Can we say avoidance?
As I look at Maverick, I feel sick and embarrassed and I’m so afraid to speak at this point. Finally, I take a deep breath, making sure to avoid direct eye contact and ask, “You want to watch a movie or something?”
He gives me the kindest and sweetest look. “I would love to Charlie.”
“Come on, we’ll go watch it in the family room.”
As I lead him down the hall, there is an awkwardness lurking between us and I’m not sure what I should say. So I do what I always do, and pretend and try to put on a happy face.
“What do you feel like watching? We could do action, comedy, whatever you want to watch.”
He’s watching me so intently. I just want everything to go back to normal between us. I know I’m fidgeting, but I can’t stand the look he’s giving me. I feel like I’m being exposed, and he’s looking at me from the inside out, peeling me down layer by layer. And then he speaks and says something I was so not expecting, and something I’m not sure I know how to handle.
“I now understand why you are, the way you are.”
I stare incredulously him as heat rushes up to my face, and it feels like my blood is starting to boil.
I am just about to let him have it when he says, “That’s not how it was supposed to come out. All I’m saying, is that I can now understand why you are insecure about yourself. I get it now Charlie.
I let out the breath I’m holding and just glance at him, trying desperately to not look him in the eyes. “I don’t know any different Maverick. It’s just how it has always been.”
“Charlie, look at me,” he demands.
I really don’t want to; I don’t want to see any pity coming from his face. I don’t ever want to be pitied or heaven forbid have him think that I’m not worth his time. So many things are going through my mind, and I’m starting to freak out.
Again he says my name, “Charlie, please talk to me and look at me.” I finally glance at his face. I take the chance and stare at him in the eyes. “I get it Charlie, but he is so completely wrong. Can’t you see how absolutely fucking perfect you are?”
My head snaps up and I know he sees the shock register across my face. I have never heard him talk like that before, at least not that word.
“I know you’re surprised to hear me say that, but that’s why I did. I need to get a reaction out of you so you can see just how sincere I am. You have no clue what you really look like. You have this certain idea, but Charlie it’s all wrong. So completely wrong.”
I don’t realize until he stops talking, that I have tears running down my face. He takes his thumb and gently rubs it down my face and starts to wipe my tears away. I can’t help but feel taken aback and completely surprised by his reaction, as well as his outburst. “Charlie, why can you not see what I and others see? You need to ignore your dad. I know he's your father, but what he says and how he talks to you is so completely wrong, and for your mom just sit there and let him talk to you like that, is almost worse.”
He still has his hand on my face, cupping my cheek. I place my hand over his holding it there. “Maverick, I’ve grown up with him making comments every time we had company over for dinner.”
His eyes spark with anger.
“It’s not right, and no one should ever be treated like that, ever. The thought of him saying that every time, well, it kills me.”
I can’t help but want to ask the one question that is circling in my head.
“Why? Why does it bother you so much?”
I’m not sure if he’s going to answer me or not when he starts to speak.
“Charlie, I know we haven’t known each other long but I have feelings for you. I told you there was something about you from the very first moment I saw you.
“You mean when I ran into you, and gracefully fell on the ground? Yeah, that was some first impression.”
He doesn't look amused that I’m joking.
“Oh hell, Charlie, I may scare you off, but damn I think I love you. I do, and I’m sorry if this is way too fast, but it’s how I feel.”
Without over thinking and analyzing, I just feel. For the very first time, I just feel and whisper, “I think I love you too Maverick.”
He wasn’t expecting my declaration and to be honest neither was I. But I think I do, I really, truly think I love him.
“Charlie, you don’t have to say it, just because I have declared myself to you.” he says very seriously.
I can’t help but smile, “Maverick, do you really think I would put myself out there, if I didn’t feel it? I have never told another soul that I love them.”
He straightens himself up, tilts his head to the side, and leans forward. My heart is pounding so hard, and I know I’m going to meet him half way. Right before our lips touch, he whispers, “I love you, ‘my’ Charlie.”
I catch the ‘my’ but don’t get a chance to respond, because his lips are already on mine. He starts ever so gently and places one of his hands on the back of my neck. He kneads my neck with his hand, and it feels so amazing. We start out slow, tasting and playfully teasing each other’s lips. However, the teasing stops abruptly and we start to increase the pressure. I pull him forward and place my hands around his neck. I let my fingers glide through his hair at the nape of his neck. I love his hair. I hear a slight groan escape his lips, and it just makes me want him more.
How is it that a kiss can say so much?
Saying I love you is huge, but to kiss someone who has told you that means everything. A kiss speaks the truth, and I know. I know in his kisses, that he means every single word.
Chapter 20-Maverick
Saying goodnight to Charlie, was harder than hell. I’ve gotten to the point that I always want to be near her. Her dad never came out of the office, and her mom never made another appearance.
I will say that the look on their faces when they first set eyes on me piss me off. It was as if I’m too good for their daughter. If anything, she's the one that is too good for me.
That moment at dinner I will never ever forget. How could a father speak to his daughter that way? I doubt that I earned any points with her dad for sticking up for her, but I couldn’t let that go. Not by a long shot.
I was absolutely mortified, and my heart ached for her.
The minute I walk into the house my mom is waiting for me and I know she is dying for details. Of course I have to talk to her. I need to understand.
I greet my mom with a kiss on the cheek, and plop down beside her. I don’t even give her a chance to ask me how it went. I immediately start in on the tale and the events of the evening. The reaction to me arriving, to her dad and the silverware comment. I see my mom's eyes bulge, and they look as if they are about to pop out of her head. I can tell she’s just as upset as I am. Something I can always depend on. As soon as I’m finished talking she’s perplexed, and I can tell she’s choosing her words carefully.
“I can’t even fathom ever speaking to you that way, let alone a daughter if I had one. Maverick, you must treat her with care. There is no telling what she has been through. Make sure that everything you feel is real, and honest. I know you and your heart. You have never spoken about a girl before. I know she must be special. However, having said that, go slow and take your time with her. I know how hard that is for you. When you want something, you dive head first and consequences be damned. You can’t do that this time.”
“So, if I told you that I already told her I loved her and I meant every word, what would you say?”
I’m a little concerned about her reaction, but she only sighs. “Look, if you said it, then I know that you believe it and mean it. What did she say when you told her?”
“She said she loved me too, and I told her she didn’t have to say it back. She said she meant it, and I believe her. I felt it.”
“All I ask is that you bring her over one night so I can meet her.”
I couldn’t help but be excited over the prospect of Charlie m
eeting my parents.
“Cool, will do. Thanks for the talk mom. Night.”
Lying in bed my thoughts drift to Charlie and having her meet my parents for the first time. I know they will love her and see what I do in her.
From what I saw this evening, she doesn't have anyone in her corner telling her how awesome she is. Everyone needs that. I didn't want to piss her dad off, but damn it I couldn't let him talk to her like that.
She seemed so taken a back that anyone would stand up for her.
To see a mother just sit there and not say a thing, to pretend not to hear anything, when their child was criticized is unfathomable to me.
Well guess what? I'm up for the challenge.
Chapter 21-Charlie
Monday morning seems to take forever to get here. Where most high school students can't wait for the weekends, I despise them.
Going to school is a form of acting. For just a little while, I get to pretend that I’m someone else.
I spoke to Maverick for all of a few minutes yesterday afternoon. Long enough for me to tell him the song choice that Tori I decided on. She and I decided on a classic. Who can ever resist Journey, Don’t Stop Believing? We think it’s perfect and he did say he trusted us, after all. I think he may be more nervous about singing in public than he’s willing to admit. He may have groaned just a little into the phone. But then, he invited me to his parents’ house for dinner the following weekend. This had me surprised and excited.
To be honest, I haven't asked my parents if I can go. I may have told them I was working on a musical number for school. Which I am. Just not when I go to Maverick’s house. I’m not advertising lying to your parents. I’ve never lied to mine. I've just distorted the truth a tad bit.
Call me brazen or stupid, I don't care.
That's a lie. I do care, I care a lot. I’m concerned about the ramifications if they find out I haven't been completely honest.
Mr. Hall did ask that we all start practicing after school, a couple of times a week and I’ve already explained this to the parentals, so it really is a small lie.
My justification.
After spending all weekend stuck at home, this afternoon seems as good as any to practice. Plus, as crazy as it sounds, I need reassurance.
I know I'm stupid, but never in my whole life has anyone, stood up for me. It pissed my dad off royally. I actually think he was more stunned than anything. Regardless of his mood, it made me happy to know that Maverick is the one that put that look on his face while taking up for me.
The moment I pull into the parking lot and hop out of Lexie, I spot Maverick looking so damn good, waiting for me.
I feel shy. It was as if I don't know what to say or how he would react to me. Apparently, I shouldn't have worried. The moment he sees me, his eyes light up, and a huge grin spreads across his handsome face, as he starts making his way over to me. I can't help but feel that usual doubt, but I’m tampering it down. This isn’t normal for me.
The moment he’s beside me, he grabs my hand, “I couldn't wait for Monday to come. Just so I could see you.”
As soon as these words leave his mouth I feel a little more at ease. “I'm staying for practice this afternoon, you coming?” I ask.
“Yep, especially if that means I get some more quality time with you.” he says. He will never know what his sweet words mean to me.
As we walk towards the senior area, I spot Tori walking towards us with a huge grin plastered across her face.
“Hey guys, who all is staying after school to practice?” she asks.
We simultaneously say that we both are.
“Oh good, Maverick has no clue what he's in for,” she laughs cynically.
I can't help but roll my eyes and laugh at her attempt at an evil laugh.
There is nothing evil about that girl.
“Maverick, you ready to show us what you got? Because, I myself am very curious.” Tori smirks.
I take a quick glance at Maverick and see a slightly startled look cross his face. This to me is even funnier. It's kind of nice to see the big bad football player be just a tad unsure about the singing thing.
Singing is something that doesn't bother me in the slightest. Don’t get me wrong, I hate being the center of attention. However, with music it’s different. I can escape and tune everyone out and think about nothing, but the words. I don’t notice anyone when I’m singing.
I'm sure for him to go in front of his whole team, is a huge deal. He leans over and asks, “Hey babe, you ready to get your singing on?” I laugh only because he’s so screwed. “I am, but the real question is, are you?”
“Not going to lie Charlie, I'm a little concerned about singing in public, but don't be knocking my skills until they’ve been heard.” As he wags his eyebrows at me, grinning.
Now at this I laugh. I can’t picture him singing. Not, one, bit.
Later that day, as soon as we enter the Auditorium for class, Mr. Hall directs each group into a corner where we won't bother each other.
He starts to clear his throat. The music starts and Maverick starts singing his part of the song. I’m stunned and pleasantly surprised. He turns and looks at me, as if he’s singing directly to me. Tori nudges me, signaling that it's our turn. We harmonize our line perfectly and get ready to join Maverick with the chorus. My head is still spinning with the knowledge that he can actually sing. Talk about a surprise and a half. The whole time he sings, his eyes never stray from mine. I’m completely captivated by him.
Nothing matters. Not home, my dad, my mom. Absolutely nothing, except for him and me.
The moment the song is over, we continue to stare at each other. I don't even know what to say. As corny as it may sound, we had a moment and nobody else existed. How did I come to like this guy so much, so fast? It scares the living shit out of me. It's so nerve wracking that my negative thoughts get the best of me.
I turn and flee the room. The moment I make it into the rest room, I start crying. I don't realize I’m being followed, until Tori walks in.
“Didn't you hear me calling your name? Charlie, what's wrong? Why are you crying?”
How do you explain that you aren't good enough for someone? That you aren't who that person needs. How do I explain to Tori, without telling her?
“Why does he like me?” It's the only question I know to ask and I hope that she doesn't ask too many questions.
She seems flustered by the question. “Why do you ask me this? There is so much to like. Why do you feel this way? What’s going on?”
I can't tell her–not yet anyway. It's too soon and way too embarrassing. I decide to play dumb and get over it. I can fall apart later. He probably thinks I’m an idiot now. I can't believe I ran out, I chastise myself.
“I'm fine, really. Thanks for following me and checking up on me. You're a good friend.”
She looks at me with a look of concern and confusion.
“You're not okay Charlie, and I don't know why you won't talk to me about it. I can tell there’s something going on, but if you don't want to talk yet, then fine. Just know I will be here, as your friend. No judgments.”
“Thank you.” It's all I can muster.
I don't want to lie; I just don't want to talk to her about it. Now to face Maverick. Here's to hoping he doesn't think I'm a complete loose cannon.
As soon as I walk out the door, there he is leaning up against the wall. “Hey, you okay? Did my singing scare you off?” he jokes.
“What? No. I'm good. Sorry about that.” I think of a quick story that won't make me look like a total fool.
“I wasn't feeling good for a moment. I felt sick to my stomach, but I'm fine now.”
Honestly I don't think he’s buying my bull shit explanation, but it looks as if he is going to take it, for now.
Changing the subject quickly, “You’re really good! Why didn’t you tell me you could sing?”
He chuckles, “Honestly, I didn’t think I was. I sing in the shower from
time to time and that’s as far as my singing career goes.”
Peering down at me, he asks, “You feel up to practicing more?”
I throw on smile, to make sure that he knows, I’m good to go and nod a yes. Taking my hand, we walk into the auditorium, where we practice for an hour, before I don’t have a choice but to go home.
Home, the dreaded awful word.
Chapter 22-Maverick
Love Notes Page 8