A deathly lull in my flat melts down on me as I look out at the stark walls surrounding me. The flat has been robbed of life and vivaciousness with every little item I have placed in a box. I look out at the two suitcases and one box that contain my entire existence. I can sum up my life in these few things in front of me. When I first got here these walls held an optimistic future, with hope of a new start waiting to be filled. Now these walls hold disappointment, loneliness and regret. Though who am I disappointed with? Who has been the one placing stubbornness at the helm of choices?
My eyes grow heavy as I watch Noah now sleeping in my arms. The heat radiating off of him like an electric blanket warming me to the core, causes my languid body to seep into a deep, soporific state of relaxation. A heavy weight pushes down on me when suddenly a vibrating knock rolls through the room. Placing Noah in his port-a-crib, I walk over to let Miss McNally in.
Opening the door I am taken back, “Olivia, what are you doing here?”
“Though I want to bloody flog you for leaving, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t say good-bye?” Her excessive chipper attitude is masking some kind of scheme crawling up her sleeve. Her eyes narrow in with duplicity as she takes in my suspicious gaze. “Besides, you left this,” she hands over the thin wardrobe box containing the stunning black tee-dress she purchased for me while at her parent’s house.
My hand tenderly strokes the top of the box, recalling the night I wore it and how Callum’s jaw nearly dropped to the floor. It was Olivia’s plan that night to make me completely irresistible to her brother, but it made me irresistible to not only Callum, but Gavin as well, opening the door to a terrible situation. Still holding the box firmly in my hands I ask, “Are you giving me this dress?”
A swirling mixture of offence and amazement pour through her eyes, “Breanna, I gave it to you that night. This is your dress.”
“Thank you Olivia, but where will I ever wear it?” Realizing that I am just going back to a life of poverty, I hand over the box containing the dress. “You should have it. You would look absolutely stunning in it.”
She pushes the box back into my hands, “I am not about to take this back. We did not go back to my parent’s house so I could bloody come back here and give it to you, only so you could tell me to keep it. You are bloody taking the damn box,” her voice holds an unusual sternness to it, as her eyes plead for me to take the box.
“Alright, I will keep the dress.” Her face instantly beams with satisfaction. “Do you want to come in?” I ask tenderly, opening the door a little wider.
“No, I think seeing your flat empty and your bags packed will make it all too real,” her face pushes back her emotions as she swallows firmly. “Besides, I have a final test in thirty minutes, and then I am going home to meet my br…to meet up with some friends.” She leans in giving me a firm hug, pulling me strongly against her body, holding me here for what feels like eternity. A soft sniffle echoes from her as she fights back her emotions. Pushing me gently away from her she adds, “You might want to take the dress out of the box before you leave. The airport won’t let you carry it on the plane like that.”
Confused by her statement I stammer, “O-kay?”
“Good-bye, Breanna.” She slowly walks away, stops, and then turns back towards me. “Remember, choices are made by those who have the strength to fight for their outcome. Fight for the outcome you want, Breanna,” She gives me a disconsolate smile. As she walks away I can hear a soft cry echo down the narrow hallway, causing my heart to break.
Rivulets of tears stream down my face as I press the box firmly against my chest. Standing here I hold onto the gift as if it has arms embracing me with peaceful memories. A great void is left in my heart where it once tickled the edges of a real family. I not only lost Callum, but I lost the closest thing to a sister I have ever experienced. Releasing my embrace with the box I stare down at the physical reminder of what I had. Remembering Olivia’s instructions, I pry the lid off of the box. There on top of the black tee-dress is a single, yet slightly wilted red rose. My heart nearly stops when I notice below the rose is a newly developed photograph. Tenderly I pull the picture free from the slightly wilted rose, as tears begin to pour freely down my face. There in the picture is Andrew’s headstone, with the same bouquet of red roses placed respectfully in front of it. Collapsing to the floor, I hold the picture affectionately within my trembling hands. My mind encapsulates this amazing act of love, causing my stubbornness to shatter, revealing the real reason why I am leaving. The fear of betraying Andrew has always rippled on the edges of my love for Callum. I love Callum, there is no doubt in that, but I am afraid to be in love with him. I have only had one other love in my life and he was taken from me. I could not handle it if Callum, too, is taken from me. So subconsciously I decided to be the one to leave.
I know that Callum’s mom doesn’t support our relationship, but if I truly love Callum like he loves me, then I should be willing to fight for it. Olivia is right, choices are made by those who are willing to fight for their outcome, and I have made my choice. Pulling the airline tickets out of my purse, I look down at the one-way flight information. Holding the tickets firmly in my hand I begin to rip them up, making my decision final.
Walking into my class I am mentally prepared to confront Callum. A thick layer of anxiety mingled with excitement fills the room, as all the class-mates buzz about the room trying to get any last bit of information before the exam. I sit at my table eagerly watching the quiet door, waiting for Callum to enter, but stillness remains. Everyone but Callum is in the classroom. My stomach drops to the pit of my abdomen as I realize that Callum is not going to show up. The classmates begin to move at a slow pace, as my mind spins with regret. Fear pricks my soul as I wonder where Callum can be.
“Everyone take their seats please,” Mr. Bramble begins handing out the tests as he continues, “When you are done, you may leave. It has been a fascinating term – to say the least. I have experienced more…interesting situations this term than any other. You can take that statement as you may. Good luck everyone.”
He walks over to me, placing the exam on my table. “Mr. Bramble, is Callum going to be taking the test today?” I whisper softly.
“I should hope not. He asked if he could take it earlier this week because he was leaving.”
My heart nearly stops as panic takes over my body, “Did he say where he is going or when he will be back?”
“No,” he taps at my awaiting test, “Good luck, Miss Hayes.”
“Thank you.”
Facing my test, I have no desire to take it. I can barely see the words through the tears filling my eyes. The dam hasn’t broken yet, keeping the salty stings at bay. My mind begins replaying everything Olivia told me this morning, trying to find a clue as to where Callum may be. Pounding my head slightly, I instantly recall a flub she said as she was forcing me to take the dress. She had mentioned that “we” went to get the dress, along with saying that she was going home to meet up with someone. But she was very vague about who it was. Facing my test I begin quickly answering the questions, not caring if I get them right. The faster I answer them the sooner I can get the hell out of here.
Finishing my last question, I rush it up to my professor, slamming it on his desk as I run out of the room. My mind becomes a jumbled mess as I try to figure out how Noah and I are going to get out to West Wycombe without having to have to take an expensive cab ride. Everything around me spins in fast motion, from the anxiety flooding my mind with ‘what if…’ scenarios. I can’t give into that kind of thought process right now. I have to find Callum and I need to tell him that I choose him.
Suddenly my mind catches sight of a petite, spirited sprite rushing across the street. Joy rips through my heart as I yell at the top of my lungs, “OLIVIA!”
Instantly she turns towards me. A huge, radiant smile spreads across her congenial face, as a sigh of relief drops down upon her. As I rush over to her she yells loudly, �
�It’s about bloody time you decide to fight!”
Running up to her I slam myself into her, causing her to nearly fall over as I give her a voracious hug. A warm sensation pulses through my heart as the tears I have been able to keep down now freely flow, knowing that as long as Olivia is still here I will be able to find Callum. She wraps her arms tightly around me while she whispers threatening actions mingled with loving responses towards me in a thick British brogue and quirky slangs. I can only understand a few things, about me being stubborn and wanting to hit me at the same time as kiss me. Olivia possesses the same fiery, yet loving, temper as Callum, a capricious tongue when they are frustrated, wishing to hurt and love you at the same time. They must get it from their mother, considering they have different fathers. I just hope that someday their mother can love me at the same time as hating me.
“Olivia, are you done berating me in some incoherent language?”
“It is not incoherent, it is English. The language you bloody Americans got from us,” she states with a thick, taunting accent, “And yes, I am done.”
“Good, because I need to find Callum, and I know you know where he is.” A large villainous smile spreads across her face, showing her perfectly white teeth.
We pull into the gravel parking lot, causing the tires of her car to spittle out rocks from under them. The bright colors of the Carter’s Steam Fair are such a sharp contrast to the thick green foliage surrounding it. The divergence of the fair against the ancient landscaping and buildings give a modern feel to the surrounding area. The fair is beginning to wind down. Some of the rides have been broken down, getting them ready for the travel to a new city. There are herds of workers surrounding the dismantled rides as they begin covering them with colorful tenting, loading them into large trucks.
“Olivia, why are we here? They are closing down the rides,” I utter inquisitively while I look out her passenger window at the dismantling of the rides taking place.
“Like I told you, Callum has a way of getting whatever he wants,” she states, gesturing with her head towards the Chair-O-Plane.
The ride is in full swing, with one person hanging in a limp reclined position, freely flying. Turning to Olivia I state, “He needed to escape and feel free.”
“Yes. He couldn’t be around and watch you leave. I was to give you the box, then come here, letting him know when you left.” A silence looms between us as we watch Callum soar. “Breanna, I love you like a sister, but if you ever break my brother’s heart again – I will hurt you,” though her voice holds a mocking tone to it, sincerity encapsulates every word.
I give her a reassuring smile, and then spring out of the passenger’s door. Turning back towards her to ask a favor, she suddenly replies before I am able to fully ask it, “Don’t worry, I will watch Noah.” Turning around, she gazes into his vibrant face, watching him kick joyfully, “Besides, he loves me anyway.”
I rush through the swarms of on-looking workers as their eyes gaze towards me questioningly. Deep imprints in the plush grass are left by the vacating rides, leaving only the memories of their existence. The Chair-O-Plane is the only ride left in complete functioning order. Weaving my way to the far corner of the grounds where the ride is still positioned, I notice it is beginning to slow down. Hastily I push my way past the ticket box when suddenly a loud voice shouts towards me, “Stop, you can’t bloody go ‘n there. W’er closed.”
Turning around I notice Harry standing next to the control box. “Please let me go in there, Harry. I need to talk to Callum.”
His head tilts curiously, as he cocks his eyebrow in a revealing manner, “Blimey, you’re the reason why that barmy bloke is up there.”
Pain rips through my heart as he brings to the forefront of my mind the reality of what I have put Callum through. Gazing up at the swing now slowly stopping, I notice Callum’s languid face. Though his eyes are tightly closed, a searing ripple of anguish pulsates through his face and down his body, leaving a relinquishing appearance to flow over him.
A warm hand tenderly pushes on the mid-section of my back, “He’s a great bloke, go get ‘im.”
Turning towards Harry I give him an understanding smile. He at one time walked in the very same shoes as me but his outcome held a different scenario, one that I almost had. His eyes beamed with satisfaction as if I am completing the choice he always wished he had the strength to make. Giving him a slight wink I walk over to the now lowered and motionless ride. Walking up to the only inhabited swing – his, I stand firmly above his relaxed, dreamlike body. His eyes are still tightly closed as if he is refusing to face the world. A sharp ping pierces my heart as I stare down at the man who has loved me through all my stubbornness; the man who I am not only willing to give my heart to, but also my trust, my future, and my soul. I would have never thought that I was actually running towards something instead of running away when I came to England.
Leaning over his face I utter lovingly, “Hey stranger, what are you doing here?”
His eyes instantly snap open, revealing a wave of shock rolling within his stunning eyes. His thick eyebrows flow perfectly over his eyelids, causing his soft caramel color to explode vehemently from his face, giving him a seductive appearance. A large smile spreads across my face as I gaze down at him. My heart rolls open in a sense of relief as I realize that I am not too late.
“What are you bloody doing here? How did you find me? I thought you were leaving,” he breathlessly stumbles out the questions as his body starts to catch up with his mind. Quickly jumping to his feet, he begins surveying me skeptically, as if he doubting his own eyes.
“I am not leaving, I choose you, Callum Hughes. I am so sorry for my stubbornness and fear. I love…”
Instantly he grabs hold of me, pulling my body firmly against his as his mouth presses down on mine, stopping me from finishing what I was going to say. His soft lips move with an urgency, showing me what I was about to tell him. The sweet taste of his mouth fills my mind with pleasure as I aggressively squeeze my body against his, melting our heightened forms into each other. His hands press into my back, refusing to let me go, as if I am going to truly leave this time. Our tears mix sweetly within our mouths, coating everything with untainted ecstasy.
His mouth forms a soft smile across my lips, causing me to open my eyes in response. Liquid caramel eyes blaze down on me as he peers into my face, causing my heart to melt, seeping down into the tips of my toes. I look into his gaze, owning every part of him, knowing that he wants me as much as I want him. His lips gently brush against my mouth as he pulls his mouth tenderly away.
“Are you telling me that you are staying? You are not going to run away…”
Backing slightly away from him, I reach deep into the pocket of my jeans, pulling out a wad of crinkled and torn up papers. Tenderly I reach for his hand, placing the wad symbolically within his grasp, “Yes I am staying here.”
Lifting his hand up he begins unraveling the crumpled pieces of paper. A congenial smile spreads contagiously across his face as he looks down at the destroyed airline tickets. Giving a final blow to the tickets, he adds another destructive tear through them. Picking me up within his arms he spins me vivaciously around while he presses his mouth against mine, kissing me passionately. A soft laugh rolls through me as the world twirls effortlessly around us. He puts me down next to him, locking his hands tightly around mine, facing each other we gaze fervently at each other.
A villainous smile spreads across my face, “What is your mother going to say about this?”
“Nothing, she can’t.”
“What do you mean?” I question.
He drops one of my hands while still gripping onto the other firmly within his, he begins walking me towards the bank of the River Wye. The plush green grass feels like we are walking on a thick bed of carpet beneath our feet. Geese glide across the river, leaving slight ripples behind them. The trees dip the tips of their fingers into the river, gently stroking the surface of the shimmering wa
ter. A soft breeze blows gently across us, causing him to wrap his arm protectively around me.
Stopping at the river’s edge he adds, “Olivia confronted my parents, explaining in her own way.” A smile spreads across his face, alluding to the fact that Olivia’s way is not always diplomatic. I have been on the opposing side of Olivia’s blatant comments on several occasions. I can only imagine what her parents were thinking. “That if they were going to force me to stay away from you then she was going to disown them.”
“She basically threatened them, for you.”
“No, she threatened them for you.”
A smile spreads across my face, feeling for the first time like I have a sister who is willing to give up everything for me. Turning back towards where the car is parked, I notice Olivia lifting Noah into the air and spinning him around as she plays with him enthusiastically. My eyes take in the vision of Noah now being surrounded by a family who will love him as if he is their own. Suddenly my mind recalls the picture of Andrew’s headstone, with a fresh bouquet of red roses placed delicately in front.
Turning back towards Callum I utter respectfully, “Callum, when did you go to see Andrew’s grave?”
He hunches down slightly. Kissing the top of my head, he utters against my head, “The day after you drunkenly threw me out of your flat.”
Never Forever Page 23