by Alexa Davis
“Eventually, Libby, you are going to figure out that I’m not Andrew. In fact, no one else is, and you’d be hard-pressed to find another guy just like that, without looking for it.” He paused, and shot me a quick grin. “Or, you could go ahead assume that every guy other than me is like Andrew, and work on remembering that I’m not.”
“Right.” I sighed and watched that steady beam in front of us, and the glowing eyes in the darkness just outside that light that appeared from time to time. I cared about him, more than I wanted to admit. But I didn’t know how to make him understand, that I needed to make it on my own, not as his woman, or hidden away from other men just to keep me at heel.
If he didn’t trust that I was capable on my own, how could we ever be anything to each other? He was a better man than Olivia’s father had been, and she deserved to be as safe as he could make her, as cherished and protected. But it wasn’t his job to do it. It was mine. I was not about to give up the most important responsibility I had in the world: my daughter.
Chapter Thirteen
Tucker
It was a big reaction to a small thing, and I realized it even as I was making the appropriate calls to get Sam out of Libby’s hair. But still I moved forward, gathering up Olivia and Libby and taking them to the ranch to stay with my family for a few days. I left them in the inestimable care of my parents and older brother, Daniel, and headed back into town to talk to the property managers.
They were full of empathy and compassion, and ran me around in circles until they inadvertently gave me a full name with their correspondence. Once I had a friend at the Austin Police Department stick his name in the system, it was easy enough to find out that, Sam Newton was a man with almost no priors, aside from a few bar fights. He was a former Marine and had been honorably discharged—that was the word from another neighbor lady who liked to gossip—and he now worked in construction.
I was more disappointed than I was willing to admit that the guy wasn’t a pervert. Libby obviously wasn’t going to file a complaint against the good-looking guy across the street just because he didn’t like me taking her out. I cursed to myself and called her at the ranch to check in. I asked if she was willing or wanted to talk to the community management company with me, and file a complaint. She asked me to hold on, and started talking to someone about watching Olivia. I heard the distant sound of my mother’s voice in the background, replying to her. It made my chest ache to hear the woman I had grown to love talking to my mom like they were old friends.
With Libby safely tucked away on Lago Colina, it was easy for me to imagine a life with her by my side, with weekends on the ranch with my family, and Olivia being raised to be a master horse woman. In my fantasy future, Libby had her own successful business, and my life of condominium living was over, replaced by a house with property, and a few horses of my own. But Libby saw me as my profession first, a phantom of her ex-husband second, and in a distant third place, sometimes she saw me. Under those circumstances, we had no chance of a future together.
She came to an agreement with the women of the ranch, and agreed to meet me at my place while Mom and Patty and Rachel took Olivia on an adventure ride somewhere out on the property. We said our goodbyes, and I glanced around the mess of paperwork and take out-boxes and empty beer bottles that made up the current décor of my apartment.
Kennedy was so unused to seeing me clean anymore that she ran to the bedroom to hide once I started picking up my garbage and throwing it away. The sound of glass breaking against glass caused her to bark loudly from the safety of the dark, dusty space beneath my bed.
By the time the front desk buzzed Libby up, the place looked half-decent and no longer smelled like a frat house—so long as we didn’t open the door to the guest room. I started some sweet tea brewing and filled a pitcher with ice, and propped the front door open so Libby could let herself in, wondering why my palms were clammy. I breathed to control my heart rate, which was steadily climbing as I tried to keep myself busy. I was concentrating so hard that I flinched when I looked up to see her standing there, her eyes wandering over my home.
“I’ve never been here before,” she mentioned as she peeked around the corner to see more of the place.
“Well, I’d encourage you to look around, but the guest room is a mess of things I need to organize and I haven’t picked up in a while,” I apologized lamely.
“It’s a lot tidier than I’d imagine for a single guy, living alone. I can’t imagine….” She broke off as Kennedy, hearing her voice, finally came out from under the bed and raced to her, yapping, and grinning so big her tongue was lolling out.
“It wasn’t thirty minutes ago,” I confessed. I handed her a glass of sweet tea across the counter, and motioned for her to sit, but she leaned against the counter and kicked up a leg on one of the barstools. The silence was uncomfortable, not the easy way we usually were with each other.
“Your family’s ranch is really beautiful,” She said, forcing a wry smile as I came around the wide counter and half-sat on the barstool next to her.
“It is. I miss it. Sometimes I wish I had more excuses to visit so I could spend more time out there.” She scoffed at me.
“I didn’t know you needed a reason to spend time with your family. I wish I had that liberty,” she said in a scolding tone. Both her parents were gone, and I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her to be surrounded by people who just wanted to make her happy.
“They’re good people, aren’t they?” I asked, as she flashed me a grin, before her face grew pensive.
“It was hard to leave, even to come home and take care of business,” she admitted. I laughed and saluted her with my sweet tea, the ice clinking pleasantly in the glass as I brought it to my lips.
“Your hearing is next week, and now this guy is being a creepy stalker. How do you stay so calm? My blood pressure is through the roof, and I’m sweating like a pig, and it’s not even my life we’re talking about.” I dabbed at my forehead and face with a towel from the island counter top, as she chuckled at me.
“Well, I don’t know why you’re so upset. You said he wasn’t a creepy stalker, just a former marine who seems to find me interesting.”
“It doesn’t stop me from having the urge to scoop you up and hide you in my bedroom until this is all over.” She rolled her eyes at me and shook her head.
“And that’s why we can’t date, Tucker. I don’t want to be hidden away. I want to be propped up when I start to fail, not sealed into a box so I can never succeed.”
“You think my desire to keep you safe is going to prevent you from succeeding?” I huffed, drained my glass, and slammed it down on the counter harder than in had intended. “It doesn’t make me a Neanderthal to want you to be safe from men who don’t like ‘no,’ or to want you to win this contestation,” I ground out, frustration adding gravel to my voice. “Did you ever consider that I want those things so that you have financial freedom to build your business, and that you matter to me, that Olivia matters to me?” I paced in front of her, my arms folded across my chest, trying to stay angry. Kennedy had begun to pace with me, heeling perfectly like we’d been working on recently.
I stopped pacing and looked down at my sweet-faced little girl, her tail going as she sat and patiently waited for her reward. Libby watched me, her face set in stubborn pride.
“I don’t belong to you, Tucker. We aren’t a couple, and I’m okay with other men finding me attractive. I think you need to step back and understand that.” She sighed and rubbed her temples.
“So, my friendship means nothing to you.”
“No, your friendship means everything to me. But this isn’t friendship. I want to be your friend. Darn it, when you aren’t trying to run my life, I want to be more. But you’re making that impossible. I can’t live like I did before. I need to know that I can make it on my own. Because sometimes the bottom falls out, and you can never understand how low rock bottom was for us. I need to know that
if I’m with a man, and I lose him, that—bottoming out—will never happen again.” I hated myself for the tears in her eyes as she traced her finger over the condensation on her glass and avoided looking at me.
“I hope you still take your time out at the ranch, just because it’s a great place to take a break from life.” She picked up her keys from the counter and slid off the barstool.
“We’ll be back home tonight. I can’t stay there and impose on your family any longer just to appease you. Thank you for opening your family’s home to us. I will see you in court next week. Until then, I think I need to be alone for a bit.” I nodded, an apology stuck in my throat. She wasn’t the woman I remembered, the one who was timid and afraid of her own shadow.
But I couldn’t imagine what she had been through, and she’d done it all alone. I wasn’t about to lose her because she thought I had some archaic belief about women. I had a boulder in the pit of my stomach, making me feel sick and weak.
How could she think I didn’t believe in her, when the truth was that I liked myself so much better when I was with her? I walked her to the door and she bent down to rub Kennedy behind the ears. She was literally walking out of my life, and I was at a loss as to what I could say to make it better.
“I’ll see you later, Tuck,” she sighed, and I held out my arms for a hug. She pressed her body against me, her cheek against my heart, and I fought the hot sting of unmanly tears. I held her for too long, but when I released her, she kept her arms wrapped around me. “Tucker James Hargrave, you better figure yourself out. I didn’t make love to you on a whim, and I expect you to have enough respect for that to work it out and show me what you’re capable of.” She let go abruptly and walked away without another word, and I watched her until the elevator doors opened to her.
Chapter Fourteen
Libby
I didn’t cry until I was in my car, which was a big win for me. I wanted Tucker so much, but every time I let him get close he started reminding me of Andrew, and I couldn’t go back to that life again. I didn’t want Sam or anyone like him around my Olivia. I just wanted to make my own choice and have that decision treated with respect. Olivia was out with the ladies of Lago Colina Ranch, homestead for the lot of handsome, honorable, and dominant Hargrave boys. They were well known among the upper echelons of Austin—and probably all over Texas—for their ability to make cattle profitable without cheating, and for the rugged handsomeness and raw sex appeal of all five brothers.
Tucker was as quiet and introspective as he was handsome. He had always been my quiet, thoughtful friend, slow to take offense if someone attacked him, but a pit bull when he felt someone he cared about, or even just someone weaker was being bullied. I had wished so many times that he had stepped in when his best friend bullied me, but he hadn’t seen it when it was his friend. I didn’t feel like I could trust him to know where that line was, and not cross it.
I didn’t know what to do about the hole in me from leaving my heart beating in his chest when I walked out. I drove back out to the ranch, watching for the big gate and the arch over the road bearing the name “Lago Colina” in large wrought iron letters. I pulled up in front of the house, expecting Olivia and Mrs. Hargrave to come out to greet me, but instead I got Daniel, Tucker’s older brother. He waved and sat down on the porch in one of the deep woven chairs to wait for me while I parked, and patted the chair next to him when I reached the porch.
“So, did you let him down easy, or am I going to have to go get him drunk so he can cry without shame?” He chuckled at my grimace and nudged the chair again.
“I thought walking away was the right thing to do. But the moment I hit the parking lot, I wanted to throw up and I started bawling, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Now, it’s too late to do anything but wait and see if he decides I’m worth it.” I sniffed and wiped my nose on the cuff of my sweater.
“So, what’s the problem, then?”
“What if he doesn’t?”
Patty stuck her head out the door, and as soon as she saw us, she stepped out with a tray of sweet tea and sandwiches.
“Thanks, Patty, you going to join us?” She smiled and stroked my hair like I did with Olivia when she was upset.
“No, I think I’ll leave you two to talk. But when you’re done, I could use a little help with dinner, if you’re interested?” I nodded at her and she smiled kindly before disappearing into the house.
“Okay, so, you told him to take a hike, and now you’re going to wait and see if he wants to fight you for your love.” He made it a statement, instead of a question, and my nose started to drip again as new tears formed behind my eyelids.
“No. I told him to accept that I wasn’t a glass ornament to be protected, and I wanted him to respect me as a capable human being.”
“I’ve never known Tucker to think of anyone as being less than him for any reason.” He poured me a glass of sweet tea, just like the pitcher Tucker had made.
“Tucker made me sweet tea, too. Is this a Hargrave thing?” I asked, pretending to sniff my glass for poison. Danny laughed and shook his head.
“I guess it’s one of those ‘comfort’ things we do. When we were little, Patty would make us sweet tea when we got thrown from a horse, or fell off a roof….” His voice trailed off and I laughed at the guilty look on his face.
“We take care of each other. We lift each other up and dust ‘em off, you know?”
“So, you’re saying Tucker was just being a Hargrave?”
He sighed and rubbed his tanned neck.
“I’m saying, he doesn’t think you’re weak, or ‘just a woman.’ He cares about you enough to bring you to the ranch, just on the off-chance some guy got it in his head to hurt you, or Olivia.” He filled his own glass and took a swig, smacking his lips, and motioning to me. “Not poisoned.” I laughed and drank my tea in silence.
“So, if I just realized that I might be in love with him, but I have serious control issues and don’t think I’m ready yet, how do I ask him to stay in a holding pattern?”
“Dang, you ask the hard questions,” he chuckled. “Maybe you don’t. Maybe you tell him exactly that, and let him make up his own mind, just like you want to make up yours.” I nodded, sighed, and kept sipping my tea in silence. Danny stayed right by my side, even though I was sure he had a lot more important things to do, as the man in charge of running the whole ranch.
“I don’t want to be Andrew’s ex-wife anymore. He has a widow, she can have the pity and the compassion, and whatever else. All I want is the pictures Andrew still had of him and Olivia, and to reinstate her college fund. That was in my name too, he had no right to take my name off that trust.”
“Did you mention that to Tucker?” He looked at me and I frowned.
“Well, I mean, it should be in the file, but… I don’t know if I ever looked to find it. All the terminology is a little over my head. I start zoning out on the legal jargon about a paragraph into the first page.”
“Do I ever know what you mean. That, little sis, is why I have a Tucker at my disposal. Jackson handles my computer stuff—even from L.A.—and George, well, he’s my builder. Every Hargrave has a job to do, and we all help each other out.”
“So, I need to call Tucker and tell him I’m an ass, and then add that I might have missed a really important piece of information, because I’m actually completely incapable of taking care of myself.” I bowed my head and held it in my hands, closing my eyes and praying that I could just find peace. I looked at Danny sideways, and he laughed at me.
“You don’t have to do anything. You are already family, Libby, and Olivia too. We will always help you, even if you don’t supplicate us for it.
“No, I have to go back and apologize. I hate apologizing, but it’s one thing Andrew made sure I was good at.” I dropped my head back between my knees, gasping when a hand squeezed my shoulder.
“I bet you don’t have to apologize, Libby. Whoever it is you’re mad at probably deserved it.” I lo
oked up as Kennedy jumped up on my knees and started licking my hand and arm. Tucker stood at my side, tall and lean and all cowboyed out in his Stetson and boots.
“You look different,” I sniffed, picking Kennedy up and hugging her wriggling little body in my lap.
“Can’t come out to the ranch looking like city-folk, I’d never hear the end of it.” Danny vacated his seat and motioned for Tucker to take it.
“I’ll send Patty out with a fresh glass for you, Tuck,” he offered. Tucker nodded and Danny clapped him on the back before leaving us alone on the veranda.
“I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon,” I said, more casually than I felt.
“You should’ve seen me sooner, but I hesitated and couldn’t see your car in the parking lot to stop you.” My nose started to run again as I tried in vain to stop the fresh onset of tears. “Hey, hey—don’t cry. I can leave and come back tomorrow.”
“I have to apologize to you, Tucker. I feel that I might have misplaced your intentions. I’m sorry for being so adamant about you leaving me alone.”
“No, you were right. I saw a look in his eye, and I made a lot of assumptions about him, and a couple about you. You’re always so nice to people, so unassuming, I was afraid you wouldn’t know if someone was dangerous until it was too late. That’s on me.”
“Oh. Um, no, I get it. I have always wanted to see the best in people. I mean, look at me and Andrew. You have a good reason to think I might not get it. But I’m not the same person who married a man who couldn’t say, ‘I love you’ while looking me in the eye, if ever at all.” Tucker made a low sound in his throat, like a growl. I finally worked up the nerve to look at him, and he was clenching and unclenching his hands, and rubbing them on his jeans.
“I am so sorry I didn’t understand how bad it was for you,” he said, his eyes glassy and wet. “I never understood why you were so timid, so eager to please everyone around you. I thought it was just who you were, and I tried not to add to your worry.” I shrugged my shoulders.