by Cara Dee
Ivy’s favorite was the candy necklaces. Kit had very politely requested a small selection of sprinkles, and I hadn’t been able to deny him. Now there were about a dozen glass jars of different types of sprinkles too. Ella, Penelope’s girl, had squealed when I’d shown her the boxes of Pop Rocks.
I hoped Gael would join us out here soon. He was one of our newest members, invited by Ivy, and I’d seen the two discuss their favorite candy online. When he’d dropped a link to a lollipop you were supposed to dip in some sour powder, I’d bought a container.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so much candy for children outside a store.” Shay grinned and touched the box of Pop Rocks. “Levi, my youngest brother, loves these. I liked them when I was a kid too.”
Nothing wrong with reconnecting with your inner kid.
I grabbed a packet and handed it to him. “Humor me.”
He chuckled self-consciously and tore the corner of the packet. “I’m not that kind of Little, Daddy.”
“I know, sweetheart.” I took a couple steps back and leaned against the counter the register stood on. “You’re the Little you’re supposed to be.”
He poured some of the contents into his mouth, and a beat later, he spluttered a snicker. His eyes danced with humor too, and that was all I’d been looking for. I didn’t need—or want—him to be someone he wasn’t. I only wanted him like this. Carefree, happy, not burdened by adulthood. Not here. This place was going to become his sanctuary; I would make sure of it.
Shay opened his mouth, and it was impossible not to hear the crackling sounds the candy made on his tongue.
I shook my head in amusement. “You’re adorable.”
Then I folded my arms over my chest and nodded at the shelves. “Pick a few items. You could’ve smoked before—or asked for one—and you didn’t. That made me very happy.”
Shay swallowed his candy and approached the shelves. “You have the fancy swirly lollipops…”
He picked two of those, a fun-size packet of M&M’s, and he hesitated before snatching one of the candy necklaces.
“This is for kids,” he huffed.
“I can get you a beer and some peanuts instead if you want,” I offered.
He looked at the candy in his hands. “No, thank you. Let’s go.”
I smirked to myself and closed the Little Bar for this time.
On the way back to the patio, the very adult Shay found it hysterical to crunch on the candy necklace while the Pop Rocks popped in his mouth.
“Are you guys coming to bed this century?” Shay hollered from upstairs.
“You said you wanted to talk, sweetheart.” I kept my eyes fixed on the late-night news and my hands on River’s feet. When he’d sprawled out across the couch after his shower and planted his feet in my lap, it was pretty clear what he was looking for.
“Wanted is a relative term,” I heard Shay mutter.
I chuckled softly and dragged my knuckle up the sole of River’s left foot. He hummed and closed his eyes.
“Can’t we talk up here?” Shay wondered with hope in his voice.
“That’s not a wise idea,” I replied. “You’ll just try to seduce us, and we’re helpless against your advances. We know our limitations.”
River grinned sleepily.
Shay scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
Dropping my gaze to my lap, I pressed the pad of my thumb along the inside of River’s foot with one hand and drew the other up his leg, past his knee, and underneath the towel he’d wrapped around his hips. He sighed contentedly and pulled up his knee a bit, and I took the hint and started working on his other foot instead. Then I smoothed my hand over his cock and adjusted his balls, which was around the time Shay stomped down the stairs.
Shay stopped at the last step and narrowed his eyes at us. “Are you being filthy, Daddy?”
“I would never.” I smiled at him. He looked so damn perfect in those tight briefs. “Nothing wrong with a little bit of massage, is there?”
“No…” He walked closer and rounded the coffee table on River’s side of the couch. “He looks relaxed.”
“He is,” River murmured drowsily. “Back rubs and foot rubs in all their glory, but nothing beats having your balls tickled.”
I laughed under my breath.
“I disagree,” Shay said and sat down on the edge of the table. “Having my scalp scratched is the best ever.”
“I’m with you.” I nodded.
River yawned. “You’re both wrong.” Then he scrubbed his hands over his face and said he’d fall asleep if I kept going, so he reluctantly withdrew from my lap and forced himself to sit up.
He was so tired. I gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, then touched his cheek and faced Shay.
“Let’s get this over with so we can go upstairs and take care of each other.” I thought we could all use some extra affection tonight. “I need to get in enough cuddles so I can survive the next two nights without you.”
Bright and early on Saturday morning, we were picking Shay up in the city after he’d spent some time with his brothers. He missed them, we could tell. He’d made pizza plans with them for tomorrow, and on Friday, they were going to some park after they’d bought school supplies or something. TJ, the middle brother, had found an all-day event where children of all ages could try out different sports.
I could easily see Shay with a baseball glove and coaching his brothers.
It was a sweet image.
Almost as sweet as Shay leaving the coffee table to crawl onto my lap and bury his face against my neck.
“Don’t wise up while I’m away,” he mumbled.
I smiled and squeezed him to me. “I’m already wise enough to plan a pain session for you on Saturday.”
He perked up at that. “Really?”
“Mm.” I brushed some hair away from his forehead. “A friend from Boston is coming down to show off the whips he makes, and I won’t know what to buy until I’ve tried them out.”
“That’s true.” His eyes practically glittered with interest. “It’s a good thing you own a pain slut you can use them on.”
“Isn’t it?” I smirked. “But if that pain slut wants to earn a good beating, he better get to talking about what’s made him seek out punishment.”
He sucked his teeth. “I was hoping to distract you.”
“Ah. So you think I’m an idiot,” I stated.
“What—? No! Why—fuck.” He snarled to himself and folded his arms over his chest. “Why do y’all have to turn the tables like that all the fucking time?”
“Because it’s fun, and you make it so easy.”
He scowled.
I crossed my eyes at him.
That made him smash his lips together, and he couldn’t hide the mirth seeping into his eyes.
“Just spit it out, baby,” River yawned. “Reese and I already have our theories. Either it’s a case of survivor’s guilt, or you feel like you didn’t do enough the night of the fire.”
Damn. And I was the one who needed to slow my roll?
The humor drained out of Shay, and so did the blood from his face. I grabbed his hands in mine and kissed his knuckles, despising that he’d beaten himself up over this for so long. I didn’t believe it was survivor’s guilt.
River scooted closer and gathered Shay’s legs on his lap. “I read the article that came out after the fire marshal had submitted his report, and given the circumstances, I don’t see how you could’ve done more than you already did. It’s a miracle you managed to get your brothers out of there safely.”
I didn’t have anything to add. He was right. Old house, old appliances, cans of paint thinner in the garage, and an unnoticed gas leak in the basement had turned their home into a tinderbox. All it’d taken was a spark from an overloaded power outlet to seal the family’s fate. The fire had spread rapidly, traveling up from the basement to the kitchen and the garage.
Shay had managed to scream for his parents, call 9-1-1, and drag his brothers o
ut before the fire had blocked all exits. And because the fire had engulfed the garage, his parents hadn’t been able to jump from the third floor even if they’d tried that route. They would’ve landed in the flames.
“Let me guess,” River murmured. “For two years, you’ve been playing ‘If I had just.’ If I had just woken up sooner. If I had just screamed louder.”
Shay flinched and stared down at his lap. “If they were going to die anyway, I wish they would’ve slept through the whole thing and lost consciousness from the smoke, but I know they woke up. The firefighters found Dad passed out on the stairs, like he’d been trying to get down to the second floor. Mom was in the bathroom with Myah.” He swallowed hard. “Either the water had still been working, or they’d used the water cooler in Dad’s study, because Myah was wrapped in a bedspread that was wet. Mom had placed her in the tub.”
Fucking hell, I couldn’t imagine going through a tragedy like that. River and I weren’t strangers to losing family members, but it didn’t compare. Not even close.
“They did everything they could.” I stroked his cheek. “So did you, Shay. Not only that, but you’ve been there for your brothers ever since, and I bet they want you happy, not guilt-ridden for something you had no control over.”
He hummed and played with River’s fingers. “TJ still won’t go near a grill, and Aunt Mel can’t have candles in the house because Levi freaks out.”
I hadn’t considered that, and I felt like a fucking idiot for it. Christ, we fired up the grill here almost every day.
“Is that a trigger for you too?” I wondered.
He shook his head, then pointed at the fireplace in the corner. “That one will be a problem in the winter, though.”
Good to know. River and I glanced at each other briefly and exchanged a nod. We’d help him work through it. For this, we had patience in spades.
“Candles are okay for me,” Shay admitted. “Barbecues were never an issue—not for Levi either. I think it’s because they’re outside.”
Made sense.
“What about the smell?” River asked.
Shay stiffened slightly. “It’s not the same. It’s not fire on wood or charcoal that bothers me. It’s burning paint, plastic, and wiring. Burning electrics—” He swallowed and shook his head quickly.
River and I could relate there, at least. We knew that smell. It was overpowering and impossible to forget.
“We get it.” I pressed a kiss to Shay’s temple.
He kind of fell against me, his cheek landing on my shoulder. “I don’t want to feel bad anymore, Daddy,” he whispered.
It was fucking insane how easily this boy captured my chest in a vise.
“That’s good, because we won’t allow it.” I hugged him to me and kissed his neck. “From now on, you’re going to come to us as soon as the doubts creep in. We’ll talk things out and devise a plan to get through this together. How’s that?”
He nodded against my shoulder. “Yes, Sir.”
River asked him to tell us the specific types of pain he’d sought out—the ones that felt like punishment—and in the meantime, I started thinking about a reward system for Shay. To earn rewards, he had to complete tasks.
“It was mainly a combination.” Shay burrowed closer, as if he wanted to hide. I assumed it was the topic. “Requesting physical pain and degradation from a Sadist who’s agreed to skipping aftercare makes the pain unbearable. Like, pain I’d otherwise enjoy.”
My jaw ticked with tension, and one glance at River told me he was just as bothered as I was.
“Basically, each hit was a reminder that I wasn’t worth aftercare,” he finished quietly.
I closed my eyes and drew a deep breath through my nose.
Somehow, we had to punish him for this. There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell we could give him a pass and risk him thinking his infraction hadn’t been that bad. Quite the fucking opposite; he’d treated himself like trash, and right now, I couldn’t think of anything worse he could do.
The punishment had to fit the crime, but it couldn’t be anything that made him feel worse, so… Off the top of my head, I was thinking community probation, consensual slave labor—Santiago would be the perfect Dom to ask for advice since he was a high-protocol Daddy Dom—and Shay could definitely count on delivering personal apologies to August and the other Sadists in our circle of friends whom he had approached.
“You’re tense,” Shay said apprehensively.
“Damn right.” I cleared my throat. “There will be consequences for you, Shay. We’re… I can’t even describe how pleased I am about you opening up to us, but we can’t let this slide. You’ve hurt yourself, pushed yourself down, and you…are someone we care about a great deal. So when all this is over, there won’t be a shred of doubt in your mind as to whether or not we’re okay with you treating yourself that way.”
“Crap,” Shay whispered.
“You’ve mistreated our property,” River concluded.
“Double crap,” Shay groaned. “But I’m really sorry.”
Not yet, but he would be. One day.
“Come on.” I patted his thigh. “Time for bed. That punishment will require some fun planning for River and me. Tonight is still all about cuddles.”
He huffed. “Fine.”
One week. Tonight, specifically, would mark one week since Shay had approached our table at the White Rose event. Seven days.
I shouldn’t have bitched about the pressure in my chest yesterday. Shay had sent a picture of himself and his brothers on a baseball field, and it’d left me feeling all weird and irritated the rest of the day. Then leave it to River to smack me in the chest and go, “It’s called developing feelings, you moron. We miss him, that’s all.”
So now I had to deal with that shit.
Feelings. What the fuck.
I was good with affection, care, and platonic love. It separated things very clearly from the only bone-deep, all-consuming attachment I’d ever felt, and that was to my brother. The rest could be categorized into family or friends. But Shay was hovering somewhere in his own space and causing reactions in me I didn’t know how to handle.
River stirred next to me, and I glanced over as he checked his phone on the nightstand.
“Christ,” he whispered groggily. “It’s five thirty in the morning. Go back to sleep.”
I frowned at the back of his head. “I haven’t said a single word.”
“I can hear you thinkin’,” he grunted.
I rolled my eyes and moved closer to him. “How are you so chill about all this?”
He knew what I was talking about.
“Why freak out about something I have no control over?” He yawned and pushed down the duvet past his hips, and I shivered in contentment when I pressed my chest to his back. He was perfectly warm. I tended to kick off the covers in my sleep.
“Walk me through your own realization.” I pressed a kiss to his shoulder, needing his input. His perspectives never failed to center me, because we were almost always on the same page.
He joked about being “six minutes” faster than me sometimes. Six minutes faster at running—which was horseshit, for the record—six minutes faster at drawing conclusions, six minutes faster at noticing when someone did something out of character, and so on. Six minutes faster at being born…
“I guess it was two things,” he responded sleepily. “The other day, I refrained from getting in the shower when you were there because I wasn’t sure how Shay would react.” Understandable. It wasn’t normal for two grown brothers to shower together, to share a bed, to lie close like this, to hug as often as we did, to share a home, a life.
We’d heard it enough growing up.
Which… Ah, I got it. We’d become excellent at not giving a shit about what other people thought about us over the years, so the fact that River had cared about Shay’s reaction said it all.
“He wouldn’t judge us, Riv.”
“I know.” He drew my h
and around to his front and held it to his chest. “The second thing was when I realized I wanted to get into more D/s with him.”
I’d reacted to that too. River had never shown any interest in subs for the sake of their being subs. He liked masochists and adrenaline junkies, end of discussion.
Ironically, we both liked to preach to community members that all it took was the right attraction to a person for a new kink to develop. Fetishes weren’t cut in stone. The chemistry had to be right. I’d been with men who’d sent the Daddy Dom in me in hibernation. Yet, it’d evidently smacked us in the face to discover how our kinks had evolved after a single week with Shay.
“Can we go back to sleep now?” Riv muttered.
“We have to get up in two hours anyway,” I pointed out.
I didn’t wanna be a minute late for Shay.
River blew out a breath. “Yeah. Two fucking hours, Reese.”
Damn. So touchy.
“All right, fine.” I just had to make a wisecrack first. “So, you don’t want to stay up and talk about our feelings?”
He groaned irritably but couldn’t stop a laugh or two from escaping.
I smiled and pressed another kiss to his shoulder.
I felt much better now. Despite some question marks and concerns about the future, it was easier to relax knowing that River was going through the same shit. One way or another, we’d make it work.
Twelve
Shay Acton
“Boy, are you on crack?” River asked.
“No, Sir, I’m just sweating my balls off.” I grabbed my duffel bag and was out of the truck before he’d killed the engine. “May I go into the pool, please?”
This weekend was going to be hotter than hell, and the last several days I’d spent out here had spoiled me rotten. The day I got my own place in DC, I was going to make sure there was a pool.