She shook her head, searching for a quick comeback, but her thoughts trailed off before she could say anything. Looking down at her lap, she worried a bit of his comforter through her fingers before she spoke. “I make up stories.” She had no real idea why her stomach twisted with guilt. “For the guys at the club. Sometimes I tell them things about me that aren’t true.”
Mal sucked in a quick breath. He didn’t like talking about what she did for a living. In the past, he’d made it clear he didn’t think any less of her—he of all people understood why she did it—but he wasn’t comfortable with it either.
“Is that wrong?” She didn’t understand why she was asking or what she wanted him to say. “I tell them what they want to hear so they’ll come back. Steady customers are my bread and butter, but is that the same gray moral territory as bait and switch tactics? I wouldn’t want to be like one of those shady salespeople.”
Somewhere, she was well aware she was babbling, but in all honesty, the thoughts in her head made less sense than the ones she was giving voice to. She was having a hard time pinning down what was bothering her.
When several seconds went by without an answer, Lilith chanced a glance up. Mal wasn’t looking at her but off in the distance, as if he weren’t seeing anything. After another moment, he looked up at her and answered. “You know how I feel about what you do, Lilith.”
“That’s not what I asked.” She sighed, already regretting bringing it up. “Don’t start with this shit. Just because what I do isn’t strictly legal doesn’t mean I’m doing anything wrong in any real sense—at least it’s not more wrong than you lighting up the occasional doobie.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Just because people are still so damned puritanical about sex doesn’t mean I’m not making an honest living. I’ve got ethics.”
“I’m not going to start,” he said, turning back to his computer. He tapped out a nervous tattoo on the edge of the desk. “You know how appreciative I am. If it wasn’t for your . . . sacrifice . . . well, you know I don’t like to think about what would have happened to Dana. But it’s just not fair.”
Turning back to her, he scooted his computer chair closer, dropping his voice. “What happened to you happened to all of us.”
Lilith gasped, her body jolting with shock and discomfort. He knew better than to bring this up.
Still, Mal continued. “I’m getting through school, and I have Erin. Dana is in school, thanks to you, and she’s pulling herself together.” He sighed. “What does Lilith get?”
He shook his head, guilt heavy in his eyes. “When I’m done with school, in a couple of years—”
She cut him off.
“I’ve gotta eat now. Dana and I need a roof over our heads now.”
Again he sighed, his eyes sad as he looked down at the floor. “I know.” He took a deep breath. “Until then no, I don’t suppose it’s wrong to lie to men who pay for sex.” He chuffed. “It’s like anyone else, I guess. People ask how you are, but they don’t want to hear the answer anyway.”
Lilith wondered why she didn’t feel comforted by his words.
~0~
Back home, Lilith found she wasn’t able to shake the distraction. No matter how often she tried to push the memories away, they wouldn’t leave. She tried to be productive, even going as far as setting out to clean the moldy grout in the bathroom, but that was the opposite of helpful. The task was mind-numbing, and when she spaced out again, she had no control over her thoughts.
As she scrubbed, she replayed the night before.
Once she had confirmed that he was interested in a repeat performance—that was her trade, and that was what she expected to be paid for—Lilith agreed to come inside.
Rather than segue into anything sexual, he took her hand, leading her to the couch. Reading her expression, he grinned and explained, “I’m young and virile, but even I need a little recovery time.”
So they sat, and she waited. Sure enough, his questions started right away.
“Does it bother you at all, doing this?”
The look she gave him was scathing. “Does it bother you?” See how he liked it when the questioning was turned around on him.
But rather than get defensive, a thoughtful look came over his face, and he leaned back, his hands behind his head. “It doesn’t bother me in the slightest, and I don’t understand why it should bother anyone, to be honest.”
When she didn’t speak, he continued. “To me, it’s an extension of the freedom of choice. I don’t believe we have the right to dictate or regulate what a person does with their body. You’re a consenting adult. I’m a consenting adult. The choice we’ve made here was agreed upon by both parties.”
Curious now, she pulled her legs up, sitting cross-legged on the couch. “What’s the draw for you? Not for nothing, kid, but you’re plenty attractive. It’s obvious you’re some kind of wunderkind if you’re in a graduate program at twenty-one, so I know you’re smart. And you’ve got money. You have to be able to get a date whenever it strikes your fancy.”
He smirked. “Well, sure. And I do date. But because we—we being society—have tangled up sex with morals and virtue, it’s all unnecessarily complicated. I’d just as soon not open that can of worms.
“So yes, I can get dates, and I can get sex without paying for it, but who cares? There are all kinds of services you pay for every day that you can get done for free. I know how to change the oil on my car, but I never do. I pay someone else to do it for me.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You know how to change the oil on your car?”
He made a face. “Well, I could. I’ve heard it’s not difficult. You can find a YouTube how-to video for anything, and like you said.” He flashed a grin that was all teeth. “I am smart.”
Lilith laughed, and she covered her mouth with her hand almost as soon as the sound slipped out. She cleared her throat. “That’s about how I feel about it. Sometimes people come into the club to preach at me—either I’m a sinner or they’re so sure I need help because I’ve been abused.”
He rolled his head so he could look at her, his eyes as gentle as his tone. “You were abused, though.”
She flinched, a slight thrill of panic rolling up her spine before she remembered what she’d told him before.
For each of the costumes she favored, she had a persona and a history. The “innocent” school-girl didn’t have the same sad story as naughty nurse.
“Still,” she said. “Maybe what happened to me just taught me to see through the nonsense people spout about sex. If that guy could do that to me, it’s obvious sex doesn’t have to be about some mystical connection. If anything, since I’ve had the choice taken out of my hands by force, I think people telling me my choice is wrong is ten times crappier than anything I’m doing.”
“Like I said, it’s just another form of control and anti-choice behavior,” Trey agreed. “That kind of judgment on sex is all the worse because women are almost exclusively the targets. Women who make the choice to give their bodies more freely than someone else would are abused, or worse, they’re sluts.” He shook his head. “The word slut should not exist. The stigma surrounding sex should not exist.”
“I saw you when you first came into the club, you know,” she teased. “You looked guilty.”
His expression was bemused. “Well, that was an automatic reaction. Society again. There is a stigma around sex, and an even larger one about your industry. But in all things, no matter what popular opinion tries to dictate, I try to think for myself.”
He angled his body toward her, beginning to draw his finger up the line of her neck. His voice was much huskier when he spoke. “I’ve examined the situation from many angles.” His eyes raked over her form. She didn’t miss the double entendre. “And I find no logical reason why anyone should look down on either of us for having sex whenever we please with whomever we please.” His fingers were working her hair out of the ponytail she wore. He looked smug and satisfied when her ha
ir spilled across her shoulders. “And if money is exchanged, I don’t understand why that’s anyone’s business.”
His hands wandered down her body, and he brushed his thumb over her nipple, still speaking. “As with anything that involves another person, there is a definite responsibility. It’s important to be on the same page. It’s important not to lie.”
Her heart stuttered, but he didn’t seem to notice the way her body stiffened.
“But the idea that some kinds of sex are wrong or bad right off the bat? That idea is just dumb.”
“Right.”
Snap out of it, she chastised herself. His hands were wandering. She knew what he wanted, and she had a job to do. Pushing away the sudden rush of guilt, she got her head in the game.
“You’re going to scrub a hole in the wall.”
Brought out of her memory, Lilith sat up straight, hissing when she realized she’d been bent over for too long. Her body protested as she dropped the brush and stretched her arms out, rotating her sore wrist.
From the doorway, Dana looked bewildered. “What the heck are you doing?”
“What does it look like?”
“I think you got that spot,” Dana said. “Why are you scrubbing the walls?”
Lilith shrugged. “I don’t know.”She wasn’t in the mood for girl chat. Dana would have questions she didn’t know how to answer. “Seemed like the thing to do.”
Dana laughed, offering her hand to help Lilith up. “Girl, you’ve got to get out more.”
Chapter 4
“You’re shitting me. You are lying to me right now.”
“Would I lie about something like this?”
Lilith grabbed her sides, laughing so hard she ached.
“It’s not so funny,” Trey groused, crossing his arms.
“Oh God.” It was hard to breathe through paroxysms of laughter. “Yes it is. It really is.” She sat up on the bed, wiping tears from under her eyes. “Your name is Oswald Fitz Bauer the Third?”
He made a face at her, but there was amusement in his eyes. “You were named after a demon. You know that, right?”
Lilith giggled. “Okay, okay.” She took deep breaths, trying to calm down. “Where do you get Trey from Oswald?”
“I don’t. Trey is from the third.”
She had to press her lips together to keep from laughing again. “Well, given the choice between Oswald, Fitz, and Trey, I guess that’s an obvious decision.” She lay back down, still tittering every now and again.
“Well, what’s your full name?”
“Lilith Medusa Damon,” she lied without blinking an eyelash.
He pushed up onto one arm so he was leaning over her. “Seriously?”
She pursed her lips. “What? My parents were playing up the whole last name thing.”
“They could have been more subtle. They could have named you Demon Demon Damon.”
“That’s my brother’s name.”
He looked at her for a full two seconds before he laughed, ducking so his forehead rested on her shoulder.
This is nice, she thought as she ran her fingers through his hair. Weird, but nice. It struck her as strange on multiple levels. First, and probably foremost, was how much fun she had when she was with him. In most cases her clients had their fun and returned to their real lives. She’d never had casual conversation and teasing after sex. She was lying nude in his bed, but they weren’t doing anything sexual. She was still on the clock, but as he never failed to point out, he had to recoup sometime. As a result, in between trysts, there was conversation and this somewhat surreal affinity between them.
He lifted his head, tracing her lip with the tip of his finger. “You’ve got that look on your face. You’re worried about something.”
“Not worried,” she said. Worried was not the right word.
“Then?”
She shrugged. “I think I have too much fun with you.”
His eyebrows knitted together, but his lips lifted at the corner. “This is a bad thing?”
“Seems like cheating, doesn’t it?”
He folded his arms, resting one elbow across her body and the other on his pillows. “It’s all about job performance. There’s nothing wrong with having a little fun at work if you’re fulfilling all your duties.” His grin was impish. “We’re friends.”
“We are?”
“Sure.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Is it typical for you to pay your friends for sex?”
As though he’d been anticipating that question, he had an answer ready. “Not for sex but other services. What do you pay your friends to do?”
“I can’t say I pay my friends for anything.”
“Well, I do. My friend Angelique? She’s an excellent massage therapist. I used to let her practice on me when she was in training.”
“How very generous of you.”
“I do try,” he said with mock gravity. “But I pay her going rate when I want a massage now. Though every once in a while, she does throw in a free five-minute shoulder massage.” He gave her an innocent look. “So if you want to throw me a little freebie, I won’t tell anyone.”
Rolling her eyes, she sat up, leaning against the headboard. She patted the bed between her spread legs. “Come here.”
Trey was, of course, game. He crawled over to her, leaning back against her chest. She began to massage his shoulders. “On the house,” she whispered in his ear in a sultry tone. He chuckled.
“Can I ask you a serious question?” he asked after a few quiet moments.
Lilith tensed, her fingers stilling on his neck. She huffed, continuing her massage. “You’re telling me all the questions you’ve asked me before weren’t serious, or you’ve just decided to ask permission now?”
He hummed an acknowledgement but otherwise waited for her answer.
She grumbled but waved her hand. “Go ahead.”
Even then he took his time, and she found a smile was playing at her lips when he moaned in appreciation of her kneading fingers. “You parents, the one who gave you your demonic name . . .”
“What about them?”
“What did they do? About the man who hurt you, I mean.”
She paused before she answered. She knew what to say already. Each and every one of the personas she wore had an in-depth background. They were everything from the rebelling daughter of rich parents to the sexually repressed housewife. The poor little schoolgirl had one of the darker pasts she’d dreamed up. “It was just my father and me. He told me to be quiet and not to make a scene,” she said as if it didn’t matter. And really, it didn’t. That hadn’t happened to her.
“Your father is an asshole.”
Lilith bristled.
In actuality, her father was a very sweet man, and she felt protective even though she knew Trey wasn’t really talking about him. Her head spun, and she changed up her story. “Well, he was my stepfather. My mother died when I was young, and he just got stuck with me.” She squirmed, realizing her lie was part truth. That was closer to reality than she was comfortable with.
Trey was quiet, gathering his thoughts no doubt. When he spoke again, his voice was more lighthearted, teasing. “That’s a little cliché, isn’t it?”
“How’s that?”
“No positive female influence in your life. Some would say that’s why you choose to do what you do.”
She snorted. She was familiar with this one, too. “Ah, yes. No one was there to teach me how to respect my body.” She became a little rougher than necessary with her fingers. His breath caught, but he didn’t ask her to stop. “I respect my body plenty,” she said, a hint of bitterness coloring her tone. “I’m always safe.”
“Not for nothing, but blow jobs aren’t safe sex, Lily.”
“Have you gotten a blow job from me?”
“No, but you offered that first night.”
She grunted. “I was goading you, fool. I knew you weren’t going to settle for a blow job, and if you had tried, I woul
d have convinced you otherwise.”
“That I believe.”
In the silence that followed, it struck her again how unusual this whole situation was. Her clients tended to talk down to her. Baby, sweetie, sugar. They cooed at her or commanded her, but they never spoke to her the way Trey always had.
He spoke to her as an equal, as though she was capable of intelligent discourse with an Ivy League grad student.
“For the record, kid, if you told me you were clean, I would believe you.” She tried to come off as casual, but there was eagerness to her tone. Not so much that she was dying to have her lips around his cock, but maybe she wanted to show she appreciated that he treated her like a fellow human being.
“Well, I am clean.” He sat up straight, maneuvering around until he was cross-legged in front of her. He held his out his hands, and she let him pull her into his lap. He snaked his hands between them, his hands wandering, touching, caressing as he began to speak. “Why do you always call me kid, anyway?”
Lilith was somewhat distracted, trying to remember to react to his touch. Tiny moans. He liked those little mewling noises.
Why did she call him kid, she wondered? And when had that started? She was all about blowing sunshine and rainbows up her clients’ asses; that was good business no matter what industry she worked in. It was in her best interest to make them feel like God’s gift to the universe so they would keep coming back to have their egos stroked again, among other things.
He lowered his head, nipping at her shoulder. “I bet—” lick, kiss “—you’re younger than me.”
“Um.” There was a haze over her thoughts that Lilith was not at all used to. Her body felt so warm. She blew out a breath, trying to think straight. “Age is just a number, baby. Besides, ‘it’s not the years. It’s the mileage.’”
His snort was hot against her skin. “Indiana Jones,” he mumbled.
“Wise words are wise no matter whose mouth they came from.”
They moved together into the lotus position. She reached back, groping around the nightstand until she found the condoms, and helped him slide one on. It was more habit than anything. As they’d just discussed, she trusted he was clean, and she was on the pill.
Duplicity Page 3