by Claire Adams
“Dear, time is a great healer, you may never forget, but any pain you feel will lessen over time. So, just put it behind you as an experience that you can learn from in the future when you are ready,” she explained.
“Well, I should get off the phone. I have taken up enough of you time for today. I want just to sit and go through my thoughts for a while,” I said.
“Yes, Dear, keep me updated and look after yourself,” she said.
“Bye, Mom,” I said as I hung up the phone.
I curled up on the couch with Bo and thought of everything, and no matter what everyone said about Elijah I couldn’t see this in him, I knew he was different, and there was just a convoluted reason behind his decision. I had found him a good man and his action wasn’t his true self, it wasn’t him going back to his old ways, even if it appeared that way, it was just that he didn’t want to continue hurting anyone. And if he did regain all his thoughts and return to the self-centered prick that he used to be, I would have made him change!
The more I sat and thought, the more I wished things had worked out differently between us, I knew we could have had a future together. I also considered how much had been influenced by his conversation with his mother.
I cuddled closer to Bo and rested my head, deep in my mind, I was sure that everything would turn out just fine.
Chapter 33
Elijah
It was Friday morning and opened my eyes, I spent the past couple of days at the office and looked at an empty desk where Kendall used to sit. I had enough of it and had to become distracted for a while. I decided to go for a drive so my mind would become clear.
Apparently, last time I did this, I had been on my bike, and that was how my accident happened, so this time I thought it safer if I took one of the cars. I showered and got dressed into something that was ideal for driving in and then headed downstairs for breakfast. I blocked any thoughts from my mind apart from a day of driving, and the open road that would help me forget.
I climbed inside the Porsche and headed out into the country, if I had any way to clear my mind, a drive around the mountains in a Porsche would do it.
The garage doors closed and I slowly headed down the driveway. I had no clear direction which to go, so I headed north toward the outskirts of town. I drove through the tight and twisty roads as they sliced between the trees, the car was glued to the floor the faster I went. My mind cleared as I concentrated on the road in front of me.
My mind just focused on the road, and I drove, the road markings blended into one as I drove on and on. I cruised along the highway and turned off and headed toward the far side of town. I looked at no street signs or landmarks and had not looked to see where I was, or where I was heading until a light flashed up on the dashboard.
I glanced at the fuel gauge and could see I needed gas, so I slowed and drove until I could see a garage in the distance. I filled the car with gas and could see a bar over the road and decided to get something to drink while I was there.
I parked the car and walked into the bar, the jukebox blasted out “Boxcar Willie, ” and I noticed a sea of Stetsons scattered around the various tables, the whole place looked like a scene from an old western movie. I headed toward the bar and waited for the waitress to come and serve me.
I glanced around the bar as I waited, and could see the walls were decorated with stuffed animals and vehicle plates. It was like time had stood still, and had just been a place frequented by old lost souls and cowboys who were hanging on before heading to the big rodeo in the sky.
As the waitress walked in my direction, I noticed an old man dressed in black sat a few stools away from me.
“Hi, there,” I said as I saluted him.
“Hi there, Sonny, chat car sure is pretty Mr.,” he said as he sipped his beer.
“Why thanks, it’s quite a handful to drive, especially on the country roads, that, I can tell you, but it’s great fun,” I said.
The waitress arrived, and I ordered a light beer, I didn’t want to drink and drive because it was too much of a risk, and I didn’t really feel like drinking alone.
“You want a drinking partner?” I asked the old man. “My treat.”
“I don’t mind if I do,” he replied as he tipped his hat to me, and moved across to me by a couple of seats.
The waitress handed my beer and passed the glass of sour mash to the old guy. “That car expensive?” he quizzed.
“It is, but I was left quite a bit of money from my dad when he died, and that was one of my vices. I did recently find out though, my mother and brother received nothing from the will, so I have to do some serious thinking to do.
“So, what brings you back this way then Sonny? I never thought I would cast my eyes on you ever again.” he asked.
I looked confused, he just sounded like he knew me, but I had no recollection of him or this place. Had I been here before or was he someone related to work who I had done business with?
“I’m sorry, do I know you? I don’t recognize you.” I sat there confused.
“Sort of, you were here before, but you are different this time. Last time you were a complete jerk. You were so full of yourself, and pig-ignorant,” he said.
“That must have been when I had my accident. Was I on a motorcycle?” I asked.
I must have left an impression, and from the sound of it, a bad one.
“That you were, Sonny, a nice bike, and you were full of it and shot out of here like a bat out of hell. You showed no manners, and you talked at me, rather than talking to me,” he said in a serious tone.
“I must apologize for how I behaved, I’m sorry. So, how was my mood when I was last here?” I asked as I tried to picture the events that led me to this place and how it had affected what had happened to me once I left here.
“You were not happy, and you looked bored and very pissed off with the world. Are you feeling better now? You are chattier than you were, and you are much politer than I remember, for sure,” he said.
I explained. I think the day in question was the day I had my accident and that I had since lost my memory, and couldn’t remember anything or anyone in my life. I also explained, that that person had gone and I had completely changed, and hopefully changed for the better.
“I’m happier since I had the accident, but it has been a rough few weeks. I can’t remember anything at all and have only just really connected to my mom and my brother again recently. I’d come so close to losing them had it not been for my brother,” I said.
“It’s strange how things happen in life,” the old man said with a kind smile.
“The thing is though, I have returned here on a day when I’m not really happy with myself again, but for different reasons,” I said to the old man. “And, I have learned I had no one in my life until the accident. Since then, I have been seeing a girl that works for me. She’s brilliant and has been the one who I can turn to when I have had a rough night,” I said as I ordered another round of drinks.
“Ah, woman problems,” he said as he sipped his bourbon.
“I have strong feelings for this girl, and I know she has similar feelings for me. We have become close, very close,” I said as my heart contracted in my chest. Fuck, I missed her so bad.
“So where is this girl now then?” the old man asked.
“Well, I think I made a wrong decision in my life, and that is why I have ended up here,” I said.
“How so, Sonny? Things can’t be that bad that they can’t be fixed,” he said.
“It’s a long story really, and one that has caused me and my family years of heartache and in some ways a lot of suffering,” I said.
I explained the whole situation about my relationship with my mother, and how she had the affair, and I had become the keeper of her sordid secret. I told him of my brother being gay and how my dad had seen Peter as being weak and had pushed his away from him. I then explained how my father disowned them both for different reasons and the fact he used to beat us
when he had been drinking, and how Peter had protected me by provoking Dad to divert the beatings away from me.
I then explained that even though my dad beat me, I always looked and tried to get his attention and blessing, and by spending so much time with him, I not only fell into his way of thinking, I also fell into his thoughts concerning Peter and my mother.
It was at the time he died, we should have stuck together, but I had followed on from dad, and I just pushed the both of them further and further away from me. As I naturally received all of his estates, I lost all concern for both my mother and Peter. As the old guy knew, I had become a victim to myself. I had totally become consumed by my self-grandeur, wealth, and power. I had not looked at people as equals, everyone was beneath me, and I looked down on them, even if I didn’t know them.
I went into more detail regarding Kendall and my flashbacks and how I had not wanted to become my father, and so I had finished the relationship as a way to protect her.
“Well Sonny, you are sure a different fellow to what you were before, and now you are likable. It’s not right for a guy like you, to go through life alone. You should have the love of a good woman, and if you get it, then you hang on to her real tight,” he said.
“I hear what you say, and I agree, but what happens if I have totally put my foot in it and she’s not interested anymore?” I asked. “I could have blown the whole thing by not realizing I could control the events in my life.”
“Listen to me. All is not lost, you can still make it right. You have learned from the errors of your past ways, and it’s obvious she’s someone who cares for you.”
“I think you are right, and I should put it right, I should put a lot of things right while I’m in the process. I have been granted an opportunity to put my life in order, and I have come close to making a huge error of judgment,” I said.
I sat there and thought about what the old man had said, and he was right, I had become a different person, and my life should be more than it was, and the only way I could see this happening was if Kendall was in it with me.
I knew I couldn’t let her go, that was a simple trait of who I used to be, it was the easy way out, and a cowardly way to do it. I had to be strong within myself, and fight for what the new me wanted. I had control in my life, and I knew what I had to do to put it right. There were not many people in the world who got a second chance in life to start from scratch again.
“Well, Mr. it was nice to meet you, again. I think you have filled me with some very useful insights, and I would like to thank you,” I said as I grabbed my coat and stood from the stool. As I turned toward the door I went on, “I don’t even know your name? Mine is Elijah.”
“Just call me Gates,” he said as he tipped his hat to me as he offered the kind smile again.
Chapter 34
Kendall
I had worked a couple of days with Peter, and I could already see he was a decent man, and maybe it was his gay side that made him sympathetic, but I had not let him know that I was aware of his secret.
I arrived at the office and was looking forward to a weekend off after what could be described as a grueling week emotionally. I sat at the desk and finished the daily schedule when Peter called me into his office.
“Kendall, can you come here please and close the door?” he called out.
“Be right there, Peter,” I called back to him as I put the phone onto divert.
“Yes, what can I do for you?” I asked.
“Please Kendall, take a seat, I just want to talk with you for a while,” he said as he gestured me to sit.
I sat in the chair and leaned toward him, “What’s it you want to talk about?” I asked.
“It’s nothing to worry about. I was just wondering what your long-term plans are? You know, I mean do you plan on staying here or moving on? That sort of thing,” he said.
“I’m happy here, and a job has never bothered me that much. I just want a happy life, you know us country girls,” I said with a giggle.
“Well, I have not had many dealings with country girls, so I’ll take your word for it,” he replied. “I’m just asking, because I have to consider all options and look at all aspects where the business is concerned, and I don’t want to just find in a short while if you decide to up roots and head off back home.”
“Peter, I’ll try and put your mind at ease, I’m not power hungry, and money is no real motivation, I’m quite content to just to lead a happy life. That is my driving force more than anything, but this isn’t to say I have no motivation. I have a lot of it,” I responded.
“So, you wouldn’t just leave on short notice?” he asked.
“God no! I would always give plenty of time for a replacement to be found. Between you and me, I had actually considered leaving Elijah before he had his accident, but I stuck it out, and that came out bad… look what happened to me,” I said stupidly.
“I know what you mean, and that situation is slightly different, and we both know that,” he said as he laughed.
“I’m quite happy here with you, the work is interesting, and there is no real pressure compared to Elijah’s place, so as far as I can see, I’m rooted here,” I said with a grin.
“I’m happy to hear that, that is one thing I hold close to me. Honestly, once you have that, everything else comes easy in my book,” he replied.
“So, how are you coping so far with the Elijah situation?” Peter asked.
“So far so good, I have tried to remain occupied and not dwell on it, it’s in the past and has happened, so there is nothing I can do to change that,” I explained.
“Well, I have not heard from, him in the last couple of days, so I have nothing to report, and as they say, no news is good news,” he said.
I returned to my desk and thought about the conversation I just had with Peter. It was obvious something had crossed his mind to do with me, and I wasn’t totally sure. He could just be over cautious.
I sat at my desk and ran through how I did feel about Elijah now, and I realized that I had kept myself occupied, I had let the situation bother me less, even though I did think about it at home. I had a lot of feelings for him, but it was no longer dictating the way I thought about things.
I looked at the clock, and it was nearly time to wrap things up for the week, it had been a short one for me since I had only really started work on Wednesday, and the past couple of days had flown by, which I was thankful for. But for tonight, I said I would pass by Mandy’s house and keep her updated with the events of the week.
***
I arrived at Mandy's house, and I could see she was excited as she was stood in the driveway waiting rather than with her face pushed against the glass of the window.
“Come on, quick, quick, get inside,” Mandy said hysterically.
“Relax girl, you are overacting,” I said.
“I know, it has been nearly a full week since you have spoken to me, I just want to see how you have been doing?” she asked as she curled up on the couch with a large cushion.
“So, when was the last time I spoke to you?” I asked.
“Last Sunday was the last time you were here, yet you called me briefly and said something about him being in your driveway, what was all that about?” Mandy asked.
“You mean, I didn’t tell you properly?” I asked.
“Tell me what?” she replied.
“You are gonna kill me!” I said with a grin.
“Don’t you dare say you have forgotten to tell me something Kendall,” she said.
I nodded my head, “Yup, I have forgotten to tell you something, and it’s something major,” I said sheepishly.
“You’re not pregnant?” Mandy asked.
“Hell no, what do you take me for. Anyway there is no chance of that for a long time,” I replied.
“Why the hell not? I thought you guys were banging till the early hours, at every possible chance,” she said in a fit of giggles.
“Not anymore,” I replied
.
“Huh, what do you mean? Mandy asked highly confused.
“Well, after I left here on Sunday, Elijah was waiting for me at home. He explained all about his trip to his mother and out of the blue. He ended us, just like that,” I explained to a shocked Mandy.
“No freaking way, you mean he dumped you?” she said.
“Sort of, yes, he said it was because he didn’t want to hurt me,” I said.
“So, what about work and all that stuff, it must be awkward now, not dating and working in the same place? Surely you now have to look for another job?” she said as she quizzed me.
“I’m not working there anymore, Elijah got me a job with Peter, and I have been there since Wednesday,” I said as I waited for the backlash.
“Damn you, girl. I’m gonna kill you. There is so much you have not told me. The biggest thing in your life happens and you forget to tell me? Your best friend? What the hell?” she asked with a giggle.
“I have just been too busy and pre-occupied to call you, with starting a new job, speaking to Mom and other things. I’m not sure where the time has gone this week,” I said as I slumped on the couch.
“So how have you been since all this shit happened?” Mandy asked me, “Did you get all emotional on his ass?” Mandy asked.
“To be honest, I never had the chance, one minute he was there and then one minute he was gone,” I explained. “He just got in his car and drove off as if nothing had happened.”
“What about your emotions? How have they been?” Mandy said.
“I have been alright, apart from Wednesday. I have been busy with Peter, and have not thought much of it until today when Peter asked me how I was coping with it,” I said. “It has been the night times that have been the worst for me when. When it’s quiet, and I’m just curling up with Bo.”
“Well damn you girl for not telling me, but forget all that, and I’ll not even tell you I told you so, I reckon your mom let you know that part well enough,” Mandy said.