by Lynette Noni
Struggling to draw anything but shallow breaths into her lungs, Alex had no idea what to say to Jordan—no idea what she could say. But when she softly called his name and his eyes finally came to hers, it was she who recoiled this time. Never before had she seen him look so hurt, so betrayed.
… So angry.
“Jordan,” she whispered. “I—”
“Don’t.”
One word, as harsh as the crack of a whip, and Alex felt it scour deep into her core. But she said nothing else—all she did was wait to see what he would do next. Wait to see if he would give her the chance to explain.
Jordan was visibly trembling. His hands were fisted at his sides and his glare continued to spear straight through her. But he didn’t speak, allowing his anguish to play out across his features for her to read. And then, as if he could no longer bear to look at her, he turned on his heel and marched to his room, slamming the door loudly behind him.
Shaken, Alex looked to her other friends, but found little comfort in their silence. While Declan and Kaiden appeared sympathetic, it was impossible for Alex to ignore the accusatory expressions of Bear and D.C.; impossible to ignore how it felt to have them look at her with such judgement.
None of them knew the whole story. The Gate hadn’t showed the part where Niyx had arrived in the clearing with Jordan in his arms and explained everything to Alex. It hadn’t showed the part where he’d warned how he needed to play the role of the spy without risking discovery—how no one other than Alex could know he hadn’t killed the king.
There had been justifiable reasons for why Alex had made Jordan forget, for why such a secret had needed to be kept, not the least of which was for his own peace of mind. But until he was willing to let her explain, there was nothing Alex could do but give him time to process, time to cool off.
Until then, she needed her own time as well. The reactions of D.C. and Bear—even Jordan, himself—were not just hurtful, they were undeserved. After everything she’d been through with them—and for them—she felt they should have at least given her the benefit of the doubt, rather than automatically casting blame.
Knowing she needed to retreat before she said something she would later regret, Alex escaped to her own room and began pacing the length of the wall. It wasn’t even midday, the Gate of Secrets having consumed nowhere near as much time as the Gate of Strength. She had most of the day ahead of her, and she knew she would go stir-crazy if she were to remain caged in the palace. But while Calivere had told them they were free to wander the city, upon later perusal of their common room, Alex had learned that there were only six doors—all of which led to their bedrooms. There was no exit to their chambers, no discernible way for them to leave.
Stomping through the curtain and onto her balcony, Alex looked down at the glittering city far below. She then glanced from one side of the palace to the other, but could see no indication of where Kaiden’s room was. If he’d managed to climb across after an entire day of arduous physical testing, surely she could do the same while buzzing with agitated energy.
Bolstered by the idea of escaping, even if only for a few hours, Alex strode back into her room and tore off her ridiculous dress, grateful that Zaylin had already laid out another outfit. The clothes were simple—comfortable long pants and a flowing top, both pure white, as if the Tia Aurans only allowed options of white or black. At least, that seemed to be the case for those who inhabited the palace—those in attendance at the stadium each day wore every colour under the sun, blending in perfectly with the rainbow-reflecting clouds.
Anxious to leave, Alex hurriedly dressed before untangling her now scruffy braid and shoving the mass up into a messy bun to keep it from getting in the way as she climbed. She then moved back to the balcony and forced aside her fatigue as she searched for the best route down to the ground.
Tucking her strappy sandals into her belt—the only part of her outfit ill-suited for what she was about to tackle—Alex jumped up until she was sitting on the railing and swung her legs over the other side.
Once upon a time, vertigo would have hit her as she looked down from such a height, but Alex had long since overcome such fears. She was being reckless, she knew, not only given her weary, potentially ill state, but also since she had no safety net this time—no Valispath to summon or draekon saviour should she fall. But she didn’t care. She needed to get out, and she needed to get out now.
So, placing her weight onto her hands, Alex swivelled around and then carefully lowered herself down off the side of the balcony, reaching for the nearest slab of gold jutting out like a brick step. The palace architecture seemed designed to tempt eager climbers, with repeated slabs of both gold and diamond—or whatever the Tia Auran equivalents were— sporadically positioned enough that Alex was confident she could navigate herself safely to the ground, no matter the distance. In comparison to the cliff from the previous day, the Vardaesian palace was child’s play, even for her tired body. But before Alex could so much as move to the next slab down, two hands reached over the balcony and latched onto her arms, yanking her back up with inhuman strength.
The pull was so great that Alex soared over the railing and tumbled to the balcony floor, bruising her hip in the process.
Rubbing her smarting side, she glared at Zaylin who stood above her with an expression of disbelieving fury on her face.
“What in the name of the light do you think you’re doing?” the Tia Auran demanded. Then, remembering Alex wouldn’t— or at least, shouldn’t—understand, she pointed one of her hands at the balcony, shaking her head and wagging a finger to clearly say, ‘No.’
“I was perfectly fine,” Alex clipped out, rising to her feet and wincing when her hip popped, but at least it felt better afterwards, as alarming as that was. “I didn’t ask for your help.”
“Impossible human!” Zaylin cried, reading Alex’s tone if not comprehending her words. “Do you have a death wish?”
Alex saw no point in responding. She could have recited the lyrics from Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and it would have meant the same to Zaylin as any answer in the common tongue.
Not caring how rude she seemed, Alex made a shooing gesture with her hands, something the helper did not appreciate, if the narrowing of her already slitted eyes was any indication.
“Can’t you tell I don’t want you here?” Alex said, still pushing for her to leave. “I don’t even want to be here. I want to be down there.” She pointed towards the city, frustrated by her failed escape. “Why else do you think I was risking my neck? Maybe it’s because you haven’t given us a door!”
The moment the words left her mouth, Alex felt like slapping herself. Closing her eyes at her own idiocy, she recalled a memory from not even two days ago: ‘When the time comes that you need to remember me, you will.’
Well, she’d dropped the ball on that one. As Zaylin had said, what had Alex been thinking, climbing over the balcony? It wasn’t at all necessary—not when she had a much better option available to her.
Reopening her eyes, Alex cast her gaze out until she focused on a clear landmark not too far from the palace; a diamond fountain spraying liquid gold into the air, easily viewable with her heightened sight. She wasn’t certain that what she was about to try would work, but without pausing to second-guess herself, she attempted to summon a doorway right from where she stood.
Perhaps the Library was feeling charitable, or perhaps her connection to it was stronger while she was in Tia Auras—the place where it had supposedly originated—but either way, a doorway appeared instantly in front of her, despite her having never previously been to the fountain she’d envisioned.
Ignoring the gaping Zaylin, Alex didn’t hesitate to step through, landing on the ground exactly where she’d imagined, free at last.
Alex wandered the streets of Vardaesia for hours.
As soon as the thrill of her liberation faded, a numbing chill settled upon her, something she was unable to shake no matter how far or fast
she walked. She might have been able to escape the palace, but she couldn’t escape her own mind.
Over and over she replayed the look of icy rage on Jordan’s face; the way he’d snapped out that single word, ‘Don’t’; the image of him slamming the door in the wake of his retreat. And more than that—she also recalled the way both D.C. and Bear had looked at her, their eyes almost as unforgiving as Jordan’s.
The further she walked, the worse the memories plagued her. She’d wanted to leave the stifling palace walls to calm down from the hideousness of what she’d felt trapped in her room, but not even the splendour of Vardaesia could offer her a distraction.
The city itself was partially to blame for her increasing distress, since the more time she spent in it, the more she found she wanted to leave. Her surroundings were just so damn shiny; it was as if a unicorn had thrown up a rainbow and topped the mess with golden sprinkles. There were times when Alex’s eyes physically hurt from the glare of the bright gold and diamond blending with the accompanying multi-coloured clouds.
It also didn’t help that the metropolis defied the laws of nature, and not just due to its elevated position atop what should have been an insubstantial mass of condensed vapour. It was the other parts Alex didn’t understand—the crystalline trees that grew up from glassy roots deep within the clouds; the opalescent flowers growing along the shimmering streets; the diamond-like vines creeping over the gilded buildings and reflecting the overhead sunlight into billions of brilliant mini rainbows. It was all, quite simply, too much.
But it wasn’t until Alex found the lake that she began to wonder if she was hallucinating the psychedelic journey of visual absurdity. And that was because the lake wasn’t a normal lake—of course not. Had she ever considered the impossibility of an inland sea magically resting atop clouds, she would have presumed it to contain water of a crystal-clear colour. But in Vardaesia, where everything was over the top and nothing appeared as it should, that wasn’t the case.
Instead, the lake was liquefied gold.
With small ripples lapping at a silvery shore while the rest of the watery mass was as still as death, Alex could do nothing but collapse onto the glittering sand, staring at the sight. The powder beneath her was unfathomably soft and she trickled it between her fingers, allowing herself to become hypnotised by the ebb and flow of the golden water.
Minutes turned into hours as she sat there clearing her mind of all thoughts, unmoving except to continue playing with the silky-smooth sand. Having wandered the streets for so long before arriving at the lake, and skipping lunch in the process, Alex eventually realised she was starving. But she also felt a hollowness that she knew no food could satisfy.
As the suns lowered in the sky and the moons rose to take their place, casting their glow across the golden water, Alex knew it was time to return. Unlike her agitated wandering through the city, her time at the lake had allowed her the chance to calm her thoughts. Jordan had once understood the need for her to manipulate his memories, so she had to believe he would again. And while Bear and D.C.’s reactions had hurt, she knew they had been acting out of loyalty to Jordan, and she couldn’t fault them for that. Once she explained her side of the story, she was certain they would all move past what had happened.
Nervous but hopeful, Alex rose to her feet and brushed the glittery powder from her clothes, sparing a final glance at the beautiful—if pretentious—lake.
Knowing she couldn’t handle walking back through the gaudy city without wanting to gouge her own eyes out—since now that it was night-time, Vardaesia was lit up like a Christmas tree—Alex was grateful when the Library generously opened a doorway at her mental summons.
Arriving directly back into the darkness of her bedroom, Alex took a few moments to prepare herself before she walked to her door and paused there, listening to what was happening on the other side. While muted, she could still make out muffled voices, her heightened hearing allowing her to recognise Jordan’s as one of them. That was all she needed to know, and with a deep breath, she opened her door and stepped into the shared space between their rooms.
Eleven
All talking ceased as Alex entered the common room, with five pairs of eyes jumping straight to her.
Kaiden and Declan were seated at the table, playing some kind of card game with thin slabs of gold cut into hexagons. But it wasn’t them who her attention focused on; it was Jordan, Bear and D.C., all seated on the couch together, their stiff postures revealing that they’d been waiting for her, perhaps for some time.
Her throat dry, Alex slowly approached, unable to think of how to begin. Should she sit? Should she remain standing? Should she ask to speak with Jordan in private? She didn’t know. But the choices were taken from her when Jordan stood just as she reached them, with Bear and D.C. following close behind.
Unable to ignore the intimidating atmosphere, Alex rubbed her arms, suddenly cooler than before. Her eyes flicked over to Kaiden and Declan, both watching carefully, uncertain whether to stay or leave. Alex wasn’t sure either. Having them there was a comfort, if only for their neutrality, and part of her hoped they would stay. But another part wondered if she and her three closest friends needed privacy.
Again, the choice was made for her, since Jordan spoke before anyone could leave—Alex included.
“Enjoyed your day playing tourist?”
Alex blanched at his tone, one that showed he hadn’t cooled down—at all.
“Not particularly,” she managed to say, somehow without her voice croaking. She didn’t know how he’d come to realise she wasn’t in her room, but his presumption that she’d gallivanted around all day ‘playing tourist’ stung.
Shaking off her offence, Alex asked, “Are you ready to talk to me now?”
“I was ready hours ago. You’re the one who took off.”
It was almost like he wanted another reason to be mad at her. But Alex refused to rise to his bait.
“Then let’s talk,” she said. She gestured to the couches, wanting to dissolve the tension in the air. “Why don’t we sit?”
Jordan didn’t respond other than to cross his arms. D.C. and Bear shared an uneasy look, before D.C. said, if quietly, “I think we’re good standing.”
It didn’t matter how hesitant her words were, how troubled her expression was, because what D.C. said still hurt. It was a line in the sand, them against Alex. And even though she understood why it was happening, that didn’t make it any easier. All she could do was remind herself that while things looked bad from their point of view, she wasn’t at fault, and soon they would realise that. They were her best friends—they were her family. Regardless of how they were treating her, she still loved them. So as hard as it was, she kept her thoughts to herself and took a seat, keeping her body loose and relaxed, despite feeling anything but calm.
“Suit yourselves,” she replied, hating that she now felt almost victimised with them looming over her. Shifting into a more comfortable position—impossible really, when it was like she was sitting on glass—she said, “I guess I’ll start at the beginning?”
“And you’ll tell the truth?” asked Bear warily.
It took everything in Alex not to react to the implied dig. “Of course.”
Jordan’s tone was unlike anything she’d ever heard from him when he said, “That’ll be a novelty. But hey, better late than never.”
“Stop it.”
The two words were dredged up from somewhere deep within her, an automatic response that she couldn’t have quieted if she’d tried.
With her voice low and carrying an edge of warning, Alex continued, “I get that you’re upset right now, Jordan, but please don’t speak to me like—”
“Upset?” he interrupted, his gaze flashing. “Why the hell would I be upset, Alex?”
“I—”
“You might have been able to manipulate my mind, but you can’t control what comes out of my mouth. Not anymore, at least—but who knows what else you ordered me to
do as your puppet.” His eyes were like blades of ice as he finished, “Seems like I was hardly better off Claimed by you than I was by Aven.”
Alex flinched so violently that her whole body lurched, bile rising up her throat.
“Watch it, Jordan,” Kaiden warned, he and Declan having left the table to join them.
“She doesn’t need you defending her,” Jordan snapped back. “She’s meant to be saving the world, remember?” His acidic inflection had Alex flinching yet again, if not as strongly. “If she can’t accept that her actions have consequences, then we might as well go home right now, since there’s no way we’ll make it through the next four Gates with her manipulating us at every turn.”
“That’s enough,” Kaiden said, one hand coming down to rest firmly on Jordan’s shoulder, while the other pointed in the direction of his room. “You need to go and calm down before you say anything else you can’t take back.”
But it was already too late for that. The damage had been done the moment Jordan had said he’d been her puppet—when he said she’d treated him no better than Aven.
“I don’t need to calm down,” Jordan stated furiously, shaking off Kaiden’s grip. “What I need is for her”—he speared a finger at Alex—“to finally stop lying to us.”
With that, she was done.
Blinking rapidly against the burn of Jordan’s hateful words, Alex stood slowly from the couch until she was on the same level as the others. She took in all their faces—Kaiden and Declan’s concern, Bear and D.C.’s distress, Jordan’s glacial anger—and finally found the words that had left her during the worst verbal attack she’d ever experienced.
“I’ve never lied to you.”
Jordan’s features darkened with disbelief, but she cut him off as he opened his mouth to retort with what was undoubtedly another cutting reply.
“I may have kept secrets, but I have never, ever lied to you.”
Incredulous, Jordan leaned forward until he was right in her face, and he bellowed, “You stole my memories, Alex! You had no right!”