymore.”
“Where is it?” I ask.
“Like I said, I gotta catch up with my cousin.”
I shake my head and just turn and walk away. I can’t believe how crazy this is getting. As soon as I get to Freeman, I head straight to the office. Ms. Jay is there and she looks a lot better than she did yesterday. “Hi, Ms. Jay,” I say.
“Hi, Kenisha,” she says. “How are you today?”
“I’m okay. Can we use one of the rooms upstairs today?”
She shakes her head. “We mopped the floors and cleaned up all morning, but I still have a ways to go,” she says, then goes in her drawer and pulls out the auditorium key like before. “Here, you can use the auditorium again. Just remember to—”
“I know,” I say as I take the key from her, “turn off the lights and lock the music cage and auditorium doors when we’re done. I will. Thank you.”
“Sure. Oh, I tried speaking with your grandmother earlier, but we’ve been playing phone tag all day. Is she home now?”
“No, and she’ll be away all next week starting tomorrow morning. But you can speak with my dad. Here’s his cell phone number,” I say, quickly scribbling the number on a piece of paper.
She nods. “Okay, this will work. Oh,” she says, smiling broadly, “I was sent a YouTube link this morning. It was of you dancing. You looked wonderful. Is that an original piece?”
“Yes, it’s a song I started writing right after my mom died. It doesn’t have a name yet. Actually, it wasn’t supposed to be seen, but one of the guys I know taped it and put it up.”
“It’s beautiful and your dancing is stunning in the piece. I’m not surprised, of course. You, Jalisa and Diamond have always excelled. You three are the best students I’ve had in a long time.”
“Thanks, Ms. Jay.”
“Also, Kenisha, I’ve been thinking about what you suggested yesterday. I think a dance fundraiser is a great idea. I’m gonna do it.”
“Really? Cool, ’cause I was telling Jalisa and Diamond about the fundraiser last night and we had a lot of ideas we’d like to talk to you about,” I say just as the office phone rings.
“That’ll work. I have two classes to teach right now, so we can talk in an hour or so.”
“Okay, we’ll be in the auditorium when you’re ready.”
She answers the phone, and I leave and head upstairs instead of going to the auditorium to my favorite place. I open the door and look around. It’s the first time I’ve seen it since the rains. The floor is still all spotted and there are buckets and wet towels everywhere. The tiles on the ceiling are hanging heavy and some are even gone and sitting against the back wall. I walk past all that to the windowsill. I sit down, turn on my iPhone, plug in my earbuds and then open my recipe book. It’s only been a few months since my grandmother sug
gested I start one and already it’s almost full. Of course I have other things in it and not just recipes.
Mostly I have my thoughts and ideas and even a few songs I wrote. I start thinking about how my life is finally getting back to normal, or as normal as it can be given all the drama still going on around me. For real, it’s like everybody I know is dealing with some kind of craziness. My grandmother has these massive hospital bills that she refuses to talk about. My sister, Jade, and her on-again, off-again fiancé, Ty, are still going through their thing about him stepping out on her. My girls, Jalisa and Diamond, are stressing about college and, of course, guys.
And then there’s my lawnmower guy, Terrence. I don’t really know what to say about him. I guess he’s okay for right now. Or rather we’re okay for right now. At least he’s talking to me again. But his old girlfriend, Gia, is still hanging around trying to cause trouble. I know she’s trying to get back in with him, but seriously, that’s definitely not about to happen. At least I hope not. He says they’re just old friends. I don’t know, maybe they are. What I do know is that he’s there. She’s there and I’m here.
I look down at the street below while sitting in my perch above it all. The top floor in one of the private dance studios is the perfect place to just sit, think and write in my recipe book. I check to see if Jalisa and Diamond are coming. I don’t see them. All I see is some guys hanging on the corner. One of them is Li’l T. I can tell by the way he’s jumping around. I shake my head. I think I’m gonna have to get serious with him. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do, but I’m definitely gonna do something.
Then I think I see Diamond’s mom’s car drive up, but it’s not. That car keeps going. They’re probably still in Virginia. My music pauses because there’s a text message coming in. I look at my cell phone and see it’s from Jalisa.
We’re almost there, she says.
Hurry up. I feel like dancing, I text back.
Double ditto!
Just then I see a shadow on the floor. I look up and see Troy’s little sister standing in the doorway. I have no idea how long she’s been there. I pull an earbud out. “Hey, Hannah, are you lost?”
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