by James Maxey
She pulled up her pants, buttoning them hastily, getting one of the buttons out of order, so that the leather sat on her hips at an odd angle. She turned around and found the steel bra she’d been wearing, pulling free the cotton slip inside. “If you’ve known since the damned cave who I really was, you should have said something so I could get out of this damned metal bra. My nipples are killing me!”
She spun back to face him, preparing to pull on the slip, and jumped slightly when she found Tower standing only inches from her. He was staring at her with fire in his eyes. “You dreamed...” he said, breathing heavily, “of our wedding night? Don’t you think I had such dreams as well?”
She didn’t get a chance to answer. He suddenly grabbed her by both arms and pressed his mouth to hers. Her eyes bulged as he pulled her to him, pressing her still naked breasts against his chest. He worked his lips against hers for a long moment. I watched in gruesome anticipation, certain that at any moment Infidel would decapitate this lustful fool. But, to my growing horror, she didn’t move a muscle. She let him kiss her for five seconds, ten, a minute, as her eyes stayed wide open. Finally, she pushed him away, with frustrating gentleness.
“Ooookay,” she said, pausing to wipe her lips with the back of her hand. “Let’s stop for a minute. I’ve spent fifteen years avoiding assassins sent after me by the Church of the Book. I’m telling you point blank that I found you boring beyond all imagination when we were engaged. Can you understand I might be a little confused that you show up fifteen years later finally wanting to kiss?”
“I want much more than a kiss,” Tower growled, pulling her against his chest once again. He looked down into her eyes. “When you were young, I found you utterly uninteresting. I was a battle-hardened warrior who’d traveled the world. You were a spoiled child, completely ignorant of life beyond the palace gates. You did nothing to stir my baser passions. But you... you are no longer sweet, virginal, Innocent. You’re a warrior with blood on her hands. Indeed, not just on your hands... you have a dragon’s blood pumping in your very veins. Having witnessed your strength, I know that rumor that you consumed Verdant’s blood must be true.”
“You know I could crush your head like an eggshell?”
“Yes! Whatever the reasons for your actions, you are now the perfect match for my passion! I am a man of fiery needs. You will find no plate mail or tongs in our wedding chamber. There will only be an endless bed covered in the finest silk, upon which we will crawl and scream and bite and scratch! We shall smother each other with our lust! The earth will tremble as I hammer you with my—”
“Whoah!” said Infidel, raising a finger to his lips. “Calm down.”
He closed his lips over her finger, and shut his eyes. He let loose a moan of pleasure as he sucked her slender digit.
“Nnyarg!” I cried out, gripping my ghost hair, tugging with all my might. This was the most horrible thing I’d seen in my entire life — you know what I mean — and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nor could I turn away. My traitorous eyes remained fixed on the lustful display. Tower ran his hands along Infidel’s bare back as he embraced her tightly. Why wasn’t she stopping this?
“Wow,” she said, pulling her finger free, then pushing him with her other hand. She spun around, swiftly pulling on her slip. “So... wow. Wow. I, uh, I really don’t know what to say, Tower.”
“What is there to say?” I shouted at her. “Tear his lips off!”
“Just say that you want to surrender to me,” said Tower, coming up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Say that you long for me with all your heart—” he lowered his lips to her ear and finished in a whispered growl “—and all your body.”
He blew gently on her ear. She shivered, gently raising her hands to his, before peeling them away and putting a little space between them.
She didn’t look at him as she said, “It’s funny you should show up now.”
“It’s destiny. All things unfold according to the One True Book. We parted so that we each could grow, to become the perfect match for the other.”
“Yeah,” she said, crossing her arms. “I mean, no. I mean, look, I don’t know what I mean. Lately, I’ve spent a fair amount of time thinking of how to get back to a life of royalty. Then, boom, here you are, telling me you can make it happen. And, I have to say, if I’d seen this level of interest from you fifteen years ago, maybe things might have played out differently. But you can’t just show up and start slobbering all over me. What the hell ever happened to courtship?”
Tower dropped to his knees once more. He grabbed her hand, cupping it with both palms in a prayerful pose and said, “If it’s courtship you desire, I promise you romance beyond your imagination. I shall fly to the moon and carve your portrait to decorate the night sky. I shall part the sea and pluck pearls from the depths. I will search every corner of the world for flowers and perfumes and silks to adorn your bedroom. You will wear a wedding dress spun from pure gold, beaded with priceless gems from Greatshadow’s treasure. The entire world will—”
“I get the idea,” said Infidel, again silencing him with a finger on his lips, then snatching the finger back as his lips parted. “How about cake? Would you go get me a slice of cake?”
“For you, my love, anything,” he vowed.
“Make it chocolate.”
Ten seconds of silence passed as she looked down at him. Tower furrowed his brow. “Right now?”
“Why not now?”
“We... um... we’re in the middle of a jungle. The nearest town is Commonground and it’s in ruins. At top speed, I would need a full day to fly back to the Silver Isle to find a baker.”
“So... no cake.”
Tower frowned. Then, he said, in utter seriousness. “If... if you demand it, I will go.”
She shrugged. “I guess I can wait.”
“Thank you,” he said.
She leaned back against a tree and took a second to fix her mis-buttoned pants. “So you saw right through my disguise. What about the Father Ver?”
“I don’t know why he accepts that you are a machine. It doesn’t matter, in the end. If he suspected the truth, he’d have already ordered that I apprehend you and secure you until a trial could be held.”
“Would you?”
Tower looked like he wished he’d left for the cake.
His features sagged as he looked to the ground.
“I would have no choice but to obey Ver’s direct command,” he said. “Even without his powers.”
Infidel placed a hand on his shoulder. “You know, I kind of like that. I mean, five minutes ago you were a lust-crazed teenager. Now, you’re a knight with a sense of duty and honor. Somewhere between these extremes is my idea of a pretty good man.”
“No!” I shouted. “No, no, no, no, no!”
The faintest ghost of a smile flickered across her lips as he gently kissed the back of her hand.
“Thank you for understanding,” he said.
She shrugged. “No problem.”
I spun around, growling, and found the nearest tree. I attempted to slam my head into it, but wound up staring at a family of possums dwelling in its rotted out center.
I took a deep, phantom breath and calmed myself. With any luck, Greatshadow would swallow him.
TOWER FLEW OFF as Infidel continued dressing. She paused as she found the boot sheath empty. She started pacing as she chewed on her fingernails. She reached the finger that Lord Tower had sucked on and regarded it with an expression half curiosity, half disgust. You can guess which half of the expression I appreciated.
At last she muttered, “Did it fall out in the tree?” She started back toward the village. She hadn’t gone but a few dozen feet before she froze, turning her head toward a rustling sound from a nearby thicket. I poked my head through the screen of leaves and found myself face to face with Aurora squatting on the ground with her pants around her ankles. I quickly jerked my head back. Infidel took note of the wisps of fog driftin
g across the ground. Aurora had trouble with stealth in humid climates.
“Aurora?” Infidel whispered.
There was a rapid rustle from the other side of the bushes. “Infidel?”
They each poked their heads around the leafy wall and grinned.
“I’m glad to see you,” said Aurora. “I need to gripe to someone. This whole mission is turning into a big, stinking pile of yellow snow.”
“You don’t know the half of it,” said Infidel.
“I’m not even sure what I’m doing here,” said Aurora. “I thought I’d feel the Jagged Heart’s presence. I don’t. Tower plainly isn’t carting it around with him, and it wasn’t in the gear. If he doesn’t have it, I’m wasting my time.”
“The Black Swan wanted you on the mission,” said Infidel. “She must have seen something in the future that made her think you needed to be here.”
“She’s not always right. The whole point of her going back in time is to change the future. Sometimes, little things she does wipe out whole events she was counting on. She went back quite a ways to order a new barge built. What if some guy she hired to build it would have otherwise joined the raiders that stole the Jagged Heart? Maybe it never wound up in Tower’s possession.”
“I’ll ask Tower about it when I see him again,” said Infidel.
“Ah ah ah!” Aurora wagged her finger. “You’re a machine around him. You cart gear, not pump knights for information.”
“Funny you should mention pumping,” said Infidel.
“How so?”
“Because Tower just caught me bathing at the stream and confessed that he knows who I am. He says he wants to take me back, clear my name, and go ahead with the marriage. I’m suddenly really glad the Black Swan didn’t tell me who the father of my daughter would be.”
Aurora’s jaw opened slowly, until her tusks were almost pointing straight out. She snapped out of her shock and said, “I, uh, thought you couldn’t... I mean, there’s still some, um, issues. Of crushing. Accidentally. Certain important parts.”
“We only have to do it once,” said Infidel.
I jammed my fingers into my ears to keep from hearing more. It didn’t work.
“And if he’s not any good, maybe I won’t have any, you know, involuntary muscle spasms.”
I screamed, “La-la-la-la-la!”
She continued, “I mean, it’s not like I’d actually feel anything for him. It wouldn’t be like it would have been with Stagger.”
I stopped la-la-ing and lowered my fingers.
Infidel swallowed hard. “If Stagger were still around, I would have head-butted him when he kissed me.”
“Stagger?” Aurora looked confused. “Why would you head-butt him?”
“No! Tower!”
Aurora’s brow knotted with bewilderment.
Infidel looked up toward the tree village, then said in a hushed voice, “Tower kissed me.”
“You’re joking.”
Infidel raised her hand and resumed biting her nails.
“You’re not joking.”
Infidel shook her head.
Aurora crossed her arms, tapping her beefy fingers on her biceps.
“So,” she asked, casually. “Was he any good?”
Infidel rolled her eyes. “It... it was... I really have nothing to judge by. I’ve never been kissed before.”
“You’ve never kissed? For a battle hardened mercenary who wears necklaces of human teeth, you’ve lived kind of a sheltered life.”
Infidel threw up her hands. “What’s the point of me kissing anyone? I mean, what’s it going to lead to? Look, I’ve made it this far without any kind of intimacy. I’ve been perfectly content without it. I mean it. Who needs it?”
Aurora smirked. “In my experience, when people say, ‘I mean it,’ they don’t mean it.”
Infidel folded her arms across her chest. “Fine. Maybe, just maybe... maybe I’m curious. Maybe this is one of those choices made by fifteen-year-old Innocent that I’m not so sure about any more. I mean... this is going to sound stupid... but... I ... well, there was this thing he did, when he, um, sucked, uh, my finger and...”
Aurora’s eyebrows shot up.
“And... I dunno. I could feel his tongue. It was, like, soft. Warm. I thought it would be slimy, but it felt clean. It was... I don’t know. It wasn’t nice. I mean, I didn’t want it to happen. But... it wasn’t unpleasant, either. I felt... this is stupid.”
“What?”
“There was like... like a spark. Like, a voice in my head going, ‘He’s sucking your finger! What a pervert!’ and... I... I guess I’m just... curious. About perversions.”
Aurora laughed.
“It’s not funny,” said Infidel.
Aurora shook her head, and wiped a tear from her cheek. “No,” she said, gasping for air. “I know. It’s not. I haven’t seen another female of my species for twenty years. I’m not going to judge anyone for feeling sexually frustrated. The dreams I’ve had...”
“You mean male,” said Infidel.
“Hmm?”
“You said you hadn’t seen another female. But it wouldn’t do you any good if you had.”
“Ah,” said Aurora. She pressed her lips together. “This is awkward. You see, uh, the priesthood, it’s all female, and, um, sexual release is a big part of fertility ceremonies, so, we spend a lot of time engaged in—”
“I don’t think I need to hear more,” said Infidel, holding up her hands.
I sort of hoped Aurora would at least finish her sentence. I was to be disappointed. She changed the subject back to the issue at hand.
“So, you’ve got a sex-crazed ex-boyfriend in charge of the dragon hunt. What about the Truthspeaker?”
“He hasn’t seen through the disguise. Relic said he’s distracting the priest. Don’t ask me to explain, I still haven’t figured out all of that weirdo’s powers. But, anyway, if the priest finds me out, apparently he has orders to capture me instead of killing me outright.”
“That’s good, I guess.”
“Not really. If the Truthspeaker gives me grief, I’ll probably just twist his head off. I’m not sure that Tower’s going to be quite as forgiving after that. And, if I twist Tower’s head off, I’m suddenly short on candidates to father my daughter.”
“Do you want a child?” asked Aurora.
“Until the Black Swan mentioned it, I hadn’t wasted any time thinking about motherhood,” said Infidel. “Now... I mean, if it’s, you know, fate... then maybe I wouldn’t be terrible at it.”
Aurora looked skeptical.
“I know,” said Infidel, shaking her head. “I mean, it’s hard to imagine making the jump from bounty-hunter and tomb-looter to breast-feeder and diaper-changer. The person I’ve been would be a lousy mother. But, the whole purpose of this dragon hunt, for me, is to make a new life. And there are... there are nurturing instincts I have that I’ve never really explored. I just... maybe I should keep an open mind.”
Aurora nodded, but didn’t ask any follow-up questions. Instead she said, “Speaking of the dragon hunt, it’s worth noting that of twelve would-be dragon slayers, the three we’ve lost have all been put out of action by other team members.”
“Technically, Blade was killed by a pygmy deadfall.”
“Blade was killed by the damn Truthspeaker,” grumbled Aurora.
Infidel nodded. “What’s your point?”
“My point is that our dragon hunt is going to be over before it even begins if we kill each other before Greatshadow gets a shot.”
“We won’t all kill each other,” said Infidel. “I’ve got your back. You’ve got mine. And I think we can count on the Goons to side with us.”
“Don’t fool yourself,” said Aurora. “Menagerie’s willing to mess around with stuff that’s not spelled out in his contract, like keeping your secret, but if it comes down to a fight between us and the Truthspeaker, he’s being paid to protect the priest.”
Infidel nodded. “At
least you and I are a team,” she said.
“Sure,” said Aurora. “As long as you don’t try to protect the future father of your child if he does have the sacred harpoon.”
Infidel nodded, but she was no longer looking directly at the ogress. Her gaze was once more unfocused; I could practically hear her thoughts churning. As Aurora turned away, Infidel stared off into the distance.
Straight at me. Straight through me.
Haunted.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SIZZLE
I’D HEARD ALL I could stomach about finger-sucking and motherhood, so I decided to get back to the job and watch Lord Tower. I floated up to his tree house. While I hesitate to say that anything about being dead is fun, freedom from gravity is not without advantages. I drifted through his floor and found him flat on his back, eyes wide open, staring at the leaves above him. He looked as if he was unlikely to get any sleep, and not just because Father Ver was snoring. Tower didn’t look all that happy for a man who had just kissed the woman he’d obsessed about for fifteen years.
“Forgive me,” he whispered, as tears welled in his eyes. “Forgive me.”
He swallowed down his emotions with a loud, snotty snort, then turned onto his side, hugging the thin blanket draped over him.
I sighed. I hated the guy, but I understood what he was going through. What if I’d thrown myself at Infidel years ago and confessed everything I felt for her? She’d said a lot of nice things about me since my death, but what if she’d reacted with the same lukewarm confusion Tower had received? I wouldn’t have gotten any sleep either.
Angry for feeling any sympathy, and rapidly tiring of the Truthspeaker’s snoring, I drifted back toward Relic to tell him about the encounter. With any luck, he was fast asleep and I’d wake him.
As I air-walked back across the gap to the main platform, my eye was caught by movement on the tree where the Goons were staying. I moved closer. In the shadows, I could make out Menagerie. He had a row of small glass vials laid out before him as he studied the faint outline of a bat on his inner thigh. A drop of black ink glistened on a needle held in his right hand. His lips were pressed tightly together as he jabbed the bat in rapid, repeated motions. On his left forearm, a tiger glistened with fresh black ink. I was curious how he’d ever reach the faded wolf tattoos on the small of his back, but I didn’t get the chance to find out.