by Alexa Davis
“But...people do it all the time,” I practically whispered. “You did it with me.”
“Which is why I don’t want it for you. I want you to be able to have a life, too. I love you, Morgan, but it was not easy having you all by myself. I never got a minute to myself.”
I gulped down the massive ball of emotion lodged in my throat. Mom didn’t know it, but her words were cutting it close to the wire. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to do this by myself, maybe... Oh God, maybe this was all just a big giant mess.
“Yeah, okay, well I have to get back to work now,” I lied through my teeth, this time without a care in the world. I really needed to get her off the phone now; she wasn’t making me feel any better at all. If anything, I felt a million times worse. “I’ll speak to you soon, Mom, okay?”
“Don’t leave it so long next time.”
I hung up and slid my eyes closed for a second, trying to block the outside world out. My mom had me thinking a lot about Terrance, even more so than before, and his potential at actually being a father to this child.
Maybe it was unfair of me to not seek him out, to not tell him. After all, it wasn’t just me having this baby. Maybe he would be a dick, maybe he’d blame me or deny and responsibility, but I had to give him a chance, didn’t I?
Maybe seeing Terrance and judging his reaction would help me to decide on what I did next. I certainly didn’t have any other sparks of inspiration right now.
If I truly was going to see Terrance, then there was only one option available to me. It didn’t appeal to me at all, and it probably wouldn’t even work – chances were he’d already moved on to somewhere, and someone, else by now – but that club was the only place I knew him to be. Unless I wanted to show up at his home like some crazed, random stalker, that is.
I was going to have to suck it up. I would have to stomach Lights Out one more time.
“Nickie,” I made myself sound happy as she eventually answered the phone. I needed her to believe the lie this time. “Good news, as it turns out I’m alright, so I can come clubbing with you tomorrow night, after all.”
“Oh, that’s incredible, I’m so pleased. And, you’re really alright?”
I would tell her when the time was right. I just needed to keep up the lie for a little while longer. “Yep, absolutely fine. So, what time are you and the girls getting there?”
Chapter Fifteen
Terrance
Saturday
“So, how do you like the place?” I stepped into Braxton’s home and glanced everywhere. Admittedly, it was looking a bit more lived in now, which I found comforting because it meant he wasn’t going anywhere. “Still glad you came?”
“Oh my God, so much. I love it.” He had a glint in his eyes, a shine that hadn’t ever been there. This really had brought out the best in him. “Thank you again. It’s a million times better than where I was before. I can actually breathe. And, I brought a set of weights of my own because I finally have room for them. You can come and use them whenever you want. I’m just so grateful, thank you again.”
“No, thank you.” I grabbed an apple off the counter and took a huge bite out of it, feeling as at home here as I did upstairs. “You don’t know much I appreciate having you here. It’s great knowing that you’re underneath me and I can call you whenever I need to.” I’d been sleeping better, feeling well, and wasn’t panicking all the time anymore.
“Luckily, nothing has happened yet.” He gave me a look, as if he wanted to see if I was hiding anything new from him. Nothing had happened in the past week, but I still flickered my eyes away from him, hating the lie coursing through my veins. “So, any plans for tonight? What did you have in mind? A wild Saturday night out on the town?”
“Well, I thought we could go to Lights Out, if you’re interested?” Of course, that was what I wanted to do – it was the same plan I’d had for the last couple of months.
“Ah, of course, for the young nurse,” Braxton replied knowingly.
“Or anyone,” I jumped in, far too rapidly, totally giving myself away. “We’ll just see how it goes, yeah? Maybe get some girls for you, too. I keep promising, don’t I?”
“I think I’ll have more luck with this home to bring them back to, as well.” He smirked, blowing past my awkwardness when it came to Morgan. Damn it, I was weird about her. What the hell was wrong with me? “They’ll love this place, won’t they?”
“Well, they love mine!” I shrugged and laughed. “So, what are you planning on wearing? I might not bother with a suit tonight.”
“Oh sure, I’ve never seen you out of a suit, boss.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head before moving over to the large window to look down on the people below. I could sense that feeling of power he was getting. I got it, too. It was hard not to feel like a big shot living in such a nice place. “I dunno, I’ll figure it out.”
As Braxton took me through his planned outfit, I couldn’t help getting excited about the idea of the night that lay ahead. Despite the fact that Morgan had let me down the last few weeks, I couldn’t let go of the possibility that tonight would be the night.
“I think we should go out and get something new, don’t you?”
“Oh, I don’t know about that...” Braxton didn’t look convinced.
“Come on, trust me. I need you to have all the confidence in the world. Maybe we can go to where Summer works.” There was an innocence to my tone, but I knew exactly what I was doing. Maybe I just wanted go get out the house and couldn’t do it alone, but it would do Braxton good to have some new threads.
“Oh right, sure.” I knew that would work; Summer was the key. Maybe even some practice flirting would occur... “Come on then, boss, let’s go.”
***
“Boss? Boss?”
“Huh?” I spun my head rapidly back towards Braxton, suddenly realizing that I’d been lost in my own thoughts for far too long. “Sorry, I fell into a dream world there.” What I wouldn’t admit aloud was that I was staring at the storeroom door, recalling that night. I wanted to work out what was so special, so different, why I was so hooked. “What did you say?”
Braxton smirked at me. “I was just wondering what women you wanted brought up tonight. You have already drunk two cocktails.”
“Oh right, of course.” I forced my eyes over the barrier to see down towards the dance floor. If it wasn’t Morgan, I wasn’t in the mood for anyone – but I had promised Braxton I would help him find a lady friend, so it was the last I could do.
Of course, as always, Morgan was nowhere to be found.
“Ooh, what about that punky girl?” I asked Braxton, wiggling my eyebrows. “Do you like her?”
“Sure, she’s cute. But I also like the sexy redhead standing next to her.”
If he was trying to stake his claim, it really wasn’t necessary. I wasn’t interested in either of them. “Get them both up here, get to know them a bit before you decide.”
“Yeah... Okay...” He wiped his forehead, sweat giving his anxiety away.
“Just do it like you normally would, for me.” I grabbed his shoulder in a gesture I hoped was comforting. “And, just remember that girls love to come to the VIP section, so it isn’t like you’ll be rejected. I’ll do the hard graft, this will be fine.” I owed him this much, and it wasn’t like we both had to go home disappointed. I was a Good Samaritan if nothing else. “Okay?”
“Right.” His breaths were coming out a little too short and ragged. “Okay. I’m going now.” He sounded determined, but his feet didn’t move. “In one second.” Then he grabbed the nearest drink and impressively knocked it back in one fell swoop. “Okay, I’m going right now.”
I watched him descend down the stairs and towards the dance floor, a tentative nature to his step that wasn’t usually there. I smirked to myself, glad to help my friend get over his little hump with the ladies. Once he learned to speak to them, he’d be fine. He would start bringing home a different woman every night, just like I do.
Or just like I did...
He spoke to the women, and after only a moment of hesitation, they agreed to come with him, leaving it up to me to set the scene. I indicated for the nearest bartender to come over to the table.
“Can I get you anything, Terrance?” I didn’t really recognise him, but he was familiar with me.
“Get me a selection of cocktails,” I grinned brightly. “We’re being joined by some friends.”
“Of course, right away.”
I had no idea if any of the staff were familiar with my dalliance with Morgan, there could’ve been CCTV cameras in store room as far as I was aware, but none of them gave me any indication that they did. They remained as professional around me as ever.
***
“So, where are you guys headed after this?” the redhead purred, with her arms circled around Braxton. He’d chosen well – the one woman he really liked appeared to feel the same way about him, too. It was adorable to see them getting along so well.
What was less adorable was punky and her tongue buried into my ear.
“I’m not sure yet,” I replied, squirming my head away. “We’ll see where the night takes us.”
“Maybe even home.” Braxton looked confident, and he sounded bold, too, which had his date giggling girlishly. I was so glad that he was about to get what he wanted, but I could not take this girl with me. Somehow, I was going to have to make my escape. “In fact, maybe we should go in a minute.”
“Sure thing.”
That didn’t leave me very long to craft out my plan. I turned my eyes away from everyone and fixed them on the floor below. Despite the fact that it was after midnight, it seemed to be getting busier by the moment, as if the night was only just started...
“Oh my God!” I gasped loudly, pointing my finger wildly. “There she is, Braxton, look.”
“There who is?” He was barely paying attention to me, lost in the woman beside him – and who could blame him.
“Morgan.” My heart beat faster as I stared directly at her. After waiting for so long to see her, actually having her there was a little disconcerting. Her hair looked a little shorter than I remembered, her curves a little more prominent. But hot damn, she was still a beauty, that part was still very accurate. Maybe it was just me, but her aura shone above everyone else’s, and the rest of the crowd simple paled into insignificance. “I’m going to go see her.”
“What about me?” Punky called out, but I totally ignored her. I hadn’t given her any indication that anything was ever going to happen between us, so I didn’t have any reason to feel bad.
Plus, Morgan was here. It was very difficult to see anything else.
I raced down the stairs as quickly as I could manage, pushing my way through the crowds to find her. I hated being down here – there was always too many people and I couldn’t see where I wanted to go. I had to hope that Morgan hadn’t moved in the time it had taken me to get down here or I’d never be able to find her. Having a bird’s eye view really did give me a huge advantage...
Oh my God, there she was.
She hadn’t seen me yet, but her eyes were scanning the crowd. I couldn’t help but hope it was me she wanted to find. She clutched her bag tightly to her chest, as if she was afraid of what might happen next.
“Morgan!” I called out to her, dragging her eyes around to mine. As soon as she saw me her eyes widened in a mixture of shock and fear, which made me stomach flip flop. I didn’t want this meeting to be a negative one. I’d been waiting far too long for it. “Are you okay? Would you like a drink?” If I kept on talking, she’d eventually see that I came in peace.
“Erm, no thank you.” My heart sunk as she shut me down. But then she spoke again giving me a small glimmer of hope. “Not tonight, but I’d like to see you for dinner one night, if that suits?”
“Hell yeah, that suits!” I couldn’t keep the enthusiasm from my voice, however hard I tried. “But you’ll have to give me your number so I can call you.”
She nodded slowly and grabbed a pen from her bag before grabbing onto my hand to scrawl her number across it. There was a definite buzzing between us, a powerful electricity I enjoyed massively. I could tell that she was feeling it, too, from the way her lip kept inadvertently curling upwards.
Once she’d finished, I took the pen from her and did the same on her arm, effectively marking her. Then I stepped back to move away from her without saying even another word. I didn’t want to leave Morgan, especially not after waiting for so long to see her again, but I felt like the time was right to play it cool if I wanted to keep her hanging.
Plus it was okay, we had plans and a way to contact one another. Even so, I couldn’t resist sending her one more cheeky wink before I ascended up the stairs once more, and the gentle smile she gave me had my heart tearing frantically in my chest.
I couldn’t deny it anymore. There was something about this one, something that kept me intrigued for much longer than I should be. Maybe this was about to be the start of something wonderful.
Chapter Sixteen
Morgan
Saturday
I felt positive as I walked out the door of Lights Out. I’d achieved what I needed to, so there was certainly no reason to stay. I didn’t particularly want to be there, so there was no point in sticking around any longer. It was time to go home and put my feet up, to rest my weary body. Pregnancy was tough. I felt like hell most of the time, so this was going to be a nice break.
“Morgan! Hey!” I heard a familiar voice calling out behind me, which made me instantly spin around. Nickie was furiously waving at me like I was the best person she could see. It wasn’t going to end well because I had no intention of going back inside there.
“Oh, hi, Nickie.” I moved closer to her, pushing my way through the crowds of people. “Sorry, I feel like hell again. I think I’m gonna go home.”
I felt awful when her face fell. If I felt any better, I’d do a total one eighty and do as she wanted, but I really did feel dreadful. “Oh, okay.” She paused for a second, pausing her lips thoughtfully. “You know what, I’m not really in the mood either. Do you mind if I come back with you? I feel like we haven’t spent much time together recently.”
“Oh, of course.” I was surprised, but pleased by that suggestion. “Yeah, that sounds great.” It really had been too long. Maybe I had been distancing myself without really thinking about it because I didn’t want to reveal my secret until I was good and ready. I’d missed Nickie a lot. I linked my arm through hers and grinned. “Come on, let’s get a cab.”
On the drive back through the city to my home, Nickie talked endlessly about some guy who’d been trying to chat her up in the line to get into Lights Out. Obviously she’d wanted to avoid him, which was why she came with me, but I felt like there was more to the story. It was almost as if she couldn’t stand the silence that might drift between us if she hadn’t been talking. Almost as if there was an awkwardness between us.
Was I really that bad a friend? I guess I had been a bit too self involved recently, but there was a reason for that. Once I finally braved telling her she would understand...hopefully.
“Yeah, so actually I’m glad not to go. Plus, I have to admit you are right about the maternity lot. They’re fun, but sometimes I feel like I really don’t fit in.”
“I told you,” I giggled smugly, glad to be proven right. “They’re baby bores.”
Even as I said that joke, it sent cold terror spiking into my system. I was about to become my own baby bore, but for a whole different reason. I knew that I could’ve told Terrance there and then, I could’ve just shocked him in the middle of the club, so he could feel a little bit of how I felt. Maybe it would’ve given me a bit of satisfaction.
But it just didn’t feel right.
Still, it was okay. We had each other’s numbers and vague plans for dinner tomorrow night. I could just tell him then.
“Right, here we are.” I was shocked from my thoughts by Nickie
nudging me. “I’ve paid the driver, let’s go inside. I’m desperate for the bathroom!”
Nickie grabbed my keys from my hand and raced towards my apartment, leaving me in her dust. I chuckled a little and followed behind her, glad to have some company. Maybe before I was looking forward to a night alone, but now I realized it’d be nice not to be left alone with my thoughts. Nickie was always good for a laugh and immersing myself in her life for a while would be a welcome distraction.
I wandered inside and kicked my shoes off instantly, glad to be able to rest my feet. I wasn’t wearing the highest of heels because the last thing I wanted to do was fall and I hadn’t had them on for long, but still they felt sore.
I practically staggered inside and fell onto the couch, just to see Nickie’s head pop around the bathroom door with a shocked expression on her face. “Everything alright?” I asked casually, flopping my head backwards into the cushion behind me and sliding my eyes closed, just for a second. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I feel like I have!” she exclaimed, with a hint of mania to her tone. “I’m okay. I think the question is, are you?”
“What do you mean?” I murmured, barely paying attention to her.
She pulled out her hand from behind her back and flashed the one pregnancy test that came in the bulk pack that I hadn’t used. I wasn’t sure why I’d saved it. I just shoved it in the cabinet because I wasn’t thinking straight. “What’s this? Is there something you want to tell me?”
“I... I...” I couldn’t keep putting it off, just because the timing didn’t feel right. I was desperate to share this news anyway, so maybe it was the right moment now. My shoulders sagged, I blew out a deep breath of air, then I said it.
“Okay, well, I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?” she screamed, dropping the test on the ground. “How the hell are you pregnant? What the fuck is going on with you?” She slid onto the couch next to me, giving me an expectant look. “You really are a dark horse. I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend.”