If Love was Fair

by Savannah Stewart

  “Everything all right, Arbor?”

  I spun around and found Robert rocking in one of the chairs tucked away on the back section of the porch. His question startled me. I hadn’t known anyone was there, but sure enough he was and gauging me without my awareness. Good thing I hadn’t started rambling out loud about things, as I tend to do.

  “Just fine.” A grin spread across my face.

  “Had to take a breather from all the madness, I’m sure.”

  I chuckled and ascended the stairs of the porch. “Something like that.”

  My heels clanked against the concrete as I walked over to where he was seated and took a seat two chairs over. Robert was a man of many words, but very few when it came to me. Growing up he’d never spoken much to me, so it was surprising that he even offered to strike up a conversation. He could’ve easily stayed silently rocking in his chair and I’d never known. I would’ve slipped back into the tent and painted on my smile for the remainder of the bridal shower, but he hadn’t stayed quiet. He spoke up for one reason or another. I was sure he would divulge that reason at anytime. He was a man with a purpose behind every action he took.

  “You know,” he pulled a cigar from a small wooden box I hadn’t noticed on the table beside him and lit it with a lighter, puffing a few times. “I was surprised that Libby asked you to be in her wedding. Not that there’s anything wrong with you being a part of her day, she’s just very particular about things. As I’m sure you know.”

  “That I do.”

  “I’m even more surprised that you came.”

  “Why is that?”

  “When your parents passed away, we’d heard things about you. Rumors rose that you blamed us and didn’t want anything to do with the remainder of your mother’s family, which would’ve been understandable if we were to blame for their deaths.” Robert leaned his forearms against his legs and puffed on the cigar for a brief moment. “Your father wasn’t a straight and narrow man, Arbor. I’m not sure that you realize that.”

  My blood was boiling from the accusations Robert was throwing around regarding my father. How dare he tarnish my father by telling me lies. I wasn’t going to give him the benefit of saying much else.

  “I’m going to stop you right there.” I rose to my feet. “You have no right to speak to me about my parents, let alone to try and degrade my father from the man I knew him to be. He was a man of worth, who stood behind his word, who loved and took care of his family. He’d give anyone the shirt off his back and just because you didn’t care for him doesn’t give you the right to spread lies. So take whatever you were about to say to me and wrap it around that nasty little cigar you got there and blow the smoke up your own ass. Because this is the exact reason why I didn’t want to come here! You people are toxic.”

  I quickly made an exit from the porch before he could say anymore and caught a ride with one of the workers who were driving around the property to set up for the party.

  “To the pool house, please,” I managed to choke out through the thick emotions overtaking me.

  Without a word, the man drove me as fast as possible to the pool house. As soon as my heels touched the ground, I made a beeline for the door and quickly let myself in. The blinds were all lowered so no one could see inside the house from earlier today while I was showering and such. I kicked my heels across the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of vodka from the cabinet. A few large swigs and the tears rolled heavily down my cheeks. Where had his accusations regarding my dad come from, and why did he feel like that was the precise time he needed to throw them at me?

  I took the bottle with me into the closet and began collecting my things. Staying with the Macks was a horrible choice, even if I’d tried my damndest to see the good in the situation. Libby had asked me to be in her wedding so she could take a few more stabs at my wellbeing, I’m sure. But it was time to leave their Godforsaken home and head back to Indianapolis before I lost my sanity on people who didn’t deserve my time.

  Sobs ripped through my body and I crumbled into a ball on the floor. My heart hurt and everything going on the past few months was catching up with me. The vodka wasn’t helping. I twisted the top on the bottle and left it in the floor of the closet. I managed to collect myself for a moment and went directly into the bedroom. Exhaustion was settling in and I knew I couldn’t drive. Not after the alcohol I’d drank and the lack of sleep I was running on. Not bothering to change out of my dress, I laid on top of the bed and closed my eyes while I silently cried.

  Seventeen

  Laughter and footsteps broke my slumber.

  “Who the hell is in the house?” My head spun a little as I got up from the bed.

  I padded into the hallway, praying that it wasn’t Libby. I wasn’t ready to have it out with her over her father but I would if I had no choice. The clock caught my attention before I left the bedroom. Big bright green numbers read ten ‘til midnight. I’d officially passed out and slept through most of the festivities. Libby was probably a bull in a China shop over me disappearing.

  Most of the lights were off in the house still and I didn’t bother turning them on as I headed down the hallway. Moaning stopped me dead in my tacks.

  Oh, hell no. Someone was trying to get their rocks off with me in the house.

  “How about we use the counter this time?” Samantha giggled and I cringed from overhearing what was transpiring in the kitchen.

  Not wanting to be a witness to her sexual escapade, I hurried down the hallway and lost all train of thought when my eyes connected with familiar whiskey-colored ones above Samantha’s shoulder.

  “It couldn’t be,” I whispered out loud before realizing.

  Samantha spun toward me with fury in her eyes. “What the hell are you doing here still?”

  But I couldn’t answer her.

  My heart was racing at record speed, my palms became clammy, and my voice had retreated somewhere within my body.

  Colin took a few steps back, but never took his eyes off mine.

  Samantha’s humorless laughter was like nails on a chalkboard as she wrapped her hands around his neck.

  “Don’t worry about her, she’s nobody.”

  He removed her hands from his neck. “I think you should go.”

  Those five little words were like a shotgun blowing my heart into tiny pieces. I hurried back down the hallway and into the closet, gathering my things as fast as possible. I had to get the hell out of the pool house and Jonesborough as quickly as possible.

  Tears welled in my eyes as my brain replayed the scene that was unfolding in the kitchen. Colin and Samantha were about to have sex, and apparently not for the first time. I choked back a sob that was shaking through my body and haphazardly tossed the remainder of my things into my suitcase. What I’d forgotten was I’d over packed, so everything had to go into the suitcase precisely or it wouldn’t zip. I slammed my leg against the top of it and pushed with all my might trying to close the damn thing, but no luck.

  “Arbor?” His voice danced around in my ears, I couldn’t look at him.

  I froze and dropped my head against my suitcase, hoping he’d leave me be and go back to Samantha.

  A jolt of what felt like electricity shot through my body as his hand touched my arm. I looked up and was mere inches from his face. Colin was squatting beside me with concern and disbelief in his eyes.

  “I can’t believe it’s you.” He laughed and the temporary smile on his face faded as quickly as it appeared.

  “I—I can’t do this.” I shook my head and pulled my arm from his hold, instantly missing the feel of his touch and regretting my decision. But I couldn’t turn back; I darted toward the doorway trying to put distance between us.

  “Please don’t run away from me again.”

  I stopped and gasped. Placing a shaking hand over my mouth and squeezing my eyes shut, tears continuously rolled down my face. His plea was full of so much sorrow, I couldn’t handle the intensity of his words.

  Hi
s presence was felt behind me before he slid his hands down my bare arms and turned me in his grasp. “I thought I’d never see you again.” A sob ripped from my chest as he held me tight against his own. We stood there for quite some time as I cried my eyes out, soaking his shirt in the process. He didn’t seem to mind.

  Finally, I composed myself and stepped back. Colin’s arms dropped to his sides and the corner of his lips pulled downward, breaking my heart in the process. His beautiful smile was one of the things that drew me to him, but it was nonexistent at the moment.

  “Are you with Samantha?” I blurted out.

  He ran a hand down the back of his head and dropped his eyes to the floor.

  “It’s a difficult situation.”

  “A yes or no is easy to say.” I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to find comfort.

  He lifted his gaze and licked his lips. “It’s not as easy as a yes or no.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  Colin’s body slightly jerked from silent laughter.

  “You have no right to be upset with me, Arbor. You left!” His voice rose with each hurtful truth he spewed. “I would’ve begged you to stay, if you’d given me the chance. That night with you was the best night of my life, and I’ve spent years now trying to figure out how in the hell that’s possible.” He gripped his hair and shook his head. “You were a ghost! A woman who rolled into my life unexpectedly and disappeared just as fast. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been the same.”

  He took a step closer and I stepped back. My past was haunting me and what I’d gone through after that night was devastating. Colin wouldn’t understand even if I told him.

  “I can’t do this.” I left him in the closet as I hurried into the bedroom to collect my phone, keys, and purse, not giving two shits about the rest of my things. They were replaceable; my heart wasn’t.

  “Arbor, will you please stop?”

  His begging echoed loudly through the hall. I knew he was about to catch me as I tossed my purse over my shoulder and hesitated. As badly as I wanted to flee and never look back, a part of me wanted him to physically stop me from leaving. That split second pause was enough for him to block the doorway where I couldn’t leave. There was no other route of escape but through that door.

  “Colin…” My voice was weak as I struggled to say his name. It was like a foreign language I’d forced myself to never use again.

  His eyes softened and his hand slipped my purse from my shoulder. I sighed as another round of tears slipped from my eyes. He wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs and ran his hands through the sides of my hair.

  “You’re just as beautiful now as you were all those years ago.”

  My lip quivered from the emotional overload my mind, body, and soul was experiencing. I dropped my keys and phone to the floor and wrapped my arms tightly around him, needing to feel him so I could make sense of fate throwing him back into my life so suddenly.

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” I spoke through my tears.

  Colin placed a kiss to the top of my head and rubbed gently up and down my back.

  “I’m sure this is one of the many dreams I’ve had about you. That I’ll be waking up soon with the same ache in my chest as I had the morning you were gone.”

  Hearing our night together affected him as strongly as it had me made the entire situation hurt worse. If he was with Samantha, there was no way I would step on their relationship. And what about Everett? I’d just started something that was evolving nicely with him, even if I hadn’t heard back from him in days. Life was never easy, not in the least bit.

  “I knew if I’d stayed that most likely I would’ve never left this horrible town.”

  “It’s not that bad.”

  “How would you know?”

  “Because I’ve been here since you left.”

  I gasped. “You’ve been here all this time?”

  He took a step back and guided me to the bed so we both could sit.

  “Except for the shows I’ve had to travel for.”

  “You’re still playing.” I smiled at the thought of how great of a musician I remembered him being.

  “I am.”

  “Is that why you’re here, did you play Libby’s party?”

  “No.”

  “Okay…”

  It was obvious he wasn’t giving any more information than that. But I selfishly needed to hear more. I had to know what was going on between him and Samantha. I had to know why he was at my cousin’s party to celebrate her wedding. So many unanswered questions raced through my mind, and I wasn’t sure Colin would give me their answers.

  “Colin!” Samantha called out loudly. “Are you still here?”

  He heavily sighed and dropped his head forward.

  “I have to go. But I need to see you again. Tomorrow at Marlee’s?”

  “Colin, we can’t. It’s closed.”

  “Don’t worry about that. Just meet me there around noon.”

  The look on my face must’ve showed just how leery I was about agreeing to meet him. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, but only for a moment.

  “I can’t lose you again, Arbor.” He stood and stepped toward the bedroom door.

  “Colin!” Samantha’s annoyed voice made me cringe.

  “I’ll be right there!”

  My heart sunk at the thought of him leaving me for her. But I had no claim to him, I never did.

  “Marlee’s, tomorrow at noon. Pull around back.”

  His eyes begged me to say yes, but I sat there silently staring at him.

  “I hope you show up.”

  He gave me a small smile and left me sitting there with an aching heart.

  No one else made an appearance at the pool house, I knew that because I never fell back to sleep. I couldn’t believe that Colin was still in Jonesborough. That he’d been here the entire time, all I had to do was drive back and I would’ve found him. He could’ve been there for me when I needed him the most. Emily was there, which mattered more than anything, but Colin should’ve been there. Maybe things would’ve turned out differently, maybe not.

  The warm water pelted down on my body as I stood there, not bothering to move. A hot shower could fix all kinds of moods; at least it could fix mine temporarily. But the decision on what I was going to do lingered at the forefront of my mind, beckoning me to decide. I couldn’t decide.

  “Arbor!” Libby startled me. “Are you in here?”

  “Yeah, in the shower!”

  “I hope you’re feeling better today. Father told me that you’d gotten ill, most likely from the mimosas you drank, and you’d came back here to try and sleep it off. Sad you missed the party, but glad you got some rest.”

  Robert had lied to Libby. I wasn’t sick, not in the sense he made it seem. More like sick of their lies and manipulative ways. But I couldn’t ruin Libby’s wedding by throwing those accusations at her. I wasn’t that person.

  “I feel much better today; just a little exhausted is all.”

  “That’s good. How about you take the day to yourself? I’m doing some stuff with Samantha, and there really isn’t anything going on since rehearsal and everything is tomorrow.”

  The mention of Samantha’s name made bile rise up my throat. I coughed it away and turned the water off.

  “Sounds perfect. I have a few places I’d like to see since coming back here. It’s been years.”

  “Not much has changed, have fun.”

  The slapping of her sandals against the floor made it easy to tell when she had left. The door closed so quietly you couldn’t rely on the clicking of it. I pulled the curtain back and wrapped a towel around my body, wrapping my hair in another.

  I used my forearm to wipe the fog away from the center of the mirror. Which was something I never did, but this trip had pushed me to limits I’d never gone to, a new Arbor was on the rise.

  “What am I going to do?”

  Asking my reflection wasn’t go
ing to give me an answer. I had to decide and soon. It was well after ten which gave me less than two hours to go to Marlee’s or avoid it altogether. I kept busy with getting ready. Straightening my hair a bit, putting on my everyday makeup look, but adding a bit of change with some reddish-pink lip color. Light wash skinny jeans with holes down the front were the least wrinkled of my clothes since I’d shoved them in my suitcase and left them there. I was kicking myself in the ass for that one. The weatherman on the radio stated it was going to be a nice day for getting out and about, so I paired my jeans with a green cross-back tank top and a pair of camel-colored sandals. I checked myself out in the mirror and took a deep breath.

  “You’re really doing this.” I smoothed my hands down my hair and rubbed my index finger up the side of my eye to remove the tiny smudge of eyeliner there.

  My heart was leading me to Marlee’s even though my mind was still on the fence. I couldn’t spend the rest of my life wondering what if when it came to Colin, so I collected my things and took a drive into town. I hoped he would show up, because I’d feel like a helluva fool if he didn’t.

  No cars were parked outside of Marlee’s. I remembered he’d told me to pull around back but I wasn’t sure which side was the way to go. The light turned green and I turned into the normal parking area. A small dirt driveway looped around from the last parking space, I almost didn’t notice it from the grass growing throughout it in spots. My heart stammered when the back came into view and there were no vehicles in sight.

  “I’m such a fool.” I put the car in park and slumped in my seat.

  Trying my damndest to keep the tears at bay, the woman on the radio announced that it was a little after noon and the temperature was settling nicely in the low seventies. A reflection through the glass doors caught my eye so slipped my sunglass up on my head to get a better look.

  The back of a shirtless man came into view. It looked as if he was working, but I couldn’t tell for sure. It had to be Colin. Unless someone was doing some renovations and he hadn’t known when he asked me to meet him.