by Alexa Davis
The drive back to the ranch was uneventful and quiet. It felt like Tucker had already started looking ahead to his hearing, and I left him to his thoughts while I watched trees go by in the shadow of dusk. I already missed Olivia. I wanted to scoop her into my arms and dance with her and tell her that everything was going to be okay, and she wouldn’t see me worried anymore.
Honestly, I hated myself for wasting so much time filled with fear for our future. I had managed to graduate high school as an orphan. I had gone to college with a scholarship, and once upon a time, I had loved spending time with people who I could help. That person was peering out of me into the growing darkness, excited for tomorrow.
I wanted to share with Tucker how it felt to watch the part of me I despised the most, all the weakness and fear, receding into the shadows while the person I recognized as me pushed her way into the light. But I knew it would keep. It was enough that I saw a glimpse of her. I had butterflies in my stomach, and my fingers started to fidget. Without hesitation, without even looking over, Tucker’s hand found mine, and he threaded his long, graceful fingers through my littler ones.
There had never been a moment in my life where I felt more ready for what lay ahead. But even as I celebrated finding myself in the rubble of the woman Andrew had tried to create, a shadow crept over the edge of my thoughts. I hadn’t had true happiness in so long. What was I going to do when the other shoe dropped, and my happiness was taken from me?
I kept my thoughts to myself, and let Tucker soothe me as he gently rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. I couldn’t tell if he’d meant to calm me, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he could read me so well, he knew when there was turmoil below a calm surface. Releasing the tension from my shoulders, I inhaled deeply and sighed out my frustration with my lingering doubts.
“What’s up, good-looking?” he glanced over, then his eyes went back to the road.
“I was just thinking about how I wasn’t going to talk to you about what’s going on in my head, because you looked like you were concentrating.” He chuckled. “You got all tense, and I could see your reflection in the windshield when we passed under lights. You got pretty intense there. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
I shrugged.
“Do you remember what I was like when we met?”
“You mean back when you were the first one to get naked and dive into the pool after hours? Yes, I believe I remember that girl.”
“I want to be her again.” I didn’t say anything more, and he went quiet for so long, I wondered if I’d offended him somehow.
“You know,” he finally said, “You haven’t ever stopped being her, not completely,” I wanted to argue, but he held up a finger, and I paused to hear him out. “I saw her when Olivia was born. In your fierce protectiveness. Remember when Mrs. Peele got drunk, and she wanted to hold her?” I groaned. I remembered too well.
“I remember telling her to get out of my house until she sobered up, or she’d never see her grandchild or son ever again.” I peeked sideways at him. “As it turned out, she was only worried about half of that threat.” He made a rude noise and I smiled.
“I saw her the day you moved out of your home, while Andrew stood there, drink in hand, refusing to help, just watching to make sure you didn’t take anything he wanted.” I frowned.
“I didn’t fight that day, Tucker. I just took what he gave me and left.”
“True. You packed, moved, and not once did you cry, or fall apart, or beg him to let you stay. I believe the last thing you said before I escorted you to the car, was something like: ‘You always take what you want Andrew. What will happen to you once you find out none of it was what you needed?’ Ahh.” He sighed. “I was so proud.”
“I felt stronger when he came out and said he didn’t want a family than I had for months before, wondering what was wrong, trying to fix whatever I had done to make him even colder and more distant.” I shuddered. “Enough about that, though. Haven’t we passed the point in dating where we can talk about the ex?”
“In this situation, I think it does us both a lot of good, honestly,” he countered. “He let us both down, and I think it’s okay to admit that. Especially if neither of us wants to fall into the same patterns with the other, now.” I clutched his hand tight.
“I love you a little more than I did five minutes ago,” I admitted, looking out the passenger window so he wouldn’t see me cry. He didn’t say anything, just pressed my fingers to his lips. He let me stare into the darkness that had enveloped the car, leaving me to my thoughts until the big “Lago Colina Ranch” sign appeared in the headlights.
Olivia was bathed and ready for bed, cuddling with Kennedy and another ranch dog, while Rachel read “The Borrowers” to her. She said she was “practicing for the baby,” and asked if they could read another chapter together, to Olivia’s delight. I went upstairs to check on Kristy, and found her huddled in the corner of her bed.
“I blocked his number,” she said as I entered the room. I knew without asking who “he” was. “Did you know that only sends them to your voicemail? I have fifteen new messages, and I’m afraid to open my voicemail to delete them, because of what I’ll hear.” I sat on the edge of the bed and she reached out to me. “But how about some not-so-crazy news? Did you and Tucker make up all the way?” I shook my head.
“You knew about that?”
“Honey, he makes you glow. You haven’t been glowing since we got here. But tonight? There’s something different.” I pursed my lips.
“I’m different. Or rather, I’m who I used to be, more than I have been in a while. If that’s got a glow, then that makes me even happier.” She wriggled and leaned forward, her troubles pushed away with the ease found in the young and resilient.
“Are you a badass now? Because that was a sore point in my marriage, if you don’t mind me saying so.” I blinked.
“What?” I gasped.
“Andy said, more than once, ‘Why can’t I find a nice girl who doesn’t fight?’” She whined, approximating my ex-husband well enough that I cringed.
“Wow. I am so sorry. If we had met, I would’ve warned you.”
“Oh, that’s okay,” she scoffed, “I wouldn’t have listened. Stubborn, you know?” I laughed.
“I like to be right, too. Which made the situation I found myself in even worse.” She leaned in and hugged me.
“Would it mean I was a bad person if I told you I wasn’t really in love with him?” She asked, watching my face. “I cared about him, and I liked being with him,” she paused, “I just felt, I don’t know… rushed.” I scoffed.
“No. It wouldn’t make you a bad person. It would make you a woman who was in a relationship with a controlling person, who got bulldozed into marriage, because Andrew got weird and paranoid at the end because of his tumor, and thought he needed you to protect his money from me—or worse—Olivia.”
“Right before he died, I talked to his doctor once, by myself, and told him how things were. He said that paranoia and stuff was ‘par for the course’ with his condition.”
“I won’t lie, I wish I’d known that. It could’ve saved me a lot of hours hating him. I had to find out he was sick from a near-stranger.” I cringed. “We have to talk about other things. I felt so good about myself, and it’s like his ghost is stealing that from me.” She shuddered.
“No kidding. I say we sneak downstairs to the kitchen. Patty taught me how to make hot cocoa on this ridiculous machine she has.” I raised an eyebrow. “She also showed me where she keeps the Baileys.” I bounced off the bed.
“Lead on, sister, lead on.” I held out a hand to her and helped her off too, then followed her out to the suspended walkway. Olivia was still snuggled into Rachel’s lap, their heads close together as they read. Families were a package deal, I’d learned from having the mother-in-law from hell, and again when Aunt Kristy had come into our lives.
I had no idea where Tucker had gone, but Kristy
led the way through to the back of the house and the kitchen. I waved shyly to Danny as we passed the open door of his office, and he grinned up at me and winked before getting back to his work.
In terms of package deals, I could understand why the Hargrave family did so much together, and why even the sons who’d left Texas always came home in the end. For the first time, I considered my relationship with Tucker, in terms of what it meant to the rest of our families. Olivia was already settled in, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I had anything to offer them. As Kristy handed me a steaming mug of generously spiked hot cocoa and we sat at the kitchen table like we belonged here, I hoped that, one way or another, we both really did.
Chapter Thirty-One
Tucker
I spent a long time with my father in the library when we got back to the ranch. Long enough that I was afraid I’d have to spend the night after all, instead of going home like I’d planned. Libby didn’t have a father to ask permission for her hand. I didn’t even know if that was appropriate for a divorced woman. So, I talked to my dad about the possibility of proposing, and being a father without the usual nine-month adjustment period.
“What kind of father do you think you’ll be?” He asked me, and I shrugged.
“Every time I think about it, I just feel so overwhelmed,” I confessed. “When we’re hanging out together, and I don’t think about it, we have a great time. She’s my little buddy.” He smiled.
“I think you’ll be okay, Tucker. No parent is perfect, even with an adjustment period. You’ll pick it up as you go, same as anyone else.” He paused and scrubbed his pam over his beard. “My only advice, would be to take a cue from her mom. Watching her, it’s easy to see that she’s got it under control, and she’s a really good mom.” I had to agree, she made it look effortless. It was hard not to feel intimidated watching her.
“I’m not going to lie. I’m more nervous about starting a family than I am about the hearing. You’d take me back on as a ranch hand if I got fired, right?” He laughed and shook his head.
“Not a chance. But I will give you a chunk of your inheritance, if you want to make Libby’s wedding something truly special.” I started to argue, but he waved me silent. “It’s your inheritance, which makes it up to you. But your mother and I already agreed that you should have the option. We also discussed that little miss Olivia should stay here for the honeymoon, if Libby was okay with that.” I opened and shut my mouth, gaping like a fish on a dock.
“You and Mom have put more thought into this than I have. Definitely more than Libby has. She’s been in survival mode for so long, I finally saw her relax for the first time tonight.” I shook my head. “I would’ve thought knowing someone had tried to get into her house would have freaked her out. Instead, she seemed relieved it wasn’t her fault.” I paced the library floor touching the old, familiar books as I sorted my thoughts.
“You don’t have to decide tonight, Tucker. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t. Take your time, figure out exactly what you want. You’ve waited so long to have what you know you need. Longer than Danny, and we thought he’d never marry.” I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair and made a mental note to get a haircut before no one would believe I had a law degree.
“I appreciate the offer, Dad, really. But unless she wants the Cirque du Soleil to perform at the wedding, or suddenly decides to invite all of Austin, I don’t think we’ll need it.” I paused, then added, “but, if we get married, it would be nice to beef up Olivia’s college account.”
“And that is why you shouldn’t be worried what kind of father you’ll be,” he said, pointing at me with one brown, leathery finger.
“Thanks, Dad.” I checked my watch and groaned. “I have to get going. I had no idea it was so late already.” I held out my hand across the desk and my dad shook it. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, as soon as I know what’s going on.” He frowned, then nodded as he realized I’d shifted gears back to work and the Ethics Committee.
“Give ‘em hell, son,” he chuckled. “George and Callie are coming up for dinner tomorrow, so don’t be late.” I bowed at the neck and flashed him a grin, then went on a house-wide search for Kennedy to take her out for her evening walk. One look from Olivia when we’d walked in the house had been enough to convince me to leave Kennedy behind and come back for her the next day, but I had to get in one last belly rub before I went back to Austin alone.
Kennedy was in the great room, tucked in a ball next to Olivia and Rachel. Olivia had fallen asleep in my sister-in-law’s arms. I scooped her up and held her small body against my chest, breathing in the smell of soap and milk and whatever it was that made me feel so protective of her. There was something primal in me that wanted to roar into the darkness and warn the monsters out there that this little one was mine, and I would die, or kill, to protect her.
The fierceness of the emotion I felt holding Olivia made my blood hum, and I felt the sting of unmanly tears as I turned toward the stairs. Libby waited for me with her back against the newel post with a curious look on her face. As I watched, the half-smile fell away and tears slid silently down her cheeks, before she quickly brushed them away.
“You look like a pro at that,” she whispered. “I wish you weren’t the first man to hold her, but I’m glad she will have felt safety like that.” She gestured with her head toward the stairs and I followed her to the top. The blind rage I felt towards my best friend in that moment chased all logical thought from my mind.
“I wish he wasn’t dead, so I could hurt him,” I admitted to Libby once we had tucked Olivia into the far side of the queen size bed. “Is she okay there?” I added as she turned toward the wall in her sleep.
“I’m glad you don’t have to beat up my dead ex-husband, Tucker,” she replied, taking my face in her hands and turning me away from the sleeping little girl. “She’s fine. I put her against the wall so she won’t fall out. I’ve done this before, you know.” I remembered what my father had said about Libby being a good mom.
“I know you have. You make an impression, in fact, with the job you do with her.” She smiled and pulled my face closer to hers for a chaste kiss.
“Stay for a minute.”
I looked from her to the bed. “And do what?”
She snorted and shook her head. “Just lie down with us and hold me for a minute, will you? I’m not asking you to lift your ban in front of my daughter, for God’s sake.” I felt my face get warm.
“I knew that. I just meant, is there room for all three of us?” She laid down in the center of the bed and tucked her arm around Olivia, spooning her from behind. I joined her and did the same, resting my hand lightly on Libby’s hip as I pressed up against her back, sharing her pillow.
“I wish I was staying,” I whispered to her. She reached back and patted my thigh.
“When it’s all done, we can have a cuddle party at my place. There’s nothing like cuddling your kid, in bed with a movie. I’ll even invite Kennedy.”
“Deal,” I replied, and leaned in to kiss her neck. “But I really do have to go. Can Kennedy stay with you for the night?” She chuckled softly.
“And here I thought you were just being loving. Yes, of course your ‘daughter’ can have a sleepover with my daughter.” I kissed her again and got Kennedy from my room. Libby hadn’t moved, and Kennedy jumped right up and laid down at Olivia’s feet, turning in circles and settling down with a doggy sigh.
I snuck in a last kiss before realizing that Libby had fallen asleep on top of the covers, still holding Olivia. I took the afghan off the chair in the corner and draped it over her and tucked it in around her back, to keep her from getting cold. I nodded to Kristy as I left the room, and flashed her a smile when she wished me luck. I may not have understood Libby’s reasons for inviting Kristy into her and O’s lives, but the young woman was growing on me as I watched the way she treated them. I thanked her, and let her know Kennedy was in the room with our girls, so she wouldn’t be surprised if she
went in.
Danny was waiting for me on the wide front porch when I got there, an energy drink in his hand. He handed it to me silently, and grinned when I thanked him.
“Don’t want anything to happen to you now. You finally topped me for favorite son, at least until the baby is born. Mom’s in love with little Olivia. She said if you don’t marry Libby, she’s going to force Logan to.” I laughed and shook my head to erase the mental image of my younger brother marrying the woman I loved.
“Not a chance. She’d eat him alive,” I assured him. “I don’t know why I’m worried about the next few days. Honestly, the worst should be behind us. Nothing bad is going to happen now.” Danny clapped me on the back.
“You’re right. But now you have Libby and Olivia counting on you. You’re not worried about you, you’re worried about them.” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Trust me. I almost sold my truck. No, seriously. I was going to sell it, because it’s so hard to see a child backing up. That old thing doesn’t have a rear camera, you know.” I nodded slowly.
“But you’re keeping it?”
“Nah. It’s going to the back pastures, where the lift and dual tires will be handy. Dad found room in the ranch budget for three new trucks for the fleet, all with back-up cameras, for general use.” I laughed.
“You got not one truck, but three of them, citing infant safety?” Danny stretched, his arms above his head.
“And now you know why I got the ranch.” I laughed.
“I hear you, though. I feel… different when I’m around them. Like we’ve always been a family, and I would do anything to protect them.”
“Well, don’t you go blowing your top at Carl, then. You guys have a long and miserable history as it is. His peeping extracurriculars need to be handled in court, not with your fists.” I started down the stairs without answering. The truth was, I had no intention of risking one minute of my future with Libby and Olivia by punching the stuffing out of Carl Jameson. I couldn’t help it if I fantasized about it on the drive home, or dreamt of it that night. But there was nowhere better for me to attack him than in the courtroom. I was the better lawyer. The Committee needed to see that, no matter how satisfying the crunch of broken facial bones under my knuckles would’ve been.