by Alexa Davis
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered back, hating that I didn’t even slightly have the right words for the moment. “That’s awful to learn. Whatever happened to her, it’s bad, but you need to try to remember her life, not her death.”
“That’s the problem,” he replied morosely. “I can’t. I can’t really remember anything about her, and I can’t learn the truth from my dad because he’s no longer here.” He tutted loudly, clearly lost in his own world of thoughts.
“The last thing I ever promised my dad was to look out for Garrett, to help him get his life back on track, and I failed miserably.”
“Your dad wouldn’t want you to put Garrett before yourself; he wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your mental health, everything you’ve worked for, to make him happy. Especially, when he doesn’t seem to want your help. There’s only so much you can do for people.”
“I know, but I don’t want to let him down, either. It’s so confusing, because as far as I’ve always been aware, my dad took us on after Mom died, stepping up and doing a good job. Garrett was always a nightmare, so he didn’t have it easy, either. Now, I’m being confronted with a slightly less than perfect version of him, and I don’t know how to take it.”
“Well, no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes,” I did my best to reassure him. “Maybe both versions of him are real. Maybe he wasn’t always the best husband, but he made up for that by being a great father. I don’t know if that’s helpful, but it might make everything not so…intense.”
“Yeah,” he murmured quietly, resting his head on my shoulder. “Maybe you’re right.”
As we both stared blankly at the television screen, mulling things over, I felt so sorry for Justin. He was having to deal with so much right now, and I knew what that was like.
I understood the anxiety, the fear, the overwhelming sense that nothing would ever be right again. I got what he was going through, probably a lot more than he knew, but this wasn’t the right time to share my own experience with him. I could remember when people tried to relate to me, right when I was in the middle of the intense emotional rollercoaster, and all it did was annoy me. I didn’t believe that anyone could fully comprehend my feelings, and that they were idiots for suggesting they could.
I didn’t know what Justin would end up doing about Garrett, and to be honest, I wasn’t sure what the right thing was. On the one hand, he couldn’t just abandon the only family he had left, but on the other, it seemed like Garrett really did need to be punished, if what Justin assumed was in fact correct.
It was horrible dilemma – at least it wasn’t me that had to solve it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Justin – Sunday
As I woke up with a slight crick in my neck, I was surprised to find myself still on the couch, lying across Annie’s stomach. I had a perfectly good bed in the other room, one with plenty of space, but I must have crashed out here and she must have joined me.
“Oh God, sorry,” I said quietly, trying to discretely wipe the trail of drool off her top. “How embarrassing.” When I realized that I couldn’t make the stain any less obvious, and that the damage was done, I whipped off my tee shirt and handed it to her without even thinking.
I watched her slip her own top off, revealing that gorgeous, milky skin of hers that I loved so much. Her black, simplistic bra contrasted well, making her beauty stand out. For a moment, I wanted to grab her, to seduce her, but then she brought me back to reality with a painful thump. “How are you feeling about today? What are you going to do?”
Of course: Garrett. That whole mess. It hadn't gone away just because I’d slept, and now I really needed to deal with it.
“Well, I think I’m supposed to be meeting him at the courthouse with the lawyer this morning to see what we can do…so that’ll be fun.” Urgh, just the mere thought of it was making me feel a little ill. I had that strange, headachy feeling that could only come from drinking too much, but I hadn't had any alcohol.
“I hope you manage to find some way of solving it all,” she told me with a half-smile. She seemed to understand just how complex all of this was, without me having to explain it too much, for which I was extremely grateful. “But I really do need to get back to Florence today. Rae will be waiting for me…”
“Of course, I totally understand. I just appreciate you staying with me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” I honestly hated the thought of her leaving when everything was so up in the air, but we both had our own responsibilities to attend to. “So, thank you for that.”
“Will you call me when you know anything? Let me know if there’s anything I can do?”
Those words made me feel special, proving that she really did care about me far deeper than I was used to, and it made me want to cling onto her and never let her go. But there was no way I could do that.
“Thank you, and at least let me make you something to eat before you go. I wouldn’t want you doing that long trip without having eaten anything.”
“That sounds lovely,” she smiled, before placing a small kiss on my cheek. “Thank you.”
***
As I sat in the driver’s seat of my car, doing my best to navigate the traffic, I wished that I was headed back to Florence with Annie. The memory of her mouth against mine was still there and her sweet goodbye was still floating through my mind. Now, more than ever, I felt like we could really have something special. I just wished we could be exploring that, instead.
I parked quickly, glancing at my watch to acknowledge to myself how late I was. I hadn't meant to get so distracted, but with Annie, it was hard to remember my problems. My intoxication of her made it difficult to remember anything else.
“Shit,” I muttered, hoping that at least the lawyer was there. Luckily, I quickly spotted him standing out the entrance to the courthouse almost right away. “Did I miss anything?” I gushed as soon as I got near enough for him to hear me. “I’m Justin, Garrett’s brother; we spoke on the phone yesterday.”
“Oh yeah,” I could instantly tell from his tone that it wasn’t good news. “He’s being locked up until his hearing, and it doesn’t look good.”
I nodded slowly, trying to drink that information in. He did need to be locked up, I was rationally aware of that, but it still felt bad to hear that about him. “Right, okay, so there isn’t anything we can do for now?”
“Do you know the details of the case?”
He handed me a piece of paper, what I assumed was his report. Only a few words jumped out at me, but they were enough to have me feeling sick to my stomach.
Female, teenage victim.
Ninety two miles per hour.
Seven times over the legal limit.
“I erm…can I take this home and have a read?” I asked him hollowly. “I don’t know too much about it, and I’m not sure that I want to learn about it here.”
“Yeah, I have another copy. You take it.” The lawyer smiled at me, but there was a sadness behind his eyes. He blamed Garrett, just as the rest of the world would, and he knew how difficult his job was going to be to defend him. It was highly unlikely that he would win, which would impact on his record. Either way, I was going to have to pay him handsomely.
“You can’t do anything for Garrett today. I doubt they will even let you see him,” he told me, “but if you come back tomorrow, maybe you will have more luck.”
“Okay, thank you.” I felt defeated, like the whole journey was something of a waste, but I didn’t want to kick off and make things work. There was a reason things were going the way they had, and I needed to respect that. “I’ll speak to you soon.”
As I drove back home, I folded the piece of paper in half, not wanting to look at it as I was driving. I knew that it would distract the hell out of me, and the last thing I wanted was to get in an accident myself. Both of us would end up stuck in shit creek without a paddle if that were the case.
But just because I wasn’t looking at it didn’t mean it wasn’t affect
ing me. It seemed that Garrett’s victim was very young, far too young to die, and he didn’t feel bad about it. He was more concerned about himself. What sort of person did that make him?
I’d made excuses for him his entire life, which made me feel partially responsible for what had happened now. Maybe if I had been less supportive of him, maybe if I hadn't given him a place to live and bailed him out so many times, he would have had to sort himself out.
I wished desperately that Dad was still alive. Sure my emotions about him were very mixed since I’d learned more about the past, but he was still my rock. He was a good dad, no matter what else he’d done, and he would have known what to do now.
Well, maybe not what to do since Garrett’s behavior had always flummoxed him, too, but at least I would have someone to talk to. Someone that would understand me fully.
What do I do now, Dad? I thought desperately in my mind. I wasn’t totally sure about any kind of after life, but if I’d ever needed any kind of sign, it was now.
Unsurprisingly, nothing came.
The paper felt like a heavy weight in my hands as I carried it from the car to my home, and as soon as I got inside, I had to literally force my trembling hands to open it. The first words that sprang to life were the ones I had already seen, Female, teenage victim, ninety two miles per hour, seven times over the legal limit, but soon it became fleshed out with more, horrifying details.
Garrett had been returning from a party, wasted after a blazing argument with one of his many random women, angry and still drinking. They found half empty bottles of all sorts in his vehicle (or my vehicle, to be more precise). The assumption, although he had denied this part, was that he was also talking on the phone when he hit the young girl’s car head on.
She was driving back from college, and he was on the wrong side of the road around a corner, giving her no hope of getting out the way. Because her car was an old banger, it stood no chance and had crumbled.
I guessed the only small mercy was that it killed her instantly. That was no comfort to her friends and family, but I had to be grateful that at least she didn’t suffer.
When I eventually put the paper down, I found myself struggling for breath. Garrett had to be an alcoholic; he just disguised it as a party-boy lifestyle. He had real problems; the sort of people that did this sort of thing always did.
It made me wonder how he was coping without alcohol in prison. I didn’t want to be caring about him, especially not after learning the full extent of his idiocy, but my emotions didn’t have a rational filter.
He needed help, real help, and I hoped and prayed he got it. If he didn’t get his booze in jail and he started acting like a brat or getting aggressive, it would end up with him dead, or at the very least beaten to a pulp. I didn’t really want that either.
Ring, ring…
Ring, ring…
As my phone blared out, I was just about to ignore it, until I realized that it was Annie calling. I might not have been in the mood to speak to anyone, but she was the only one who had been there for me, so I owed her as much.
“Hello?” I answered glumly. “Are you okay?”
“I am. I just wanted to let you know that I got home okay.” I could hear Rae singing in the background, which actually made me manage a small smile. “Is…everything all right with you?”
“Erm…it’s very complicated,” I told her as honestly as I could do without spilling everything. “And, I think that it’s going to take me a lot longer than I first realized, so I might…I might not be able to come and see you for a while.” I had hoped to get down to Florence to see her at some point, but there was no hope for the moment.
“Oh no, I totally understand,” she reassured me. “Just keep in touch, okay? Let me know if you need anything. I don’t know what I can do from three hours away, but I can definitely listen, if that helps?”
“Thank you,” I replied sincerely. “I appreciate that. And take care of yourself, okay?”
It felt much more like a serious goodbye than I’d intended it to, but those words just came out of my mouth. I didn’t mean it in that way at all, but I didn’t have the time to explain myself; I just wanted to take a time out from all of this. Admittedly, a part of me wanted to grab a bottle and pour myself a drink of something strong, but considering all that was going on, it didn’t feel appropriate.
“Yeah, okay. Bye.”
I hung up before the conversation could go on any longer, and I allowed my body to sink into the couch. I could almost feel Annie’s body still there, comforting me, so I slid my eyes shut and imagined that I wasn’t alone.
It had been one hell of a twenty four hours – well, couple of days, really – and all I wanted to was forget any of it had ever happened, if only for a few moments, but of course that was never going to happen. As soon as the blackness claimed my vision, I heard screeching breaks, screams, crashing sounds, and it made me realize that I wouldn’t be getting any sleep any time soon.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Annie – Sunday
The entire drive home, all I could think about was Justin and his predicament. I wished that I could have had some better advice for him, and maybe I should have come up with something, but I couldn’t think of anything to say to make it any better. His brother was clearly an idiot, obviously at fault for drunk driving, but that didn’t make it any easier to handle.
Sometimes, it was too easy to forgive the faults of the ones we loved. I knew that only too well. I’d made that mistake over and over again, and it wasn’t until the situation was over that I could see how much of a fool I’d been.
As I pulled up at Mom’s house, I tried to push it all to the back of my mind. I’d missed Rae like crazy and I couldn’t wait to see her again, so I didn’t want our reunion to be tainted with me worrying about anything else. I slid out of the car, my heart racing like crazy, and my spirits lifted the second I saw her there, standing outside, excitedly waiting for me.
“Mommy!” she yelled, while bounding her way over to me. “I missed you, how have you been?”
As she jumped up into my arms and I held her close, I felt complete. It was fun having a vacation, a break from real life with Justin, but it felt best of all to be back with my daughter. We’d spent so long just being the two of us that she really felt like home to me.
“I’m good, thank you, sweetie.” I kissed the top of her head, inhaling her wonderful, familiar scent. “How have you been? Did you have fun with Grandma?”
“We baked cupcakes, and watched cartoons, and went to the park…” she instantly started on her roll, and as she talked, I looked up gratefully to Mom. She looked a little worn out, as if Rae had run her ragged, but happy, too. I vowed in that moment to make more of an effort. I would see her more and bring Rae to stay with her, too. I wouldn’t let being too busy get in the way again.
Especially not now that my entire life plan had changed…
“How was she?” I asked Mom the moment Rae stopped talking.
“Good as gold,” she replied happily. “Not one bit of trouble. Now, you’ve just had a very long drive; would you like to come in for a drink?”
“That sounds wonderful, thank you.” That was exactly what I needed: a coffee and a chat. I wouldn’t discuss all the gory details with Mom; it didn’t feel right to do so, especially when Justin didn’t seem to fully know what had happened, but I could get her point of view for some of it at least.
As soon as Mom had poured the drinks, she dove right into her line of questioning, proving that she could already tell there was something on my mind.
“So, how was your trip? You’re awfully quiet, which means it didn’t quite turn out as expected. Did you sign any contracts?”
Oh God, that was the least of my worries by this point. “No I didn’t. I don’t think it’s for me, to be honest. The percentage of the business that Justin’s company would need to make it work for him was too much. I’ve worked too hard to create Boffees and I’m not willing
to give up the control.”
“Okay,” she nodded agreeably. “So what’s next for you? Will you try with other investors?”
Even the idea of that made me weary. Eventually, I would have to make up my mind, but for now, I just wanted to chill out about the whole thing. I just needed a rest from thinking about it. “I don’t know,” I confessed. “I will have to start from square one and write the whole plan again to make my needs clear so I don’t get swallowed up by a big corporation…”
“You know, you are allowed to simply be proud of what you have,” she told me kindly. This was surprisingly something of a revelation for me. I’d spent such a long time thinking about the next step, focusing on expanding, on moving forward, that I’d never really thought about staying where I was. “You could throw all of that ambition into the Boffees you already have.”
“Maybe,” I nodded half-heartedly, not wanting to commit to anything by this stage. “We’ll see.”
“So, why were you in Portland so long? Surely you could have come back yesterday?” There was a twinkle in her eye, one that suggested she already suspected what had happened. “Did Justin keep you distracted?”
“Sort of,” I couldn’t stop myself from blushing and smiling, so there wasn’t any point in hiding it. “I like him a lot.”
“It’s about time,” she replied seriously. “You’ve been alone for far too long. As long as he’s good with Rae and treats you well, that’s all you need to worry about.”
“Ooh, that reminds me!” I exclaimed, pulling the gift from my bag. “Rae, Justin got this for you.”
She squealed and unwrapped it in a heartbeat, revealing all kinds of puzzles and games that I knew would keep her amused for hours. It was an incredibly sweet and thoughtful gift…a bit like the dress he got for me. The one I had hidden at the bottom of my suitcase. I wasn’t about to reveal that to anyone for fear of looking like a gold digger.