by Mariah Dietz
Apparently, that’s what I got for letting her squirm. Snide remarks.
We were in a pretty secluded area and able to look out onto the lake from our camp spot, which was a good hundred feet from us, down a slight incline. It was beautiful and tranquil, and I felt grateful once again to be back home where it was nearly eighty degrees in September.
I remember everything about your expression as you stood beside the passenger door of Landon’s SUV, your attention on the lake. Your lips were slightly parted, forcing me to stare at them for a second longer because seriously, you have the most beautiful lips I’ve ever seen. The sun was starting to turn orange, casting shadows over your face that enunciated your high cheekbones, and the curve of your jaw that I loved to put my lips to. You looked blissful, relaxed, and the fact that I helped create that, made a surge of pride run through me as I approached you. Hearing me, you turned and gave me my smile. I’m sure I returned it, but I don’t remember, I was too busy staring at you to consider my own reactions. Then I slid a hand around the back of your neck, tangling it in your hair and pulling you close so I could kiss you.
The moment lasted about a second. Do you remember why it ended? That’s right. Kendall. She threw that damn soccer ball at us. Thankfully, she has horrible aim and throws like a girl.
“Let’s get these tents set up, lover boy. Then we need to get a fire going and make some noise. The brochure says it’ll deter the bears.”
“You guys gave her the brochure?” I’d already known it had been a mistake to do so, but the knowing look on your face confirmed it. You laughed and then shook your head, turning to grab a bag from the SUV.
Setting up camp is something that still makes me laugh whenever I think back to it. Remember trying to test your skills out on setting up a tent? You were rummaging through one of the bags, emptying the contents. “Where are the directions?”
“Oh it’s easy. Once you’ve put a tent together, it’s like riding a bike. Same basic concept for all of them,” Jameson explained.
You looked slightly bemused as you knelt and began helping him as Landon and I started setting up another one of the tents.
We were nearly done when I heard you laughing and looked over to see Kendall had joined in the efforts. She was arguing about something with Jameson, who looked to be taking it all in good stride.
Landon looked at me and shook his head as we move on to setting up the next tent.
“Kendall wants to sleep in the car tonight anyways, we’ll just designate that tent as theirs.” Landon laughed at my remark as we watched the three of you. Kendall was glancing around looking paranoid, while you explained something, your voice a little louder than normal conveying you were getting frustrated, as Jameson continued constructing things.
“I don’t know what in the hell he’s doing,” Landon said quietly.
Kendall was heckling Jameson about needing training wheels again when Landon and I came to help. She looked relieved to see us. You and Jameson both looked a little annoyed.
You probably don’t want to hear this, even now, a year later, but you guys were both wrong and would never have managed to set that thing up before dark. You have a great many talents, tent construction however, is not one of them.
By the time we got it staked, Kendall and you were making a plan to go to the restrooms so you wouldn’t have to go once it got dark. I watched you leave, your arm linked with Kendall’s, your heads tilted toward one another as you guys laughed at something. I’d seen you guys like that so many times over the years. You were still laughing as your head turned, your eyes found me over your shoulder, and your smile grew before you turned back to Kendall and I knew I’d seen that exact same move countless times, and it suddenly made me see so many little things in our previous encounters slightly different.
Then Jameson hit me with a pillow. “At least wait until you get a couple of drinks in you to get sappy.”
“That’s what you want to say after your girlfriend packed fifty pounds of clothes into the forest.”
“Fifty? I wish. That big bag weighs at least seventy-five. I have no idea what she packed out here.”
“Obviously nothing to repel bears.” Jameson and I both laughed but Landon just smiled. He didn’t say it to be mean, I’m sure you know that. Landon loved your family from the first time he met all of you at the barbecue. War had caused his nightmares, but his parents’ divorce and messy custody battles jaded him. I think your family gave him hope that happiness and love can happen and last.
“Where in the hell did they go? They’ve been gone forever,” Jameson repeated my thoughts. We’d hauled mats and sleeping bags into all of the tents, got bags arranged, and food organized for cooking dinner and you guys were still gone.
“I need to take a piss. I was just going to go behind a tree, but I can go up and make sure things are alright,” Landon volunteered.
“I’ll go with you. Something just seems off about this.” It did. I don’t know why we’d allowed so much time to pass before finally going. I followed Landon down the paved road with Jameson sorting through a bag at camp.
Landon swung the women’s bathroom door open, revealing the lights were off. A sense of dread filled me as I turned and anxiously peered around, trying to figure out where you guys could have gone. About twenty feet away, something glimmered in the rays of sun still filtering through the trees. I walked over and picked up a small earring.
“What’d you find?” Landon asked.
I held it up for him to see.
“Does it belong to one of them?”
“Fuck! That’s Kendall’s!” Landon and I turned to see Jameson looking half crazed with fear. He raised both of his hands and fisted his hair as his eyes scanned around us.
“Let’s go. They’ve got to be close.” Landon’s voice was calm, but he didn’t turn to face us for assurance, instead, he instantly set off in the direction we found the earring, his steps brisk.
The fear I felt as we searched the campsites was unreal. Who would have known it was a small piece of foreshadowing for what was to come. I didn’t sleep at all the night before you left for Delaware. How could I? I stayed up, staring at your window and pacing. I even went to your front door a few times. I was pissed at you, Ace. I was livid. Even more though, I was terrified.
I heard you, your laugh. I would have recognized it anywhere, I still would.
We turned to the right and began running, stopping when we saw your two blond heads sitting in lawn chairs and laughing.
“What. In. The. Hell?” Jameson growled and stalked up to the camp site. Landon just turned to look at me and grinned. Your “captors,” were that large group of senior citizens.
“It looks as though you ladies were being missed! We kept you far too long!” one of the elderly ladies said, standing up from her chair as Landon and I followed behind Jameson.
You turned in your seat, and even though your expression confirmed you were fine, my eyes still tracked over every inch of you. I think I just needed to rid the thought of you being hurt. Since you left, I’ve been having a reoccurring nightmare of this whole situation, except we never find you, and when I wake up, you’re still gone.
Remember those cookies they sent back with us? There was like a hundred of them I’m pretty sure, who knows—we learned an important lesson that night—Kendall likes to eat sweets when she drinks. We discovered part of the reason Kendall’s damn bag weighed so much. She’d packed a fucking liquor store in there! Neither of you drank much, only enough that Kendall wasn’t rigid with fear and turning around every two seconds, positive she heard a bear. And apparently enough that she wanted to eat cookies. There were like four flavors, gingersnaps, chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, and one other. Do you remember what the fourth one was? It’s going to drive me crazy. Forgetting these details is starting to scare the shit out of me. If they’re gone, like you, what will I have left?
We all went to bed commenting about how beautiful it was outside, and how th
e air smelled different, cleaner. I hadn’t realized how tired I was until we got in the tent and then I think I fell asleep within seconds.
The lilt of your laughter is what woke me up. I didn’t need to roll to see if you were behind me, I never slept with my back facing you, I liked to feel you against my chest. I heard more laughter and the undeniable sound of splashing, and grabbed a flashlight before crawling out of the tent. A smile kept working its way onto my face though I wanted to be serious. You two were going to attract some horn balls. Then we’d be praying for a damn bear.
The gravel crunched under my feet as I made my way down the embankment. The moon, nearly full, reflected off of the lake, illuminating your dark figures racing down the dock, giggling and screaming as you both catapulted into the water with a splash.
You both surfaced and laughed, and then began swimming back toward shore before I reached the embankment. I was pretty positive you guys had been drinking by how many giggles were punctuating your conversation. Even without the interruptions of laughter, I couldn’t understand most of what you guys were sharing. Half of the time, you Bosse girls communicate through osmosis it seems.
A movement in the bushes caught my eye, and I turned to see what might be prowling when I heard you. My foot connected with an empty glass bottle, confirming you two had been drinking as I looked back to the water.
“Max?” You sounded a little hesitant, making me question if I should have gone down.
Before I could consider it, Kendall saw me. Remember her reaction? God, she screamed loud! I knew she was naked, I’d seen your clothes on the shore, but if her scream hadn’t caught my attention, her failing attempt to plunge into the water that didn’t even cover her knees when she stood, did.
You were in hysterics, still far enough back that you were mostly beneath the water, nearly choking on laughter.
“What are you doing? Did you see my lady bits? Oh my God! You saw my lady bits!” Kendall screamed, thrashing through the water.
My head spun, trying to process everything going on. I was a little worried you two drunkettes were going to drown with you still laughing and Kendall screaming and moving like she’d been capped in the ass. Not to mention you were naked and only twenty feet from me, which had me completely distracted. It was ruined only slightly by the words ‘lady bits’ running through my mind. What in the hell are lady bits anyways? And then those damn bushes moved again, and I was a little concerned that a bear or cougar had spotted some easy prey.
“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Landon called as he slid down the embankment in his jeans and flip flops. That of course only led Kendall to start shrieking about her lady bits again, and you to break into a new fit of giggles.
“What in the hell’s going on?” Landon’s eyes were wide and alert, and I knew that the hand behind his back clutched a gun.
“I think there’s a bear in those bushes,” I quietly explained, pointing toward the movement I’d seen.
“Shit,” Landon whispered. “Is that what all the screaming was about?”
“No, I’m pretty sure Tweedle drunk and Tweedle drunker aren’t able to focus on something long enough to notice a bush move.”
“Um, are you guys just going to stand there? Because if I show you my lady bits again, I’m expecting breakfast!” Kendall yelled.
We ignored her. Landon was focused, his eyes slitting as he stared into the darkness. I knew he could handle himself, we’d gone to a couple of shooting ranges when we lived in Alaska, but having you around a wild animal and a gun, scared the hell out of me.
Landon pulled his gun from the back of his waistband. I knew Kendall was yelling about towels, or something, but I didn’t really focus on what she was saying until she started screaming again and then asked what we were doing loud enough I’m sure Texans heard her.
“Shhh! There’s a bear in those bushes!” Landon’s tone was clipped, verging on impatient. I’d never heard him use that tone except once, when we’d gone to an indoor shooting range and a guy kept talking to his buddy, waving his arms around with his gun still in hand and loaded. Landon went over and took the gun from the dude’s hand and emptied the chamber and then pointed it down range and told the moron that was the only direction to point a gun, loaded or not. The guy was so stunned he didn’t reply, but when we left, they were waiting for us in the parking lot.
That really isn’t a story you’d want to hear … anyways, so his tone, or maybe the fear of the bear seemed to sober you both up quick because you asked, “What should we do.” And your voice was quiet, all traces of laugher gone.
“Landon’s going to shoot at the bushes and scare it off,” I explained.
“What if you hit it?” I should have anticipated that question from you.
I shook my head just slightly, to rid the thought and calmly explained that it wouldn’t hurt the bear much. Bears are huge, it takes something a lot more powerful than the pistol Landon held to hurt them.
Landon stepped forward, his gun extended and those two punk ass kids came barreling out of the bushes, making both of you girls scream in shock. They were lucky it was Landon holding the gun; it caught me off guard too. I probably would have accidentally shot them, but after his time in war, Landon’s training was engrained in him.
“We’re not a bear. We just got lost!” one of the boys said as he held his hands up in surrender.
The other shithead tripped, his voice sounding pre-puberty as he squeaked, “Yeah, we were trying to find the bathroom!”
Kendall of course didn’t buy their shit. Neither did I. “Oh my God! How long have you been spying on us, you pervs!”
“Long enough we saw your lady bits!” the first one said with a snicker. He elbowed the other one, and they dashed back through the shrubs, up toward the embankment, and we heard the other boy swear at him in warning about getting shot by a jealous boyfriend.
“I feel drunk enough to think this is funny, but sober enough not to laugh.” Your words broke through my anger because when you spoke them it sounded like you’d reached a profound revelation, and even though I had half a mind to go track those asswipes down, I smiled.
“I’ll go get towels. You mind keeping an eye out for a minute?” I asked, turning to Landon who seemed to find the process of events fairly amusing based on the lopsided grin that replaced the intensity that consumed him earlier.
As I retrieved my keys from the tent, I chuckled as the scene played through my head again.
“My God! It’s freezing!” If you had been alone, I don’t know that I would have had the control to turn around as you waded to shore to get the towels I left, but since Kendall was with you, Landon and I had turned to face camp.
Your entire body was shivering as you huddled close to me, and I instinctively wrapped my arm around your shoulders to pull you closer.
“I think I have your bra,” Kendall said as her teeth chattered violently.
“I’m hoping you have my underwear,” Your clothes were wadded in your hands, so I’m not sure how you knew what you did or didn’t have.
Kendall stopped, causing you to as well as she tried to hold her towel and sift through the pile of clothes she was holding. “Son of a bitch, they stole our underwear!”
This pisses me off far more now thinking about it than it did at the time, because you started laughing. Not just chuckling, no, you were bending over, your clothes about to fall, and the nearby campsites likely heard you—and I couldn’t help but smile. I miss everything about you Ace, but your laughter, I miss it so much it makes my chest hurt.
We were still over a month out until “slow” ended so I’d left you to get some dry clothes on and went to thank Landon and make sure Kendall got in the tent because as sober as her words sounded, her veering steps assured me she was still feeling the sauce.
The tent was barely lit. You didn’t have a flashlight on, but we’d left the top cover off, exposing the mesh screen, and I was just able to see that you were still wrapped in yo
ur damp towel under the sleeping bag.
“Babe, where are your clothes?”
I knew you were smiling when you whispered, “Over there,” and pointed to your bag in the corner. “Come on, those boys saw me naked. Let me end the crazy streak by enjoying a make out session with my seriously hot boyfriend.” You pulled the towel off before your suggestion fully settled on my brain.
The light was dim, but it was more than enough to fully see you naked in front of me. Every muscle in my body became alert as my eyes traveled over you, inch by beautiful inch.
Waiting was already hard, pun intended. What you did that night nearly broke me. I had started to realize you never knew the full effect you had on others from spending so much time with you that summer, but watching you then, seeing the hesitation, and nerves on your face like you thought I’d be disappointed, made me want to worship you and show you exactly what I thought of you in that moment. How did you not know? How did you not know that I’d have done anything for you, and everything to prove how much I cared for you.
“Afraid I’ll bite?” I’m sure your hands were restlessly moving, as much as I wish I’d have paid attention to every single detail in that second, you being naked was a shock I wasn’t expecting and I was distracted. Even though your words were a joke, your tone was uneven, confirming your nerves.
“I’m kind of hoping you do.” My admission made you laugh and I saw a small piece of your self-consciousness drift away with it.
Obviously, we didn’t do anything that night. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But you’d been drinking, and we were less than thirty feet from both Jameson and Landon. You gave me a valiant pout, but seconds after your head rested against my chest once I’d stripped off my shirt and jeans, you were out cold.
The next morning you didn’t even shift when I slid free. I nearly didn’t. You always slept nestled against me, conforming to me, but that night you were clutched to my side. Holding me like you never wanted to let go. You were warm, and even though you’d been in the lake, I could smell the familiar scent of coconut from your shampoo. But I heard Jameson moving around, quietly grumbling and swearing and it was his birthday, so I was worried something had gone wrong.