“I won’t. But if I can talk to Toby, I know I can convince him to come out again. He’s like that, you know. He sees the worst in situations. It’s why he finds it hard to make friends. He thinks no one likes him. It’s not true.”
“No, it’s not. He’s close to your dad, isn’t he?”
“Yeah. We both are. He’s smart like Mum. She was a teacher too, before she went into admin. Toby used to watch Dad and me in the workshop. He loved watching.”
“I think we need him to do more than watch, Max. You all need to find a way to convince him it’s worth being around.”
“I will. Wait and see.”
~~~~~
Max was up long before dawn, bouncing around and making it impossible for Dylan to sleep. The kid apologised, and offered to bring him tea in bed, which was nice. Dylan swore he could see energy sparks flying off him. Was this what he’d been like before? Had Toby been like this too, or at least more like this than the version Dylan had met? Dylan hoped he’d find out.
The hypnotherapist arrived at ten. Max and his parents had been sitting in the living room, sipping tea, and pretending they were cool as cucumbers. Dylan hid in the bedroom and called Kieran as he usually did on Saturdays. He didn’t mention what was going on. He had no intention of ever telling anyone, other than Rachel and Lisa. And he’d only tell Lisa if this worked. At least it hadn’t been his decision. She’d still give him hell, he suspected.
He came downstairs when Greta called up to him that her friend was here. Helen was a short, plump woman with a wide smile and thick glasses. She was refreshingly lacking in crosses, Celtic symbols on chains, runes, or crystals. All she carried was a briefcase.
“You must be Dylan. Helen,” she said, offering her hand. “Greta’s told me all about you.”
“Uh, right. So, do you need me for this?”
“Yes, I certainly do. I was just explaining to Greta and Keith that I’d like to try this without them being present, but since you’ve spoken to both Max and Toby since Max returned, you could be useful in trying to establish contact.”
She didn’t seem to question that Max was really Max, but with Max sitting right there, perhaps she wouldn’t be so crass as to do that. “What do you want me to do?”
“Just take a seat, and follow my lead. Greta?”
“We’ll be upstairs. Come on, Keith.”
Keith didn’t look too happy, but Greta had a firm hold on his hand. Dylan thought having Toby’s parents around would be a good thing, but Helen was the expert. “You work with the NHS?” he asked her once he and Max were left with her.
“Yes, I do. I only agreed to do this because I know Toby’s history. I can’t obtain his consent as such, but in the circumstances....”
“She explained it to me,” Max said. “What the risks are. But she doesn’t think Toby can be hurt. Just that it mightn’t work.”
“All right,” Dylan said. He sat on the sofa, well away from Max and Helen. “Just let me know when you want me to do something.”
“Just stay quiet and still, for now.” Helen pulled a kitchen chair over to sit in front of Max who was in an armchair. She took his hands. “Comfortable, Max?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Close your eyes and lie back. Still comfortable? Good. Now, nothing will happen that you don’t want. You will remember everything that happens. You won’t be made to do anything. All that will happen is that you will relax completely, and hopefully we can talk to Toby. It’s all safe. Dylan is here, and you are safe with us. Now, I want you to think of a summer’s day in a field. Imagine lying on the grass, in the sun. It’s warm and peaceful....”
Dylan had only seen hypnotism on television, but what Helen was doing seemed straightforward and simple to him. Max was induced into a deeper and deeper relaxation, while still being able to respond to Helen’s commands. So far, so good.
“Now, Max, I want you to imagine you’re in your bedroom. The door opens. Toby comes in. Can you see him?”
“No.”
“Are you sure? He’s speaking to you. Can you see him now?”
“Yes. It’s dark.”
“You can turn a light on. Can you see him now?”
“Yes.”
“What is he saying?”
“Nothing. He’s holding his hands up in front of his face.”
“I want you to go to him and take his hands. Lead him over to the bed so he can sit down.”
“Okay. He’s sitting down.”
“Ask him to say hello to us.”
“He’s shaking his head again.”
“Stroke his hand, Max. Reassure him. He’s safe. You’re safe.”
“It’s okay, Toby,” Max said slowly. “Dylan’s here.”
“What does Toby say?”
“He says he doesn’t want to talk.”
“Toby? Dylan wants to say hello.”
She signalled to Dylan to jump in. “Hello, Toby. I’ve missed you.”
“Missed you too.”
Helen waved at Dylan to keep going. “Bet it’s nice and peaceful where you are now. Max misses you, though.”
“Max has Mum and Dad.”
Helen spoke. “Your mum and dad miss you very much, Toby. They want you to come home.”
“Am home. I’m safe here. Max is happy.”
“No, he misses you. He’s worried.”
“He’ll get over it. Everyone will.”
Helen waved at Dylan. Hell, what could he say? “Max doesn’t like beer, Toby. I miss you to have a beer with.”
“Silly.”
“No it’s not. Beer’s serious business. I miss you. Talking to you. Why are you hiding?”
Max/Toby didn’t answer. Dylan held his breath. Had he gone too far?
“Toby,” Helen said, “are you frightened?”
“No.”
“Are you sad?”
“No. So tired. It’s too hard. Max likes it better. He’s happy.”
“Max, are you happy?”
“I miss you, Toby. I want you to come back. It’s too scary without you.”
Amazing. The same person using the same brain and voice box, yet Dylan could tell the twins apart without difficulty.
“No one wants me. I should have died, not you.”
“No! Don’t say that. I love you. We all love you.”
“Dylan likes you better. Everyone does.”
“I like you both,” Dylan insisted. “I miss you both when you’re not there.”
“Max can have it all. I wanted him to have it all. I wanted him to come back.”
“You can both be here,” Helen said.
“Too confusing. He wants things. I don’t want anything.”
“You want me back,” Max said. “But I won’t stay. If you don’t come back, I’ll just go away again.”
“You can’t.”
“I can. You can’t leave me alone, Toby.”
“Left me.”
“That was an accident! You’re choosing this.”
Helen stepped in, speaking soothingly. “Max, you’re still safe. The room is warm, and the bed is comfortable. You can lie down on it if you want to rest. Toby can lie next to you.”
“He won’t. He’s hiding his face again. Toby, come back! Come back or I’ll go away.”
“Dylan, don’t let him.”
“I can’t make him do anything, Toby. I can’t make you do anything either. I want you to come back. You’re loved and liked and needed. You and Max are both loved. Come home, kid.”
“He’s walking out of the room. Toby, come back! Please, come back!”
Helen reasserted control. “Max, you’re safe. We can talk to Toby again another time. I want you to go back to the warm field and the sunshine. You’re safe and warm and comfortable.”
Helen slowly brought Max out of the trance or whatever she would call it. Max opened his eyes, and immediately looked at Dylan. “I won’t let him. If he won’t come back, I won’t either!”
He jumped to his feet
and fled to the door. “Dylan, go after him,” Helen ordered.
Dylan was nowhere near as fast on his feet as his quarry, but Max hadn’t gone far—just to the pavement outside the house. “Max, come back inside. Your parents will go spare.”
“I need to think, Dylan. I have to stop him. I don’t want his body without him.”
“Then let me come with you.”
“All right.”
It looked like Max wanted to go down by the river and walk along the towpath. Dylan called the house and let Greta know that Max was safe but that they might be gone a while.
“Bring him home when you can. Please keep him safe.”
“I’ll do my best.”
They walked in silence towards the river. Not the kind of day Dylan would have chosen for a walk, with drizzle and a chilly wind making his bones ache. Fortunately he had his gloves with his coat. He kept his prosthetic hand in his pocket all the same.
When they reached the towpath, Max stared across the river. “Today’s the anniversary, Mum says. I don’t feel anything.”
“No reason why you should.”
“I have to stop him, Dylan.”
“Not by stopping yourself, Max. Think what that would do to your parents.”
“I wasn’t...did you think I meant suicide?” He turned to Dylan with startled hurt in his eyes. “I would never do that to Mum and Dad.”
“Wasn’t sure what you meant. It’s early days. Helen warned you it might not work. At least we know he’s still in there.”
“He looked so pale. Like he was the one who died. It’s not like him to just give up.”
“He’s had a hard few years, Max. And the last few weeks have been exhausting. I can understand why he might think it was easier this way. He did say he’d do anything to bring you back.”
“He had his eyes closed the whole time we were talking to him. Why would he do that?”
“I don’t know. He said what he wanted more than anything was for you to come back and to be able to talk to you.”
“Maybe he didn’t believe it was me.”
Or maybe Toby didn’t believe he would feel any better if Max did come back. Toby was afraid. But why?
“How can he think we would want him to go away?” Max asked. “How can he not know how much Mum and Dad and I love him?”
“I don’t know. All we can do is convince him he’s wrong.”
Max shrugged, and walked north. Dylan followed. There had been some progress, at least, but not a kind that would comfort Max’s parents.
They returned two hours later. Helen had gone—another appointment, Greta said. “She’ll call next week. She said not to be depressed about this morning.”
Despite that, Greta and Keith had lost all the enthusiastic happiness that had been so obvious the night before. “He’s still in there,” Dylan said. “Just...damaged.”
“Is it us? Something we said or did?” Keith asked.
“I don’t think so. I think the same thing that brought Max back is the reason Toby is hiding.”
“He’s had enough,” Max said. “I left him to cope on his own, and he couldn’t. It’s my fault.”
“Of course it’s not,” Greta said, taking her son into her arms. “It’s that bloody drunk driver’s fault. Blame him.”
Dylan was out of place here, for now. “Greta, I think I should go back to my flat,” he said. “Let you all talk, think about things.”
“If you want, Dylan. You’re welcome to stay.”
“I know. And I’ll come back over if you want me to. Max, you’re always welcome at my place.”
“Thanks, Dylan.” He freed himself from his mother’s arms so he could kiss Dylan’s cheek. “I won’t do anything. Promise.”
“You better not or I’ll kick your bottom.” That raised a little smile out of Max.
“I’ll give you a lift back, Dylan,” Keith said.
Dylan accepted. Max’s father was lost in his thoughts on the way back, and Dylan didn’t interrupt, because he had plenty to think about himself.
“Thanks, Keith,” Dylan said, opening the car door when they arrived.
“You’re welcome. Dylan...I love both my sons. Neither more than the other.”
“I know.”
“But does Toby?”
“I’m sure he does. He’s just sad.”
“But Max is back now.”
“Yeah. I don’t understand it either, Keith. Remember when you’re talking to Max that Toby can hear, so talk to both of them.”
“I’ll try. This is all beyond my ken, mind.”
“Beyond us all, I think. Try not to worry. It’ll be fine.”
Keith gave him a polite smile, and put the car into gear. He didn’t believe Dylan. Dylan wasn’t sure he believed himself.
Chapter 10
He went to bed late, but only because he’d started watching drivel on television and hadn’t managed to bestir himself enough to make the move into the bedroom. His mobile phone waking him at seven o'clock sent all kinds of panic through him. Lisa? Kieran? Please, not Rachel and the baby.
He groped for his phone and looked at the screen, but didn’t recognise the number. Heart racing, he answered. “Hello?”
“You bastard!”
Definitely not Lisa or Rachel, and it sure as hell wasn’t Kieran. “Max?”
“Toby, you wanker! Max is gone. You made him go away, and now I’ll never have him back. Why didn’t you leave me alone? Why did you have to interfere?”
“Toby, your parents—”
“You were the one who knew how I felt. You told them. You suggested hypnosis. I trusted you. We both trusted you. Now he’s gone.”
It sounded like the kid was crying, as upset as he was furious. “Toby, you should calm down and—”
“Don’t tell me to calm down when you’ve ruined my life. I hate you. You drove him away and I will never, ever forgive you!”
The line disconnected with a clang. A landline handset being thrown down with great force, Dylan guessed.
“Bugger it.”
His empty flat echoed his frustration back at him.
Max always found a way to get what he wanted, Toby had told him. Looked like he had. This wasn’t the solution any of them had wanted, but at least Toby was back. Greta and Keith had lost one son, but brought the other one home. Dylan didn’t know for sure how they’d feel about that, but losing Max all over again would be brutal for them.
Brutal for Dylan. Why? Why did Max have to go? Was this the only way to drag Toby out of hiding?
Or was it simply that the circumstances which had led to Max coming back, had changed, and so he had to go away again?
Maybe Lisa had been right, and it was all a product of Toby’s damaged mind.
Nothing to be done about it now. And he had work to do. He may as well do it.
He went into the university, hoping to get on with things without interruptions. Greta called while he was at the lab. “Hello, Dylan. Toby said he called you.”
“Yeah. How are you both?”
“Relieved and sad. It was too good to be true, having Max home. But we have Toby back, and that’s something we can never take for granted.”
“I’m sorry about Toby—”
“No. Stop, Dylan. Toby ranted for nearly an hour about you. I told him to knock it off, so he stomped out of the house. Hopefully he’ll cool down. None of this was your fault. I brought in Helen. We made the decision. You’ve been very kind to our boys, and I want you to know we’re grateful.”
“Thanks. Is there anything I can do?”
“Right now? I don’t think so. He’ll calm down, and then we’ll have to talk to him. Keith’s upset, but we’ve been through it before.”
“I’m sorry. Max was a smashing kid. I’ll miss him.”
“So will I. All over again.” Her voice wobbled. “Dylan, I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“Take care, Greta. Both of you.”
Well, that’s terrific. Dylan stared at
the code Jen had reworked, and closed the computer down. No way could he concentrate now.
He walked down to the riverside, despite the freezing fog and the subzero temperatures. The dismal weather suited his mood. He was angry at Toby, and yet how could he blame Toby for being so upset? Dylan missed Max, but Max should never have been here. The world was restored to the natural order of things. Stupid to rage against that. It made as much sense as screaming at the sky because he’d lost his hand.
You just had to move on with the reality you had, not sulk over the reality you wanted.
He thought about calling Lisa. He owed her a call, and he was supposed to be staying with them over Christmas. He couldn’t face talking to her right now. He didn’t think she’d tell him “I told you so” but she had every right to think it. Maybe later that week.
He bought some groceries and a ready meal for his lunch, and caught the bus home. He really ought to do something about the flat finally. Finish the unpacking. That would be healthier than moping all afternoon.
He poked at some boxes of books, and managed to find the energy to actually put them up on shelves. That meant the few ornaments he had were barely a challenge, and so they went on display too. In fact, after four hours of solid “I’ll just have a look at what’s in here” fiddling, he had a stack of collapsed packing boxes and a living room which looked almost presentable. He tossed the empty boxes into the spare room, and shoved the rest behind its door. Not bad for a Sunday afternoon when he should have been somewhere else anyway.
His heart felt less about to break, and more as if it was recovering from a bad sprain. Thinking about Max and Toby hurt, but the pain was bearable for now. Good enough, he figured. Time to reward himself with a beer and some websurfing.
He found he had an email from Kieran, asking him to come onto Skype that evening. Dylan logged in, and found Kieran waiting. “Mum’s had the baby, Dad! She’s so little and beautiful.”
“Oh, that’s great, Kieran. Mum okay?”
“She’s fine. She’ll be home tomorrow. I can’t wait to help with Meg.”
Dylan grinned. Kieran couldn’t have been more thrilled if it had been a new puppy he was expecting, instead of a sister. He let his son tell him all the details of the night before, and what holding Meg was like, and how he and Ian—the new husband—had been practicing changing nappies with a doll. Sounded like Kieran and Ian were bonding well. It was stupid to worry about that.
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