“Rand slow down. What happened, and where do you think she went?”
“I DON’T KNOW!” I yelled, “SHE’S JUST GONE!”
Connor remained calm and I did tell him that we had a disagreement of such, actually we never spoke, she messaged me that she was upset and couldn’t talk to me. Connor said he would let me know if he heard anything but that maybe she was blowing off steam.
I got off the phone and again the pain hit my back. I felt like I was getting whacked with a wooden paddle full force. I guess I deserved this pain too. I reached in the medicine cabinet and grabbed a few muscle relaxers and chugged them down with the first bottle I could open which was a cold beer from the refrigerator. I began to tire and I sat on the sofa. I closed my eyes and waited for her to return or to hear where she was. I would sit here forever and wait, and hope somehow she could forgive me.
I must have dozed off during the daylight. It was dark now in the entire house, but I wasn’t sure how late it was. There was banging at the front door, or I thought it was—maybe it was my head from being so hung over and then taking pills to relax my body’s pain. The thumping stopped, but then seconds later the door bell chimed again and again…maybe it was Madison. I jumped up and banged into the table, “Shit!” that hurt, but I moved around it to not clip my leg again and went to get the door. I turned on some lights in the process and when I opened the door, Maxwell stood and began grabbing me and pulling me outside.
“Boy you messed up bad this time. I don’t want to know what happened last night with Meila, but if you come now you can make it just in time.”
“What, make what in time? I want to wait here and hope Madison comes back to me, so I can beg her to take me back.”
“Rand she is not coming back here…” Maxwell said sternly.
“What? You mean never?” I couldn’t walk any further with him even though I saw that his car was still running and the door was wide open.
“Madison is in labor, she isn’t coming back here tonight. Now let’s get going!” Maxwell yelled at me still tugging my shirt to get me moving. “Jillian threw some of her things together quickly to get her out of the house and to the hospital because all at once the contractions increased. Although neither of them have had children, it became apparent that this wasn’t a false alarm. The babies are early, but they are coming.”
“What? She’s in labor???” I stammered out hesitantly.
“Yes, and she needs her husband there with her,” he gently pushed down on the top of my head as I climbed in the car, and he slammed the door. After crashing into the table, I was glad for the help. My head was spinning and I couldn’t be counted on to pay attention enough that I wouldn’t crack my head getting into the car.
“You mean she wants to see me?” I questioned.
“Of course she wants to see you. She wants you there for the moment your twins come into this world. We have been trying to call you but you tossed your cell phone on the highway, and then you must not have hung up the house phone because it was busy every time one of us called.”
“What do you mean? Who called?” I was still shocked.
“All of us, everyone is at the hospital and all of us had to shut off our cell phones. After we dropped you off we found out a few hours later from Grace that Madison was admitted and resting but it wouldn’t be long.”
I leaned back and sucked in all of the fresh air that my lungs could hold. I felt my blood flowing through my veins. Somehow, someway I was going to make this work with Madison and the babies. I was going to fight the toughest battle, but I would prove to her I would never screw up again as long as I lived. All I wanted was for her to be safe and our children to come into this world healthy. I prayed in silence, swearing that I would try so hard. I begged for forgiveness. Maxwell drove like a crazy man, and I thought that I almost had a better chance of being forgiven than I did getting to the hospital unharmed.
Once we found the floor that she was on, I saw everyone and they each told me I looked awful. I didn’t need to hear it, I already felt that way. As I was heading to the door to get to Madison a hand reached out and stopped me. Kent pulled me aside. “Kent, let me go to her.”
I tried to step aside. Kent stood right up in my face and said, “Meila kept calling, she called all of us…” He looked pissed.
“What the fuck, can’t she just let last night go? Hasn’t she done enough already.” I was still trying to move around him. “Kent move, I need to get to my wife, if she will have me.”
“Rand, that’s the point, Meila can’t just let this go. She has been trying to reach you, and then she called all of us until we finally answered her battery of messages and took one of her calls. The point is, she thinks you really thought that something happened last night between you and her. She fessed up that she gave you something in one of the shots that you drank. She said she really tried to take advantage of you, but you were too strong willed and would not give in. She said she could not break you that you loved Madison that much. She wanted to say she was sorry and that nothing ever happened.” Kent had a grip on my arms and shook me lightly, “Did you hear me just say that nothing happened?”
“You mean I did not cheat on my wife? Then why would she tell me she talked to Madison?” I had to know the answer.
“Meila said she answered the phone when Madison called to say she wasn’t coming. Meila assured her that you were resting, and she would check in on you in the morning and let you know Madison called. Meila only twisted it just to try to get you to want to be with her. She figured it was her last shot.”
“Wow that is totally fucked up!” I shook my head.
“Meila was relentless in trying to get you, I’ll give Meila credit, she tried hard for you man,” and Kent released his hold on my arms. “Go to your wife, she needs you, forget all about all this crap that never happened.”
I didn’t waste a moment. I opened the door and was at her side. I grabbed her hand and wept. Madison said, “Why are you crying, I am the one in pain?”
“Love I am so sorry I didn’t get to you sooner. I thought you left…me.”
“Rand, why would I ever leave you? I just couldn’t talk to you on the phone anymore as I tried to leave you a message and then the contractions came on so fast and painful. I had to go and get someone to get me here quickly.”
“Madison I love you so much!”
“Babe, I know that, and I hope you remember that when I holler out at you during my delivery. These contractions hurt so bad. But Babe, you look beat, and like you’re the one that’s having the babies.” I just ran my hands through my hair. If only she knew what I thought happened in the past hours. “Oh, I wanted to tell you that I’m so thankful that Meila got you to your room last night. She was really sweet to me and told me she left you soundly sleeping. I hope you got to get a bit of rest because once I push out these babies there will be no rest for either of us.” Madison continued to say until another contraction ripped through her, I grabbed onto her hand and, I rested my head next to her hip on the bed. I held her hand with each painful contraction that rocked through her. I was here for her and never going anyplace else. When she couldn’t bear the pain anymore she finally agreed to an epidural. Madison for some reason was trying to be so strong and not take any medication. Although I tried to sway her decision to get the pain meds, I think it really was the last few very painful contractions she felt that changed her mind. It wasn’t long after the epidural that the doctor said, “It’s time, let’s get you to delivery and get these babies out.”
Madison begged me to come with her. I agreed as I wasn’t ever leaving her. The hospital staff quickly dressed me in a blue gown. Then they placed a mask over my mouth and even made me put booties on over my leather boots. Madison looked at me and said my outfit went nicely with my amazing blue eyes before she let out a blood curdling scream. With that the doctor told her to push and baby one was on his way out. Yes, the first born was announced as a boy. My son was born. I stayed
focused on Madison, and she clung to my hand and squeezed so hard. I don’t remember the announcement of my daughter. What happened? Everything got so dark, really dark, and I fell to the floor. When I came to, I was told that yes, my daughter had been born seconds later. But that during that moment the staff had to also pause to pick me up after I crashed to the floor. I was rubbing my head and felt the lump that apparently my temple developed when it connected with the tile.
I told them I guess I was just overcome with all the emotion, and I knew I was so worn down from the last twenty-four hours, but that they need not worry about me. I was fine. I wanted to get to my wife and see our children. Madison filled me in on the babies’ condition. They were fine and they would be brought to us shortly. Both were small, but still a healthy weight causing no concern. She told me her first reaction was to count his fingers and toes, but then her next concern was me. Since I was on the floor, she didn’t have anything to hold onto while delivering our daughter. She said with one screaming push she gave it everything she could and then was reaching to me. Grace stepped in thankfully and held onto Madison as the staff lifted me and took me to another room to bandage the slight cut I had on my head from the fall. The staff did return to tell Madison that I appeared okay that is isn’t unusual. I wasn’t the first husband to faint during delivery.
Later, I climbed up next to her. She was so exhausted, and could barely keep her eyes open. I was well past that, but knew I had to be here for her. I laid my head next to hers and we rested in one another’s arms until our breathing leveled out and calmed. The first thing I needed to do as soon as I left this hospital was to get a new phone. I needed to be in touch with my family at all times. I couldn’t believe I threw a five hundred dollar phone across the highway.
Chapter Ten – Mask of Rade
Here we go again, I feel like I’ve been here before. When we were on our honeymoon and everything was perfect, then I got the call that I was going on tour. This time we had a few months under our belt, and were settling into our routine of parenthood and feedings and learning to sleep in only three hour intervals. We were still able to find moments to cuddle and kiss and make each other feel just as important as our two new little ones. There in the first few weeks after the babies, we had a constant flow of people and food made for us daily. It was wonderful one evening when Raeford and Jillian stopped over, and they appeared to be really happy for us even though they lost a baby this past year. Jillian presented us with a tiny package from the jeweler in New Hope that we bought our cuff bracelets from. When we opened the box we were amazed. Jillian and Raeford had gotten us matching mini engraved cuff bracelets for the twins. How cool was that? But today Madison just answered the phone after she fed the babies, and was standing in the kitchen. Suddenly, she had a shocked look on her face. I tried to read what she wasn’t saying, but it looked bad. No I guess not bad like death, but nervous maybe. When she hung up the phone, she came to me and said, “Rand, I won’t go. I don’t have to, I’d rather stay here.”
“Love, what are you talking about? Go where?” she wasn’t making sense, although in her mind it was probably being relayed to me perfectly clear.
“New York. The editor wants me and Cecile up there pronto with the publisher next week for the release of Mask of Rade. I knew she was working on this novel, and they had a deal but I was so selfish with all my music and traveling that it never occurred to me to ask her for updates.
“Well, why can’t you go?” I asked her and wanted her to feel that she should be able to pursue her dreams as well as I had.
“But how can I leave you and our children?” she questioned.
“They say it’s for a whole week. That is so long,” she continued.
“Love we’ll do this. Your mom and Maxwell will help me out so I don’t mess this up. I can promise you that I won’t leave them in shitty diapers.” I said that knowing it would make her laugh.
“I mean I really want to go, but the timing is all wrong,” she stated.
“Madison my going away for all those weeks across the country to do my tour—that was bad timing and much longer. This is only one week. I don’t want you to go as I will miss you, we will miss you, but I want you to go and do this for yourself.”
I guess I was finally learning, and I said something right because she wrapped her arms around me and she touched her lips to mine.
As a writer, my wife puts her words to paper so incredibly, but as a wife leaving me notes on how to do things, I think she just went overboard. The list was probably longer than her novel. Madison even left me notes on how to fold the babies’ clothing after they are washed, although I hoped that wasn’t going to be a task for me. Grace would step in and volunteer for that—I hoped. As I walked Madison out the front door to the cab where Cecile was waiting, we had already been outside four times, only to return to the house for her to remind me of just one more thing. Placing her into the seat of the car and shutting the door was a task, but she was finally leaving. I put my hand to the glass, and just as the cab pulled away she mouthed that she loved me I heard the lovely music of the children crying in the house. I was so glad they timed it for now, or Madison would have been back inside once again.
The cries were silencing as I reached their bedrooms. Grace was in the rocker with Maxine lying on her chest lightly blowing on her face to calm and cool her tears. That was a trick I remember my mother talking about as well. She said that it worked wonders on me and Ashley when we were babies. Maxine was drifting off. Her room was all pink and hearts, and there were books everywhere. Madison was already encouraging her to join in her love of books. Cherished words of Believe, Love, and Dream were hand applied to the walls with pink hearts surrounding each one.
I walked in the hall and down to Mick’s room where I overheard Maxwell laughing and murmuring baby talk while bouncing Mick on his leg. His room was definitely a boy’s room. I had my input with this one. I put a request in for a musical theme. The colors were black, red and white. Not your normal baby boy’s room, but completely our style. There were music notes decorating the walls. In every corner, there was a different stuffed instrument for him to play with when he got older. I bet when I was little, Maxwell played with me like this. With the children in completely safe hands, I went to grab some coffee and a quick nap as I would need all of the rest I could sneak in this week.
* * *
As much as I hated to leave Rand and our children, he was right. I needed to keep pursuing my dreams as well. I could balance being a wonderful wife, a devoted mother, and a writer all at once. I am sure there would be demands from all three at some point, but for now one week didn’t seem too bad once Cecile and I were heading to New York. Funny, the last trip I took here with her was amazing, and I found my wedding dress. I wonder what I will find up here this time?
Cecile was busy texting. “Is that business you’re working on?” I questioned. I wanted her to be able to relax a bit too. Lately, she looked a little stressed.
“No it’s my business with Connor…” she nonchalantly said.
“Connor?” I had to question. I knew she was with Kent now and seemed like they were doing well; and feelings for Connor had died down. I thought she had her mind made up. I hadn’t seen Connor in the picture for a long time. He did reach out now and again to say hello. He also sent me a lovely arrangement of flowers to the hospital when I delivered the twins. We had an odd conversation when I came home that he said Rand was frantic the night I was delivering the babies. Connor told me Rand thought I left him. I wondered how or why Rand would ever think that, but I never remembered to ask Rand about it with so much going on after bringing the babies home.
“Well, he has been asking me if I miss him,” Cecile continued typing and didn’t look up.
“And your response would be?”
“Well yes, I really do. Things with Kent are great but now I am starting to wonder if I should have given Connor this one last try. I don’t want to go through my life alw
ays wondering if he and I could have really made it together,” Cecile looked at me and I saw it in her eyes—that look of uncertainty. “Oh, and lately I have been thinking of nothing but what it would be like to sleep with him, I never got to do that either.” She giggled nervously. She kept up her texting, so I decided to rest my eyes as I hadn’t gotten much sleep lately. The car ride was smooth, and soon I drifted into a deep sleep.
* * *
With Madison gone and my nap successfully refreshing my exhausted body earlier, I was feeling good and getting so many ideas for new lyrics. Grace and Maxwell were chatting in the kitchen over lunch, which Grace had prepared for him. Jake was coming over later to join Grace and take her to dinner, so I knew they would be here for several more hours. I looked in on my napping twins, and I gave each one a kiss on their delicate, soft forehead. I was in awe of their perfect little bodies. I then went to the barn to write in the loft for a little while. Inside the barn was so still and quiet. For many years this place was jumping with the noise of the band rehearsing. Today in this peaceful atmosphere, I begin to compose one of the best songs I think I have ever written. My fingers can’t keep up with my thoughts…I look at The Wall and already it is adorned with the babies’ photographs, even the ultrasound pictures. Madison definitely keeps this up to date. I had snuck a very pregnant photo of her on one corner of The Wall, but somehow she keeps covering over it. I loved her pregnant, and I hoped one day she will want to do this all over again. I know I also enjoyed her pregnancy because she seemed to not get enough of me sexually, and her tits were huge. I didn’t like seeing her sick in the beginning, and I didn’t like that her not feeling well kept us apart. I’m missing her terribly at this moment, but I know if I spend the next few days putting some music to these words I am creating, I will make her cry with joy. This is the final product of what I wrote today and the inspiration, well it’s definitely Madison, Maxine and Mick…
Music Notes (Heartbeat #3) Page 11