by Raine, Alice
To be honest, Nicholas's enthusiastic happiness was starting to grate on my nerves. I'd repeatedly told myself that my annoyance was because I didn’t believe in ‘love’ or ‘normal’ relationships, but recently every time Stella popped into my head my reasoning seemed to get a bit blurry and my mood took a significant dive for the worse.
The pencil I’d been absently fiddling with snapped in two at this last thought, and as I stared down at the fragments of splintered wood in my hand I knew I had no-one to blame but myself for my recent stress, because it had now also been two weeks since I’d seen Stella. Usually her weekend visits helped reduce my stress levels, but after my mini meltdown where I'd convinced myself that I was getting too involved with her I'd called and cancelled last weekend together, feigning a business trip away.
I'd hoped that the time apart would cool things down between us, but it hadn't fucking worked at all, she was still on my mind constantly, except now I hadn't had the pleasure of her in my bed to go with it. Fuck. I threw the broken pencil towards the bin aggressively and let out an aggravated grunt when the pieces hit the wall and scattered onto the floor. What the hell was wrong with me? My virtual obsession with Stella was even distracting me from work, something that had never happened to me before. A woman come before my business? Ha, not likely – not until Stella, that was.
Standing abruptly from my desk to distract me from my confusing thoughts I ran my hand over my hair to smooth it and then glanced at my watch. It was Friday afternoon, but I probably had a few hours until Stella arrived so I toyed with the idea of going to visit Nicholas to see my lovesick brother in person.
It might be a disastrous idea, but perhaps actually witnessing what Nicholas had with Rebecca would either show me it was possible for damaged people like myself and my brother to love, or prove once and for all that the way I lived was infinitely better. For the sake of my crumbling sanity I hoped to God that it was the latter.
Just twenty short minutes later and I was at Nicholas's town house in Primrose Hill. I loved the unadulterated, modern qualities of my penthouse apartment, but I couldn't dismiss the beauty of his more traditional house either; with its bay windows and ivy-clad frontage it really was rather lovely. Perhaps in some way our choice of housing was a further reflection on our characters, I mused as I jogged up his front steps; me stark, stern, and impenetrable, and Nicholas more open, warmer, and normal. Perhaps that’s why his relationship was working with Rebecca, even with his troubled past maybe I would always be the more broken brother.
Apparently seeing my arrival the front door swung open and I was rather glad of the distraction from my troubled thoughts. Mr Burrett, my brother’s personal assistant, showed me straight up towards Nicholas's piano room with a polite nod.
After pushing the music room door open for me Mr Burrett scuttled off and I was left looking at the sight of my brother sat at his piano, grinning down at a woman cradled in his lip. Fucking hell, cradling her in his lap? Jesus, I'd never cradled a woman in my lap unless my dick was well and truly buried inside of her.
My eyes narrowed at the sight before me. ‘Nicholas, am I interrupting? I can come back later.’ I knew my voice sounded cool, but seriously, get a frigging room! Ignoring my brother's soppy expression I allowed my gaze to settle on the woman currently residing in his lap. She certainly was pretty, that was for sure, with long blonde hair, large bright eyes, and very delicate features. Yeah, OK, so I could see why Nicholas was attracted to her. Smirking I took in the flush on her cheeks, quite apparently I had been close to interrupting something more than just an innocent snuggle too.
Nicholas looked across and threw a wink my way, clearly he was feeling like a smug bastard today. But then seeing as he was the one with a beautiful woman nestled on his lap I suppose he had the right to be. Then my brother stood up, allowing the woman to slide down his body in a way that was really far too erotic for me to want to witness, but as she tried to step away I noticed how Nicholas wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and held her against his side protectively, something she obviously appreciated as she snuggled in closer to him.
Blowing out a breath between my teeth I tried to stabilise my emotions with a countdown from 5 to 0 in my head. Christ, it was peculiar to witness my brother like this – acting like a Goddamn regular boyfriend – unconsciously I found my head giving a minute shake of disbelief and I couldn’t help but narrow my eyes as I continued to absorb the odd scene in front of me.
‘Not at all, it’s good to see you, Nathan.’ My brother glanced between myself and the woman gripped to his side before smiling broadly. ‘Nathan, this is Rebecca,’ Nicholas said proudly, trailing his hand down her arm to her apparent enjoyment, ‘Rebecca, this is my brother Nathan.’
I watched in amusement as her throat bobbed and worked, apparently trying to swallow down a dose of nerves before she spoke. ‘Hi. Nice to meet you, Nathan,’ Rebecca mumbled in what I took to be a falsely bright tone. Knowing that Nicholas had now discussed the details of our shared childhood issues with Rebecca, I couldn't help but think from her tone that Rebecca either didn’t like me very much, or was just plain scared of me, which was a possibility because my frosty demeanour had been known to shake even the most unmovable of souls in the past.
‘Likewise,’ was all I said in response. Let her stew for a bit, I was a cold mean bastard, no point changing the habit of a lifetime. Except recently I didn’t seem to be quite as cold or mean as I used to be, I thought, as my eyes narrowed. This was one of the reasons I was here, even I could see that I was softening up recently, I just didn’t really understand why.
An awkward silence hung in the air as I continued to look in fascination at my brother doing his ‘Mr Normal’ impression with the woman who had apparently changed his life so completely. Frowning I wondered just how they'd managed to work through their problems – using a cane on her without her consent must surely have left some unresolved issues – and yet here they were seemingly attached together like glue.
Suddenly my eyes were drawn to Rebecca as she stepped away from Nicholas’s side, breaking the silence. ‘I think I’ll get a cup of tea, would either of you like a drink?’ she asked in a seemingly cool tone. Still not my number one fan then.
‘Coffee please, you know how I like it,’ Nicholas said with a peculiar smile that made me think it was a private innuendo of some kind. God, when had I ever seen Nicholas this light hearted and relaxed? Never, that's when.
The change in my brother was obvious even in just these few minutes, leading me to believe that this Rebecca was obviously important to Nicholas, so I decided to try and make a bit of an effort with my behaviour. ‘Coffee for me too, black, no sugar.’ I replied briskly with an attempt at a smile. I say ‘attempt’ at a smile, because in all seriousness it wasn’t a facial expression I found the need for very often, unless I was on a charm offensive and hoping to get a woman into my bed of course. Although in reality my charm expression would probably be described as a smirk, not a smile, and usually resulted in women melting by my feet. Unfortunately, today my smile seemed to terrify Rebecca because she promptly fled from the room.
Once Rebecca had left I propped myself on the side of the large armchair and looked towards my brother curiously. ‘You look happy, Nicholas,’ I observed, keeping my tone as blank as possible. I didn’t want Nicholas to know about the bizarre confusion I was experiencing of late. I was his older brother, his supposed role model, he might think less of me if I told him the myriad of emotions I was experiencing over Stella. Besides he had enough on his plate at the moment dealing with his own issues with Rebecca, he didn’t need to be wading through my crap as well.
‘I am. You have no idea how it feels to be accepted by Rebecca for who I am. She's amazing.’ Nicholas shook his head in apparent disbelief at his luck. After his description of his ‘freak out’ with the cane I have to say I was also thinking him pretty damn lucky to have got her back too.
‘Obviously the peace talks went w
ell?’ I enquired, still curious to know how they'd gotten over the cane issue.
‘Yeah, eventually. The time I've been spending with that anger management councillor has really helped. Rebecca listened to all my crap about growing up with dad beating me and she was just awesome, Nathan, so fucking supportive of me. I seriously can't believe I'm so lucky. Thanks for persuading me to go and talk to her.’ I nodded my response and watched as my brother tilted his head and observed me for a few silent seconds as if about to divulge some great secret, ‘You really should try the vanilla thing, Nathan, it’s great.’
His words almost mirrored my own recent curiosity, but vanilla – normal – and me? In response I merely grunted, my fucked up personality and a vanilla relationship hadn’t ever seemed like a very possible combination for me. I had always lacked interest in the basic things needed to make a relationship like that work, like friendship, support and trust. I wouldn’t tell Nicholas just yet, but lately even I was starting to question my beliefs on this particular topic.
Disliking the way the conversation had turned on me and churned up my internal confusion again I pushed off from the arm of the chair and walked over to clap my brother on the shoulder. ‘I'm glad you're happy Nicholas, really I am, but it seemed that perhaps I made Rebecca a little nervous. I'm just going to pop to the kitchen and clear the air between us.’
Nodding his agreement Nicholas turned to sort through his piano music and I jogged down the stairs towards the kitchen. As I approached the door I saw Rebecca stretching up to reach for something on a high shelf in a cupboard. Even though she was my brother’s girlfriend every male fibre in my body demanded that I pause briefly to observe the view. And what a view it was. With a smirk I crossed my arms and continued my perusal, I could definitely see why my brother was attracted to her; Rebecca was pretty and had a fine figure, although it was perhaps a little too petite for my taste. My mind suddenly flooded with images of Stella, her lush curves flushed and naked and needy. Now Stella, on the other hand, whilst still slim, also had those curves at her hips and waist that I just adored. A scowl pulled my brow together as I caught the wayward direction of my thoughts – Jesus, I was thinking about her again! I really was turning into a sap like my brother.
Getting a grip over my disobedient brain I gave a soft cough to make Rebecca aware of my presence as I stepped into the kitchen and stopped by the far counter. Whatever Rebecca had been reaching for flew from her hands as she gasped in shock and spun around to face me. Yep, she was definitely scared of me.
Glancing down I saw teabags scattered across the floor and couldn't stop a small smirk from tugging at my lips from her jumpiness.
‘Hi, Rebecca,’ I said calmly, hoping to soothe her. My eyebrows rose as I took in a small tremble in her hand. Interesting, perhaps she was more than a little scared of me, what the hell had my brother told her about me? I wasn’t that bad, was I? But then I shifted on my feet, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as I realised he’d probably told her the truth – that I was a selfish, ignorant arsehole – a realisation that I was only really coming to grips with myself recently.
Dipping her head to hide her face from me Rebecca bent to collect the scattered teabags as I once again used one of my tried and tested countdowns to calm myself. ‘Hi,’ she replied in a particularly high tone.
‘You have no reason to be nervous.’ I offered in a generous attempt to calm her.
‘I’m not nervous,’ Rebecca replied snappily and this time I openly grinned at her stubborn response. Yes, I could definitely see why Nicholas liked this woman. Luckily she was still bent over the teabags so hadn’t seen my smile, but how funny that both myself and my brother obviously liked women with a stubborn streak.
‘That's good.’ I murmured softly, still smiling. ‘I merely wanted to apologise for the bad advice I gave Nicholas when I told him to leave you.’
Standing up with a handful of crushed teabags and a box that had now seen better days Rebecca looked genuinely shocked by my words. ‘OK. Accepted,’ she acknowledged with a shrug after a significant pause.
Observing the woman who had tamed my brother I could see what a good match they were and felt something a lot like jealousy shift inside of me. ‘Clearly you are good for him,’ I conceded with a nod.
Just then I became aware of my brother entering the doorway behind me. He was no doubt coming to check that I was behaving myself around his girlfriend. I smiled again at the thought of one of the Jackson brothers having a woman in his life who could be given the title of ‘girlfriend’, it was just positively surreal.
‘Just checking you two are playing nicely,’ Nicholas observed dryly before stepping into the kitchen and moving to stand at Rebecca's side protectively.
‘We are, don’t worry,’ Rebecca assured Nicholas with a smile and I decided that perhaps my apology had gone some way towards making her like me a like bit more. Or should that be dislike me a little bit less, I wondered with a small snort.
I watched Nicholas's face soften as he gazed down at Rebecca and saw her relax against him and slip an arm around his waist. It was fascinating. How would it feel to be that protective of a woman? To be so attached to them that you needed to stake a claim over them in public?
It was a whole new concept for me, but suddenly I realised that it was almost exactly what I'd done to Stella when I'd seen her out in the wine bar with her brother. Trying to work out exactly what my seemingly possessive behaviour meant I decided to give it some more thought when I was back at home and alone. Christ, my brain felt like it had massively malfunctioned lately, nothing was clear to me anymore.
Keen to observe the new relationship between my brother and Rebecca some more I decided on the spur of the moment to invite them over. ‘Perhaps you two would like to come for dinner at my place tomorrow for a proper catch up?’ I suggested, ‘How about supper time, say about seven o’clock?’
‘Sounds good.’ Nicholas agreed with a nod. I didn’t miss the slightly panicked expression on Rebecca's face, but managed to contain the amused smile that nearly broke on my lips as a result of it. I'd win her over eventually – history had proven that women could never stay mad at me for long.
Chapter Seven - Nathan
After my visit to my brother yesterday I'd be lying if I said I wasn’t left intrigued by his relationship with Rebecca – intrigued, and as much as I hated to admit it … slightly jealous. This wasn't something I was used to, I didn’t do standard displays of jealousy; if I wanted something I simply went out and got it. Fast car? I'd buy it. Business deal? I'd work every angle to ensure I put forward the best proposal to win the bid. Woman? I'd smile and charm my way into her panties quicker than a frog could hop.
But seeing what Nicholas had with Rebecca, a genuine real affection and need for one another, it had left me blindsided. I just hadn't expected to see him so … happy. When I'd left his house yesterday it was the first time in my life that I'd felt genuine burning jealousy swirling in my stomach, and the reason for my jealousy was clear to me – I couldn't buy or charm Stella into feeling a bond like that with me, it had to be from her side, her heart, and the realisation that it was totally out of my control and potentially unavailable to me had hit me harder than I had ever expected.
So now here we were, it was Saturday night and my brother and Rebecca would be arriving at any minute for dinner. I had invited them over so that Stella and myself could observe their relationship and see if we might somehow, against all my previous beliefs, be able to do something similar. Fuck, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that this was quite a monumental moment for me, I, Nathaniel Jackson, dominant and all round self-absorbed dick, was actually considering a relationship outside the bounds of a dominant/submissive one … I quite literally never thought I'd see the day.
Not that I'd told Stella any of this, I'd just asked her to join us for dinner. No, I might be breaking all my rules on other fronts today, but I was still shit at any form of vocal emotion, conversations a
bout relationships included. Looking in my bathroom mirror I straightened my collar, brushed my hair back with my hand, and loosened off my neck to try and ease my tension. Put me in a boardroom in front of twenty potential clients and I could talk the hind legs off a fucking donkey, but discuss the way I was ‘feeling’ … Christ, no. Far too prissy. It made me feel queasy just thinking about it. Not my thing at all.
Selecting a nice pair of solid platinum cufflinks I made quick work of fastening them through the soft cotton of my Armani shirt, and then made my way towards the lounge.
Something strange shifted in my stomach when I glanced towards the fireplace and saw Stella standing there awaiting my arrival. Sucking in a breath through my nose I absorbed her appearance. She looked beautiful, but then I suppose thinking about it she always did, had I really been such a self-absorbed arse before that I hadn't noticed enough to tell her?
Her dress tonight was a simple black number, just touching her knees and low enough in the front to give a good hint at what lay beneath. Not that I needed a hint; I had Stella’s perfect body committed to memory now. The off the shoulder design gave me a complete view of my most favourite body part – the fragile column of her neck and the light spray of freckles that lay there, and I instantly wanted to walk over and run my tongue from her collarbone to her earlobe. To be honest if it wasn't my brother coming around tonight I'd be tempted to demand she change into something less revealing so that no-one else got to see what was mine.
I grimaced, but was she mine? That was the fucking million pound question wasn't it? I knew she wanted me, the heat that rose in her cheeks whenever she looked at me made that clear, as did her keenness to please and the explosive chemistry between us, there was no hiding that either, but did she need me? Growing up with a father who demanded no eye contact had left me severely deprived in the ability to judge emotions relating to trust and care, so I really didn’t have a fucking clue how Stella actually felt about me outside of the bedroom.