Braving the situation, I got out of my car and walked up the pathway to the glass doors. The man was still hard to see from the haze of the glass that hadn’t been cleaned in God knows how long, most likely since Mabel had passed away and the place closed.
There was no doorbell to push, and if there was it probably wouldn’t have worked, so I knocked a few times on the glass and nervously stood. The man turned and laid whatever was in his hand down. As he got closer to the window his face came into view, it was Colin. A relieved breath left my lungs as he pulled the door open.
“I was beginning to wonder if you were going to get out of the car.” His full blown smile that hooked me those years ago made its appearance, and I couldn’t help but return one just as big.
He made my heart race, my breath hitch, and my entire being feel like it was at home when I was near him. The feeling was unlike any other I’d experienced. I stepped into the room and he slid the doors shut behind me. The sadness that washed over me from the looks of Marlee’s was hard to withstand. A once beautiful bed and breakfast was covered with dirt and dust. The furniture was probably ruined, the walls needed fresh paint, and the antique wood floors and railing needed some major love to be restored to their natural beauty. The potential was still there, it just needed someone to give it the love it deserved.
Colin left me standing in the center of the large open room that used to be a sitting area. The fireplace in the far right corner still stood, a completely worn out rug stretched on the floor, its pattern I couldn’t remember. I watched him as he lifted the paint roller and dipped it for fresh paint.
“Are you restoring Marlee’s?”
He smiled over his shoulder and continued to roll the wall with fresh paint.
“I bought the place last week. I got tired of driving past it and watching it go to hell. Far too many memories over the years were made here. Not only mine, but passers-by and the people of Jonesborough. Mabel was a kind woman who dreamed of keeping Marlee’s open as a getaway for people. When she died it was left to the bank, which put it on the market but didn’t bother trying to push it very hard.” He finished painting the wall and sat the roller back on the plastic covering.
“I always loved this place.”
“I know you did.” He faced me and for the first time since I’d stepped foot into Marlee’s, our eyes connected.
The flutter in my chest and the deep inhale he took thickly filled the room. I wasn’t sure why he’d asked me to Marlee’s except to fill our heads with the images of that night. A night I would never forget so long as I lived. It altered my life, threw it completely off axis, and changed the way I lived. A one-night stand didn’t do it justice. Our night together was more than that; it was the bonding of two souls that would never be undone. That was obvious as Colin closed the distance between us and slipped a hand in my hair. He made quick movement of kissing me before I could even consider protesting. But once I felt his lips on mine, the only thing that mattered was feeling him again. Our mouths moved perfectly in sync as we clung to one another as if our lungs wouldn’t expand without the other’s breath. My heart was full once again as the world fell away from the two of us standing in the center of the room, exploring our feelings fueled by the past.
I raked my nails down his back, forcing a groan from his lips. Colin barely pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.
“God, I’ve missed you.”
“But you hardly knew me before I left.”
He cupped my face. “Don’t even act like you don’t feel it. Right now between us, that very same spark that overtook the two of us that night. It’s…” He kissed me once more and sighed. “It’s chemistry I didn’t know existed until you. I’ve never had since you.”
I blinked back tears and removed myself from his arms.
“What are we doing, Colin?”
He ran his hands through his hair, and I watched as the muscles in his chest rippled with his movements. He was even sexier than I remembered, and my traitorous body wasn’t allowing me to not acknowledge it.
“I don’t know. I know I can’t ask you to stay, and you wouldn’t ask me leave. So I’m pretending we’re the same two people we were all those years ago and picking right back up where we left off.”
My hands covered my face as I tried to calm myself, failing miserably as the onset of tears rushed down my face.
“But we’re not the same people as we were back then. At least I’m not.” I pounded my hand against my chest and continued to cry. “You have no idea the things I went through after that night.”
Colin closed the distance between us and pulled me into his arms. I tried to fight him off but quickly succumbed. He rubbed my hair away from my face and lifted my chin so I was looking directly into his eyes.
“That wasn’t my choice, Arbor. No, I don’t know what you went through but I’m here now with open arms, begging you to let me listen. To let me be the man I could’ve been for you all of that time. Don’t run from me this time. Give us a chance.”
His words danced around my head as I closed my eyes. I wanted to grab hold of Colin and never let go, but I was afraid to let him in. Afraid that he was going to shatter my heart once again, after I told him everything. My hand twisted the heart locket that rested against my chest and a gut-wrenching sob ripped through me. I couldn’t hold in the past any longer, he deserved to know just as much as I deserved to have a sense of peace from it all.
“We had a child.”
His arms dropped from my body and he put mass amounts of distance between us. My lip quivered as he spun away from me, fisting his hair. The silence was killing me, but I knew he had to process the bomb I’d just dropped. Like a wound refusing to heal, my heart ripped back open as the memories flooded my mind.
He faced me with tears welling in his eyes. “What do you mean had?”
“She died.”
Eighteen
Twenty One Months Prior
“I’m heading out, Arbor.” Emily stepped into the doorway of the nursery and smiled at me rocking Faith to sleep. “Sorry,” she whispered.
“You’re fine. She’s in a coma.” I chuckled.
“I’ll stop in around lunch and bring you something to eat.”
“Something greasy and delicious.”
Emily laughed. “You’re dying for unhealthy food, aren’t you?”
“You don’t even know. Breast feeding has put a number on me, but since I can’t anymore, I’ve been craving a good juicy burger.”
“Well, I got you covered.” Emily bent down and kissed Faith’s cheek. “I’ll see you later. Take care of that sweet baby. I can’t wait to cuddle the crap out of her when I get home.”
“You know I will.”
They say you never know true love until you have a child. That couldn’t be truer. I’d always thought I’d be the person who never had kids, who spent life alone, watching everyone around me have family bloom over the years. But one unexpected night with an unexpected man changed that for me. Macie Faith Banks was a blessing in a tiny little blanket.
She was the quietest baby you’d ever met. Only cried when she’d gone to the bathroom or was hungry, the perfect doll-like girl, and my daughter.
I gently stood and lowered her into the crib. She was fast asleep, most likely would be for hours. She loved her naps just as much as Momma loved a little time to herself. I clicked the power on to the monitor and took the other one with me, turning it on once I left the room so it didn’t howl because the speakers were too close to one another.
The days seemed to fly by when it was just me and her in the house. Emily had taken the first two weeks after Faith’s birth off from work, but had gone back to handle not only her clients, but mine as well. I’d offer to do my part from home, but she refused to allow me. Said Faith needed her mother’s undivided attention while I needed to enjoy every moment because it would fly by before my eyes. How she knew all of that was beyond me. Emily didn’t have children of her own; he
ll, I wasn’t even sure she wanted any. It wasn’t something we talked about. But the smile that stayed on her face when she played with Faith was evidence enough that she would be a great mom. She handled her so well.
I’d gotten settled in on a good book when my phone rang. Emily’s name lit up the screen.
“Hey.”
“I really hate to ask you to do this, but I need someone to come pick me up.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, my damn car’s overheating and I’m a good half an hour outside the city.”
“I thought you were at work?”
“I was. Had to pick up some proofs for one of Dan’s new projects. I haven’t even made it to the place yet.” She huffed.
“No worries. I’ll wake Faith up and be on my way. Text me the address of where you are.”
“I’m so sorry, Arbor.”
“Don’t apologize. It’ll be nice to get out of the house for a bit. No worries.”
“Thank you! I owe you big time. After I pick up the proofs, maybe the three of us can grab lunch together. That way you get what you want and I get to see little miss Faith.”
“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
Tossing my hair into a messy bun, I took in my appearance. The leggings I was wearing managed to make it through breakfast without catching anything, but my shirt wasn’t so lucky. I changed it and quickly turned off Faith’s monitor. She was sleeping soundly with her chubby arms resting above her head. She looked so peaceful I hated to wake her up, but I had to. It just meant she’d be taking another snooze once we got home.
I gently woke her and lifted her into my arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I know you’re tired.” I cooed and rocked her in my arms. She yawned but didn’t cry. Hopefully she’d fall back asleep once we got on the road.
My purse and keys sat on the table by the door, while the diaper bag sat beside it ready to go. I secured Faith in her carrier and slipped my phone in my bra. “They really should put pockets in leggings.” Faith giggled as I lifted her and walked to the door, sitting her down for a second to gather my things. I hooked my purse on my free arm, tossed my keys into it, and slipped the diaper bag over my shoulder before lifting Faith’s carrier to head out the door.
Getting onto the highway headed out of town was a lot easier at lunch time than heading toward the city. I was glad she wasn’t in the midst of all the craziness downtown. I’d have still gone to save her, but where we lived was closer to where she’d broken down than anyone in the city would’ve been. So I could see why she called me first. Time was of the essence when it came to doing errands for our boss, Dan. Every second counted. So the last thing she most likely wanted to do was call him and explain that she was having car troubles.
The reflection of a sleeping Faith in the rearview mirror made me smile. She was so peaceful, so beautiful, and almost unreal. About fifteen minutes passed and the fifth round of “The Wheels on the Bus” began to play as I took the exit Emily had broken down just off of. We came to a stop at the red light and the gas station was easy to see. Right down the road to the left. I could see Emily leaning against her car at the edge of the parking lot. She waved when she noticed it was me sitting at the front of the line waiting for the light to turn green so I could go.
My fingers tapped the rhythm of the song on the steering wheel as the light switched to green and I pushed on the gas. Someone was laying on the horn. I looked to the right, everyone was stopped. Then to my left…
My head was spinning and my vision was blurry. I rapidly blinked but bright lights were hurting my eyes and the constant beeping sound was giving me anxiety. The dryness in my throat was making it hard to speak. Every inch of my body ached. I finally managed to open my eyes and focus enough to see an unfamiliar face above me, moving what seemed to be a small flashlight from one of my eyes to the other.
“Arbor, can you hear me?” The man observing me continued to check my eyes.
“Wher—where am I?” I choked out, finally being able to fully focus my sight and the spinning of the room slowed.
“You’re in the hospital. You were in an accident.”
The machine beside my bed beeped rapidly as I tried to sit up.
“You need to stay still.” The man gently pushed me back to the bed.
“My—my daughter, Faith, where is she?” I began to cry.
I couldn’t handle if she was hurt. She needed her momma, and I needed her. I had to get to her.
“We need to focus on you for now. You’re pretty banged up.”
He completely ignored my questions.
This can’t be good.
“Where did you take her?” My screams echoed through the sterile room as an attempt to get the answers I desperately needed to hear.
“Ma’am, you need to calm down or we’re going to have to sedate you.” The man in blue scrubs tried to hold me against the bed.
“Get off of me!” I pushed with all the strength I could muster up, trying to get past him.
“You’re bleeding; we can’t allow you to leave,” he countered as he pushed me once more against the bed and a sharp pain shot through my arm. I sluggishly rolled my head to the side as a nurse pulled a needle from my arm.
“No…no…no...” I wailed as the medicine she’d given me washed through my veins.
They’d separated us instantly, without any information given.
How could they leave me in the dark?
This can’t be happening…
My heart thumped recklessly throughout my body as I forced the bile back down my throat. Thoughts of the worst situation possible flooded my mind as a nurse’s muffled voice told me I was going to be okay…everything was going to be fine.
I didn’t give two shits if I was going to be okay or not, the only thing that mattered was if she was going to make it.
She had to make it…because the last thing I could do was keep on living if she didn’t.
My eyelids were betraying me as they fluttered closed. I had no choice but to succumb to the darkness that was enveloping me. How could they force me into slumber without letting me know what I’d wake to? There were images of Faith dancing behind my eyelids as my body went slack and my mind blanked.
“Dan said he would be by sometime this week to check on you. Not to worry about coming back to the office anytime soon. I know you aren’t worried about that, he does, too, I’m sure. Arbor, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. If I’d just called a tow truck and not bothered you, things would be so different right now. I don’t want you to hate me; I pray you don’t hate me. I love you like a sister. More than I love myself. If you’d just wake up…I need you to wake up.” Emily clenched my hand in hers and sobbed against my arm.
That damn beeping.
I opened my mouth and closed it back a few times like a fish out of water.
“Water…” I choked out. “I need water.”
Emily lifted her head and quickly grabbed a pitcher of water from the table beside my hospital bed, poured me a glass and slipped a straw into it. She held the straw at my mouth so I could get a few drinks.
“Thank you.” I coughed and tried to sit up.
“Let me.”
I stopped moving and a brief second later the head of the bed began to lift upward.
“That’s good.”
Emily’s eyes welled with tears and she bit down hard on her lip.
“I’m so sorry, Arbor. God, I’m so sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. We’ll be okay.”
Emily shook her head and broke down in tears.
“You don’t know.” She covered her mouth with a shaky hand. “Oh, God. You don’t know.”
My heart rate spiked and a chill rolled through my body.
“What don’t I know, Emily?”
Intuition was rearing its ugly head. I knew what she was going to say before the words could leave her mouth. I didn’t want the words to leave her mouth because then it would be real.
My heart shattered into millions of pieces as I wailed with heartache. The one thing in this world that had given me purpose, that helped me be happy, had been taken from me in an instant.
“Please, no…tell me she’s okay…Emily!” I screamed.
Emily continuously shook her head as she sobbed a few feet from my bed. A handful of nurses came barreling into the room rambling different things before the familiar calming sensation ran through my body and my eyelids fluttered.
“My baby…”
Nineteen
“Don’t.” I pulled away from Colin’s outreached hand. “I don’t deserve you to try and console me.” Silent tears relentlessly raced down my face.
“Are you kidding me, Arbor?” He was crying as he yanked me into his arms. “You—we lost a child, and while I was oblivious to it all, you had to live through that. You had to live through the heartache of having her in your life before she was ripped out of it. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through.”
I gripped his shirtless back and hysterically poured my heart out against him. Sobs wracked my body as he held me while sobbing himself. We were two messy souls standing in that empty room.
Two souls that needed mending.
“I regret so badly not finding you. I knew your name, that you were a travelling musician; I even searched you out online a couple times. But I couldn’t bring myself to contact you with the news that I was pregnant.”
“I wish you had,” he whispered against my hair.
“So I could’ve ruined your chance at your dream career? I was afraid you wouldn’t want me…that you wouldn’t want us.”
“You didn’t give me a chance to make that decision, Arbor. But I wouldn’t have allowed you to be a single mother. The two of you would’ve been mine from that day forward. From the night we spent upstairs in this place forward.”
Colin’s hands moved from my hair to the sides of my face as his lips found mine. At first the kisses were gentle, sweet even, but after a few seconds we both let go of everything and roughly poured our pain and sorrow into the meshing of our lips. Labored breaths echoed off the walls as I bit his bottom one and he groaned. He lifted me with one sweep of his arm around my waist, and my legs wrapped around him as he blindly walked us to a long antique couch against the staircase. Our lips disconnected as he jerked the cover from it and dust went flying in the air on the other side as he tossed the cover that way, keeping it from getting in our eyes or lungs.
If Love was Fair Page 15