“Do you want my purple crayon?” Mike offered.
“No. I like green,” came the reply.
He smiled and shook his head. She certainly had her own ideas, and he liked that about her. She was all personality and she wouldn’t be easily pushed around.
“Uncle Mike, I’m hungry.”
“Do you think Nanny Mal is hungry, too?” Mike asked.
“I dunno.”
“Go ask her.”
Katy scampered out of the kitchen and into the living room, where Malory lay on the couch.
“Are you hungry, Nanny Mal?” he heard her ask. “Nanny Mal?”
Mike craned his neck to see around the corner. Malory was fast asleep, her arm resting on a magazine. She’d been thoroughly annoyed to be banished to the couch only an hour before, but now it looked as if the prescription had had its desired effect, and she was relaxing even more than she’d intended. Out cold, mouth slack and was that a tiny bit of drool? He grinned. She was adorable when she slept—not that he’d dare tell her that.
“Katy, let’s let Nanny Mal sleep,” Mike said. “Come over here and I’ll make you something. What do you want?”
Katy poked at Malory a couple more times, then gave up and returned to the kitchen.
“Goldfish crackers,” she announced.
“Hmm.” He opened the cupboard. “That’s more of a snack. I was thinking of feeding you a whole meal.”
“Lots of Goldfish crackers!”
Mike chuckled. “Hold on... How about macaroni and cheese?”
He pulled out a box and held it down for her. Katy nodded enthusiastically, and Mike grabbed a pot and filled it with water.
“Did you have fun today?” he asked her.
“Yup.” She stood on tiptoe, trying to see what he was doing, small fingertips squeezed against the countertop.
“What did you do with Mr. Tuck?” he asked.
“I licked his phone,” she said with an impish grin, and Mike burst out laughing.
“Did he like that?”
“No.”
He doubted anyone would like that, but if anyone could take it in stride, it would be Tuck. He had the feeling that Katy wasn’t the first kid to lick his phone.
“Did you get to play with the siren in the police car?” he asked.
She looked up blankly.
“The big light that went—” And he whooped for her benefit, imitating the sound of a squad-car siren.
“Uh-huh!” She nodded excitedly. “And I used a stapler!”
“You did?”
The phone rang, and Mike pulled down some Goldfish crackers and shook a few out onto a plate, grabbing the handset as he worked.
“Hello?” He passed the plate to Katy. “Here, have a few crackers while you wait,” he said, and she joyfully grabbed the plate, sending half of them bouncing across the tile floor.
“Hi, sorry about that. Mike here.”
“Hello, this is Elizabeth Nelson from the adoption agency.”
Just like that, the joy in the moment came crashing down, and Mike scrubbed a hand through his short hair. Katy crouched on the floor, picking up crackers and depositing them back onto her plate, and he didn’t have the heart to stop her.
“Hi, how are you?” he said.
“Just great. I got a call from the Petersens, and they were more than impressed with Katy when they met her.”
“That’s great,” Mike said, trying to sound more enthusiastic than he felt.
“In fact, they want to take her. They felt a connection with her at your home the other day, and they’ve made their decision.”
Mike cleared his throat. “As quickly as that?”
“Yes, apparently so. Why, are you concerned about anything?” She sounded cautious. “I do appreciate your insights both as a sheriff and as Katy’s guardian.”
“I’m sure you’ve screened them,” he said.
“Very thoroughly, both through the police and a private detective. They are exactly as they appear to be—a successful couple with a lot of love to give.”
Mike sighed. What were his reservations about the couple—that their pants matched? That they were mildly annoying in just how perfect they were? That they could provide everything she could possibly need or want, while he felt as though the little he had to offer could never hold up? His real problem was that he didn’t want to let go of her, and he knew it.
“No, they’re good people and they seem to have everything she needs,” he admitted.
“Are you reconsidering giving Katy up?” the woman pressed. “If you need to take more time, that’s okay, you know. It’s better to take things more slowly than to make a decision you regret.”
Taking his time wouldn’t change anything. Sinclair Moody was still out there, and he’d still come for Katy. Mike was willing to bet on that. Katy needed a home as far from her biological father’s grasp as possible, and this well-educated couple was the ideal solution.
“No.” Mike dumped the boxed noodles into the boiling water. “This is hard for me—I won’t try to hide it—but the circumstances aren’t going to change. This is what is best for Katy.”
“I’ll tell you what,” the woman said, sympathy in her tone. “You have until they drive away with her to change your mind. I’ll let them know that you are agreeing but still have a few reservations, just so they’ll know what to expect.”
“That sounds fair,” Mike agreed.
Was he really undecided? Having the finality of the decision put off helped to ease some of his discomfort.
“Thanks,” he said. “When should I expect them?”
“They’d like to come tomorrow to start the transition,” Ms. Nelson replied. “If that is okay with you.”
“That would be fine,” he agreed. “Thanks. We’ll see you then.”
Hanging up the phone, Mike stood in front of the stove, staring down into the bubbling water. This had all happened so quickly—first Katy’s arrival, and now her exit. He wished there were a way to keep her for longer, but he knew that reality wouldn’t allow for it. This was part of the Cruise curse, the constant contact with the unsavory parts of society, and Katy’s connection was even more sordid than his own.
She deserved a life away from this ugliness. She deserved a life safe from Sinclair Moody. And she deserved two loving parents to dote on her. Why was he wanting to hold her back?
For me, he realized. For once in his life, he’d bonded with another Cruise who wasn’t already swallowed up by addiction and crime. And that felt more comforting than he cared to admit.
“Uncle Mike?” Katy held up her plate. “More?”
“Hold on, kiddo,” he said, trying to sound cheerier than he felt. “These noodles are done, and I just have to mix in the cheese.”
“Cheeeeese...” she intoned, and he laughed softly. He turned off the heat and squatted down next to her.
“Katy?” he said quietly.
She looked at him, big blue eyes fixed on his face.
“Will you do your very best to remember me?” he asked. “Will you always remember that your Uncle Mike loves you?”
She squished up her face, not understanding what he was getting at. It was better that way anyhow. She didn’t need the weight of the world on her small shoulders when his were plenty broad enough to hoist it for her.
“Never mind, kiddo,” he said, tousling her hair and standing up. “You’re hungry, aren’t you?”
Mike drained the noodles and added in a splash of milk and the packet of dry cheese. As he stirred, his sadness welled up, threatening to break past his careful reserve. His hands moved as if on their own, going through the motions of making macaroni and cheese.
“Uncle Mike?”
Mike looked down, giving her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Yes?”
“Can I call you Daddy now?” Katy asked quietly, and he as he looked down at her, he wished with all his heart that his answer could be different.
“That isn’t a good i
dea, kiddo,” he replied, his throat tight. “You’ll have a daddy real soon, and you should save that name for him.”
The sparkle in her eyes evaporating, she stared at him for a long moment, her expression empty, and then she started to cry. She turned her face away from him, not letting him see. She felt his rejection.
Nice, he thought miserably. And now you get to break her heart, too.
* * *
LATER THAT EVENING, with Katy tucked in, watching a children’s TV program on Mike’s tablet, Mike came down the stairs to check on Malory.
“What’s going on?” Malory asked from her position on the couch, rubbing her hands over her eyes. “What did I miss?”
Mike sank down next to her, and she pulled her legs up to give him space.
“I got a call from the adoption agency,” he said, “and the Petersens are more than interested—they want to take Katy.”
Malory swallowed and looked away for a moment. “So soon?” she asked.
“Yeah, that’s what I asked, too.” He smiled sadly. “The thing is, they’re good people. They’ve been vetted and screened. They have everything to offer her.”
“And I’m sure you’ve looked into them, too,” she added.
He chuckled. “They’re as squeaky-clean as you are.”
Malory nodded slowly. “And they’re unrelated to the Cruises in any way.”
“A point in their favor.”
“So—” She faltered. “What did you say?”
Mike didn’t answer at first. Then he heaved a sigh and turned his dark eyes to meet hers.
“I said okay.”
He’d agreed. Of course, there was no reason why he shouldn’t. This had been the plan all along, but the finality of the decision weighed her down.
“So what do you think?” he asked, his gaze trained on her as if she held some sort of key to release him from his misery.
“I don’t know what to say,” she replied, tears filling her eyes. “I’m sad.”
“Me, too.”
“And you’re sure about this?” Malory asked.
“Not really. I’m conflicted, but I want to put Katy first. This isn’t about me. She’s not my daughter, but I still have to be the one to decide what’s right for her. Hardly seems fair, does it?”
“Have you told her yet?” Malory asked.
“Not yet. I wanted your help with that. I don’t know how to tell her...what to tell her. And it’s all so fast.”
“I suppose the timing is rather good, too,” Malory admitted. “The doctor was clear that I can’t keep working, so I’ll be leaving soon, too.”
“I wasn’t really wanting to face that just yet.” He rubbed his hand over his short hair. “You can stay, you know.”
“You know I can’t.”
“Well—” He looked like he was considering his next words carefully. “I mean, for as long as you need to. Don’t feel rushed. Take it easy. Rest up. I’m not speeding you out of here.”
Malory nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”
She wasn’t in an incredible rush to move in with her mother and her fiancé, either, but she didn’t have many options right now, and staying longer with Mike was only putting off the inevitable. And playing house, in a way. It was better to face reality than to avoid it with a handsome sheriff. That was what he was doing with his own situation, wasn’t it? He was facing reality, even if it hurt.
“When are they coming for Katy?” she asked.
“Tomorrow morning.”
“That’s not a lot of time to get her adjusted to the idea.”
“No, but she hasn’t been here long, either. I’m sure the adoption agency will have a few suggestions on how to make the transition easier for her.” He shook his head. “She’d have all the advantages, but do you really think that they’d be the right fit for her?”
“You’re thinking of fuchsia tracksuits again, aren’t you?” Malory attempted to lighten the mood.
“Yes.” He smiled wryly. “Is this the right decision? What if they don’t understand her? What if she grows up with all the newest toys and the best schools but never really connects with them?”
“That’s what family therapy is for,” she suggested. “To help them bond.”
“Does she even like them?” he asked, but he didn’t seem to expect an answer. They could hear Katy’s laughter upstairs. “The other option is to stay with me. And we all know how safe she is here.”
“Safer than you think,” Malory countered. “I don’t think a whole lot could get through you.”
“A bullet would.” The grim determination in his voice sent a shiver down her spine. “I can’t be vigilant every second. I have to sleep, too. If this guy wanted to get at her, all he’d have to do was wait long enough...wait until I let my guard down. No, she has to be away from him completely.”
“So what are your options?” she asked.
“Well, I can let her go to the Petersens, or I can wait a little longer and see if there is another family that is less matchy-matchy.” He shot her a droll smile. “I know, it’s stupid. I know what I have to do. I just don’t have to like it.”
“Mike?” He turned back toward her and she put a hand on his muscled arm. “You’re a good guy, you know.”
He didn’t answer, and he looked away again. Silence filled the room, broken only by the sound of the TV show and Katy’s giggles from upstairs.
“How can I help?” she asked at last.
“You can help me break the news,” he replied.
Malory nodded.
“I’ll bring her down.” Mike rose to his feet.
He gave her hand a squeeze, then let it drop and headed toward the stairs. As he went up, Malory began to cry.
This was it. She shouldn’t have gotten this attached, but she had, and now she had to summon up the strength to see it through to the end. Katy needed to see that everything would be okay, and she’d look to Malory for confirmation of that.
There was no time for tears when children needed your strength.
Chapter Seventeen
That night, after Malory and Katy were already asleep, Mike sat in the living room alone. He just couldn’t bring himself to lie down yet—his protective instinct kicking into high gear for one last night. Sometimes steeling himself for attack was easier than facing the depths of his own sadness.
Katy had understood better than he’d thought. She’d have a new family—a new mommy and a new daddy—and they would take very good care of her. She liked the Petersens. When informed that she would be their little girl, she’d looked at the doll in a whole new way. Her tiny brows had knit together, and she’d stared down at the plastic face as if it had betrayed her somehow. She seemed to sense that she’d been bought off.
This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, although what exactly he’d expected, he couldn’t say.
Outside, a car’s motor rumbled up the drive, and Mike went to the window and nudged aside the curtain to look out. It was a black Crown Victoria, outlined in the moonlight. Two large men got out first. Then one opened the door to the backseat and Nate climbed out, pausing in the silvery darkness. He looked quickly around himself, then came toward the front door.
What was his father doing here at this hour of night with two FBI agents? The two bruisers couldn’t be anything else. He hadn’t set Nate free yet, and these guys had that federally trained look about them and they moved in formation, staying behind Nate to keep him protected. Their suit jackets wore as if there was bulletproofing underneath them.
As if Mrs. McNaughton from across the street would have a sniper in her front room. The thought brought a wry smile to his lips, but lately he wouldn’t put anything out of the realm of possible—at least where Sinclair Moody was concerned.
Mike opened the front door before his father had a chance to ring the bell, and they regarded each other in silence for several seconds before Nate said, “Could I come in?”
“What’s this about, Dad?” Mike asked
.
“I have some explaining to do,” Nate said.
Mike stepped back and Nate came inside, followed by the two agents. They flashed their badges—FBI, as he’d suspected—and then stood by the door, arms crossed over massive chests. Mike was used to being considered a rather big man, but next to these guys, he was downright average.
“Come in,” Mike sighed, jutting his chin in the direction of the couch. “So what brings you over here at this time of night?”
“They said it was better this way—” Nate nodded toward the FBI agents. “I’m going to disappear for a while, son.”
“How long?” Mike asked.
Nate swallowed, and Mike thought he could detect tears in his father’s eyes, but he couldn’t be sure in the low light.
“For good, kid,” he said gruffly.
Mike frowned. “What’s happening, exactly?”
“I’m testifying against Sinclair Moody in court.”
“You are?” Mike stared at his father in shock. “That’s a dangerous thing to do, Dad. Are you sure about this?”
“I know stuff, and Mr. Moody knows that.” Nate shrugged. “I’m not safe either way.”
Mike could see that was true, but he still didn’t like the idea of his father being used for testimony that would leave him a target for a heartless criminal.
“I’ll get a new life, a new start. Somewhere far from here.”
“What about Gina? Is she even real?”
“Yeah, she’s real. She’s...she’s a good woman. Better than I deserve.”
“Will she go with you?” Mike asked.
The older man shook his head. “She’ll think I just left one day. It’ll hurt. Might not surprise her too much. She’ll think I couldn’t clean up my act after all, and she’d be right.”
“So you’re giving up your girlfriend, your life, everything. And that means—” Mike heard the gruffness enter his tone “—that means you’ll never see me again, either.”
Nate nodded sullenly. “I wasn’t much of a dad anyway.”
“But you’re still my dad.”
“Look, kid.” Nate leaned forward. “I don’t like this, either. But I’ve got to do what’s right once in my life. There’s no going back. They’ve already got Moody in custody, and everything is going forward. After the trial, I disappear.” He snapped his fingers. “Puff of smoke.”
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