"Wow! What a humanitarian," Jamie teased. She looked at Ryan with concern and asked, "Are you sure you're going to enjoy this? She doesn't seem like your kinda coach."
Ryan shrugged. "I hate to jump to conclusions, but so far you're absolutely right."
Jamie shot her a look and said, "Can we discuss this, Ryan?"
"Discuss…?"
"Honey, I've got some concerns. Can we stop for a cup of coffee or some ice cream? I don't want to discuss this in a moving car. I want your full attention."
Ryan gave her a wink and said, "And you think you can get that when I've got a dish of ice cream in front of me? It had better be coffee."
They parked in the big public lot next to Sufficient Grounds and snared the front table, watching the Sunday night parade of homeless people looking for a spot to bed down.
"I'm worried about you, Ryan," Jamie said quietly. "I know you have boundless enthusiasm for things that you love, but I just have a feeling that this isn't going to be one of them. You're still very run down, your weight is still way too low, and you've got a load of schoolwork this term. I just don't see how you can do it."
Ryan reached across the table and grasped Jamie's hand, blue eyes searching her face with concern. "Why haven't you said anything before?"
"I have, honey. I think you know I wouldn't have chosen this for you."
"Yeah, I know, but that's different from being worried about me. Before you were just telling me that you wouldn't do it. Now you're saying that I shouldn't do it. Big difference, babe."
Jamie sighed, and shook her head. "I don't want to tell you what to do. That's not the kind of spouse I want to be."
Ryan reached across the table to cup her cheek. She exerted just a bit of pressure, and Jamie lifted her head and met her eyes. "You're a wonderful spouse. You're just showing me that you love me."
"I do love you, Ryan." Her eyelids fluttered closed and she rubbed her cheek against the hand that smelled of leather and sweat. "I love you enough to not nag you about this. I just want to make sure you've thought it through thoroughly."
"I think I have, Jamie. I mean, I can't be sure this will work out, but I get along well with one of the women, and I like the assistant coach a lot."
"That's a small amount of support, love."
"Yeah, but Janae is cool. She's the center, and she's also a senior. I know she wants to make a difference this year, and I believe that if she and I work hard we can win over some of the fence sitters. If we can get the control of the team away from the other two seniors, I think we could be good."
All of this was a complete news flash to Jamie. "You not only have to play well, you have to orchestrate a coup?"
"I wouldn't go that far," Ryan chuckled. "But the other two seniors are pretty negative, and their negativity has infected the team." Jamie was giving her a wary look, and Ryan looked at her seriously and said, "I know you don't understand this, but I love team dynamics. I get a huge boost from trying to toy with the chemistry of a team and turn it into a positive force. Janae feels just like I do, and I think it would be awesome if we could kick some butt and drag Cal out of the cellar for a change." She looked thoughtful for a moment and said, "In a way, it's my gift to the school. Volleyball was such a breeze-with such a great bunch of women. I'd like to help the basketball team start the long climb to respectability."
"This really means a lot to you?"
"Yeah. In a weird way it does. Besides the things I've mentioned, I have some selfish reasons, too. I like it that we play in the big gym. I like it that some of our games are televised. I really enjoy the boost that women's basketball has had in the last few years, and I want to be a part of it." Her eyes were shining with excitement and Jamie felt all of her reservations fade when she looked into those baby blues.
Reaching across the table, Jamie grasped her partner's hand and said, "I'm in your corner, baby. If this is what you want, you've got my full support."
"That's worth everything to me," Ryan smiled brightly.
Part Nine
On Monday evening, Ryan came home from her last double practice, finding herself a little down in the dumps afterwards. When she walked in the door, Jordan was already there, setting the table. "You know, this extra hour is about to kill me," the blonde grinned. "I'm used to eating by 6:15, Ryan. Can you have your coach move practice up an hour?"
"Come here," Ryan said, smiling sweetly.
Jordan walked over, then immediately let out an outraged squawk when Ryan grabbed the back of her neck and shoved her head into her open gym bag. "That's a toxic dump!" she hollered, bringing Mia and Jamie out of the kitchen to see what was going on. "She's trying to kill me!" she cried.
"Honey, leave Jordan alone," Jamie warned. "She's not used to being around ruffians like you." The smiling woman approached her partner and gave her a gentle hug, while casting a glance at the gym bag. "That's cruel, Ryan. Very cruel."
"I thought you liked the way I smell," she said, feigning hurt.
"I do, baby. I just prefer your scent fresh. When it ferments on your wet clothes, it's a bit much, even for me."
"No respect in my own home," she grumbled, heading for the shower for her body, and the laundry chute for her clothing.
"Oh, baby, your aunt called. She asked you to call her when you have time."
"Maeve or Moira?" Ryan asked as she ascended the stairs.
"Maeve. She said it's not a rush."
"Let me call her now, okay?" Ryan asked. "She never calls without a reason."
When she reached her room, she dialed her aunt's number, smiling when her father answered. "May I speak to the lady of the house, please?" she asked.
"Ahh, it's my sweet one," he replied. "I'll get Maeve for you, love. Are you feeling well?"
"I'm fine, Da. Had my last double practice tonight. I'm back to one-a-days now."
"Good to hear. See you tomorrow, sweetheart. Shall I wear a suit?"
"Well, you can if you want, but your normal attire is just fine. Are the boys all going to make it?"
"Of course they are. We'll have a good showing of the cousins as well. Don't you worry, love."
"I'm not worried, Da. The family has never let me down."
"Hello, Ryan," Maeve said when she picked up.
"Hi, Aunt Maeve. What's up?"
"I heard something distressing yesterday, and I didn't have a chance to talk to you about it after your game."
"What is it?" Ryan felt her heart rate pick up at the tone of her aunt's voice.
"I spoke with Mary Elizabeth Andrews, and she said things are not going well at their house. It seems that Sara told her parents that she's a lesbian."
"Oh," Ryan said, sitting down hard on her desk chair.
"Yes, apparently Mary Elizabeth wasn't terribly surprised, but Sara's father took the news very badly. He told Sara she wasn't welcome to come home if she was going to choose that path."
"What would he rather?" Ryan snapped. "Would he rather she never know love in her life, or should she marry some poor man who doesn't ever understand why she's so distant?"
"Ryan," Maeve said gently, "I'm on Sara's side in this."
"I'm sorry, Aunt Maeve," she said. "I know you're supportive. It just makes me so damned mad! Why must people be so afraid of difference!"
"I don't know, but they are. So many parents seem to love their children until they disappoint them. I don't know Sara's father well, but he's always seemed very proud of her and her accomplishments. I guess he can't stand to have his image of her destroyed."
"So what's the bottom line, Aunt Maeve? What is Mrs. Andrews going to do?"
"That's the most distressing part, Ryan. She acted so helpless. She said that she didn't know what to do, other than to hope her husband changes his mind soon. I got the impression that she wasn't going to push the issue-even if it means Sara is forced out of the family."
Ryan took a deep breath, biting back the colorful curse she was on the verge of spitting out. "I thought Mrs. A
ndrews had learned something from what happened to me," she grumbled.
"I think it's expecting a lot for Mary Elizabeth to suddenly have a spine, Ryan. She's a very, very passive woman."
"With a daughter that's probably absolutely devastated," Ryan said, her stomach clenching in sympathy for her old friend.
Jordan seemed distracted at dinner, and after Ryan watched her pick at her food for a while, she finally asked, "What's up?"
"Huh?" the blonde asked absently.
"Is something bothering you? You've been quiet ever since I came back down."
Mia shot Ryan a look, but the question was already out on the table and she couldn't pull it back in.
"Oh…I was just thinking about tomorrow night. I called home to get my messages and my dad called earlier to say he can't make it."
Ryan mentally rolled her eyes. "He can't make it to senior night? Does he know this is a big deal?"
"Yeah, he does. He wouldn't cancel if he didn't have to, Ryan," she said, her defenses rising. "He has a very demanding job."
"I didn't mean to imply that he doesn't care, Jordan," she said contritely. "I just thought that maybe he didn't understand that this meant a lot to you."
She shrugged and said, "It really doesn't. I'm sure that lots of people don't have family available. It's just gonna be weird when your whole clan shows up," she admitted sheepishly. "I'm really gonna look like an orphan then."
Knowing she was treading on thin ice, Ryan asked, "Did you even ask your mom to come?"
"No way," she said with wide eyes. "Then she'd know the season was over!"
Ryan nodded, not understanding this logic in the least, but knowing that Jordan had her reasons for everything she did-even though they were sometimes elusive.
After dinner Ryan called Sara, but no one was home and the answering machine didn't pick up.
Jamie came upstairs and lay down on the bed, motioning for Ryan to join her. The dark woman cuddled up against her chest, allowing Jamie to soothe her by rubbing her back. "It brings back all of the old memories, doesn't it?"
"Yeah, it does," Ryan agreed. "I guess, in a way, Sara might have known how poorly this would go. Maybe that's why she was so afraid of being honest."
"Maybe," Jamie sighed. "It's just sad. How can you let something so incidental to your child's total self affect how you feel about them?"
"I'll never understand it," Ryan murmured. "Not if I live to be a thousand." She nuzzled her head against Jamie's chest, soaking up the comfort. "I feel like I need to get in touch with her. Will that bother you?"
"No, of course not. I'd be disappointed in you if you didn't feel that way. We'll work it out, babe. The important thing is to be supportive of Sara right now. She must really be hurting."
"Guaranteed," Ryan said. "She was closer to her mom, but she always strove to make her dad proud of her. His approval was paramount to her…and probably still is."
Ryan hunted Mia down at lunch the next day, managing to find her sunning herself in front of the science library. "Got any ideas about how to support Jordan tonight?" she asked without preamble.
"Uhh…" Mia squinted up into the sun, then motioned for Ryan to move to the side. "Look, I offered to be there for her-as her friend-even though I'd freak out if everyone knew about us. Don't give me that look, Ryan. I tried."
Ryan sat down, and patted Mia on the shoulder. "I'm sorry. I should have known you'd try to be there for her." She cocked her head and asked, "Did she just turn you down, or did she give you a reason?"
"Oh, she said that she didn't want anyone to think we were together. But I don't know, Ryan. I got the impression she just doesn't think she deserves it."
"You're gonna be there tonight, right?"
Mia blinked up at her and gave her a scowl. "How big of an asshole do you think I am?"
"Forget I was even here," Ryan grumbled, before heading off to her next class.
"How are you feeling about tonight, babe?" Jamie asked as she helped Ryan secure her hair in a very neat style for the final volleyball game of the season.
"I'm sad," she admitted, looking just a little sheepish. "It's hard to describe, since I know that I'll still be friends with the women from the team that I really bonded with, ya know? But a team has a very ephemeral chemistry, and when you play your last game of the season-it's forever lost, even if you have the exact same players the next year."
"I think I understand that," Jamie said.
"It's harder than usual for me," Ryan said reflectively. "Probably because I know this is the highest level I'll ever play at. I've peaked, Jamie, and that's never happened to me before," she admitted. "It's a little humbling."
"Honey, I know you don't agree with me, but I still think there's a good chance you'll get an invitation to try out for the Olympic team."
"It's not gonna happen, " Ryan insisted. "I'm gonna try and just play my heart out tonight, and get on with it. From now on, I'm just a former college player who will still kick an occasional butt on the beach volleyball court."
The team was a little jittery during warm-ups, even though they were playing for nothing more than pride. It was important to all of them that they make a statement with their last game, and things got even tenser when someone mentioned that a scout from USA Volleyball might be in the stands.
Ryan scanned the crowd in the sold-out gymnasium and easily found her rooting section. She gave them a signal when it was getting close to game time, and they made their way down to the court. The student manager came to get Jordan and Ryan, handing them their warm-up jackets. They stood over by the huge blue curtain that separated the stands from the basketball court, and stood patiently while the lights went down and the announcer began his spiel.
"Ladies and gentlemen-may I have your attention? Tonight we honor two graduating seniors who have combined to lead the Bears to their best finish in this decade."
"Jordan Ericsson, a four-year starter, is the all-time Bears leader in kills and hitting percentage. A national player of the year candidate, she's also a two-time First-team All PAC-10 and a two time member of the U.S. World University Games team. Jordan was a first team Volleyball Magazine All-America and was a Junior Olympic All-Tournament team selection. She's from Santa Monica, California, and lettered for four years at Le Lycée Français de Los Angeles in both volleyball and basketball. Jordan also played for the Palisades Storm club team for four years and was the CIF state champion in the 1500 meters."
Jordan slapped Ryan's hand and started to head out to the court, but Ryan grabbed her jacket and said, "Not so fast. Wait for your cue."
The blonde gazed at her in the dim light, but Ryan just smiled enigmatically and said, "Listen to my bio. It won't take long."
The announcer began again. "Ryan O'Flaherty has made a big impact in only one year with the Bears. A two-year letter winner from the University of San Francisco, Ryan was the PAC-10 player of the month for October, the first time a Bears volleyball player has won that honor. She's from San Francisco, California and lettered at Sacred Heart Academy in volleyball, soccer, basketball, and softball for three years. Ryan was a member of the CIF championship soccer team in her junior year. That year she was also the state champion in the 200 meters."
"Let's give a hearty round of applause to these two fine athletes as they're joined by their family and friends."
The blue curtain parted as the lights went up, and no less than 20 O'Flahertys streamed through the opening. A pair of significantly shorter women made their way to the front of the crowd, each bearing a lavish bouquet of roses. Jordan was positively dumbstruck, and Ryan had to tug on her to get her to walk to the middle of the court. The crowd was on its feet, clapping wildly as Jordan and Ryan waved and took a bow.
Even though the applause was thunderous, Jordan was aware of little but the small, warm hand that held her large, clammy one and the misty brown eyes that gazed up at her with a look that bordered on adoration.
Ryan slung an arm around her friend's
shoulders and asked, "Isn't it nice to be part of a large family?"
Ryan's prediction was accurate, and the final game proved to be an intensely emotional experience for the entire team. They had little problem with their opponent, the University of Nevada, and were moving along nicely towards a three game sweep, leading game three 13-9, when timeout was called. Coach Placer gave them a few instructions during the brief interlude, but just before he sent them back on the court he reminded them, "Two more points for the season!"
Jordan shot a panicky look at Ryan, and as their gazes met it suddenly hit the dark woman full force. Despite the short talk she'd had with Jamie, she hadn't given a lot of thought to the end of volleyball since she was already gearing up for basketball. She realized with a start that she had done this her whole life. She had never had to face the sadness that affected a lot of the women when the season ended, since she always had another one to go to. It was very similar to the way she'd regarded women in the past. When a woman had outlived her usefulness, she was replaced almost immediately with very little emotion. But that wasn't how she was trying to live her life any longer, so she tried to stay with the emotion of the game and really feel what the end of the season meant to her. It was obvious that Jordan was deep in the moment, and as she glanced over at her, Ryan wrapped an arm around her fellow senior as they prepared to take the court. "Let's go out big!" she urged, giving her a fierce squeeze.
Jordan looked like she was fighting to maintain her composure, but she returned Ryan's hug and nodded her head forcefully. "Let's kick some butt!" she growled as her face took on an intensely determined look.
The next point was won before Ryan could blink. Erika served a beauty, but the ball was dug brilliantly and returned right to Jordan. The tall woman elevated beautifully and slammed the ball down with as much force as Ryan had seen her exert all year. As soon as the ball landed, she jumped in the air and gave a joyous whoop that seemed to energize the entire team. On the next serve, the ball was returned to Ryan's side. Amy and Jordan slid over, and the three of them rose as one with their long arms extended over the net. Ryan had no idea which of them actually got the block, but the ball zoomed off their hands and skidded onto their opponent's court, for the final point of the season.
Journeys - SF10 Page 24