by Dermot Davis
“Perhaps she gets a percentage each time it’s ordered?” the lady asked although Andrew wasn’t sure if she were joking or not.
“Cheers,” he said, toasting with his tonic water and ice.
“Cheers,” the ladies toasted as they all sipped their drinks together.
“Mm, delicious,” the lady said. “A bit sweet but not nicely so.”
“G and T,” Andrew said, referring to his drink. “Simon’s influence,” he said, like it was a suspect one.
“So,” the lady said as she took another decent sip of her drink. “Shall we go over our itinerary?”
“Yes,” Andrew agreed, taking another sip of his drink. “Let’s do that.” As they sat and went through her commitments for the duration of her visit, Andrew watched and waited for signs that the spiked drink was having its expected effect.
“You know what?” the lady asked as she polished off her drink and yet still acted like she was sober. “I’d love to have another.”
“Okay,” Andrew said with hesitation.
“But only if we order from downstairs and not have you running up and down—“she said but stopped talking when Andrew jumped up from his chair.
“I wouldn’t hear of it,” he said, already at the door. “This first round was such a success; I’d hate to ruin it all with hotel staff incompetence. Be right back,” he said as he vanished out the door.
“Well, he aims to please, doesn’t he?” the lady asked and gave Fiona a wink that surprised her.
“Yes,” Fiona answered. “He takes the role of hosting very seriously.”
“I can see that,” the lady said, draining the rest of her glass, ice cubes and all. “Should I mention the engagement?” she asked delicately. “Bring it up in conversation, perhaps? Get the boy thinking about it, at least; can’t do any harm, what do you say?”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” Fiona answered, like it wasn’t a good idea. “Very touchy subject.”
“Yes, dare say it is with men,” the lady agreed. “Mum’s the word,” she said and went to touch her nose with her index finger but hit her cheek instead. “They don’t make films like that anymore, do they? More’s the pity.”
“What films?”
“Shirley Temple films. Films had a story back then. They were about something. Not like the films they make nowadays, nothing but noise and sex.”
“Yes,” Fiona answered, praying for the swift return of Andrew.
“Not that I’m prudish about sex, you understand. I’m not at all. But, seriously, how much sex do you have to see in a two-hour film and all that violence?”
“I know, right?”
“I’m beginning to sound old-fashioned and I’m afraid I’m boring you, my dear.”
“No, not at all,” Fiona said, almost jumping up from her wheelchair when she heard Andrew fumbling with the door knob. “Andrew returns!” she then said, catching herself.
The English lady continued to talk about films she had watched and enjoyed, all the while taking generous sips of her second spiked drink. Mentioning film titles and movie stars that the other two never even heard of, she began another sentence and without finishing it, paused as if she had lost her train of thought. As she sat motionless with her mouth still open, Andrew and Fiona exchanged curious glances. “If you’ll forgive me, I think it’s time for my nap,” she then said as her eyes closed and she remained seated.
“Is she asleep?” Fiona whispered to Andrew after a few minutes of silence.
Andrew called her name a few times, each time louder than the first but still she didn’t respond. “She’s out,” he then said and springing into action, wrenched the empty glass from her hand. “Okay,” he then said, angling himself in front of the lady so that he could lift her up. “Wheelchair.”
Jumping out of the wheelchair, Fiona wheeled it beside Andrew. Lifting up the sleeping woman, Andrew placed her gently into the wheelchair. “Grab her suitcase and anything else that came with her. Remember exactly where you take everything from.”
Wheeling the woman to the front door, Andrew opened it slowly and peeped his head out to check the corridor. “Clear,” he said and hustled the lady out while opening the door wide for Fiona to pass through with the suitcase and the lady’s purse. Rushing to the elevator, he hit the UP button. Once inside the elevator, he hit the button for the fifth floor. The door soon opened again and as they exited, they slowed down in their walk as an approaching middle-aged couple passed them on their way to the elevator.
Waiting for the couple to leave and the corridor to become clear, Andrew inserted a key into a hotel room and wheeling the lady through first, they both rushed inside. “Put everything the same way it was downstairs,” Andrew said, as he double checked that the lay out of the room was identical to the one they had just left.
“Should I go back down and make sure we got everything?” Fiona asked.
“No, too risky,” Andrew said as he lifted the woman out of the wheelchair and into an identical armchair that she last sat on so as to copy her exact placement from her own hotel room. “Main thing is that she thinks she’s in the same room,” he said, folding up and hiding the wheelchair behind the sofa.
“Now what?” Fiona asked.
“We let her sleep,” Andrew said, doing a final scan of the room. “When she wakes up… we negotiate.”
“We negotiate?” she asked. “That’s your plan?”
“Fiona, what do you do when you want to take down an organization? You cut the head off at the source. Don’t be fooled by her little old lady routine; It doesn’t get any bigger than this, trust me, she’s a top honcho, maybe the top honcho.”
“Even if she is, what have you got to negotiate with?”
“My freedom for her freedom,” he said, looking at the lady with a look of contempt. “Fair exchange.”
“And if she doesn’t wish to negotiate?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why would she negotiate? Suppose she decides to file charges, instead?”
“Fiona, why are you so negative about this?” he asked in a hushed whisper. “We haven’t done anything illegal yet.”
“Are you nuts? You just, we just kidnapped an old lady that flew six thousand miles from London and was looking forward to having a pot of tea before her bedtime! Your plan stinks!”
“No, it doesn’t stink!” he almost yelled and grabbing her by the arms pulled her into the bathroom, just in case the old lady was listening. “We have done nothing illegal,” he said again as she rolled her eyes in disagreement. “We invited a guest that we are hosting to our room for a cocktail. She fell asleep and because she’s not used to the booze, she’s a bit disoriented and forgetful. We have a day, maybe two days to negotiate some kind of agreement. Even if they do come looking for her before then, they won’t be able to find her. She’s going to wake up and think that she fell asleep in her own hotel room, so she’s not going to panic. The plan doesn’t stink; it’s friggin’ ingenious!”
Looking like she was still considering the merits of his dubious plan, Fiona pursed her lips and sighed.
“Fiona, we’re not going to get into trouble with the law. These people do not involve the police in anything, you know that. If you’re worried about yourself, you can tell them that I forced you to play along or you thought it was a practical joke or something. I don’t care what they do to me. I’m a member of their secret group; damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I’ve lost already; what more have I got to lose? You want to walk out that door and not risk any further involvement, I wouldn’t blame you. You’re Simon’s innocent, silly little daughter; they might slap you on the wrist for being naïve and in love with a psychopath or some bullshit.”
Unable to help herself, Fiona grinned. “In love with a psychopath,” she repeated and giggled.
“I’m serious, Fiona. You don’t have to be here. Your dad’s in jail and you don’t need any more grief in your life. You’re right. Whatever way this goes down, I probably w
on’t come out on top. Maybe my plan does suck rocks; I don’t know what I’m doing, not really. But I know that I’ve got to try. I don’t want to be the little guy that gets dumped on and grumbles about all the shit that happens to him and moans to everyone that’ll listen about how tough his life is and he can never get a break and isn’t life a bitch? If I’m going down, I’m going down trying. I’m not afraid of these punks; because that’s all they are; high-class punks in designer suits. I got the head of the British and American secret society asleep in an armchair in a hotel bedroom that I charged to their organization. How many people do you know would even have the balls to think up of something like that? I’m a working class kid from east LA; the most I should be aspiring to is making manager at my local Burger King.”
When Fiona grinned and pulled him closer, he knew that he had her.
“Look at the stories that we’re gonna tell to our grandkids!” he said as he kissed her and she kissed back enthusiastically. She felt a little blush at him mentioning their children’s children. Marriage was definitely on his mind. He squeezed her tight and then let go.
“What do we do now?” she asked, when they broke apart.
“Now, we wait,” Andrew said, looking into the front room to check on their guest who remained sleeping. “When she wakes up, we talk.”
The little old lady from London didn’t wake up, however. Lost to the world for hours and hours, Andrew and Fiona had each fallen asleep in the sofa opposite. Waking with a start, Andrew jumped and woke up Fiona. “What?” she asked, her body waking with a start.
“What time is it?” Andrew asked as he searched for his phone. “It’s nearly three AM,” he then said, looking with a puzzled expression at the sleeping woman in the armchair. “She should have woken by now.”
“What was in that drink?” Fiona asked, rubbing her sore neck.
“I don’t know, just booze, I think.”
“You don’t know?”
“I didn’t make it; it was just something I acquired,” he said, unhappy with the way his plan was not progressing. “She doesn’t drink alcohol and she’s most likely jet lagged like crazy,” he said, thinking out loud why she would be sleeping so long.
“You gave her two drinks,” Fiona said. “Why did you give her two drinks?”
“Because she asked for another, you heard her. I had to give her the same again or she would have tasted the difference and knew something was up. I didn’t want to give her two drinks,” he said, like he agreed with her. “We’ll have to take shifts; one of us sleeps, the other stays awake, then we switch. You want to go first?”
Fiona sighed and shook her head like the whole thing was so messed up.
“Okay, you sleep, I’ll keep watch,” Andrew said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Now I’m not sleepy,” Fiona said with a pout.
“Okay, I’ll sleep and you keep watch. She opens her eyes for even a second, you wake me.”
“You’re going to sleep?”
“Fiona, we can’t both stay awake indefinitely. We both fell asleep already. What if she had woken up and called the cops or something?”
“I thought you said that she wouldn’t call the cops?”
“I don’t mean that she would actually call the cops; she wouldn’t call the cops; she’d call one of her contacts, I don’t know. Why don’t you want to go asleep?”
“Your plan stinks,” she then said and smiled.
“Yeah, it does a bit,” he agreed with a grin.
“What if she doesn’t wake up? I mean what if she’s ill or something?” she then asked, looking closely at the woman for signs of ill-health or distress.
“She doesn’t look sick,” Andrew said, looking her over. “She just looks like she’s sleeping. She looks pretty happy, actually. Doesn’t she look happy to you?”
“I think that’s the kind of person she is; you know? I think she’s a generally happy-go-lucky person. Probably really dotes on her grandkids and invites everyone in the neighborhood to come visit for a cup of tea and a chat.”
“Fiona,” Andrew said, looking at her with a pursed grin as he shook his head. “Sometimes your imagination goes a bit too…weird.”
“Okay, now I’m tired,” she then announced. “I’ll sleep and you watch. Wake me up when you get tired or something.”
“I’ll wake you in six hours,” he said, looking at the time. “Then I sleep for six hours.”
“You don’t think she’ll be awake by then?” she asked with an incredulous expression.
“If she doesn’t wake; I’m just trying to be fair with the schedule. Yeah, of course she’ll be awake by then.”
“Then let’s do three hours on and three hours off.”
“Okay,” he said impatiently. “I’ll wake you in three hours. I was giving you more sleep than that but, okay, if three hours is enough for you, then,” he said, propping some pillows behind his back like he was preparing himself for a long wait. “Enjoy your sleep.”
“Will you massage my feet?” she asked, extending her legs to rest her feet on his lap.
“What?” he asked, like it really wasn’t the time or the place for a foot massage.
“It will help me relax. I’ll be asleep before you even get to the big toes,” she said, like what was his problem.
“Do you want fries with that?” he asked, stroking her bare feet begrudgingly.
“Okay, you had to mention food,” she said, like she was starving. “I haven’t eaten since breakfast—“
“Sleep!” he commanded her, his index finger pointed right at her for greater effect. “Before you drive me stark raving mad, sleep!”
Sticking out her tongue at him, she fluffed up her pillow and, resting her head into a sleeping position, she closed her eyes. Andrew mechanically massaged her feet without interest until he felt her body relax into a deep sleep. He managed to watch the lady sleep for three hours before he too fell asleep. All three slept soundly until Fiona finally opened her eyes. The sun’s rays had filled the room.
“Andrew!” Fiona whispered loudly. “Andrew!” she said again, kicking him awake.
“What?” he asked, his eyelids struggling to open.
“Wake up. You fell asleep.”
Andrew checked the time and then looked at the sleeping lady. “How can she still be sleeping?” he asked. “I know old people love to sleep but this is ridiculous!”
“I told you, she’s ill or dying or something,” Fiona said, sitting up. “You should call a doctor.”
“She’s not dying,” Andrew sneered. “We should just wake her up at this point. She should be over her jet lag by now.”
“Andrew, it takes days for people to recover from jet lag, not hours. Where she’s from it’s probably two o’clock in the morning, or something.”
Andrew got up from the sofa and approaching the lady with caution, he gently shook her shoulder to wake her.
“Andrew, don’t,” Fiona said sitting up. “Old people don’t like to be woken up like that.”
“Fiona, this is crazy! We can’t wait any longer or everything’s going to shit.” Again, Andrew shook the lady but still she remained unconscious. “You think she’s just pretending?”
“Why would she pretend to be asleep when both of us were fast asleep for hours?”
“Good point,” he said as once more he tried to shake her awake, without success. Snapping his fingers before her face, he told the lady to wake up several times, like it was a command. Still, she slept.
“Crap, crap, crap,” he said, placing his hands on his hips like he was at the end of his patience. “Where did I leave that itinerary?” he then asked, searching through the pockets of his folded jacket. “Okay,” he said, looking it over. “Looks like she has a light schedule for today, probably to let her rest up a bit. She has a massage and a few other girlie things booked in the hotel spa in a few hours and nothing else until I take her to a meeting this evening. Want to get a free massage and a facial and stuff?”<
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“Seriously?” Fiona asked with interest.
“Yeah, looks like she booked everything that you can get in a spa, and it’s not cheap. Shame to let it go to waste. Use her name and it’s all yours.”
“Are you thinking about me or are you scheming that if I showed up under her name, then they wouldn’t call anybody to ask any awkward questions?” she asked suspiciously.
“You’re a genius,” he said, like it was her idea. “You show up under her name and it looks like everything’s normal and going to plan,” he answered. “And you get your bum waxed, what else could you ask for?” he asked with a grin.
“Yeah, like that’s what they do down there, wax your bum,” she said snidely. “Okay, I’ll do it.”
“You will?” he asked excitedly.
“Yeah, just as soon as you order me the biggest breakfast with every single thing that I love on one tray… and I’ll go take a shower,” she said cheekily. “You’ll have to figure out for yourself what it is that I love, big boy. Think you’re up for the challenge?”
“Go take a shower,” he said like she was pushing it.
Chapter 18
Having spent hours in the hotel spa getting her body scrubbed, massaged and generally pampered all over, Fiona returned to the hotel room looking radiant. Andrew did not look so pleased, however. Practically pacing the room with impatience, he looked stressed to the nines.
“She still hasn’t woken up yet?” Fiona asked when she saw the lady still in the exact same position as when she left the room. “You should seriously call a doctor, seriously.”
“Fiona, relax, she’s fine. I took her temperature and her pulse and everything,” Andrew said, still looking preoccupied. “I even searched her purse for medications that she might be taking. Apart from a bottle of aspirin, she’s in great shape. Trouble is, I need to leave.”
“You what?” Fiona asked, a look of shock replacing her look of relaxation. “You can’t leave? Leave where? For how long?”
“I’m meant to be taking her to a meeting. If neither of us show up, they’ll come looking. If I show up and tell them that she needed to stay home and rest, we’d get away with it. Wouldn’t be lying, that’s for sure,” he said, looking at the happy expression on the woman’s face. “I’d swear she was doing this on purpose.”