"Mom, I will deal with it my own way. Charlie will be okay. She's strong and she's a survivor. With or without me, I wanted her to be okay. That tavern is a legacy that Joe wanted her to have. I can't let her lose it because of Dad."
"He wanted you to be a part of it too, John." She was crying and I felt bad. It seemed like all I did was make women cry. The sad part was, I was the one keeping my feelings bottled up. I was losing my patience and at some point I would lose my self-control and do something stupid. I needed to get out of town before I went running back to Charlie. She could never know the real reason that I left. If she found out, she would beg me to come back. No, she needed to think I lied about my feelings. She needed to hate me, because in case I didn't win that impossible billiards competition, she needed to move on.
"None of that matters anymore. I can't come up with the fifty grand and I can't sit around and watch Charlie and Ryan lose all they have left." It hurt so much to say her name. By now she would be devastated, probably blaming it all on herself. God, I missed her already. Just thinking that I could never touch her again was killing me inside.
"John, you can't give up your happiness. You have to fight for what you love and don't tell me you don't love that girl. I can see it in your eyes that you are suffering already. That pain isn't going to go away. It's going to linger and intensify. You will lose yourself in angst and shut down. Please reconsider your decision. Go back and tell her the truth."
I shook my head and leaned over to kiss my mother on the forehead. "I'm sorry I stayed away from you for so long. It was never about you. Mom, if you love me like I know you do, please leave him. Take what you can and leave. You know people that will help you get away from him, or you could come with me."
She looked up and smiled. Her hand reached up and touched my cheek. "My sweet son, I do love you so, but I can't leave. This is the life I've chosen. It's not so bad. I just stay away from him and he leaves me alone. You have the chance to be happy. Please, don't throw it away."
I tried to wipe away the regret that I know showed all over my face, but it was an inevitable task. "I'm doing this because I'm in love with her, with them. I need to know they will be happy."
She stood up and hugged me. "I'm so proud of the man you've become."
I pulled away from her and kissed the top of my mother's head. "I appreciate that. Listen, I know I came here ready to battle, but I actually need a favor. I kind of left my stick at the apartment and I'm playing in this big tournament in three weeks. Do you think you could lend me a couple grand? I hate to ask, but I can't go back and pick it up. I can't look her in the eye and will myself to walk away. I think it would be too hard for either of us."
My mother walked into the other room and when she came back out she had her purse. She dug inside of it and pulled out a wallet. "This is a card that your father doesn't know I have. It's for emergencies. I used my maiden name."
I looked down at the card and traced the numbers in my fingers. "Are you sure?"
"Of course." She sighed and closed my hand on the card. "You are my son. The PIN number is your birthday. I want you to be happy. I just wish there was some way I could help you work things out with Charlie. She's good for you."
I shook my head and looked away from her to hide the pain on my face. "If there was a way, I would do it too. I love her and she makes me want to be a different person, but I need her to be happy. It's the most important thing to me."
She shook her head again. "What if her happiness is because of her love for you?"
It was hard to let myself think about that. I hated thinking about Charlie being miserable. The fact that I could be the cause of that pain shattered my heart. "I can't think like that. She has her brother and her business. Dad assured me that if I walked away, the tavern would be hers free and clear. I signed over my share. I did everything he asked. I just need to get the hell out of here."
She put her arm on my shoulder and looked right into my eyes. "I do hope that you keep in touch with me, John. You are the most important person in my life. It was terrible not knowing if you were okay."
The door closing caught our attention. My mother frantically motioned for me to hide and I ran into the other room. Since I was parked out on the street, it wasn't obvious she had company.
"You are never going to guess who paid me a visit." My father's voice filled the room. I ducked back into the kitchen to avoid being seen.
"Did you see John again?" I appreciated my mother keeping me a secret.
"That little bastard is hell bent on saving that damn tavern. Did you put him up to it?"
"No and please don't call him that. He is our son. When are you ever going to be able to treat him the way a father should treat a son?"
I couldn't see either of them, but my father's voice was getting louder. "No son of mine takes up with Joe McNally’s daughter."
"This has nothing to do with them and you know it." My mother had changed. She was standing up for herself and I wasn't sure if I needed to be proud of her or afraid.
"It has everything to do with it. If his mother wouldn't have whored herself around with my so called friend none of this would be happening." I clenched my fists and tried to keep my cool while my father started to go off on my mother.
"Maybe if you would have paid more attention to your wife she wouldn't have found comfort in someone else." I heard the slap and didn’t hesitate as I lunged my body into my father. We both went flying down on top of the coffee table, causing it to collapse underneath of us. I grabbed the collar to his shirt and yanked him up to be face to face with me. "I did what you asked. Leave her alone," I screamed.
He smiled like he was still in control. "I should have known you'd grown up to be just like your whore of a mother. Just look at the two of you, still in love with the McNally’s even though they had nothing to offer you. You're both a disgrace to our family name. Get the hell out of my house, John."
I shoved my father onto the floor as I stood up over top of him. My mother was leaning back against the corner and I pointed toward the steps. "Go pack a bag, Mom. I'm not taking no for an answer. We're done with his shit."
He stood up and brushed off his designer clothes. "You leave with him, you will never come back," he threatened.
I turned toward her again and saw the fear in her eyes. "Mom, go pack now!"
She ran toward the steps before turning back to my father. "You took away my happiness and ruined my life. I signed over the tavern. So help me God, if you don't keep your word and release the lien and I find out you went back on your word, I will kill you myself." I spit on his shiny black shoe and looked right in his face. "You're dead to me."
He held up his arms as I started walking out of the room. "How far do you think you can get with no money? Do you really think your mother can live in a car like her loser son? That bitch has lived like a queen for over twenty years. She can't live without me."
My mother came running down the steps with two large bags. She dropped them at the front door and walked up to my father. With all of her might, she slapped him hard across the face. "Rot in Hell!"
I grabbed her bags and held the door open as she walked out. My father stood in front of the collapsed coffee table. I raised my eyebrow and waved a bag in the air. "Later, fucker!"
Driving away with my mother in the car was the best feeling that I'd had since leaving Charlie. Sure, I still didn't have a way to be with her yet, but my father had lost the one thing he tried to keep. I wanted him to suffer. It was what he deserved.
Chapter 33
Charlie
Three weeks after Jammer walked out of my door my heart was still torn apart. The harder I tried to be mad and forget about him, the more I wanted him to walk through that door. I knew I was being ridiculous. Maybe it was because it was my first real love. People say that the first love is the hardest to get over, I believe it now.
I waited three days after Jammer left to start calling him. Sometimes I think I just
dialed the number to hear his voice on the voicemail. I knew it was a far cry to expect him to actually answer, but I still couldn't help myself. If he was just using me before, then he really hated me now. I was sure by now he had hooked up with his next conquest, probably keeping that relationship short, so he didn't have to deal with the drama that he had with me. Still, I couldn't help but feel like we had something special. I was fully aware that he was gone and not coming back. His letter had made that clear. The fact the he called me Lena seemed to be a far-fetched plea, since I hadn't heard from him one time since finding the letter.
After getting my brother on the bus to preschool, I was off to my appointment at the attorney’s office. They claimed they had some new paperwork for me to fill out, but gave me no details. I was positive that it was regarding me not being able to come up with the fifty grand to save the tavern. With Jammer gone, my finances were even worse, considering I had to hire someone new. Sure, I paid Jammer, but he never really took the money. Every single time I counted the register, he had put back what he had earned, or at least half of it. Maybe he did it because he felt sorry for me, but either way, I appreciated the gesture. I was happy that my brother had finally stopped asking when Jammer was coming home. I think every single time I heard it my heart broke again.
The attorney's office wasn't too far of a drive and I hated the atmosphere in the place. For some reason it gave me the creeps. The front desk person saw me to the conference room and asked if I wanted something to drink. To be honest, the last thing I could imagine doing was drinking when I felt like I was about to vomit. My regular attorney walked in with someone I had never even seen before.
"Good morning, Charlene, thanks for coming in today. This shouldn't take too long." He sat down next to the other man and started pulling out stacks of paper and separating them. The other man kept staring at me in this weird way that made me feel uncomfortable. "Okay, this is basically a formality. We just need you both to sign these documents stating that the past due balance was paid in full so we can release the lien on the property. Since John has come in and signed over his ownership, selling the property won't be delayed any longer.
My head snapped in his direction. "John Thomas came in and signed over his ownership? When did he do it?"
He checked a form he had in his hand. "Looks like he did it about three weeks ago."
How much more could he hurt me? Wasn't leaving enough? Did he have to add fuel to the fire and sign over his quarter ownership too? "I see."
The gentleman with the weird stare cleared his throat. "My son didn't want anything to do with that place. He's washed his hands of it. If you don't mind, I'd like to get this settled so I can go about my day."
It wasn't his rude attitude that bothered me. I didn't have to ask who the man was. Just the couple sentences that he'd spoke gave that away. Jammer's father was sitting across from me, looking me over as he destroyed me even more than ever before. I grabbed the stack of papers and a pen. "Who paid the balance?"
Jammer's father leaned over the table and looked from me to my lawyer. "Just sign the papers."
I sat the pen down and looked at the man who Jammer hated. "I'm not signing anything until you answer my question. Who paid? I know you didn't do it out of the kindness of your heart."
He sat back and smiled like his words were going to crush me. Don't know how I knew it, but I could feel it coming. "Let's just say that I gave my son a choice. He'd rather be rich than play house with someone like you."
It hurt. I wasn't going to lie. It was like he was taking a knife and stabbing me directly in the heart. "You're an asshole."
He laughed out loud. "For someone without a pot to piss in, you have a lot of nerve. I suggest that you sign the papers, before I retract this offer and take everything you have away from you."
I looked over at my lawyer. "Can he even do that?"
He looked from me to Jammer's dad. "I'm afraid that he can. We also represent Mr. Thomas in this matter. It would be in your best interest to sign the papers."
Oh, so being screwed over was the plan all along. I wasn't sure if I was more mad at myself than anyone else. This sucked and the only way out of it was to sign the damn papers and walk away with some kind of dignity. I shook my head and concentrated on not letting myself cry in front of these two dickheads. I pushed the signed papers toward them and waited for whatever else they were going to throw at me.
"Looks like we have everything here. You will receive the deed free and clear in just a couple of weeks. As far as selling the place, I can get in touch with a realtor tomorrow and set something up, or if you already have someone in mind you can contact them yourself."
I put up my hand to stop him from talking. While grabbing my purse off the floor, I stood up. "It's no longer going to be for sale. If you think you can buy it back for next to nothing, you can kiss my ass. I would never sell my father's bar. He kept that for me and my brother. It's no wonder your son can't commit to a responsible life. Meeting you for ten seconds showed me why. I've had a pretty fucked up childhood, but your mother must have been psychotic, because there is no way someone can be as heartless as you otherwise." I walked out of the conference room door and didn't look back. I didn't give a shit what they thought about my attitude.
Once I got to my car I was literally bawling my eyes out. Even windshield wipers wouldn't have been able to control my tears. Jammer had chosen money over being with me. Could it get any worse?
I don't even remember the drive, but when I pulled up at the college campus, I knew exactly where I was and why I was there. I raced to Zach's dorm room and burst into the door. As I closed the door behind me, while still crying, two bodies sat up in the bed. "Charlie, what are you doing here?" Elle's voice confirmed that the messy haired girl in Zach's bed was in fact my best friend.
"Seriously, you two?" It wasn't like I wanted Zach as a boyfriend. He was just my best friend. I guess they both were.
"Charlie, we were going to tell you." Zach climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts. I guess he didn't care about me seeing his bare ass since I'd seen it before. Elle pulled the covers up around her chin. I could tell she was embarrassed and afraid of my reaction.
I pointed at Elle. "You have a boyfriend."
"We broke up. It was around the time you got together with Jam..." She realized that saying his name was going to hurt me and stopped for a second. "Zach and I have been friends for a while and it just happened. We've been exclusive for a few weeks now. Please don't be mad."
I sat on the bed across from the one they were in. "I'm not mad. I mean, I wish you would have just told me, but I get why you didn't. Listen, I’m not here to rain on your parade, but my life is a fucking mess and I needed my best friends."
For the next hour I explained everything that had happened in the attorney’s office. Aside from Zach claiming that they had legally wronged me, I think they both felt sorry for my predicament. Neither of them seemed surprised when I told them that Jammer had picked money over being with me.
After they finally got up and got dressed, Elle offered to come home and stay with me for a couple of days. They had finished finals and she was planning on shacking up with Zach during the break. I think after the initial shock of them being together wore off, it was not a big deal. They were both my friends no matter what.
On the way home Elle tried to talk to me about Jammer. I think she was trying to make me feel better, but the more I heard his name, the worse I felt. I think I needed some kind of closure and never had gotten it. He owed me some kind of explanation for why he left the way he did after sleeping with me just hours before. Aside from feeling used, I was so bitterly angry with him.
I did what every woman would have done in my situation. I waited for Elle and Ry to go to sleep and dialed Jammer's number. Instead of hanging up when I got his voicemail, I hung on and left a message.
“Hi, it's me, Charlie. Listen, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I just can't go anot
her day not knowing what the hell happened. Did you just use me? Was this all some ploy to save up enough money to skip town? Did you even give a damn about me when you were telling me that you loved me? Do you have any idea how bad you hurt me. I fucking loved you. I let myself feel things that I never felt before and all along you were lying to me. I forgave you when I found out about who you really were. Why did you let me forgive you? I don't understand any of this. Then, today I met your father. He told me you chose money over being with me. I'm glad I know where your heart is. Maybe you were more like that asshole I met today then you lead on. Only a total bastard could use someone like me and throw her away like she is garbage. I hate myself for loving you. If I never saw you again it would be too soon. Have a nice life, asshole!”
When I hung up the phone my heart was beating out of my chest. I said things that were harsh, but my feelings were chewed up and spit out by him. He needed to know how much I hated him for hurting me; for hurting Ryan. Neither of us deserved that kind of treatment from someone we trusted. I thought I meant something to him. I thought I was always his Lena. It pissed me off more knowing I had been played a fool.
Wherever Jammer was, I hoped he was getting herpes.
That is what he deserved.
Chapter 34
Jammer
For three weeks, three terrible weeks, I had been without Charlie. After taking my mother away from my father, we spent the first day driving.
Since I knew that I was going to be playing in the U.S. Open Nine Ball Championship, it was necessary for me to practice my ass off. I hadn’t been playing as much and my game was off even more considering that I had to buy a new stick and get used to the way it played. Most people think the stick doesn’t make a bit of difference, but that is one way you can tell a real billiards shooter from an amateur.
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