by Trina Bates
-Cynide, I know you were listening in while I read that. Can you please tell the guys everything? I'm going out in the woods. If I'm going to learn anything, I want to be as far away from all of you as I can.-
-Of course. If anything happens I will mist to you.-
-Thank you.-
Searching for the comfort of Ebbin's mind, I can tell he’s worried but keeping his distance. He never lets me feel alone, I know he will always be there, but sometimes, I need space. This is one of those times.
-Ebbin, I need to do this on my own, I can feel the worry coursing through you. I’ll be fine. Will you please pack my clothes? I'm sorry I didn't get to it.-
-I will always worry about you. I love you so much. Just promise me you won't try to do all this on your own? Let me, let us all, help. That's what we’re here for okay? I love you.-
-I promise. If I ended up hurting any of you while I try this, I couldn’t live with myself, knowing I caused you harm. Give me time to get used to this, just this, on my own. I love you too, always.-
-Be safe, I'm already packing you a bag.-
With that, I close off my mind as best as I can and wander into the woods.
I’m looking for an area with any kind of wildlife, bugs, birds, rodents. It takes me a good fifteen minutes before I hear a bird’s call. How strange that a bird is the first thing to make me manifest and it will be a bird again to help me get ahold of the powers I hold inside.
As silently as possible in the snow, I creep closer. I‘m supposed to be able to kill with a thought, but it’s not as easy as that. Seeing something so small and innocent, wanting it to die?
-Pretty sadistic.-
How are you supposed to want something dead that has done you no harm?
Sitting here in the cold for over an hour, trying to will it to die doesn't work. Asking it to die, doesn't work. Feeling defeated after so many failed attempts, I’m over it. I’m cold, frustrated and about ready to give up. I start thinking about my father and how he’s able to do this. It’s disgusting, how easily he can kill, how simple it was to take his own child's life. That gets my blood boiling and the hate inside me intensifies, I feel like I’m on fire. The rage that’s inside me is all consuming. I feel like I can take on the entire world with the power that is pumping through my veins. I don’t just want the bird dead now, I want anything and everything that’s close to me to wither and die. To be pure, magnificent destruction. Looking back to the bird once more, I yell at it. “Why won't you just die!” I scream my outrage at the bird. I’m shaking from all the emotions swirling inside me. The black, evil, seductive, tenderness calling to me. Pushing me to be more, want more and need more.
The song the bird had been singing immediately ceases and the little thing falls off its perch from high in the tree, down to the ground in front of me.
With my anger now sated and seeing the destruction I caused, I’m able to pull everything back inside and tamper it down.
The guilt hits me harder than I would have thought possible. Crouching down to pick up the bird I just murdered, tears are streaming down my face and my body is shaking, whether it’s from the grief or the cold, I don’t know.
I feel terrible. I wanted something to die because of the hate I have for someone else. Finding my trigger has its own comforts, but it doesn't take away from the fact that I just killed something. It also cements the fact I am indeed a Death Demon, Alastor’s daughter.
On my knees in the snow, holding the little bird to my chest sobbing, I’m suddenly surrounded by my guys. They're all here, touching some part of me and holding me. Trying to soothe the pain I know they can all feel through our bond. They can’t though, they can’t soothe my pain. This is my doing, my burden. I have to either accept it or die letting it consume me. I have no idea what I‘m going to do in this moment.
I don't know how long we sat like that. Getting it out, just letting myself cry, eases some of the pain that has been burdening me for the last week. It helps calm my worried little heart.
Wiping my nose on my sleeve like a child, I try my best to explain what happened through my sobs and the shakes of the cold making my teeth chatter. When I finish Ebbin and Rhett smile at me, both giving me a kiss on each cheek; Rhydian lifts me from the ground bridal style, while Merrick takes the little bird to go bury it. They don’t judge me about my anger or rage. They accept me no matter what.
We portal into the living room thanks to Rhett. Rhydian sits me by the fire that was started after I left. I get comfortable and curl my legs under me while I push my hands out trying to get them as close as I can to warm them. I look to find Rhett and see him come in through the portal and he zones out on the fire again.
- I really need to ask him what his deal is with fire.-
Soon enough someone brings me warm tea, but I can’t bring myself to look at who it is or even give my thanks. I’m too deep into my own thoughts about the bird. What I did to it, and the things I can now do, to be able to focus on anything else.
We still haven’t looked for my mark either. I’m being pulled too tight. There’s so much going on that I barely have any time to just think. Dragging myself upstairs after I finish half of my tea, I want to get a shower in before we leave. That will also give me a chance to go over my body and search for this damn mark.
Standing naked in front of the mirror, I don't look for the mark like I should be doing, instead, I stare at my belly, trying to see if there’s a change in my body. My breasts are heavier and my hair seems longer, but nothing else stands out. I’m not thin, nor fat. I’m a fluffy, healthy woman which makes it a bit harder to notice the notorious bump. I rub absentmindedly at my belly, wondering if my little girl can feel all the love I have for her already. I think about all the things we’re going to do when she comes into this world and I promise her I will always keep her safe, love her with every fiber of my being and be the best mom I can to her.
Lifting my arms, looking between my legs, trying to see all of my back, I can’t find the mark. I’m covered in tattoos, how am I supposed to find it. Giving up for the moment, I hop in the shower.
Sitting on the bench that’s here feels amazing, especially with the rainfall shower head pouring over the top of me. I put my feet up and lean my head back enjoying the heat and relaxing under the water. Enjoying how the water seems to wash away all the bad and cleanse me, body and soul. Even if it’s just for a moment.
Coming out clean and relaxed, I grab the fluffy bathrobe off the back of the door and go in search for some clothes.
When I open the door, I scream as I’m picked up, spun around and thrown on the bed. A heavy body pinning my bottom half to the bed.
“Feeling better, Bugs? You smell amazing,” Ebbin says as he holds himself above me, just out of reach, so I can’t kiss him.
“Much! Now get off me ya big lug I was actually about to call you in here. Don't get all pervy on me okay? I need you to look me over. I have to find that damn mark but I can’t find anything on my own, I looked earlier.” I try to push him off with both of my hands on his chest, but he weighs too much. He lays there, smiling at me smuggly.
“How can you ask me to look at your fucking gorgeous body… naked and not have me get turned on? That’s like asking Cynide not to eat meat! Cruel and unusual, babe,” his adorable pout makes me bite my bottom lip and lift up to kiss the tip of his nose.
“You’re such a dork. Okay, seriously!” I say whining. I want to get this over with. Dropping my robe, I put my hands on my waist and jutt one hip out.
“Look at me in all my glory, take it in. Take it all in,” I say taunting him, shaking my ass while my tits jiggle in unison.
“You really are a Demon. Fuck Bugs, this isn't going to be easy, you're lucky I love you so much,” one eyebrow lifts and he pulls the opposite side of his mouth up in a smirk.
I stick my tongue out at him and spin around shaking my ass in his face. In revenge, he gets in one good smack that makes me jump, not expecting it
>
. -Damn, I would be lying if I said I didn’t love the sting.-
-I know you do. Now shut up and come here.-
Getting closer, he looks at me like I’m insane. “How exactly are we supposed to find the mark with all your damn tattoos?”
“That was exactly what I was thinking earlier. I have no idea,” I pout to him.
He tells me to spin, lift my arms, spread my legs. Amazingly, he’s serious about the entire ordeal, and pulls my hair back gently as he starts searching me for the mark. We find nothing.
Feeling defeated for the umpteenth time, I fall back into the bed and cover myself with the robe, feeling sorry for myself and slamming my hands down on the bed beside me.
“Quit that Mira. We’ll figure it out. We are all going to get through this, together,” Ebbin says as he grabs my foot and starts rubbing, instantly relaxing me, taking my mind off how fucked we really are.
“It's hard not to. It seems like every step we take in a good direction, we end up taking two back,” I blow out a breath feeling utterly defeated. Again.
Switching his position on the bed, he takes my other foot in his large calloused hands and starts his tickle attack.
I can’t contain the laughter. Kicking and bucking trying to get him to let go, it was no use, he has a good grip on my calf and keeps his tickle attack going.
“Oh my, stop, stop I can't breath!” I yell still laughing. My stomach is aching from how hard he has me going. It feels so good to have this time with him. Him and I, having our fun. Not thinking of anything but, now.
Looking down at my foot, I brace for another onslaught of tickles, I’m surprised when they don’t come. Ebbin stares at my foot, then my face and then my foot again with his eyes drawn down and his shoulders tense.
“What? Don't tell me they're dirty! I just sat in the shower for like thirty minutes!” Grabbing my foot from him and looking at the bottom, I see what has him so speechless. A light brown mark in the shape of a tree is in plain site. -No wonder I have never noticed it before, who the hell stares at the bottom of their damn foot?-
I launch myself off the bed and start jumping up and down and shouting how happy I am in this moment.
“I'm from Alyria’s side! The good side! Ahhhhh, I am so fucking happy!” I push Ebbin back on the bed shaking his chest, I can’t hold in my excitement over not only finding the mark but finding out I was from the original Valkyrie’s side.
-Finally, something is going right!-
“Okay Bugs, your turn to quit. I feel like you’re trying to give me CPR,” letting go, I twirl around the room like a maniac, to the point I get a bit dizzy and plop down in my new chaise.
Sighing out a relieved breath, I grab my clothes from the end of the lounge chair and start throwing on what’s there. I’m so excited, I pull on my pants backwards and try putting my head through a sleeve of my shirt. I giggle to myself and hear Ebbin doing the same though I can’t see him with the shirt still on wonky.
“You have us all packed right? Let's get everyone together and try this shit out.” Chuckling at my attitude and happiness, he lifts two backpacks I haven't even noticed by the door and we head down the stairs to get the guys and my little lynx.
We all walk back to the barn. When everyone’s there, Cynide having to be called in from hunting her food. The guys sit around me in a circle, all of us with our own packs on. Rhydian reads to me again on how I’m supposed to grasp the pull inside of me, call forth my ancestors from the right world now that we found my mark, Yggdrasil and pull us all over to the other side.
I sit with my eyes closed, hands clasped in Merrick and Rhett's, trying to tune everything out. After a few minutes, I’m able to drown out the outside noises and concentrate on finding what I need. I do feel some strange foreign, feeling inside me. It’s in my chest like the book said. Tight and wanting release. It feels like a part of me isn’t whole, something I would’ve never felt unless I did something like I am now.
Bewildered I try to put all my efforts into that one spot. I think of Valkyries and call the only ancestor I know the name of, Alyria. I push all my feelings into calling her name. My worry for my daughter, the pain of finding out who my father is, the fear of losing any of my men. The hate for what the other half of me is, and the sadness at not knowing my entire life who I really was. The barn wasn't warm per say, but when I feel like my body is being whipped around in a tornado, and the heat is too much to bear, I open my eyes a few seconds too soon. Instant vertigo hits me as our scenery changes before my eyes. The swirling vortex of doom quickly subsides and we are now all sitting in an open style building of some sort, it’s surrounded by columns and has a stone roof above. I'm confused, lost and in awe. Where the hell did we end up?!
The End of Book 1
Acknowledgments
This is for myself (gawd, you’re rude!) lol.
I finally did it! I couldn't have done it without my kids patience, my husband’s unwavering faith in me, his kisses and words of encouragement when I felt like quitting. My mom’s insistence and praise and all the late night talks getting ideas out. My brother’s weird and obnoxious insults he helped put into the book. I love you all so much! I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!
A very special thanks goes out to Cody Anderson, his help was instrumental in building my characters and finding the right abilities to go with them. Thank you so much everyone!
To my editors and betas you were so amazingly helpful and patient. This book wouldn’t be what is right now without you, so thank you! Kaila Duff and Brandi Bell, thank you for all your help. You mean the world to me.
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