by Pynk
“I don’t know.” Milan put her fork down.
“What about what I want? I’m ready to go to the limit with you. I haven’t been willing to go all the way with any woman ever in my life. I made a choice to shake the mentality I lived with when I was in the ring, and the things I had to do to numb my senses when I felt like killing myself after I was told I couldn’t fight.” He spoke with dipped brows. He pressed his fist to his thigh. “I fucked my way out of depression, screwing around on Ramada all the time, and then slept with her and other people together, just so I could get my fill of the rush it brought. With you, I’m satisfied. I’m willing to do better. But I can’t just erase Ramada from our lives. I hoped I’d be worth the fight.”
Milan looked down as though he wasn’t playing fair. “Lavender.”
He pounded his fist again. “So I guess I’m not. Look at me.”
She stood up and pushed in the dining room chair. “I just need to be alone right now.” She stepped away from him.
“Milan. What about us?” he asked, springing to a stance and waving his hands.
“We’ll see. I love you, Lavender.” She stood by the kitchen door and reached back to hold it open for his exit.
He stepped right up to her. “Well, if you get out of this relationship, you’ll prove to me that you really don’t love me. You’ll prove that you only love yourself. You can’t be truly happy alone, only being successful at business, with no one to share your life with.”
“Sounds like the movie Mahogany.” She had a smirk on her face.
He shot his eyes away. “I’ll talk to you later. And I am the one who loves you.”
Lavender stepped out of the door and she closed it behind him. She locked it and headed straight to the table. She sat back down and finished her meal. Alone.
Five minutes later, as Milan sat in deep thought after her last bite, a text message chimed in. She reached across the table and yanked her purse closer, pulling out her phone and pressing a button.
I’m a fighter. I’m not going anywhere. U need 2 listen 2 the words 2 the song “All This Love.”
Milan placed her phone on the table, stood, picked up the plates, and headed to the kitchen sink, all the while bouncing the familiar words around in her head:
I had some problems / And no one could seem to solve them / But you found the answer / You told me to take this chance.
She also said to herself, Who the hell does he think is gonna put up with his dangerous, sick-ass son’s mom? As it is, he should be happy I didn’t trip about Dee.Bringing her up in bed when he’d already fucked her.
She headed straight to her office and let off some steam by getting in some much-needed writing.
37
“Delirious”
Thursday, May 29, 2008
8:40 p.m.
The front door was unlocked just for him as it had been the previous times he’d arrived, though another five minutes and it would have been locked and bolted and chained.
Nancy heard Jarod make his way to the back of her small apartment. He stepped inside of her room, humming a mellow tune, before he asked, “What’s your problem? Why’d you hang up on me?”
Nancy said nothing as she sat up in bed.
He’d just returned from Marietta after going to his regular spot to get his head shaved.
Her bedroom was dark and so were her eyes.
Jarod flicked on the light. “And what are you doing in bed so early?”
Her voice was unfriendly. “First of all, I don’t have a problem. Why don’t you ask yourself the same question?”
“You mean to tell me you’re mad because I’m ten minutes late? I said eight-thirty.”
She licked her lips and stayed fixed on the TV screen. “I told you nothing’s wrong.”
“It doesn’t take a degree to see that you’re pissed off, Nancy.” He placed his keys on her wicker dresser. “I know you.”
“You know me?” She moved her eyes his way. “Just how well do you know me, really?”
“Well enough.”
“Yeah right.” She jabbed her vision back toward the TV. “If you knew me, you’d have known to apologize by now for spending all that time on the phone with Tamiko while you were driving here, and then when I called, you casually told me you’re still talking to her but you’re on your way.”
He frowned. “Damn, woman. Who came and stole your cool?”
“You did. Just don’t take my kindness for weakness. Don’t let the myth of the naive white woman fool you. I was married to the king liar of all black men. Remember?”
“Please. One thing I do know is that you ain’t hardly weak.”
“Oh, I don’t think you really know.”
He sat on the corner of the bed. “Wow. This is amazing.”
She looked his way. “Wow what?” She frowned. “And why are you talking to Tamiko now anyway? You told me that shit was over. You told me you two hadn’t even communicated. What could you guys possibly need to talk about now?”
“She’s pregnant.”
She angled her head. “What?”
“I’m just kidding.” He gave one hard chuckle.
“That is not funny, Jarod. I’m serious.”
“Damn. I can see that. We talked about me. I left her a message and she called me back. We just talked. Talked about a lot of things. We even talked about you.”
“Oh Lord, please, don’t talk to her about me. My business with you is none of Tamiko’s business.”
“But it is.”
“Jarod, you made that none of her business when you came to me the day after you got fired, got in my bed, and asked me to be with you.”
“Just because Tamiko and I aren’t together doesn’t mean I don’t still care about her.”
“Yeah right.” She reached back and fidgeted with her hair. “She’d be a fool to believe you give a damn about her. Showing someone you give a damn is not about what you say, it’s about what you do. You left her and ran to me and then you didn’t call. She’d be hard up to even give you the time of day. I know her. She’s a big girl. She doesn’t need me or you worrying about her.”
He faced her. “And since when did you stop giving a damn about her? You’re her father’s ex-wife. You’re her stepmother. You lived with her for years, and from what I know, you and she were closer than you were with Milan. How easy has it been for you to just shut her out of your life now?”
Nancy poked her head toward him. “Ask yourself that. You shut her out, too. But hell, excuse me. I guess it wasn’t too easy, you seem to be running back to her now. Milan and Tamiko shut me out of their lives, not the other way around. The last time I talked to Tamiko she was cruel. What do you suggest I do, invite her over for dinner? I’d be a fool to let her into my life. She never liked me even when I was trying to get along with her. And especially now that you and I became . . . hell, what are we anyway? Fuck buddies. I guess that’s obviously all it is.”
“Bottom line is, Tamiko didn’t do anything to either one of us. We hurt her.” He focused down at his Jordans.
“Okay, so we hurt her. So please tell me why in the hell she even talks to you at all.”
“We loved each other.” He cut his eyes back to her. “Did you ever love her? Hell, did you ever really love anybody?”
Her voice grew. “Fuck you, Jarod. Of course I did. But it’s obvious when you say you were in love with her, what you really mean is that you’re still in love with her.”
“Yeah. But see, I know I don’t deserve her. Not only because I got with you. But I don’t deserve her because I didn’t even leave a message to say that I’m sorry. That’s what bothers her.”
She clicked her tongue. “Oh please. So now you feel sorry for her? Tamiko is not the saint you think she is. She’s more like her sister than you know. I’ve known her a lot longer than you.”
“Since you’ve known them so long, do me a favor and fuck their estate and the money.”
She looked like a lightbulb
had gone off. “Oh, now I see. Did she ask you to talk to me? She’s going to use this to her advantage. That’s some damn nerve.” She managed a brief, sarcastic laugh.
“No she didn’t. But my opinion is, they deserve what their father left them.”
She put her hand over her heart. “Have you even stopped to think about what I might deserve, Jarod? Oh yeah, that’s right. You don’t know me well enough to give a damn. But see, you made a smart-ass comment about who I could have ever loved. I was with their father for sixteen years and loved him more than I loved myself. I put up with what he said was a failing marriage to his first wife, and I dealt with his daughters, who rejected me from day one. People called me a home wrecker and I was even blamed for him dying, like I gave him a heart attack. That man lived fast until the end. He had a chick on the side in every city and put me through hell because he thought I had one affair. And here I am left with nothing as if I never even existed. Mark my word, those girls are going to look for men who are just like their fathers. Come to think of it, Tamiko probably would take you back in a heartbeat. Men who fuck around is all she knows.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“It’s Charlie Kennedy’s fault. It his fault they learned men are dogs and men cheat. And it’s his fault he left me with nothing. I loved him. And contrary to popular belief, he loved me.” Her eyes were clouded with tears.
“So why go after his daughters? You’re punishing them. What’d they ever do to you? If it was your father, you’d do the same thing.”
“They just happen to be in the middle.”
“In the middle of you and a dead man.”
“Jarod, stay out of this,” she said with warning.
“Stay out of it? Okay. Since it’s none of my business, maybe this is. Are you with me to get back at them? Did you come into Erotic City looking to fuck right up in the very place that Milan owns just to screw with her? Or did you go up there snooping, trying to find a way to shut her club down?”
“Where the hell did that come from? Tamiko must have put that junk in your head. You’re the one who got caught hiding in the corner choking your overgrown chicken. Maybe you’re with me to get back at Milan for firing you. Is that why you ran to me?”
“I take full responsibility for my dumb-ass stunt. It was stupid. I got caught up.”
“Yes you did.”
He abruptly stood. “Nancy, you know, it’s obvious this won’t work after all.”
“Why? Because I’m suing them? That was way before you. But all of a sudden you’re being their little advocate to make sure I never file the claim. I want what’s coming to me.”
He grabbed his keys. “I think you’ll get something coming to you but it won’t be money. What would it take for you to feel like you have enough? You got your divorce settlement.”
“Yes, I did and what do I have to show for it? I’m driving a ten-year-old, raggedy car and renting a tiny apartment that I’m almost three months behind on. What do I have to show for a life of loving that man, one of the most well-known musical legends in the world? It’s like it was all a dream. I at least deserved a house to live in. But all I got was escorted out of my own home by Milan. I want half of his earnings from the time I met him till the day of our divorce. I wanted that before you and I still want it now.”
“Let me tell you something.” He stood near the bedroom door.
“Don’t tell me. You’re willing to end this all because I want my money.”
“Good luck.” He turned toward the door.
“You know what?” she shouted.
He turned back. “What, Nancy?”
Her eyes were tight. A tear traced a path from her eye, right into her mouth. “You’re as big a dummy as your big-ass dick. That’s all you’ve got going for you anyway.”
“Oh Lord. Like I said, good luck.” He headed out of the room and down the hall.
She jumped up and yelled at his back. “Fuck you, Jarod. You don’t know a good thing when you see it. You had to ruin it and stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong.”
He said while walking, “You need to stop being so greedy and get happy. Maybe you can start by getting a job.”
“I’m not the one who got fired, baby boy!”
“Good-bye.” He opened the front door.
Her hands flailed about. “Go ahead and run back to Tamiko. She’ll laugh in your damn face.”
He laughed out loud as he walked out the door. “On second thought, go get you a full-time woman.”
“Asshole,” she said, grabbing hold of the closest thing she saw. She hurled her cordless phone toward his departure just as he slammed the door. It burst into pieces along the entryway linoleum.
She held her head down and cradled her face into her hands, crying like a baby and yelling at the top of her lungs. “Damnit, Charlie Kennedy. It’s all your damn fault. Now what? Now what am I going to do? I need that money. The money you fucking promised me. You lying bastard. What the hell am I gonna do?”
38
“Can U Believe”
Friday, May 30, 2008
6:00 p.m.
Man, you know I was in the fast lane from the time I was born.” Lavender ran it down to his coworker, Brian, sitting at the oval bar area of the dark, upscale, Sambuca jazz cafe in Buckhead. The sexy sounds of a tenor sax swirled in the air. A live jazz band played along the small, raised stage, and a slew of singles mingled about. It was the height of the happy hour rush crowd.
Lavender continued, “I’m a lot like Milan. The world I was in caused me to travel more by the time I was five years old than most people do by the time they’re thirty. And Dad raised me till around the time I was in high school and then he died from liver disease. So his mom and dad were all I had.” He sat upon the cherry leather–padded barstool with his forearms resting on the bar with a glass of Crown Royal before him.
“I can’t imagine what that was like. I know it’s tough, man. So who showed you the ropes as far as boxing?” Brian nursed a cold bottle of Miller Genuine Draft.
“My dad was trained by his dad, who trained me, too. My grandfather became my role model and my trainer. My everything. As soon as I graduated from high school, I was in the ring being sought after like crazy. I was being wined and dined like I fucking mattered. It was like I was a rock star or something. Hell, they all went away when I got hurt.”
“Sounds like you’ve always had all the women you’ve wanted, twenty-four-seven.”
“Man, I had women thrown at me. I screwed anything in a skirt, whether they were virgins or going through menopause. Money was thrown at me. Drugs were thrown at me. I fooled around on every woman I promised to be faithful to, especially Ramada. I saw our mutual interest in swinging as my license to fool around. Fooling around kept me feeling something. Who knows what the hell I was looking for, but I felt lucky just to have found a woman who understood me wanting variety. We shared women and she let me fuck them right in her face. She loved that shit. And I loved it, too, hell, until I saw that guy last year. I know it was a double standard. But I just couldn’t deal with it.”
“And Milan’s not having that, huh?”
“Hell no. Meeting Milan’s been one of the best things that ever happened to me. I had so many fucked-up days before meeting her. The only thing that got me out of bed was going to work and the first thing I wanted to do when I got off work was sleep or fuck or drink. Milan was the only woman I’ve felt has really loved me as a man, not a boxer. She accepted the fact that I was running security at a damn retail store. And she accepted and trusted me enough to go into business together with the little bit I had to invest in the club. We like the same things. The sex is great. We seem to come from the same worlds. We both lost our parents and came from the fast lane. She’s open-minded, but she’s not sharing me any more than I could share her. But, man, what we have is unraveling right before my eyes.” Lavender took a long sip of his drink.
“So what now? What do you want to do?”
Lavender set down the crystal glass. “I’ve wanted to settle down. I’ve wanted one woman who would trust me and who I could trust. I come from a long line of Lewis men who’ve had sons. I want to have children with a woman who I’m married to. I wanted to marry Milan.”
Brian sat back a bit. “Wanted? Then do that. Man, you’ve gotta go for what matters to you. If Milan is enough for you, fuck what the world thinks.”
“Funny. Milan has told me that so many times, fuck what the world thinks. She’s got that shit down pat. But she can’t deal with Ramada being Ramada.”
“Dude, you need to go ahead and step up and settle down if that’s what you want. Make it work.” Brian sucked on his beer bottle again.
Lavender shook his head. “Not if she’s gonna run out on me when times get tough like this. Besides, I’m just not sure that I can. Truth is, I just don’t know if I have it in me to be a one-woman man.” He glanced down at his half-empty glass. His eyes traveled across the bar to the angelic face of a woman who looked his way. Just before she could give a full smile, he looked back down at his drink. He brought the glass to his lips and swallowed what he always called liquid courage. He hoped it could bring him enough cour-age to keep his eyes off of the woman staring him down.
Brian looked around from left to right, noticing how crowded the place was. They sat silent. He asked, “Then what’s holding you back?”
“Milan will not deal with Ramada’s psycho bullshit anymore.”
“Sounds like Ramada will never change.” Brian leaned forward.
“Man, she wanted a baby so bad years ago that if I would’ve spit in her she would’ve gotten pregnant. She was a damn fertile Myrtle. You know, she was so pissed after we broke up that she had a yard sale and sold the shit I’d left at her house, including some of the crap that I bought her.
“That’s a straight-up Waiting to Exhale move.”
“She even checked my e-mail for a month after we broke up and kept e-mailing Milan, telling her shit. She was the password-cracking queen. One night, she cussed me out and tried to choke me and when I tried to leave her house, she lay in the driveway behind my car so I couldn’t back out. Other than not seeing Taj at all, I’m gonna have to deal with her for the rest of my life. Lord knows if I had my way, Taj would be with me all the time.”