by Raine, Alice
Nathan was stood silent and frozen like a statue. I understood why Nathan couldn’t speak out against his father – after all this was the man who Nathan had wanted so desperately to please as a child that he’d allowed himself to be beaten daily. Not that he’d had much choice. But how could Nathan ever believe that daily beatings were an expression of a parent’s love? I guess if you are a young boy desperate to be loved you can convince yourself of just about anything. What a thoroughly depressing thought, not that it helped me right now. Shit, what should I do? What could I do? His father was huge and, to be honest, absolutely terrifying.
‘I thought a little family reunion might be nice, son, it’s been a while hasn’t it? Perfect timing that you’re here as well,’ Mr Jackson smirked in a cold tone that made me wince.
Then without saying another word or even bothering to address me, Nathan’s father strode up the steps to Nicholas’s house and rang the doorbell.
Nathan cast me a glance that was so devoid of emotion I felt my chest compress – it was like the life had been sucked right from his body – but before I could say or do anything to help him he turned and silently followed his father up the steps.
The door was opened several seconds later by Nicholas, whose face went from a wide grin to an expression of such utter torture that my stomach flipped and the urge to vomit came upon me again.
‘Nick.’ Mr Jackson greeted his other son with a nod and a sweeping assessment from head to foot, giving him a disaffected look.
‘Father?’ Nicholas murmured, his voice just as hollow as Nathan’s face looked. This was utterly horrible, I wanted to do something but I had no idea what; Nathan had only recently entrusted me with details of his past, I was hardly an expert on his family history and in no position to try and stamp my authority. Really all I could do was take my lead from Nathan and try to be there to support him I suppose.
Behind Nicholas I saw Rebecca emerge from the lounge with a look of horror on her face that reflected mine, from her expression I guessed she also knew about their father and was just as shocked to see him as Nathan and Nicholas were.
‘Dad popped round to see us,’ Nathan muttered thickly, his eyes focused on the carpet before us. Jeez, he looked like he’d gone into submissive mode, it was really disturbing to see my usually confident man so distraught. ‘He wanted to see how you were getting along.’
‘Nick, you’ve done very well with your piano playing. I’ve read about you in several journals,’ Mr Jackson commented. In response Nicholas shrugged slightly, looking just as lost and confused as Nathan. ‘You must have got that skill from me.’ What an arse this guy was. How the hell were people like him allowed to have kids in the first place?
A horrible silence settled over us. Nathan and Nicholas were staring at the ground helplessly and Rebecca was stood just off to the side with her eyes flicking edgily between Nicholas and his father. Someone needed to do something, but as the newest member to this family group I really wasn’t sure it should be me.
Answering all my prayers for action, Rebecca stepped forwards as if about to speak but was swiftly cut off by Mr Jackson as he turned to her, crossed his arms, and smirked. ‘And who are you?’ he asked swiftly, stopping her before she’d even had the chance to speak one word.
‘I’m Rebecca, Nicholas’s girlfriend. Fiancée actually.’ she stated coolly. Fiancée? That was a new development since we last saw them, but I’d have to think about that later, this situation was just too crazy at the moment to focus on anything other than getting Nathan out of here and away from his father.
Instinctively though, my eyes flashed a glance at Rebecca’s ring finger, as I saw Mr Jackson’s do the exact same. There was a beautiful diamond sparkling away there and in other circumstances I would have been smiling and cooing over it, but not today, instead I flinched as Mr Jackson made a dismissive noise in the back of his throat and curled his lip snidely.
His dismissive gesture would have put me off, but it just seemed to spur Rebecca on and she stepped closer to him and straightened her back defiantly, ‘These three might be too polite to say anything, Mr Jackson, but I’m not. You are not welcome here, please leave.’ She sounded cool and calm and at that moment even though I barely knew her, I felt immensely proud of how brave she was being.
In the blink of an eye Nicholas’s father went from calm and hoity to absolutely freaking furious and I saw Rebecca flinch slightly at his sudden outburst, ‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ he roared, looking and sounding like he might actually be about to kill someone. Or perhaps all of us, who knew? To my complete amazement Rebecca simply tipped her chin back and stood her ground. Crikey, that girl had some serious backbone.
‘I’m the woman who loves your son more than you ever did. I’m the woman who’s helped him recover from the fucking mess you left his life in, and I’m the woman who will marry him and make sure you never have the chance to fucking hurt him ever again. Now get the fuck out!’ she screeched. As monumental as the words probably were for her and Nicholas, they did not please Mr Jackson one bit and in a flash of movement he was suddenly bursting forwards, throwing me out of his way, grabbing Rebecca by the shoulders and shoving her down the corridor away from us all.
‘You need to be taught a serious fucking lesson, young lady,’ he growled, dragging her further away as I picked myself off the wall with the help of a stunned-looking Nathan. Nicholas didn’t react for a second, almost looking like his father’s movements had been too fast for him to register, but then as if a switch had been flicked Nicholas leapt into action, chasing them down and literally ripping his father off Rebecca so she fell into a heap on the floor.
Shoving Nathan and I back against the wall Nicholas then unceremoniously dragged his father down the corridor and threw him out of the open door. Christ, there was a four-step drop outside and I watched in shock as the big man sailed through the air before landing on the path with a loud thump and a curse.
‘If you ever touch Rebecca again I will kill you, do you understand? Now fuck off out of our lives,’ Nicholas roared in a tone so utterly terrifying that I shrunk away from him into the safety of Nathan’s side as his arms reached out and dragged me against him. Then within a second Nicholas had slammed the door and was back down the corridor pulling Rebecca into his arms as the banging of the closing door still rang in my ears.
Holy fuck. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Nathan’s chest had never felt such a safe place to be and as his arms wrapped tightly around me I willingly gave myself over to his tight hold. From start to finish the whole episode had probably only lasted five minutes at maximum, but the way my heart was thumping I felt like I’d run a marathon and if I hadn’t been in Nathan’s warm embrace I would have been sorely tempted to lean forwards on my knees to catch my breath.
‘Are you OK, Stella?’ Nathan murmured next to my ear, placing a shaky hand on my jaw and pulling my eyes up to meet his. He clearly wasn’t, looking thoroughly traumatised by the whole situation.
‘I … um … yes.’ I was in shock – who wouldn’t be – but physically nothing had really happened to me except a couple of bumps into the wall, and to be honest I was more worried about Rebecca at the moment.
Leaning down to drop a swift kiss on my lips, Nathan released me and then turned and stepped towards where his brother was still cradling Rebecca in his lap and gently rocking her. Thankfully, Rebecca looked fine – in fact she seemed more together than Nicholas, who was looking pretty shaken up too.
‘Shit, Nicholas, I’m so fucking sorry for bringing him here,’ Nathan exclaimed limply from his position by my side. Although technically we hadn’t brought him here, his father had just arrived at the same time as us. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking …’ Nathan shook his head in confusion feeling out for my hand which I willing gave him to hold, ‘I guess I wasn’t really thinking at all …’ his voice faded off.
‘Brother, it’s OK, I know what a hold he had on you,’ Nicholas respond
ed, looking up to meet Nathan’s eye intently.
‘I see now … it’s all clear to me just how fucked up he is … I’m sorry, Nicholas, Rebecca … we’ll leave you alone, I’ll make sure he’s gone,’ Nathan ran a hand through his hair and then smiled weakly. ‘Engaged, eh? Congratulations, can we have drinks tomorrow? My treat, in way of apologising for this shit and celebrating your good news?’ he suggested hopefully.
‘Sure,’ Nicholas said, but he was too tied up in Rebecca to watch Nathan and me as we left.
Chapter Seventeen – Nathan
Taking Stella’s hand as we left Nicholas’s house I felt my stomach tense in the anticipation of having to see my father again. After so many years of not seeing him I knew he wouldn’t just have left – in fact, I was sure of it. Once I had firmly closed Nicholas’s door my fears were realised when I saw him just down the road, leaning back on the hood of my car looking smug and composed and none the worse for his fall down the steps.
Tucking Stella behind me I gritted my teeth and expelled a long breath through my nose to try and calm myself as I did a quick countdown from five to zero in my head, although to calm me enough for this situation I’d probably have needed to start at a million.
‘Stay here, Stella,’ I instructed her with a quick glance in her direction to make sure she complied. Thankfully she nodded and I watched as she licked her lips nervously. ‘Be careful, Nathan.’ The concern in her eyes made something inside me compress and even with all the craziness of the last ten minutes piling up around me I couldn’t resist leaning down and dropping a quick kiss on her lips, ‘I will,’ I murmured before turning away.
Jogging down the steps I began to approach my father. Fuck, I felt winded as I looked at him again. He was the man I’d idolised for so long that seeing him now and realising just how fucked up he was felt like a massive kick to the gut.
‘Why did you want to come here? To wind Nicholas up? To remind him of the shit you put him through as a kid? You’re fucked up, you know that?’ I growled, any remnants of respect I might have had for this man had gone when I’d seen how he’d flipped on Rebecca and shoved Stella against the wall. How fucking dare he touch Stella?
‘Something like that, perhaps,’ my father murmured with a twisted smile curling the corner of his mouth. ‘As a pianist it was difficult for me to intervene in his life in any other way, short of breaking his fingers of course.’ He laughed humourlessly, ‘But a nice little visit seems to have wreaked enough havoc on him for now.’ What the fuck did he mean, “intervene in his life”?
‘How’s business?’ my father asked suddenly, that same sick smile curving on his lips. ‘Tough times I bet? Fierce competition for contracts?’ My heart slowed in my chest as an icy feeling settled in my veins and my vision went slightly hazy. Surely not …
‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ I whispered. Just like that, all the pieces fell into place: my father had been the one paying an insider to get the details so he could undercut me in all my company’s bids! Had he been working with Gregory? My security team hadn’t been able to confirm Gregory’s involvement for sure yet, although it was looking highly likely.
I couldn’t believe it, my own fucking father was the one trying to ruin me! ‘Why? Why would you do that?’ The pain of his deceit burned deep, even after all these years … he was still my dad … how could he do that to his own son?
‘What can I say, son, you fucked me over all those years ago by telling the police what I’d done to Nicholas. I’d expected better from you, Nathan. I guess I’m holding a grudge,’ he shrugged, ‘Not a good trait, I know, but hey, I had a lot of time to think about it all after you got me sent to prison,’ he said with a wicked, hate filled smirk.
Standing back I shook my head in shock. Had I seriously wanted to be like him when I was younger? Right now as I looked at him there alone and filled with bitterness I couldn’t think for the life of my why I’d ever thought he’d been so powerful or formidable.
Suddenly something occurred to me. ‘You don’t even know anything about architecture, how the hell do you plan on completing the projects?’ I demanded.
‘You’re right, I don’t know anything about architecture. But the bidders don’t know that, and by the time they do your company will already have lost enough money to make it struggle significantly – which will be reward enough for me for the time being. With Gregory’s help I put together some very convincing packages, good enough to undercut even you, Nathan,’ he bragged with a sick smile. So it had been fucking Gregory going behind my back. When my security team caught up with him I wanted to have some serious words with the traitorous bastard.
I’d heard enough. Bunching my right fist I let rip and smashed my bastard of a father square in the face. He staggered backwards with blood flowing freely from his nose and a look of total shock on his face. Apparently he’d still been expecting me to be the subservient little wimp of my childhood. But no more. He had well and truly opened my eyes to just what a bastard he was and I wanted nothing more to do with him, or the hold he used to have over me.
‘And this one is for Nicholas,’ I ground out, advancing once again and landing another punch, this time to his jaw. Fuck, that was satisfying. The second one floored him and my father moaned on the pavement, leaning back on my car. I felt Stella’s hands gripping my arm to stop me from following up with more blows.
‘Nathan … be the bigger man. Walk away,’ she whispered. Letting out a breath I turned to my father one last time – the final time I would ever see him. ‘Stay away from us, and stay away from Nicholas. Now get the fuck off my car.’
Shoving him aside I helped Stella into the passenger seat and then calmly strode to the driver’s side, buckling myself in and driving away without so much as a glance in my rear view mirror. I didn’t need to look back; all that was back there was my past, what was important was my present and my future, and hopefully the answer to both of them was sat in the passenger seat next to me.
As I drove I became aware that I was shaking all over from the whole encounter, but I drove long enough to get us away from my father and around the corner to a quieter suburban street which lined Primrose Hill before pulling over.
Stopping the car I switched off the ignition and turned to Stella. ‘I can’t drive at the moment, would you take a walk with me for a while?’ I asked, indicating to the open parkland behind me. Showing her my shaking hands I attempted a weak, crooked smile which she returned before nodding and getting out of the car. To be honest I wasn’t sure if I was shaking because of my father, or because of the insight that seeing him had given me into my own life – all I did know was that I needed to man up and share a few things with Stella.
What a fucking day this had been. If anything was more likely to get me collapsing from stress then it was today’s sequence of events; meeting my ex, Stella’s ex, and then finding my father at Nicholas’s house – talk about utterly hellish, but Stella was still here, still with me, and that was all that mattered to me right now.
Taking her hand in mine I enjoyed the warmth I felt from Stella’s touch as we strolled together into the park in companionable silence. Gradually, my trembling began to subside as she gently rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb, somehow seeming to transfer her strong calmness into me. This woman was good for me. Probably too damn good, but I wasn’t letting her go, not now, not ever, and it was probably time I told her as much.
‘All my life I thought my father loved me but just didn’t know how to show it … and I guess I thought I loved him too. But seeing him today so hell bent on bringing misery to his sons,’ I shook my head and grimaced, ‘that’s not love, I see that now, I finally understand.’
Huffing out a long breath, I stopped beside a small lake and stood in front of Stella, tipping her face up so I could look straight in her eyes. ‘I never thought I’d be capable of such feelings, but what I feel for you …’ I paused and shook my head unsure how to vocalise all the emotions inside me. ‘Fuck, Stell
a it’s crazy, the passion, the possessiveness I feel, I’ve never experienced anything like it before and I never ever thought that I’d say these words, but I …’ my throat went dry, just as before when I’d tried to tell her I loved her. Why the fuck couldn’t I say it? It was three lousy little words, and I couldn’t even man up enough to say them. Stella’s eyes opened wide as she stared up at me in anticipation, I heard her swallow loudly but she didn’t say anything and I panicked that I might lose her if I wasn’t courageous enough to say how I felt.
‘I … I … fuck.’ Instead of saying words which had never meant a thing to me in my past I slid my hands into her hair and kissed her with everything that I had, hoping that my actions could convey what my words somehow couldn’t. Finally pulling back from the kiss I saw Stella gazing up at me with wide, lust filled eyes and I smiled shyly. ‘It’ll always be you, Stella.’ That I could say, but like a compete pussy my brain was still adamantly refusing to say the words I knew she would most want to hear.
A second later however, my fears were somewhat lifted as Stella raised a hand to my cheek and stroked her thumb across my stubble. ‘It’s OK, Nathan, I know what you mean, you don’t have to say it …’ she murmured, then half sobbing, half laughing she flung herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and even jumping up and wrapping her legs around me too, where I caught her under her bum and held her to me tightly.
‘Oh God, Nathan. I love you,’ she mumbled as she sought my lips for a wet, tearstained kiss. She loved me? Even with my messed-up outlook on life Stella really loved me? Thank fuck for that. Now all I needed to do was say the words back to her, but I grudgingly admitted that might take some time. If I said them I needed her to know I meant them. I was fairly sure now that I loved Stella, these tumulus feelings inside me of protection, affection, and lust must surely equal love, but my parents had fucked up any views of love I’d ever had and I knew it was going to take some time for me to adjust to the fact that Stella really genuinely accepted me for who I was.