“Darien, get a life, because this one is quickly running out on you.”
He looks back at his boys, but they’re not paying attention anymore. “What? Was that a threat?”
“No, it wasn’t. It was me seeing what’s obvious to everybody but you. There’s only one end coming for you and right now it’s not a good one. Now, is that all you got, ’cause I’m tired.”
He glares at me without speaking. I turn around and start walking. As far as I’m concerned, we’re through. Whatever he thinks is between us isn’t, and he needs to get that through his thick head. I keep walking down the street to the house. I climb the front steps, unlock the front door and go inside. After resetting the alarm I head to my bedroom. I’m too tired to do anything else.
“Kenisha?” Jade calls out from the next room.
“Yeah, I’m home. Sorry I’m so late. I stayed longer at the dance studio than I expected. Did you get my message?” I say, already having my excuse ready.
“Yeah, I got it. Did you eat?”
“Nah, I’m not hungry. I’m just tired.”
Jade comes to my bedroom door. I look up at her from the bed. “Damn, you look like shit,” she says. “You know you don’t need to be dancing that hard or practicing that much. You look like you can barely hold your head up.”
“I know, but it feels good to dance like that. It releases stress.”
“Speaking of which, your dad called a couple of times. I covered for you, but you need to call him back tonight.”
“I’ll text him tomorrow,” I say.
“Do me a favor and call him tonight. I promised you would.”
I nod. “Sure, okay.”
She goes back in her room and closes the door. I don’t want to get Jade in the middle of drama between me and my dad, so I pull out my cell and call. He picks up on the second ring. “Hey, Dad, it’s me.”
“Kenisha, where the hell were you tonight?” he starts.
“At the dance studio,” I say, without specifying which one.
“No, you weren’t. I spoke with Ms. Jay and she hadn’t seen you all afternoon or evening.”
“I was in one of the private rooms upstairs. She doesn’t go up there a lot. She’s usually too busy. Did you talk to her about me working there?” I ask quickly, hoping he’ll drop the inquisition. He doesn’t.
His lecture starts and this time he has new material. “What would your mother say about you hanging out all hours of the night?” he asks rhetorically, then continues. I lay down on my bed and close my eyes with my phone to my ear. I hear his lecture, but then I feel myself fading fast.
“Kenisha. Kenisha,” he repeats.
I startle awake. “Yes, Dad, I’m here,” I say quickly.
“Are you listening to me? Did you hear anything I just said to you?” he says angrily. “You didn’t hear a damn thing I said.”
“I heard you, Dad,” I lie, ’cause I really didn’t. “Yes, I know you’re disappointed with me. I try to—”
“What? Of course I’m not disappointed with you. What in the world makes you think something like that?”
“Well, then, I’m sorry you don’t trust me, but—”
“Kenisha, don’t say that. Of course I trust you. You’re the only person in this world I do trust. I just worry about your safety. You’re my baby girl. It’s just that living in D.C. is…” he says, then pauses. “Look, just go to bed and get some sleep. You sound tired. I’ll call you. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Um, I’m studying for the SATs tomorrow. I’ll be in the library, so I’ll call you instead of you calling me, okay?”
“Yeah, sure, sounds good. We’ll do that. You call me.”
All of the sudden it’s weird. Now my dad is being all nice to me because I call him on his stuff and give him a guilt trip. “Good night, Dad.” I’m just about to end the call when I hear my dad call my name. I don’t say anything. I just listen.
“Kenisha, I love you, baby girl.”
I hear him, but I don’t say anything. I’ve heard him say the words before, but they don’t mean much to me anymore. He never changes. Still, I’m surprised, but I don’t say anything. I just wait until he ends the call.
I get up, grab the small bag out of my dance bag. I look at the so-called costume again. It’s blatantly salacious and just as bad as it was before. I go to the bathroom and try it on, then look at myself in the mirror. There’s no way I can do this. My breasts are out except for the tiny circle in the middle, and if we’re doing the routine we practiced all afternoon and evening, there’s no way it’s gonna stay in place. We might as well just be naked.
I take the thing off and stuff it back in the small bag, then put the bag under my bed. I know nobody checks my stuff or goes through my bedroom, but I hide it, anyway. I guess maybe I’m hiding it from myself. I lie down on my bed a minute, thinking about what I’m doing and everything I have to do coming up. It’s a lot and even though I did it today, I’m not sure I can keep it up for the next two weeks. I close my eyes and think about my mom. I don’t know what she was doing or what she was going through, but I kinda understand her not telling. Sometimes you need to keep your secrets to yourself.
Fifteen
My World, My Way
kenishi_wa K Lewis
I’m on the edge of this thing and about to jump off. I’m ready. Are you ready for me? ’Cause here I come…
4 May * Like * Comment * Share
the week goes by fast. I’m actually able to juggle school, studying, rehearsals, my dad, my sister, Terrence, my friends and dance class. It’s crazy, but I’m working it. So far nobody knows what I’m really doing and I intend to keep it that way, at least for right now. But I’m seriously running out of excuses to disappear for hours at a time. My best excuse is that I’m at the downtown library studying since the one near us burned down. I know I can’t use that one forever, but for now…
So it’s Friday and this insanity is almost over. I just have another week—that’s two days of rehearsals, a dress rehearsal and then the video gets shot the week after that. I can’t wait to get paid. I figure I’m gonna get at least five thousand dollars and I can’t stop smiling.
I have to deal with Taj’s crazy ass and constantly lying to everybody, but I’m okay with it. Seriously, the whole idea of contributing to my mom’s hospital bill feels so good. I can’t wait to hand over the check to my sister.
So, it’s last period, I watch the clock on the wall like I usually do. All my work is done. All the exams are taken, and the final few minutes I’m just sitting around doing nothing. No joke, I can’t wait to be out of here today. I’m so tired of being on perpetual hold.
As a matter of fact, there’s no real reason to even be in school today. We’re not doing anything. There’s no school next week. It’s spring break and if I see another Disney movie I’m gonna kill somebody. It was a’ight when I was in elementary and even in middle school, but damn, now I’m in the third year of high school. Does it really look like I’m into talking, singing cartoon animals?
For real, I should have stayed home ’cause this is straight up a waste of my time. I tried to talk Jade into letting me stay home today, but she was, like, “no way,” and she wasn’t budging. She’s so headstrong and stubborn. Actually, I’m beginning to think that’s a family trait.
So anyway, I don’t complain too much. I kinda get it. I know it’s mainly because our grandmother is coming home this afternoon and she needs things to look as normal as possible and that means me. So fine, I’m at school today wasting my time sitting in class.
Cassie is sitting right behind me and to the side. She’s been quiet all week. But I haven’t been on Twitter or Facebook since Monday, so I really don’t know what’s up. I do know she’s hasn’t said anything t
o me and that’s all I care about. I’d hate to get kicked out of school because I kicked her ass. So all this means is that I’m seriously not in the mood to deal with drama today. If anything jumps off, I’m just gonna have to step aside and let it pass. I know I have to deal with these fools, but it don’t mean I have to be one of them.
So I’m in class and it’s dark. The movie’s on and half the class is asleep, including the guy next to me who’s snoring and drooling like he’s been in hibernation for a month. The other half is either talking or texting or plugged in listening to their music. I fall into the last category. Nobody’s paying attention, not even the teacher. I guess I can’t really call him a teacher. He’s a sub. He apparently graduated from the Penn a few years ago and he still knows a few guys here. So they’re up there in front at the desk laughing and talking like it’s half-time on the football field.
The bell rings. School is done for the day and that means I can leave all that craziness behind me. I get up and head to the door. There are a couple of idiots playing around and that jams us up in a bottleneck. Then somebody pushes them out into the hall. Two guys bump into another two guys and they fall on the floor. This starts a macho shoving match, which quickly turns into stupid drama. I don’t wait around to see what happens.
So I’m headed down the hall when I hear my name called. I ignore it and just keep going until I hear it again. This time it’s louder and firmer. I know it’s my teacher and I can either just keep walking out or I can deal with it. She calls me again.
“Kenisha, wait a minute. I’d like to speak with you.”
I turn around. Ms. Grayson is looking at me with this stern expression on her face. “Yes,” I say nicely as she goes back into her classroom. I follow, seeing her standing at her desk.
“Kenisha, I need to talk to you about your application to become a congressional page.” She walks from behind her desk and then leans back on the front side.
“I heard the program got cut.”
“Yes, it did. After one hundred and eighty-four years Congress agreed to end funding.”
“Do you know why? Is it because of all the sex scandals?”
“I think perhaps it has more to do with economics than controversy. At around five million dollars each year, it’s probably just too expensive on the taxpayers’ dime. Plus, with more advanced technology such as fax machines and the internet, they’ve dispensed with the need to have messages and files hand delivered. In the end, rising costs trump sentimentality, scandals and history.”
“Figures, just when I get ready to step in, they shut it down.”
“There are other internship programs available to you in both the political and private sectors. You can do any number of things at this point.”
“I know.”
“So whatever you decide to do, remember businesses and colleges are looking for students with high achievements and excellent academic records. You need to keep your grades up, be on top of your game and stay focused. Make sure the choices you’re making now reflect the consequences you can live with later.”
I’m so sick of her always telling me what I need to be doing. But still all I do is nod and repeat, “Yes, I understand. I am.”
She shakes her head. “No, not when you’re consistently cutting my class. You were out twice this week. You’re gonna have to do a lot better than that, Kenisha.”
“I have a really good reason, Ms. Grayson. I just can’t say anything about it right now. Can I go now? My grandmother’s coming home today.”
She looks at me and nods. “Okay, have a good spring break.”
“Bye, Ms. Grayson.” I leave her class and head to my locker. As soon as I turn the corner I groan. I really don’t need this today. Troy is at his locker and his boys are hanging out, joking around as usual. I expect we’re gonna play the stupid game we always play even though he says he’s so different. We’ll see.
I walk up to my locker and his boys start to leave. They don’t say anything to me, they just say goodbye to Troy, then walk away. As soon as they’re gone, he turns and looks at me. “Hey,” he says.
“Hey.” I get to my locker and start spinning the lock. He gets his things and closes his locker. I hear the slam and look over. He steps back to leave. “So what’s all that about?” I ask, seeing and hearing his boys exiting the school at the far end of the hallway.
“All what?” he asks.
“No jokes in front of your boys. They just walk away.” I open my locker and start putting stuff in, then grab my backpack out.
“Things change,” he says, leaning back on the other lockers and looking down the hall as the last few students gather their things for spring break. “Hannah told me she invited you to her birthday party tomorrow.”
“Yeah, she did. What time is it?”
“It’s a kid’s party, so it’s around two o’clock.”
I smile. “You gonna play pin the tail on the donkey, too?” I joke. He looks at me very seriously. I can’t really figure out what he’s thinking. Then I guess I must have insulted him. “I was just joking.”
“Yeah, I know,” he says half smiling.
“Where do you live?”
“I’ll send you the address.”
“Okay, tell Hannah I’m gonna try to make it.”
“She really wants you to come.”
I nod. “I’ll try.”
“I’ll tell her.” He nods and walks away.
That was odd. I’m not sure what all that was about and right now I don’t have time to think with it. My grandmother’s coming home today. Jade and I are supposed to be cooking a huge lasagna dinner for her, so I have to get home and help out. She’s going shopping and I’m in charge of straightening the house up—which isn’t much to do.
I get home and as soon as I open the door I hear laughter in the kitchen. I walk down the hall and get to the kitchen doorway and see Tyrece sitting at the table chilling and Jade putting food away. He smiles with ease and opens his arms to greet me like he always does. “Hey, little sis,” he says. “How you been? What’s up?”
As soon as I see him sitting there so calmly I instantly think about what the dancers were saying and what Connie confirmed. Tyrece and Taj were still together and he’s playing my sister. I step back and just look at him. “What are you doing here?” I say, sounding more hostile than I expect. Both Tyrece and Jade look surprised by my comment. He plays it off, she doesn’t.
“Damn, Kenisha,” Jade says. “What’s with the hostility?” she asks while pulling groceries from another bag.
Tyrece laughs it off, thinking I’m joking with him. “Yeah, I know I haven’t been around for a while. But I’m headed overseas next week and I just had to stop by today to see my Jade,” he says, smiling at her. She smiles back.
Right then I see it. It’s written all over her face—she still loves him. I just shake my head. I never told her what I found out about Tyrece and Taj and I’m not sure if I should now. If I tell her I know she’s gonna ask me how I know and I can’t tell her the truth—that one of Taj’s dancers told me. So I have to find a way to tell her what Tyrece is doing without actually telling her. Right now I guess I just have to play along with his game.
“Sorry, I had a bad day. I guess I’m in a guy-bashing mood.” I walk over and start helping Jade put the cereal and canned food away.
“Guy bashing? Why are you guy bashing? What happened?”
I should have known Jade would ask me this question. It’s not her getting all up in my business or being nosy. I get that. It’s just her being concerned. But actually, I’m thinking this is the perfect opening. I can tell her without really telling her.
“Um, I found out one of my girlfriend’s boyfriend is cheating on her. She loves him, but he’s playing her,” I say, then watch for
Tyrece’s reaction. He doesn’t really have one, at least none I can discern. “I want to tell her, but I got the information how I wasn’t supposed to.”
“What do you mean?” Jade asks.
“Um, let’s say I overheard it someplace where she doesn’t know I was and I don’t want her to know that part right now. So now, what do I do? Tell her or not?”
Jade comes over to the table where Tyrece is sitting. He holds his hand out to her and she takes it. “That’s a hard decision. Not everybody is ready to hear the truth when you think they are, or when you think they should.”
“So you’re saying don’t tell her?”
“I’d wait a while. The truth always comes out in time.”
“What about you, Tyrece? What do you think I should do knowing this ass is making a fool of one of my best friends?”
He shakes his head. “Shit like that happens all the time. Dude wants to be a player. Tell her so she can dump his triflin’ ass and move on.”
“See, that’s what I was thinking about doing. But what if she asks how I found out?”
“You have to tell her the whole truth or you’ll sound suspect. But in all that telling make damn sure you know what you’re talking about.”
“Huh?”
“Check your source.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, shit comes out about me all the time. I’m supposed to be with this girl or that girl. That shit’s not true. But still it’s out there. You can’t be messing up somebody’s thing ’cause of something you overheard. Make sure it’s true first.”
I nod. Yeah, okay, he has a point. But why would Connie lie? But she did say that she heard it from Taj, and she’s seriously suspect when it comes to reality. I can definitely see her lying about this. Still…
“So, what you doing dancing with Taj?” Tyrece asks out of the blue.
My heart jumps. Shit, he knows, I’m thinking. I look at Jade, but she’s back to putting stuff away. I look back at Tyrece. He’s just looking at me, waiting for an answer. “I’m just dancing, no big deal,” I say to him.
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