“I’ll try Amy.” Riley nodded as though her desire for answers now outweighed the shock of the news.
When neither Amy nor Vanessa answered, Carina and Riley both started searching for more information. The reports were vague, all of them saying essentially the same thing. Then she caught one with more details, and her world started spiraling out of control once more. Helicopter crash reportedly kills members of SEAL Team Six. “What SEAL team are the guys with?”
“Eight.”
“Then it can’t be them.” Carina let out a sigh of relief. “It says here that the victims were from SEAL Team Six.”
“Team Six doesn’t actually exist. It’s just what the press calls some of the top-secret units that they can’t put a name on,” Riley told her, her eyes moist. “Right now, I just want someone to tell me for sure that it wasn’t Tristan.”
“You’re saying the Saint Squad could have been with them?”
“I don’t know. Tristan and I got cut off last night when we were IMing. Usually that means they had a communications blackout.”
“A communications blackout?”
Riley nodded. “They happen a lot, either right before or right after something major happens. It’s the military’s way of controlling information to make sure nothing slips out that might interfere with their operations.”
Carina thought of the way Jay had just disappeared offline right after she had said she loved him. Could it have been because of the blackout that he hadn’t responded? Again, she was faced with the horrifying thought of what she would do if Jay had been one of the men killed. She didn’t have an eternal marriage like his teammates’ wives. Even if he was okay, what was to say that something wouldn’t happen to him in the future?
She thought of Vanessa’s choice, realizing what she had gained by waiting so long for Seth to accept the gospel. If Seth was on that downed helicopter, she still had him for eternity. If Carina ended up with Jay and he didn’t accept the gospel, she would never have that security.
A weight pressed in on her as tears welled up in her eyes. She was very likely going to lose Jay one way or another. For the moment, she could only pray that it wasn’t today.
* * *
The entire Saint Squad took the news like they had been run over by a truck—one they hadn’t seen coming. Thirty-one of their comrades were dead, shot down returning from a rescue mission. They stood together in the boardroom aboard ship, staring at the television screen mounted in the corner of the room.
“That could have been us.” Tristan said the words quietly, echoing all of their thoughts. They had been out on a similar mission when the Chinook helicopter had been shot down, but they had returned to base safely, not a scratch on any of them.
“Our wives have got to be going crazy.” Seth looked over at Jay and added, “And Carina.”
“When is this communications blackout going to end?” Quinn asked impatiently. “This is crazy. The news has already gone viral.”
“I’m trying to get a message out to Amy so she can call everyone,” Brent told them. “Command says I should have a secure line within another fifteen minutes.”
Jay considered what Carina must be going through right now. Only yesterday she had said that she loved him, and now she didn’t know if he was alive or dead. She didn’t even know how much he loved her in return.
The memory of another helicopter crash overwhelmed him. He remembered so vividly that moment before impact when he thought he was going to die. Emotions churning through him, he stepped toward the hatch. “I’m going to get some air.”
Before anyone could respond, Jay quickly pushed his way out into the corridor and started toward the stairs leading to the upper decks. He heard someone come out behind him, but he didn’t look back.
Not until they made it out into the fresh air did Seth speak. “You okay?”
Jay clenched his teeth together, not trusting himself to speak.
“Talk to me.”
“I can’t stop thinking about the crash. I try to fight it, but I can’t stop thinking that I could have died.”
“It’s never easy when something like this happens.” Seth put a hand on the railing and stared out at the ship’s wake. “And it never makes any sense no matter how much we analyze it.”
“Seth, it’s not just today’s crash. It was when we crashed.” Jay turned to face him. “How come you and the rest of our squad were so calm?”
Seth’s eyes widened. “We weren’t calm.”
“Yes, you were,” Jay insisted. “There was something different about you four when we went down.”
“Maybe it was just perspective,” Seth suggested. “Trust me, we were all just as scared as you were. We just know a bit more about what comes after this life than most people.”
“I want what you have,” Jay said suddenly.
“What do you mean?”
The clarity of his thoughts surprised him as the words tumbled out of his mouth. “I want all of it. The peace. The Spirit. Whatever you call it. I want it all.”
“Then you want the gospel,” Seth said simply.
“Yeah.” Jay nodded as the truth dawned on him. “I want the gospel.”
40
I love you too! Carina remembered the message Jay had sent her the minute the communications blackout had been lifted. It had been followed with the explanation. That’s what I was trying to say before we were cut off last time.
Carina’s relief at seeing for herself that he was okay was complete, but the hours of worrying, of not knowing if he had lived or died, had helped her make up her mind. She was going to have to let him go.
Living with Jay’s profession would have been hard enough had they found a future together, but she knew now that she couldn’t do it. Not when she could only have him for this lifetime, however long that might be.
“Are you okay?” Vanessa asked beside her.
“I will be.” Carina nodded. “Or at least I hope I will be.”
Vanessa gave her arm an encouraging squeeze as they waited for the bus that would bring the men from the airfield to where the families were waiting. There were a dozen other families waiting with them, all of them eager for their loved ones’ return. Several held handmade signs, “Welcome Home” being the central theme.
Vanessa and the other wives had been so sweet to include her in so many of their activities lately. After the scare the week before, she felt like she was one of them, but she knew it wouldn’t last.
She still hadn’t spoken to Jay on the phone or on video chat, but they had messaged several times since that first time he had professed his love. She had tried her best to act like everything was okay between them. After all, she owed it to him to talk to him in person when she broke things off. She owed him that and so much more.
Words ran through her mind, possibilities of what she might say to him, how she could make him understand. Each time she rehearsed their next meeting, she became more nervous.
A plain white bus came into view, and the crowd stirred with excitement. Carina’s stomach tightened uncomfortably.
The bus pulled to a stop, and the doors opened with a whoosh of air. Men in fatigues started coming down the steps, their eyes sweeping the crowd until they found that special person in their lives. Then the footsteps quickened and long-awaited kisses of greeting were shared.
Tristan was the first member of the Saint Squad to step off of the bus. He zeroed in on Riley immediately and hurried toward her. His duffel dropped to the ground, and he swept his wife up in his arms and lowered his mouth to hers. Filled with envy and trying hard not to let it get to her, Carina tore her eyes away from the reunion. That’s when she saw him.
Her heart stopped for a moment, and she couldn’t stop the smile from forming. He was so handsome in his uniform, but she knew now that there was so much more to him than his looks and that confident air he had about him. He truly had a heart of gold, completely unaware of how deep his own well of generosity ran. She could see
Jay smile as his eyes met hers and he started toward her.
Something seemed different about him, but she couldn’t put her finger on what. All she could think about was her absolute relief that he was okay and that he was home. All of her rehearsed greetings were forgotten, and she opened her arms to him as he reached for her. He lifted her into the air and spun her around. “I have missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” Carina admitted before she could censor her words. The delight in his eyes and the feeling of his arms around her overshadowed her intentions. Even though she knew the end would come sooner than she wanted, she wasn’t ready for it now. Not quite yet.
Reunions continued around them as Jay kissed her briefly and then pulled her away from the crowd. “I have so much to tell you.”
Carina’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you couldn’t talk about your missions or whatever.”
“I can’t.” Jay shook his head and waved that away as a triviality. “That wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Then what?”
“I was hoping you could come over to Seth and Vanessa’s house for dinner tomorrow night.”
Carina considered. Maybe that would be the right time to talk to him about the future. To explain why things needed to change between them. “I can do that.”
“Great.” A smile crossed Jay’s face. “Because that’s when I’m having my first missionary lesson.”
“What?”
Jay’s smile faded, and his expression grew serious. “I get it now.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ve had a lot to think about over the past few days. Past few months really,” Jay told her. “With everything that’s gone on, I finally found the answers to the questions I hadn’t even realized I was asking.”
Her jaw dropped, and emotions flooded through her: shock, disbelief, hope. “Are you saying that you’re interested in learning about the Church?”
“No,” Jay said, pausing briefly as her excitement faded. “I’m saying I’m interested in joining the LDS Church.”
Carina’s eyes widened. “Seriously?”
“Seriously.” Jay nodded. “I love you. I want us to be together forever.”
She gave herself a moment to feel loved and cherished, but a seed of doubt crept in. “Are you planning on getting baptized for you or for me?” She shook her head slowly. “I don’t want you to join for me.”
“It’s for me,” Jay assured her. “I told Seth I want what you all have. I want that sense of peace that I didn’t realize I was missing.”
“I love you.” She reached up and kissed him, reveling in the feel of his arms around her.
When they shifted apart, Jay grinned down at her. “You know what this means, don’t you?”
“What?”
“When I convince you to marry me, you’re going to be stuck with me forever.”
“I like the sound of that.” Her eyes lit up, and her smile widened. “Forever.”
About the Author
Originally from Arizona, Traci Hunter Abramson has spent most of her adult life in Virginia. She is a graduate of Brigham Young University and a former employee of the Central Intelligence Agency. Since leaving the CIA, Traci has written several novels, including the Undercurrents trilogy, Royal Target, Royal Secrets, Obsession, and the Saint Squad series.
When she’s not writing, Traci enjoys spending time with her husband and four children, preferably on a nice, quiet beach. She also enjoys coaching North Stafford High School’s swim team.
Other books By Traci Hunter Abramson:
Undercurrents
Ripple Effect
The Deep End
Royal Target
Freefall
Lockdown
Crossfire
Backlash
Smoke Screen
Obsession
Royal Secrets
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