Rose stared at her. ‘You never have toast.’
‘Well, I’d like some this morning. Please. It’s Sunday.’
‘What’s that got to do with it?’
‘I just thought I’d have a treat.’
Rose hacked at the loaf and almost slung the round of bread towards Myrtle. ‘Here, toast your own. The fork’s by the fire. And go easy on the butter.’
Myrtle got up from the table and went towards the range. Reaching for the toasting fork, she pinned the bread on the end and held it out towards the glowing coals.
Peggy rose from the table, went into the hall and put on the rest of her uniform before returning to say briefly. ‘Bye. I’ll see you all tonight.’
‘Bye, love,’ Mary said and Grace smiled and nodded. Pointedly Rose ignored her and turned instead to Myrtle. ‘You can do me a round of toast while you’re at it.’
As the front door closed, Mary looked up at Rose. ‘Have you got a shift today?’
Rose nodded and pursed her lips. ‘Yes, but I’ve no intention of walking to work with Peggy. Not while she’s playing fast and loose with Bob.’
‘Then,’ Grace said, standing up and beginning to clear away the breakfast pots, ‘you’d better clear the air with her tonight. I’m not having this sort of atmosphere in my house.’
Rose and Mary exchanged a glance, but said nothing. There was nothing they could say.
Clearing the air, as Grace had demanded, escalated into a full-blown row between the sisters that evening. Not since they’d been children and had squabbled over a toy had there been such a falling out.
‘Just what do you think you’re playing at? Going to the pictures with him. What if someone from work saw you and tells Bob?’
Peggy’s face flamed, but she stood her ground in the face of Rose’s wrath. And it was wrath; the girl was incensed. ‘Then it’ll save me the job, won’t it?’
Rose gasped. ‘You don’t mean it. You can’t mean it.’
‘Rose—’ Peggy reached out, but Rose leapt back as if her sister’s touch was abhorrent to her. ‘Try to understand. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m fond of Bob, of course I am. But – but I’ve fallen in love with Terry.’
‘How can you possibly say that? You’ve only seen him two or three times and—’
‘Rose – I know.’
‘You’re a hussy and a – a–’
‘Now, now,’ Grace admonished, but Myrtle’s eyes gleamed. She was sitting at the table, pretending to read, having declared it was too cold to sit in her bedroom. Now she was listening gleefully to every word.
Mary sat in her chair by the fire, her knitting lying in her lap. ‘That’s enough, the pair of you. Peggy, if you really mean what you say, then you should tell Bob yourself. That’s only fair. He shouldn’t hear rumours and gossip from anyone else.’
‘I’ve no doubt my dear sister would love to impart a juicy bit of gossip,’ Peggy said bitterly.
Rose turned pale. ‘No, I wouldn’t do that. I won’t be the one to hurt him. You can do your own dirty work.’ With that parting shot she flounced out of the room. They heard her footsteps running up the stairs.
‘Oh dear,’ Mary murmured, and Grace muttered, ‘Never a moment’s peace in this house with you lot.’
Peggy stood uncertainly by the table, fingering the chenille tablecloth nervously. ‘I – I suppose I should go and see him, shouldn’t I?’
‘It would be best, dear,’ Mary said with an outward show of calmness she was not feeling inside.
‘But it seems awful to tell him something like this when he’s – when he’s not fully recovered.’
‘There’ll never be a good time, love.’
‘But what if it sets him back? I’d feel awful.’
‘It’ll be worse if he hears it from someone else.’
Grace rustled her newspaper impatiently. ‘If you have something unpleasant to do, do it sooner rather than later. That’s what I always say.’
Peggy glanced worriedly at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘It’s getting late now—’
‘You’re making excuses. Just go and get it done. Then we might all have a bit of peace. Though I doubt it, with Rose in that mood.’
Still Peggy hesitated. She hated hurting people and especially someone of whom she really was very fond. She took a deep breath. ‘Yes, you’re right. I’d better go and see him. I’ll go straight from work tomorrow.’
As it turned out, she was obliged to go sooner rather than later.
‘I’ve no work for you, love,’ Laurence told her once he had greeted her and asked how she was. ‘All the routes we’ve managed to get operational again are fully manned today.’ He smiled. ‘You go back home, Peggy lass, and get a good rest while you still can. I’ll send word by Rose or Mary when there’s more work for you.’
So, Peggy had been left with no choice. She had to visit Bob.
Hester Deeton opened the door. ‘Oh, Peggy,’ she exclaimed, stretching out her hand towards her in greeting. ‘I’m so glad you’ve come. He’s been asking me to find out how you are. I wouldn’t let him come round to your house again. He was shattered by the time he got back last time. He’s so looking forward to seeing you. Come in, come in. Let me take your coat. I’ll make tea for all of us. Oh, it’s so good to see you.’
Peggy felt her heart plummet even further. This was going to be even more difficult than she’d thought. When she entered the room and Bob’s face lit up at the sight of her, Peggy’s resolve crumbled. He was sitting by the fire, a blanket over his knees, though whether this was because he really needed it or he was pandering to his mother’s fussing over him, Peggy couldn’t guess.
He held out his hand and, after a slight hesitation, she put hers into it.
‘How lovely,’ he said, smiling. ‘How are you, dear?’
Peggy’s smile was hesitant. ‘I’m fine. I went back to work for the first time yesterday, but this morning Mr Bower had nothing for me.’
Bob’s face clouded. ‘Do you think you should have even tried to go back so soon? You were hurt, to say nothing of the nasty shock.’
‘I’m fine. But you’re different. You’ll need a fair time off work, I expect.’
Bob grimaced. ‘I’ll have to do what the doctor tells me, I suppose. When it’s people’s safety at risk, they’ll have to be sure I’m fit. At least they’ve now found out for definite that I’ve not cracked my skull after all.’ He grinned. ‘Much too thick.’ He paused, searching her face, but she avoided meeting his gaze. ‘And how have you been – really? I’d hoped you might come and see me before now, because there’s something I want to ask you—’
Peggy’s heart leapt in fear. Oh no, surely he wasn’t going to propose.
She opened her mouth to tell him, to forestall him making matters even worse, but at that moment Hester came into the room carrying a tray. ‘Here we are. Tea and biscuits.’
‘Oh, thank you, Mrs Deeton.’ The woman couldn’t possibly guess that Peggy was thanking her as much for the interruption as for the welcome tea.
Peggy eased her hand from Bob’s grasp and jumped up to help. She took the tray from Hester’s hands and set it on the table.
‘You be mother.’ Hester laughed. ‘You know by now how we both like our tea.’
Peggy smiled weakly, realizing that there’d be no chance on this visit to talk to Bob alone without fear of his mother interrupting. But as Mrs Deeton saw her to the door about an hour later, she leaned forward and whispered, ‘I go round to my friend’s next door on a Tuesday night for a game of whist. If you come round tomorrow night, you can have a bit of time on your own without his old mother being in the way.’
‘Oh, Mrs Deeton, don’t—’
‘Now, now.’ The woman patted her hand. ‘I’m not so old that I can’t remember what it’s like to be young and in love.’
Peggy walked home through the blackout feeling like the very worst kind of traitor. If only, she thought, I’d realized sooner that I wasn’t in
love with Bob, I’d have been honest with him and all this heartache would have been avoided. But I didn’t know. I really didn’t know. Not until I met Terry.
Twenty-Three
‘So?’ Rose demanded, almost before Peggy had got through the door.
‘No, his mother was there most of the time. There just wasn’t the right moment.’
Rose snorted. ‘There never will be the right moment.’
‘I’m going round tomorrow night. Mrs Deeton goes to her neighbour’s for the evening every week to play whist. I’ll – I’ll tell him then.’
‘Mind you do.’ Rose got up. ‘I’m going to bed. I’m on early shift in the morning. Night, all.’
It had to be done, Peggy thought, as she got into bed herself. As well as worrying about Bob, Peggy was also tired from tossing and turning the previous night and the long walk she’d had that day. She fell into an exhausted sleep.
‘I’m just off,’ Mrs Deeton called out merrily as Peggy sat down opposite Bob in their living room.
‘Sit here, next to me,’ Bob patted the chair, but Peggy shook her head. ‘Bob, there’s something I have to say to you.’
‘And I’ve something I want to say to you, but go ahead – you first.’
Peggy took a deep breath. She’d rehearsed this moment the whole day and yet now she was sitting opposite him, the words fled from her mind and she opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish.
‘Come on, Peg, you can tell me. What’s up? Because I can see there’s something.’
‘Bob, we’ve been friends for a long time now.’
‘I hope we’re more than friends, dear.’ He was making this even more difficult than it already was.
‘But we’ve been sort of thrown together – working together – seeing each other every day. I’m sure Mr Bower puts us on the same shift deliberately.’
Bob grinned. ‘Of course he does.’
Peggy pulled in another deep breath. ‘Oh dear, this is so difficult. Bob, I’m very fond of you, but I’m not in love with you. I – I thought it only fair to tell you.’
Bob’s smile faded and the hurt in his eyes was almost more than she could bear, but she had gone thus far and there was no turning back. Whatever else she was – and her sister had plenty of names for her now – Peggy was not deceitful. Even if she never saw hide nor hair of Terry Price again, she knew now what real love was and it wasn’t what she felt for Bob.
‘Is there someone else?’ he asked bluntly. ‘ ’Cos if it’s someone from work I’ll knock their bleeding heads off.’
Peggy was startled. She’d never heard Bob use bad language or even raise his voice. She shook her head. ‘No – it’s no one from work.’
‘So – there is someone then.’ He was red in the face with anger now and Peggy felt a twinge of fear, wishing suddenly that she wasn’t alone in the house with him. Then she shook herself. This was Bob – good old dependable Bob, her work mate and colleague.
‘Sort of,’ she murmured at last.
‘Who? Tell me who it is?’
Peggy lifted her chin. ‘No, I won’t. It doesn’t matter. I’ll probably never see him again anyway.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘What I say. He’s in the army and—’
‘Oh, I know who it is. It’s that blasted soldier, who made himself so helpful the day of the bombing. I see why now. Knew him before that, did you?’
Peggy shook her head, but could not deny that Bob had correctly guessed the identity of the man he now viewed as his rival.
‘He’s been round your house, hasn’t he? Rose told me when I was in hospital that he’d come to enquire how we both were. I never thought . . .’ He ran his hand across his eyes. ‘Oh, Peggy, don’t you know how much I love you? I was going to ask you to marry me, if we could get engaged, and now . . .’
‘Bob, I’m sorry, but I can’t be anything less than honest with you.’ She stood up. ‘I’d better go. I’ll see Mr Bower in the morning and ask him to put us on different shifts when you come back.’
‘You needn’t bother,’ he muttered, viciously. ‘I probably won’t come back.’
‘What – what d’you mean? Of course you’ll come back to work once you’re fit enough.’
Slowly he raised his face to look her in the eyes now. ‘I might volunteer instead.’
‘Oh no!’ she breathed. ‘You can’t do that.’
‘There’s nothing left for me here. Not now. I might as well become cannon fodder.’
Anger surged through her. ‘That’s a terrible thing to say – to do. Think of your mother, if no one else.’
Bob dropped his head. ‘She’ll understand – when I tell her what you’ve done.’
‘I see,’ she said, sitting down again. ‘So the blame’s going to be laid at my door, is it?’
‘Well, it is your fault. If you’re throwing me over for some soldier.’ He looked up sharply. ‘That’s it, isn’t it? It’s because I’m not in uniform. Going to start handing out white feathers, are you, like they did in the last war?’
‘Bob, don’t be silly. I don’t want you to go at all. I don’t want . . .’
‘Oh yes, it’s all about what you want, isn’t it, with never a thought about anyone else? You’ve been spoilt – all of you have in that house. A house of women, that’s what it is, with no man to show you what’s what.’
She leaned towards him. ‘So you want me to say that I’ll stay with you, that I’ll marry you, even though I know now that I don’t love you as two people getting married should love each other. Is that what you want?’ She was blazing herself now. Peggy was so like her mother. They were both placid and easy-going – to a point. But when that point was reached then they would stand their ground.
He stared at her for a long moment and then dropped his gaze. This wasn’t the Bob she knew. Had she discovered a side to his personality that she’d never seen before or was it just because he was so dreadfully hurt that he was saying things he didn’t really mean?
But a wise saying of her grandmother’s came to her suddenly. ‘You can never unsay things. Even if you say things in temper and try to make out you didn’t mean what you said, there’s always a ring of truth.’
Peggy bit her lip. Even though he was smarting, she knew that he had meant what he said. And so did she. She was certain now that what she’d felt for Bob wasn’t true love. A deep friendship, yes. She would always care about him, but, as she’d tried to explain to him, that wasn’t love. And now, as he revealed a nastier side to his nature, she was even surer. At his next words, she began to despise him.
‘Peggy – darling – you don’t mean it. You can’t.’ He reached out and grasped her hands, holding them tightly, clinging to her. ‘I’m sorry – I didn’t mean what I said . . .’
She pulled her hands free. ‘Yes, you did, Bob. Don’t make it worse than it already is. I am truly sorry I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to do that and, yes, if I hadn’t met Terry, then maybe we would have drifted into marriage, but isn’t it better that we find out now?’
Bob shook his head. ‘No, it isn’t, because I still love you like I always have done.’
Exasperated now, Peggy shook her head, ‘Then if you’d be happy for us to marry knowing that I don’t love you in the same way, you’re a fool.’ She stood up again. ‘I’m going.’
As she opened the door and fled from the room and the house, his final words, shouted after her, were ringing in her ears. ‘I mean it – I’ll join up, and when I get killed it’ll be your fault.’
‘I can see by the look on your face you’ve told him.’ Rose set the tray of mugs of hot milk on the table with a crash.
‘Mind what you’re doing, Rose,’ Grace snapped. ‘You’re spilling it. We can’t afford to waste a drop.’
‘Sorry, Gran.’
Grace’s glance turned to Peggy’s tear-streaked face. ‘Well, it’s done now.’ Her tone gave no hint as to whether she approved or not.
Mary smiled comfortingly a
nd touched her daughter’s hand. ‘If you really don’t love him,’ she said softly, ‘then you’ve done the right thing.’ She said no more, but privately she was thinking: if only I’d had the same bravery years ago. But then, she reminded herself, I wouldn’t have my wonderful daughters, and I wouldn’t be without any of them. She glanced round fondly, though her gentle smile faded as she saw the looks on each of their faces. Peggy was still tearful, her hands actually trembling. Rose’s face was puce with anger and Myrtle was watching them all with a smirk. Of the three of them, it was Myrtle’s expression which disturbed Mary the most. Time would heal the hurt and anger the other two were feeling, but Mary was sorry to see that her youngest daughter appeared to be revelling in the family quarrel. Mary sighed. ‘Rose, you must see that Peggy can’t go on seeing Bob, building up his hopes of – of something more.’
‘No, I don’t see. All I know is that she’s hurt a lovely man just because she imagines she’s fallen for some – some wide boy she’ll probably never see again.’
‘Terry’s not a wide boy,’ Peggy retorted hotly. ‘He’s a soldier doing his bit for his country.’
‘And Bob’s not, I suppose.’
‘I didn’t mean it that way. You know I didn’t.’ There was a pause before Peggy blurted out, ‘Bob said some dreadful things – hurtful things.’
‘I don’t blame him. I would’ve too.’
‘What did he say?’ Mary prompted gently, but Peggy shook her head.
‘You can tell us.’
‘He – he said he’d been going to ask me to marry him.’
Rose spluttered, indignant on Bob’s behalf. ‘And you call that “dreadful”?’
‘No – no, of course not, but then – after I’d told him – he said he was going to volunteer – become cannon fodder and – and that if he gets killed, it’ll be my fault.’
There was silence in the room whilst they all stared at her. Even Myrtle’s enjoyment of the situation faded as she gazed at Peggy in disbelief.
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