by April Wilson
Shane and Luciana turn in unison to glare at me.
Shane frowns. “You shouldn’t be here, Beth,” he says. “You’re ruining everything.”
I shoot up in bed gasping for breath. My throat is raw from screaming, and I can’t catch my breath. My chest feels like it’s caught in a vice that’s crushing me. I grab for my purse on the nightstand, scrabbling in the dark for my rescue inhaler, just as the bedroom door crashes open and Jamie rushes in.
“Beth!”
I shove my inhaler into my mouth and press, then lie back in bed and wait for the medicine to kick in.
“What the hell?” Sam says, pushing his way into the room behind Jamie. “Are you okay, princess?”
Sam is wearing nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs, and I see more of him than I ever thought I would. His arms and shoulders and torso are decorated with striking black tattoos, and his abdomen is ripped with lean muscle. And the bulge in his briefs – holy cow! I had no idea the man was so well endowed. As my face heats up, I hastily divert my gaze to Jamie, who’s wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt.
“Um, sorry,” Sam says, backing out of the room. He points down the hallway to the living room. “I’ll go put something on.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say, chuckling weakly. “I’m fine, Sam, really. Please go back to bed. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Hey, no apologies needed,” he says.
As Sam heads back to his makeshift bed, Jamie sits beside me on the bed. He brushes my hair back from my face, something Shane would have done. Jamie is so like his big brother.
Jamie takes the discarded inhaler from my limp grasp and sets it on the nightstand. “Are you okay?”
“I had a nightmare,” I tell him.
“I figured as much. Care to talk about it?”
“Not really. It’s just – Shane was in it, and so was Luciana. He was kissing her. And then he saw me and said I was ruining everything.” Fresh tears spill over my eyelids, and I’m grateful Jamie can’t see them.
“It was just a dream, Beth. Your subconscious is playing tricks on you, that’s all.” Jamie straightens the bedding around me. “Are you okay now?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry I woke you up.”
“I wasn’t asleep. I had a bad dream of my own.”
I know Jamie dreams about the accident that blinded him. Worse than that, he dreams about the friends he lost in that explosion.
I reach for his hand and give it a squeeze, and he squeezes mine back.
“Try to get some sleep,” he says. “Don’t hesitate to call me if you need me.”
After Jamie returns to his room, I lie awake for a long time, afraid to close my eyes. Afraid to fall back into that nightmare realm where my worst fears come alive.
I know it was just a dream, but Shane’s words keep haunting me.
You’re ruining everything.
Chapter 21
It’s just a little after seven when I wake in the morning, feeling slightly hung over from having slept so badly. My bladder’s about to burst, so I hop out of bed and head to the restroom. When I come out, I notice there’s a light on in the kitchen, and I smell fresh coffee. I head down the hallway into the living area and spot my overnight bag on the dining table, although I have no idea how it got here.
The sofa is empty, and Sam’s bedding is neatly folded and laid on one of the seat cushions, along with his pillow. He must be the one responsible for the fresh coffee brewing.
I hear a noise in the kitchen behind me and turn, expecting to see Sam.
And stop dead in my tracks.
Oh. My. God.
Cooper’s here. And he’s got Sam pinned against the kitchen wall, his big hand gripping Sam’s jaw and holding him securely in place as he kisses the hell out of him. Sam’s holding on to the waistband of Cooper’s jeans as he returns the kiss.
Sam moans desperately into Cooper’s mouth, the sound low and sensuous.
Holy shit.
I’m so shocked, I can barely think straight. I had absolutely no idea something was going on between them. How could I have not known?
Mesmerized, I can’t help staring at them. Sam tries to pull Cooper closer, but Cooper doesn’t budge. It’s obvious Cooper has the upper hand here, which doesn’t surprise me one bit. Cooper’s a dominant force of nature, and he’s so much older than Sam. My God, he’s almost twice Sam’s age. And honestly, the two of them together are freaking hot.
I must have made some kind of sound, because the two men break apart suddenly, looking guilty and flushed as they turn to face me.
“Oh, hey, Beth,” Sam says, sounding more than a little bashful as he gives me a small, forced smile. And he’s blushing, my goodness, he’s blushing. Cooper’s still holding him pinned to the wall, and Sam just stands there like nothing’s going on.
“Hi, guys,” I croak, feeling my own face go up in flames.
Cooper frowns. “Good morning, kiddo,” he says, casually releasing Sam’s jaw.
For a moment, I’m speechless. Then I feel like an idiot for not having seen this sooner. The hickey on the back of Sam’s neck, the telling looks he’d give Cooper at the apartment. The way Cooper would practically ignore Sam when he came to pick me up in the mornings, calling him kid and the boy, which of course is ridiculous as Sam’s a grown man. Of course, Cooper’s fifty-four, and so that maybe isn’t so crazy. Sam, asking me not to ask where he got the hickey – the hickey he must have gotten from my adopted father.
“Oh, my God,” I say, as my thoughts race ahead, taking in all the implications. Cooper and Sam?
Cooper takes a step in my direction. “Beth – ”
“No, it’s okay!” I say, surprised by the wariness in Cooper’s expression. “It’s fine. I mean, I’m happy for you guys. Really! It’s just... it’s a bit of a shock, that’s all, because I had no idea.” I know I’m rambling like an idiot, but I can’t help it.
“No one does,” Sam says, suddenly sounding bitter. He brushes past Cooper without a second glance. “Jamie’s outside walking the dog. I think I’ll go help him.”
And with that, Sam walks out the front door, and I’m left alone with Cooper, who looks painfully uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry, Beth,” he says.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Sam? On those nights when you stayed out late – or didn’t come home until morning – you’ve been with Sam?”
He nods, his expression a mixture of guilt and resignation. “Yes.”
I shake my head. “I don’t understand. Why have you been hiding this from us? From me?”
Cooper swallows hard, looking away as he brushes his hand over his hair. “Beth, honey, it’s complicated.”
“How is this complicated? You guys like each other. What’s complicated about that?”
He shakes his head. “It’s – just trust me, honey. It’s complicated.” His gaze goes to my overnight bag on the table. “I brought you a change of clothes and your toiletries,” he says, seemingly desperate to change the subject. “And something you can wear to work, if you decide to go in today. I wasn’t sure.”
I notice a garment bag draped over a dining room chair. “Thank you.”
He clears his throat. “I’d better get to the shooting range. I’ve got an early appointment.”
Now it’s my turn to frown. He’s just going to leave? Right now? Without even saying goodbye to Sam?
“Cooper, wait!”
He pauses at the door, half-turning to face me. “Yeah?”
I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He stiffens, but soon his arms come around me, and he sighs heavily as he holds me tight. I can feel his heart pounding. He’s obviously shaken, and I’m not sure why. Cooper’s not one to rattle easily, so there must be more going on here than I realize. He needs support, not judgment.
“I love you,” I tell him, squeezing him. “And I love Sam. It’s okay. In fact, it’s more than okay. I couldn’t be happier for the two of you.”
He relea
ses me and steps back. “Beth – ”
My God, he sounds anguished – he looks it too. That hurts my heart.
The apartment door opens and Jamie walks in with Gus. Jamie drops the dog’s service harness, and Gus runs to greet me, shoving his cold wet nose into my hands.
“Did you see Sam outside?” I ask him. “He went to find you.”
Jamie bends down to remove Gus’s service harness, and the dog shakes, then runs off to find his favorite tennis ball. “No, I didn’t see him. But I’m sure he didn’t go far. Do you want me to go find him?”
“No, that’s okay.” I suspect Sam needs a little privacy right now.
Jamie turns in that uncanny way of his to face Cooper. “Hi, Cooper. Everything all right?”
“Sure,” Cooper says, glancing at me with an inscrutable expression. “I just stopped by to drop off some things for Beth. I’ve got to get to work. I’ll see you later, Beth. You’re coming home soon, right?”
“Yes.”
And then he’s gone, leaving me reeling from the revelation.
* * *
Sam stays gone for nearly an hour. During that time, I shower and dress for work, all the while thinking about the scene I walked in on. Cooper and Sam. Wow. I was serious when I told Cooper I was happy for them. These are two people I care a lot about, and I want them both to be happy.
When I head back to the kitchen, Jamie and I make French toast for breakfast. Sam still hasn’t returned, so the two of us sit down to eat.
Jamie watches me. “Is there a problem? With Sam?”
“I think he just needed some space, that’s all,” I say, not wanting to divulge Sam and Cooper’s private business.
Just as we’re finishing our meals, there’s a light rap on the door.
“Come on in, Sam,” Jamie says, as he carries our empty plates to the kitchen. “You don’t need to knock.”
“How did you know it’s Sam at the door?” I say.
“From the sound of his boots hitting the floor.”
Sure enough, the door opens and Sam walks in. He eyes are rimmed with red, and he looks dejected. It’s obvious he’s been crying. He walks into the room and tries to pretend nothing happened.
“Hey, princess, you going to work today?” he says, eyeing my outfit. His voice is subdued, not at all like his normal self.
“Yes. I saved you some breakfast. It’s keeping warm on the stove.”
“Thanks.”
Jamie disappears without a word down the hallway and into his office, shutting the door behind him. I think he did it to give Sam and me a little privacy.
Sam carries his plate to the table and sits down.
I join him at the table. “You’ve been crying.”
He swallows hard and shrugs.
“You can talk to me, Sam.”
Sam’s hands come up to scrub his face, and he exhales harshly. “I’m sorry you saw us like that,” he says. “Cooper and me. We shouldn’t have been doing that here.”
“It’s okay. I was just surprised, that’s all.”
When he drops his hands, his eyes are wet. “Have you ever been in love with someone who’s incapable of loving you back? And no matter how hard you try to stop loving him, you can’t. And every time he snaps his fingers, you come running like some poor, pathetic puppy desperate for his attention.”
I’m shocked at the pain and self-loathing I see on Sam’s face. I can’t believe I haven’t picked up on this before. I mean, yeah, Cooper often seems uncharacteristically dismissive around Sam when he’s at our place, but I thought it was because they hardly knew each other. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“Sam.” I lay my hand on his arm, wanting desperately to comfort him, but not sure how. I can feel the tremors in his tense muscles.
I don’t understand what’s going on between him and Cooper. Cooper’s a wonderful man, an honorable man. It’s hard for me to believe he’d use Sam callously.
“So, you’re in love with Cooper, but you think he doesn’t love you? Why do you think that? Did he say as much?”
Sam shakes his head. “Not in so many words, no.” He chuckles. “He’s not a big talker, you know. But I know he doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do him. He wants to fuck me, yes, until we’re both sore. But he doesn’t love me. I’m his dirty little secret. I’m not ashamed of who I am, or who he is, but he’s sure ashamed of us. When we’re out in public, or when others are around, he acts like he hardly even knows me.”
Sam leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “I can’t take much more of this,” he says, his voice close to breaking. “Things have got to change. If he won’t claim me in public – if he feels like he has to hide our relationship, hide whatever he feels for me – ” Sam shakes his head, looking utterly miserable. “God, I can’t keep doing this, Beth. He’s tearing me apart, bit by bit. The problem is, that man owns me, heart and soul, and I don’t know how to leave him. I need him like I need air to breath. How in the hell do you quit breathing?”
I brush the tears from my own eyes, my heart breaking for him. I know how I’d feel if this were me and Shane. “I don’t know, Sam. Maybe you just shouldn’t give up on him.”
* * *
After Sam finishes his breakfast, we clean up the rest of the kitchen mess. Jamie emerges from his office, and we thank him for letting us stay overnight. I’m anxious to get to work, and I’m hopeful that I’ll get to see Shane soon.
In the taxi, I call Shane, and he picks up immediately.
“Sweetheart, hi,” he says. He sounds... distracted. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes.” No. Hearing his voice makes me miss him that much more. “I just wanted to let you know I’m heading to work.”
“Sam’s with you?”
“Yes.” I wonder if Shane has any idea about Cooper and Sam, but I can’t bring it up now. Not in front of Sam. He’s traumatized enough as it is now that I know. I lower my voice. “I know you’re busy... but, can I see you?”
There’s a momentary pause – my cue that he’s about to tell me something I don’t want to hear. “Honey, we’re still working on the images.”
“I don’t care about the images. I want to see you. I need to see you.”
“Shane, come look at this,” a man’s voice calls urgently. “I’ll be damned.”
“Honey, I have to go,” Shane says. “I’ll come to the bookstore as soon as I can, okay? I promise.”
“Okay.”
As we end the call, I remind myself I have no right to feel disappointed. He’s working around the clock to prove those images of Luciana and a man making out on the sidewalk aren’t of him – and he’s doing that for me. Still, I have this growing sense of urgency that I need to see him.
Sam reaches for my hand. “Don’t worry,” he says. “You guys are going to be fine.”
I smile at Sam, sadly, because while I know Shane’s fighting for us, I know that Sam feels like Cooper’s not fighting for him.
Chapter 22
I’m met with quite the welcoming committee when I step through the front doors of Clancy’s. Erin’s there to greet me with squeals and a hug.
“Oh, thank God you’re back!” she says, embracing me.
I laugh. “Did you miss me that much, or do you just hate being acting manager?”
“Both!” she says, pulling back with a smile.
Mack is here too. “Glad you’re back,” he says, giving me a friendly nod. “Erin was getting a little antsy here without you.”
Erin swats Mack on the arm. “I was not!”
I laugh. “I wasn’t gone that long.”
Erin grabs my hand and pulls me toward the stairs. “Let’s go upstairs to your office, so you can tell me everything.”
I head upstairs with Erin, Sam close on our heels. I want to talk to him about Cooper, but I can’t do that in front of Erin. I don’t think he wants his relationship with Cooper to become public knowledge.
“I’m sorry I abandoned you
yesterday,” I tell Erin, as she closes my office door behind us.
She waves it off. “Oh, no problem. I was just worried about you all day yesterday. Is everything okay?”
“It will be,” I say. I hope.
“What happened?”
I realize then that Erin hasn’t seen the images Luciana sent to my phone yesterday when we were at the restaurant. While I’m not thrilled with the idea of showing them to anyone, I can’t keep her in the dark. Not about this. I pull out my phone and scroll to the images, then hand her my phone.
“Oh, my God,” she breathes, staring at the small screen. Her gaze lifts to mine. “Oh, my God.”
I nod. “Yeah. It looks bad. But Shane says it’s not him in those last four images.”
Erin looks the images over carefully. “That’s clearly him in the first two.” She eyes me cautiously.
I nod. “It is. And he doesn’t deny it. He says she walked up to him on the sidewalk and kissed him without warning. He said he pushed her away and walked on. Alone.”
Erin looks skeptical. “But then how – ”
“I don’t know how. But Shane’s going to figure it out.”
“Well, he’d never do this to you, that’s obvious,” Erin says. “I mean, he’s not that kind of guy. No way. And besides, look at you! Any man would be insane to cheat on you, and Shane does not strike me as being crazy.”
I laugh at that. “He says he didn’t do it, and I believe him. Now he’s trying to prove it.”
My phone chimes twice with incoming messages. The first one is from Lia, just checking in with me. I send her a quick text back, telling her I’m back at work and doing all right.
The second one is from Shane.
I’m on my way.
My heart starts racing. He must have found what he’s looking for. “Shane’s coming.”
I boot up my PC to check e-mails and kill time while we wait for his arrival. I’m a nervous wreck, my stomach turning cartwheels.
Twenty minutes later, there’s a knock at my door.
“Come in,” I say, my heart in my throat.
The door opens, and Shane fills the doorway, looking both pleased and determined.