Some rustling in the background caught my attention, but I couldn’t make out exactly what it was.
“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to cut this short. But I appreciate you calling me back, and know that I have no ill feelings toward you. We both deserve to be happy, so find your happiness, Arbor. I hope to hear from you soon.”
“You, too.”
The call ended, and I sat with my legs crossed in bed wondering why I couldn’t have fallen heavily for Everett. He seemed to be the type of man who lived life to the fullest. Who understood what he wanted from life and grabbed it when he had the chance. He was simple, yet not. Whoever was lucky enough to be his one and only would have a love like no other. I was sure of that.
My heart, on the other hand, was tied to a man who I honestly didn’t know. A handful of hours spent together in all, and the death of a child tied us together. Nothing more. Yet I found myself wondering what he was doing in that exact moment, wondering if he thought about me as much as I had thought about him since I left Jonesborough. They say your heart wants what it wants; even if your mind knows it might not be right. Loving Colin wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t sure that it was right either.
Twenty One
Two Months Later
My palms were clammy as I tapped my heel against the concrete floor below my chair. I couldn’t believe Emily had talked me into doing this. She’d been hell-bent on getting me out of the house every chance she got since I’d been back home, but I hadn’t stepped foot on a stage in quite some time. I honestly never thought I would again.
I loved to sing, but karaoke was my limit. I’d never sung with a live band, let alone had the thought cross my mind, but here I was on the verge of vomiting as I awaited the band to announce me to join them.
Emily had taken the reins of a client that Evergreen Music Management had signed almost instantly after the two joined forces. They’d spent half a decade as a house band in one of Indianapolis’s top notch night clubs. They didn’t have a band name so Emily was working with them to come up with one and break away from their usual gig. When somehow my name was thrown in the mix, apparently she’d raved about my voice. I know she’d only heard me sing while driving, in the shower, and the few times I was intoxicated enough to belt my heart out at a karaoke bar. She’d put me on such a pedestal that the guys suggested I do a few songs with them. So here I was decked out in black sheer stockings, sequin shorts, and an off-the-shoulder top that said Hot Mess across the front, praying I wasn’t going to look like a hot mess.
“Are you ready?” Emily bounced on her tip toes as she clasped her hands together.
“I could kill you,” I groaned.
She giggled and leaned down, putting her hands on my shoulders. “The place is packed, and all eyes will be on you. Don’t worry, though, you’re going to kick ass out there!”
“Why did I let you talk me into this?”
“Come on, get up.” She pulled me to my feet. “Now drop your arms to your side and shake them out.” I did exactly what she said. “Close your eyes and deeply breathe in. Now let it out slowly and lift your head toward the ceiling. Pull your arms up above your head as you inhale once more, and then let it out slowly while dropping your arms back to your side and your head down so that you’re looking forward. Now open your eyes. How do you feel?”
Emily’s blue eyes twinkled as she beamed, waiting for my answer.
“A lot better actually.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “Where did you learn that?”
“It’s a way to calm your inner self.” She waved me off. “YouTube has a lot of interesting videos.” She shrugged, but I wasn’t buying it. “So, the guys are going to take a small break in a sec and then you’ll go out on stage while it’s dark still. They don’t want to introduce you per se, we want to kind of spring your voice on the crowd with an acoustic number before bringing the lights back up. Like a shock and awe factor.”
Emily was in the zone, and boy was she good at it. As badly as I wished Evergreen was still my client, they were in the right hands. She was doing them more than justice with her creative mind.
“Perfect. What song are we starting with then?”
“Bruce suggested the one you’ve been writing the past couple weeks.”
“Love and War?”
“That’s it.”
“I—I really don’t know. It’s so new…and no one is going to know it.”
“Nonsense!” She took my hands in hers. “Those lyrics will grab everyone’s attention. It’s the perfect song to showcase what you’re made of, Arbor. Put on your big girl panties and stop doubting yourself.”
“I’ve never been this nervous in my life!” I rubbed my sweaty palms down the sequin material of my shorts, which didn’t accomplish much.
“Here.” Emily handed me a cloth. “Think of it as another night at the bar singing karaoke.”
“Except I’m singing a song nobody knows, because I wrote it.”
“You’re seriously acting like a fool right now.”
“I can’t help it!”
I spun around so that my back was facing her.
“I’m getting you a shot of something strong. Your inhibitions need to be lowered a bit.”
I normally would’ve laughed at a comment like that from Emily but my freak out was keeping me from finding the humor in the circumstances at hand.
The echoing of her heels let me know she was getting closer.
“Here, drink this in one swig and you’ll be just fine in a few minutes.”
She extended a regular size whiskey glass toward me, filled just about halfway with some odd-colored concoction.
“What is it?”
“Just drink the damn thing before I hold you down and pour it in your mouth.”
“Sassy much?” I took the glass from her hand and sniffed it. Surprisingly it didn’t make me want to gag, but I could smell the tequila in it.
“Now.”
“Fine.” I huffed, tossing the liquid to the back of my throat and quickly swallowed. There was a tinge of a burn, but nothing I couldn’t handle.
“You ready to do this?”
“Not really, but I have no choice, right?”
Emily cackled. “Shut the hell up and get your sexy ass out on that stage.” She swatted my backside and I yelped.
A loud, heavy breath left my lungs as I ascended the five steps that led to the stage. Black curtains pulled apart at the side, just enough for me to slip through. Large vintage rugs covered the floor to keep the stage volume down a bit, while adding character. My heels made zero noise as I followed the path we’d gone over numerous times to the microphone front and center. Swooshing from my pulse filled my ears and a slight dizzy feeling hit me. Panic filled my chest as I thought I was going to pass out. I shook my hands at my sides and took another deep breath, silently talking myself down from the panic attack rearing its ugly head.
“You can do this, Arbor. It’s like riding a bike,” I mumbled, hoping the crowd couldn’t hear me yet.
Once the tiny green light lit up beside the monitor, I knew I had ten seconds before the guitar would kick in and I had no choice but to sing or make us look like fools. A beautiful melody filled the room and my in-ear monitors, which seemed to calm my nerves, as the words flowed from my mouth.
The moon seems lonely in this big ole sky
As lonely as this heart of mine
The stars have all burned out tonight
Oh, how I miss them now.
The stage lights slowly brightened, and I continued to sing my heart out. Each line of the song meant more to me than the next. My heartfelt cry poured into words for others to hear through those lyrics. Sharing them made me feel naked and vulnerable, but seeing the crowd’s attention focused on me was unlike anything I’d ever imagined as I continued on.
Fly away from this pain
Fly away to a brand new day
Find the strength to wash away
Wash away the ache and pain.
Why, why mus
t you go?
Without as much as a hello
I wish that I could tell you so
But life’s not fair in love and war.
Fly away from this pain
Fly away to a brand new day
Take my hand or walk away
But what if I asked you to stay?
The crowd roared as the harmonizing of the final line echoed through the room, sending chills across my flesh. The voice wasn’t one I was used to harmonizing with, but we sounded outstanding together. I spun around to see which member of the band had joined me on stage, and my eyes focused on those haunting whiskey-colored ones that lived throughout my dreams at night. Colin stood a few feet behind me with his guitar strapped on his shoulder and a grin adorning his perfect lips.
I gasped, and the stage went dark. The crowd continued to roar as I stood frozen, not knowing if my eyes were playing tricks on me or not.
“Arbor!” Emily whisper-yelled. “Get off stage!”
My feet wouldn’t move from the shock of Colin being there, on stage, with me. Like an out of body experience, I watched as he sat his guitar in an empty stand and scooped me up into his arms. He carried me off stage, while neither of us spoke a word. Faces passed by until he stepped into a room designated for guest musicians and kicked the door shut behind him. Once my feet were planted on the floor, he made sure I was steady enough to stand before putting some space between us. My body felt cold where his hands had last touched me and where I was pressed against him before.
“Am I drunk?” I blurted out.
He chortled. “I hope not.”
My hands flew up to cover my mouth as tears filled my eyes.
“H—how are you here?” I backed up until my legs hit the couch then sat down.
Colin didn’t move from just inside the door.
“I tried to push you out of my head again, Arbor, but I couldn’t. Your smile, your eyes, your scent…God, your scent.” He inhaled deeply and ran a hand through his messy dark locks. “Everything about you haunted me day and night. I knew I wouldn’t be able to move past you, that I had to find you again.”
Tears streamed down my face as I took in every word he was saying. Colin chased after me when I thought he wouldn’t. I’d had the same effect on him that he’d had on me. But the difference was he acted on his feelings when I ran away from mine. He crossed the room, knelt down between my knees and placed a hand on my cheek. I turned my face into his palm and closed my eyes, needing to feel his warmth.
“You sounded amazing, by the way.”
My eyes fluttered open. “You really think so?”
“I don’t just think so, I know so.” His eyes searched mine as the pad of his thumb smoothed across my cheek. “What happened back in Jonesborough—”
“Colin…”
“Please let me finish before you say anything.”
I nodded.
“We don’t have to talk about it right now, but eventually I want to. I’m not going anywhere, Arbor. I rented a room downtown for the next month, and was hoping we could start over. Pretend as if we just met and actually date. I’m not saying we have to forget about what we’ve been through; I’m saying that I want the chance to do it right by you. To give you the man you deserve, the romance you deserve, and the life you deserve. Because what happened before…” He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled his lip between his teeth before focusing back on me. “That shouldn’t have played out like it did. If love was fair, we wouldn’t be in this situation, but it’s not, and all I want out of this life anymore is to spend my time with you.”
A sob ripped up my throat and Colin pulled my lips to his. Everything he’d said was like a balm slowly trying soothe the ache in my heart. Could we start again? As if everything hadn’t happened? Like he’d said, I didn’t want to forget the past because that would mean forgetting Faith, but starting over and moving forward without looking back could be like a breath of fresh air.
“I want to spend my time with you, too, Colin,” I cried against his lips.
We latched onto one another like our lives depended on it and I slipped into his lap to be closer to him.
“Baby, that makes me happier than you know.”
Twenty Two
It had been two weeks since Colin came barreling back into my life. Two weeks of nothing but happiness. A life I never thought I would have, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid the honeymoon stage would end and we would end up bitter toward one another.
The warmth of the coffee mug in my hands made the chill of the morning breeze bearable as I rocked alone with a flannel blanket wrapped around my shoulders. Fall took my breath away, my favorite season out of them all. The amount of colors that swirled together to make such vibrant beauty was amazing.
“Should’ve known I’d find you out here.”
Colin pressed his lips to my cheek and sat in the rocker beside mine.
“I never want to go home.”
He chuckled and took a sip from his mug.
“It’s peaceful, isn’t it?”
“Unbelievably so.”
A couple nights ago he’d shown up at my door telling me to pack a bag of warm clothes and shoes I didn’t mind walking in. I had no idea what he was up to, but the thrill of the unknown interested me. So I tossed some clothes in a bag, along with my essentials, and told Emily that Colin was kidnapping me for who knew how long, but I had my phone if she needed me. She smiled like a fool and told me she wouldn’t be bothering either of us, to enjoy our lover’s getaway. I squeezed her tightly and headed out the door without looking back.
I was surprised when we turned onto a gravel road that led deep into the woods somewhere in Kentucky. Apparently Colin’s years of travelling as a musician had brought friends from all over into his life. One friend in particular had a gorgeous cabin hidden in the heart of the Bluegrass State, and boy was it stunning.
Colin covered my hand with his and gave it a squeeze as we listened to the sounds of nature around us.
“You know we can stay as long as we want.”
“Don’t tempt a girl.”
He smiled and lifted my hand to his lips.
“I’m happy to be wherever you are, so if we need to head home soon, that’s okay, too.”
As much as I wanted to stay tucked away in the woods with Colin, I had a job to get back to. Emily has covered for me more than she should’ve had to in a lifetime, but she never complained. Hell, she pushed me out the door a handful of those times. She lived and breathed her job, using it as a way to keep her mind off of how badly she wanted to start her own family. I knew everything would eventually fall into place for her, even if she didn’t think so. Life gives you exactly what you’re looking for when you least expect it.
Colin sat his cup on the ground and stood. He took my cup and placed it beside his own and pulled me up from the rocking chair.
“What are you doing?” I laughed.
Instead of responding, he slipped his hands beneath the blanket that was wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me tightly into his body. We moved side to side as we danced to the sounds of nature. My head rested on his shoulder, my lips grazing his neck with each turn. Chills engulfed my skin as he began singing “To Make You Feel My Love.” I closed my eyes and listened to each word. One after the other he chipped away at my heart, making me feel such intensity that I felt as if I could burst into tears at any second. After a few moments I quietly sang along and his hands caressed up and down my spine. Once the song was finished, we continued to sway without missing a beat.
“I love you, Arbor, with all my heart.”
Colin kissed my head and tears slipped from my eyes. Those same intense emotions I’d been feeling all morning crashed down like a heavy weight with his words, causing me to sob. We stopped moving and he lifted my chin to look at him.
“Hey, hey…I’m sorry if I upset you.”
I shook my head, pulling my face from his hold.
“I love you, too.” My voice
was shaky as I managed to murmur the words I’d been holding in for quite some time.
He erupted with laughter and lifted me into his arms. Our lips fused, my arms wrapped around his neck while his rested around my waist, my feet dangling in the air as we poured our love for one another into our kisses.
My feet touched the ground and I opened my eyes as our kissing slowed to pecks before ceasing altogether. His admiration for me caused my heart to race like wild horses in my chest. He touched his lips to the tip of my nose and I smiled.
“I’ve been waiting so long to say that to you.”
“I’m glad you finally did.”
“I’m glad you feel the same.”
“How could I not, Colin?” I ran a hand up his face and tried to fix his wild hair. My eyes focused on his as I brought my hand back, rubbing his scruffy chin before linking my hands together behind his head. “My heart has been yours since that day in the bar. I couldn’t fully see it then, but now it’s as clear as can be. I want nothing more than what we have.”
“I knew back then that you were what my heart had been searching for.”
I shyly smiled. “How did you know?”
He hooked some hair behind my ear.
“You know that feeling in your gut when you’re on a roller coaster; it’s climbed to the very top of the slope and the last click sounds, shooting you downward into a hectic ride that sends an array of emotions through your mind, body, and soul?”
I nodded, knowing the exact feeling he’d described.
“That’s how you made me feel that night. Waking up that next morning to an empty bed felt like all hope of having something good had disappeared. Like I’d had my taste of what could be, but that was the extent of it…a taste. Not a damn bit more. You changed my outlook on soulmates that night, Arbor. I was never one to believe in them. I simply thought lovers came and went over time, and if you were lucky enough you’d find one person you could tolerate for the rest of your life. Some people might not be lucky enough. But you…you made me feel things I’d never felt, so I knew that soulmates existed, and that you were mine.”
If Love was Fair Page 17