Music Notes (Heartbeat #3)

by Renee Lee Fisher

  Meila was right. I stood there and was lost in the sight of her freaking perky tits. The same ones I had groped the other night and they felt incredible. Also her just saying she had nothing on under that tiny leather skirt, hell I’m a guy, words like that just affect my dick no matter who is saying them. “Meila, we are done here.” I took my towel and wrapped it around my waist and I knew I would be in pain with this hard on for quite a while longer.

  “Rand, just one last thought. I can take care of that little, well large problem you seem to have at this moment.” With those words she tugged at her bathing suit top and it fell into the swirl of the bubbles. It wasn’t her top that had my attention. It was her tits and the tattoo that was written in script across her breast. It read, Radiant. That hit me as I was thinking those same words when I glanced at Madison across the room in our home before I left for the tour. Apparently someone along the way had seen Meila in the same way I viewed Madison. Seeing this huge rack in front of me with the words I meant for my wife, I almost had a second of stupidity and stayed. I was missing my wife so much and there was no more that Meila could do, she practically handed me every piece of herself. I had to quickly get my senses in check. As soon as I felt I had a grip on this situation and was turning to leave, it was the last straw as Meila reached down into the water and pulled up her hand with her bathing suit bottoms. I was done.

  Heading across the spa area, I trailed water in puddles because I was all wet and could not get out of there any faster. I went into the men’s shower area and turned on the cold setting. “Oh shit!” I shouted out as it pounded onto my skin. The freezing water stinging my skin, and hopefully taking away my hard on.

  I heard a male shout back to me “Sir, are you okay in there?” I shouted back that I was fine. I was going to be fine, that I had everything under control. I wondered if I did. I was glad I had my mind in check because my body was certainly not agreeing with me. Madison had started my excitement and Meila walked in just in time to enhance it. I had a feeling these final shows were going to drag along.

  Wrapping up our shows so close to home, I made a point of giving the band guys each more solo playing time. I knew many of our local fans traveled to New York to see us, plus I was tired and let them take over to allow me to rest.

  The nights seemed to run into one another in the cities where we performed, but finally our shows had ticked away and tonight is our final performance. I am so glad that Madison is well on her way here. Her last message said that she was in the car with Jillian and the traffic wasn’t too bad. It was only about a two hour trip if the traffic cooperated. Tonight I dressed like Madison liked me to when I performed. I put on a faded black tee and my tight black jeans. I reach into my suitcase and pull out the cuff bracelet that she bought me. I only wore it one other time on the tour, and that was when she was with me in California. I was afraid of losing it, but I know it made her feel so good to see it worn on my wrist. I smiled at the cross displayed on it, and knew I had completely pledged myself to her forever. As I was slowly rubbing the cuff side to side on my skin I was able to feel her presence.

  It was now almost show time and all my mind was set on was getting this gig done. I sent a text to Madison and got no response, and then I reached out to Jillian and again got no answer. I figured they both just silenced their phones for the show. I guess I would just bang out this show, and see her immediately after. I wish I could have told her that I loved her before the lights came up. I silenced my phone as I always did before a show, but this time I had no place to put it in these tight jeans, so without thinking too much about it, I tossed it on the bedside table before I had to get to the van to go to the show. I could use one of the other guys’ phones later if I needed it.

  Meila and The Erratics again successfully rocked the crowd. For a final show, she gave it everything and more. I wish we had become friends, and could collaborate on music because she was really good. Her vibe with me though was all wrong, and I knew she would never accept just friendship. I tried to look for the girls but the brightness of the stage lights didn’t let my vision travel far into the audience. I glanced quickly to the side areas of the stage as well and didn’t see any sign of her or Cecile. I knew now that there was no way I would see her in this crowd. But I realized that just knowing in my heart she was here was all I needed.

  It wasn’t until after the show that I found out she wasn’t there watching. Raeford received a text from Jillian saying that Madison started having some contractions. She and Jillian were concerned and turned around. Once they were sure it was a false alarm, they headed back this way. “Oh shit! I don’t have my phone! I left it at the hotel. I bet she tried to reach me dozens of times.” I asked Raeford, “Hey man, can I borrow your phone?” I couldn’t hit the numbers quick enough.

  Madison picked up “Hey Babe, sorry I got delayed, but we are still heading there to see you even if we missed the show. We will spend tonight with you guys and since you have a radio show wrap up tomorrow I will be there for that.” She sounded calm—genuinely not worried. “Seems I had some contractions but I’m good, just a false alarm. It’s a bit too early to be having these babies arrive.”

  “Madison I am sorry, I left my phone at the hotel because I wore these tight ass skinny jeans you love and I can’t fit a paperclip in the pocket. Love, are you sure you are okay?”

  “Yes, and please do not worry. Go celebrate with the band and save a sparkling water or ginger ale for me when I finally get there. I love you!”

  Raeford grabbed at his phone before I got to tell her I loved her too. He didn’t want us getting all gushy on his phone. I was smiling at him and felt so relieved. Raeford gave me a light push, and asked, “Is everything good?”

  “Yeah, and they will be here a little later,” I responded still happy they were on their way.

  “Well let’s go join everyone else. We can both keep a watch for when they arrive. I’m sure we’ll see Jillian’s red hair first as she enters the room.” Raeford laughed. I knew he missed her as well.

  “Lets do this. We all deserve to have some fun, it’s been a very long three months,” and I turned Raeford to lead the way. I didn’t want him to see my beaming face as I walked behind him. I was thrilled the shows were all done, my beloved wife was heading in my direction, and I was so down with grabbing a cold beer to cheer to this night and the days ahead.

  Maxwell had always been great at making certain we were all fed on the tour and tonight he pulled out all the stops at the amount of food and alcohol that was here for us. He was also having a few beers, and so proud of how the entire tour played out. Meila kept to the far side of the bar which was just fine with me. At one point I felt bad for keeping my distance from her and decided to be the better person and go over and thank her for being an awesome opening act for all my shows. As I walked to her I could see her eyes get brighter with excitement.

  “Meila I just wanted to come over and thank you for all your help in the shows. You and your band were a great fit musically.” I emphasized musically.

  “Thank you Rand that means so much. I was beginning to think that you didn’t like me.” She displayed a slight pout on her lips.

  “I like the profession we are in and these past shows were really good, let’s keep it at that.” I was so tired of her disrespectful actions and constant coming on to me in the past weeks.

  “Then here is to friends,” she said and handed to me a shot that she had requested.

  “Friends?” I asked. Then under my breath said we are certainly not friends, and then I threw the shot back. As I banged the empty glass on the bar to walk away I looked to see where my guys were and struck up a quick conversation with one of Meila’s band mates. I felt her take my fingers and wrap them around another shot. It was only a few minutes of me standing there before I felt like I was in a haze. Meila was laughing with her band and I was standing there motionless, but it felt like everything around me was coming through my mind in slow motion. What wa
s happening to me? I felt very light headed. My last thought was to find someplace to sit until this passed as Madison would be here very soon.

  Sometimes you get so drunk you think you’ll never remember a thing, but you do remember bits and pieces. When I was drunk in the elevator with Meila I remember her kisses were not like Madison’s. I remember feeling her up and wanting her because I thought she was Madison, but then I remember the shock even as drunk as I was that she was not Madison and I reacted. Right now I am having one of those black out moments. Here I am in bed and I really don’t remember too much from last night except starting to down shots. Then I remember vaguely being in the mist flowing from the shower head onto my face and Madison holding and trying to kiss me but I was tossing my head from side to side completely missing her lips. I can’t remember our tongues ever touching. I don’t remember what time she finally arrived just that I believe I had a bit too much liquid celebration by then. I do remember the good parts of falling into the huge king size bed with her arms wrapped around my neck. I remember her pulling on my tight jeans. She didn’t have to remove anything else because I was all commando waiting for her.

  This morning my headache is my first clue that I drank too much. As I lean on the side of the bed, I see her in the bathroom in just a tee shirt, surely one of mine that says Max Rand from last night’s show. I couldn’t wait for her to come over here and return to bed and message my temples. I’m smiling at her as she is tucking up her hair and now pulling off her tee shirt. Oh yes, she’s coming back to me. Wait why is she getting dressed? I see Madison putting on her jeans and a tank top. Wow her tits are huge in that top without a bra too. I am sure this is just a tease and some foreplay for me. She doesn’t want to make everything so easy for me. Now I see her packing up her makeup bag. I know we don’t have to leave here until tomorrow as I have a radio show later. I roll over to check out the clock as maybe it is later than I think it is. When I turn back over knowing we still have the entire morning to romp around, Meila stands next to the bed and says, “You were great last night… I’m hitting the road to my next gig. But I want you to know you are one incredibly strong guy, you just wouldn’t give up the entire night.” With that she leaned in and kissed me on my lips. What the fuck just happened here ran through my head like a freight train. Where is Madison and what have I done? I reached for my phone and began to thumb through the text messages from Madison.

  Hey Babe I decided to text you to not wake you up. I hope you are dreaming of me.

  Rand, change of plans, we cannot make it, I am again having these cramps. Jillian let Raeford know as I was told you went to your room to crash and wait for me.

  Rand I haven’t gotten to talk to you yet, but wanted you to know that I am home and resting fine, please do not worry… Jillian hasn’t left me. I will call you in the morning, I heard you were celebrating so I am sure you will be sleeping it off in the morning for quite a while.

  And then there was this last text.

  Rand I just got off the phone with Meila, she picked up your phone while you were in bed and Rand OMG please tell me this isn’t really happening! I can’t talk to you, I have to go…

  I dropped the phone. It simply fell from my fingers to the floor. There was nothing left to say, or think. Meila surely told her everything and for Meila to answer my phone with me here in bed and her in my room…I know I have completely devastated Madison. I failed. I did what I never thought I could do, I fucked it all up.

  Chapter Nine – They Have Arrived

  Screw the radio show, there was no way I was putting on a smiling face and making nice on air. My life just fell into a big black hole. Maxwell wasn’t hearing this from me. He shoved me into the van with all the other guys and we headed to the radio station, last as usual because I was refusing to come out of my hotel room. I looked like shit. I hadn’t showered except for the memory being in the shower with Madison which was actually Meila last night. I thought back to bits and pieces of her holding me up against the wall and saying something to me over and over. All her words that escaped her mouth were a complete blur.

  “So what’s eating you?” Raeford started. “Man you look like shit!”

  “Oh worry about yourself. You were shit last night, your music was off!” I barked back at him. It really wasn’t. He played great but I needed to vent to the first person I opened my mouth to.

  “I wasn’t off! You were the one off. By the way, where did you run off to at the party?”

  I hit my head. I continued to hit myself in the head. I couldn’t even feel the pain as nothing could be a fraction of what I was feeling breaking away in my chest. “Guys I let you down, shit I let myself down.” I muttered out still hitting myself.

  “Dude stop hitting yourself,” Isaac said as he grabbed my wrists saving me another blow to my skull. “What’s the matter with you?

  “I think I was with…Meila,” I didn’t have to say another word. Silence filled the van and Maxwell let out a huff.

  “Dude you think you were with her? You were or you weren’t?” Raeford said and his eyes didn’t blink from mine.

  “I don’t fucking know…I can’t remember. I remember doing a shot she handed me. I talked with her band, and next thing I know she’s is in my hotel room…this morning! Seems she answered my phone when Madison called me…I am so FUCKED!!!”

  Isaac yelled, “You were with Meila? She is fine!”

  “Shut up Isaac you don’t get it. I am married last time I checked.” I couldn’t even talk to him. I held out my left hand that still had my wedding ring in place on my finger.

  “So was she all that?” Isaac continued until I heard Kent whack his head.

  “Alright every one shut the fuck up. Listen, we are brothers and we stick together in the good and bad, and Rand, this shit is BAD. What’s wrong with you, how could you do this? I tried to save your ass early on with Meila. But this time I’m not sure how.” Kent was trying to pull us together is some manner, but I was physically pulled apart.

  “Listen guys she was in my room this morning wearing a tee shirt, my Max Rand, fan merchandise when I woke up. I still see bits and pieces of her trying to kiss me in the shower as she pressed me up against the wall. I felt her fingers on my skin as she raked my jeans off my body. I was drinking, waiting for Madison to finally get here last night. I remember Meila helping me to my room to sleep it off until Madison arrived. Madison never came and again, Meila said, I WAS GREAT!”

  ‘Don’t keep bragging there brother, this is messed up,” Ron finally spoke his peace. “You need to come clean and tell Madison what happened and beg for her forgiveness.”

  “Thanks Ron but that isn’t happening she is devastated and there is no way she will listen to me now.” I was broken far more than I ever thought I could be. All my dreams of a wonderful family and life were shattered. I yelled at the driver to pull the van over just in time for me to get sick on the pavement.

  First, I get all the messages from Madison and the last one that I keep replaying in my mind… OMG please tell me this isn’t happening… Glancing at my phone and more messages, now I am seeing message after message for me to call Meila. When will she stop? She has already ruined my life, my marriage and my children will be growing up not knowing me because Madison won’t want me near her. I will never be able to look into Madison’s eyes again. The disappointment will be exactly how I see my father in my own eyes. Nothing will change that even after years have passed. Again with the messages, Meila is sending me –

  Rand please know I had your best interests in mind. I had to talk to your wife, she was wondering what happened. I told her the whole truth. You will need to deal with her as Madison right now cannot think of talking to you at all about last night.

  Rand – I felt bad how I left things this morning. Please pick up so I can talk to you.

  Wow Rand – I helped comfort you through your missing your wife last night and you won’t even listen to me…or return my calls or messages.


  “ENOUGH!!!” I threw the phone out into the intersection. I didn’t want to hear anyone or anything from this moment on. I closed my eyes and put my head to the window.

  “Let it lie, and leave him be,” I heard Maxwell say as he gently patted my shoulder. They never woke me and the band pulled off the radio show and finished up the last interview saying my wife was pregnant and I had to head home. It sounded good and wasn’t a lie, but I probably had no home to head to. Now as the van headed to drop me off first and we entered my driveway, I felt hollow inside. The outside sunshine didn’t warm me it burned right through me. I got out and told the guys I would catch up with them later. I needed to see Madison and let her walk out on me. I deserved it, I deserved it all. Anything she wanted, to yell, cry, throw shit at me, I had it coming.

  I hollered her name as I entered our house. My voice echoed back to me and there was no response. Maybe, just maybe I wore her out emotionally and she was lying down. As I walked in our bedroom I found it in such disarray. The bed was unmade, there were clothes scattered about which was out of character for Madison because since we moved in together she was so neat and tidy. Something was wrong. I looked over and took notice of luggage, several pieces of luggage. Oh no where did she go? My mind was racing and I was in a total panic. I grabbed the house phone and looked up the numbers for Grace and it just rang and went to voicemail. I then dialed Jillian’s cell and again it prompted me to leave a voice message. Cecile I knew I would reach but when I got her out of the office greeting I knew that they all must know by now what happened. Pain ripped through my back now and I forced myself to continue dialing a few other numbers. I even tried Jake, but I refused to reach out to Thomas. Then it hit me. One last person she was friends with, Connor. I dialed his number and he answered, “Hello?”

  “Hey Connor this is Rand. I need to find Madison. She’s gone, she left, and I need to find her.” I kept on rambling and I know I was confusing the shit out of Connor.