by Lucy Gordon
‘Yes. He doesn’t like the things you like, and I won’t have him forced to be someone he isn’t. That’s one of the reasons I left: to protect them from you.’
‘That’s a dreadful thing to say,’ he told her, his face very pale.
‘It’s a dreadful thing to be true. Garth, I came here tonight because I’m tired of living in limbo. I really want that divorce.’
‘I’ll never give you one. I told you that when you left.’
‘Yes, you said you’d take the children if I went for a divorce. That scared me at the time. You even used it to make me give up my job—’
‘You didn’t need to work. I offered you a large allowance—’
‘But I wanted to be independent.’
He didn’t understand that. He never had. He’d thought it madness when she’d struggled to get a diploma in bookkeeping through a correspondence course. She’d been thrilled to get work with Kendall Haines, a local environmentalist, but Garth’s bitter anger had made her leave the job.
Refusing to be defeated, she’d approached the problem in a different way. She had a real flair for bookkeeping and began taking in freelance work from several small, local businesses. She’d used a computer that had been very basic even when she’d bought it second-hand, and which now looked as if it had come out of the Ark. The budget wouldn’t run to the modern machine she longed for, yet still she was content. She’d won her independence in the face of Garth’s hostility.
But his high-handed action still rankled. ‘I was happy in that job until you forced me to leave it to stop you claiming Cindy and Adrian,’ she told him now. ‘I couldn’t see it then, but that threat was nonsense. No court would have given you the children, and if it had you wouldn’t have known what to do with them. It’s just that you can’t bear to let go of what was once yours. But we’re not property, and it’s time to let go.’
‘What makes you think I’ve changed my mind?’
‘It doesn’t matter. Time has passed. Sooner or later we’ll divorce, and I’d like it to be sooner. Our tenth wedding anniversary is coming up, and I don’t want to be legally your wife on that day. Can’t you see that it would be a mockery?’
‘You were still my wife on our ninth anniversary. What difference does it make now?’
‘The tenth is special,’ she argued. ‘It’s the first of the big ones: ten, twenty, twenty-five, fifty. Ten is like a milestone. It says that your marriage has lasted. But ours hasn’t.’
He looked at her closely. ‘Is that the only reason?’
Under his keen gaze, she coloured. ‘No, I—I want to get married again.’
She waited for his anger at this offence to his pride, but it didn’t come and this disconcerted her. ‘Tell me about him,’ he said mildly.
‘He’s a kind man and I love him.’
‘And you think he can fill my place with my children?’
‘He already does and he’s doing a terrific job. He’s there for them.’
‘He has no right to be. I’m still their father, just as I’m still your husband.’
‘And what you have, you hold. I might have known.’
He touched the gold chain about her neck. ‘Did he give you this?’
‘Yes.’
‘I wouldn’t have thought Kendall Haines could have afforded that. He’s obviously more successful than I realized. But he still isn’t the right man for you.’
‘I never told you his name. How did you—?’ She gasped in outrage. ‘You’ve had me spied on!’
‘I always keep up-to-date information about my investments,’ he said coolly. ‘I knew when you went to work for him, and the first time you dated him.’
She drew a sharp breath. ‘That was why you made me leave that job,’ she said angrily. ‘Because I was falling in love with him. You’re even trying to control me now.’
‘This man isn’t right for you.’
‘I think he is and I’m going to marry him. I can’t be browbeaten any more, Garth—’
He took a quick breath. ‘Browbeaten? Is that how you think of a marriage in which I gave you everything—?’
‘Except yourself. Once you got your own business you were never there when I needed you. You handed your gifts down from on high and expected me to defer to you, and when I started answering back you didn’t like it. I had to escape—’
‘You’ll never escape me,’ he said harshly. ‘I won’t allow it.’
‘You think you’re going to turn the full might of the law onto me—?’
‘No, it’s much simpler than that,’ he said softly, and pulled her into his arms.
He was too quick for her to avoid him and before she knew it his lips were on hers, caressing her with the same fierce purpose as in the past. In the beginning it had delighted her. Now, she was filled with outrage at his arrogance. Once, their sexual rapport had been perfect. Even when they had quarrelled it had still been there, giving them an illusion of a marriage. Now he thought he had only to remind her of that to overcome her will.
She fought to remain still and inwardly resist him. It should be easy with her anger to help her. Besides, she was strong now. If she waited, he would soon see that it was no use.
But his lips were full of persuasion, coaxing her to relive hot, brilliant moments, when the world had been full of love and beauty. If he’d been possessive, so had she, caressing and cherishing his body, rejoicing that he had chosen her for this magic gift. He had been young and his frame had been at its magnificent best; long legs and arms, a smooth brown chest, and hips whose power could make her cry out with ecstasy.
In the lonely, sobbing nights after their separation, she’d fought to deaden those memories and believed she’d succeeded. But he was here now, the living, breathing man, determined to make her remember what had united them, and forget what had driven them apart.
‘You’ll never escape me,’ he murmured against her mouth, ‘as long as we have this.’
His lips moved insistently against hers. This. One little word to sum up a dazzling, glorious and finally bitter experience: passion and grief intermingled. Love, pain, disillusion. All these things were there the moment he touched her, indestructible after all this time.
‘I never forgot you,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Not for a moment. You were always with me—just as I was always with you—’
She tried to deny it but the treacherous warmth was already filling her body, weakening her will, making her want things she had no right to want. She’d sworn this wouldn’t happen, but the memory of his passion still lived in her flesh, recalling her to life. She had once loved him so much, and though love might be finished, she was what that love had made her, and the past could never be destroyed completely.
For a few treacherous moments her body moulded itself to his, burning with remembered desire and need. She’d belonged to him completely, but that was a long time ago—although it seemed only yesterday—this very moment—for ever—
‘It’s not so easy, is it, Faye?’ he whispered. ‘It’s not so easy to forget the truth…’
But the arrogant words shouted in her brain like a warning. Faye shuddered as she saw how close she’d come to weakening. Garth was a clever man and this was no more than a cynical mockery of love. She took a deep breath and forced her head to clear.
‘The truth is that everything is over between us,’ she said emphatically. ‘Can’t you understand that?’
‘Why should I?’ he growled. ‘You don’t kiss me as though it was all over.’
‘I’m in love with another man…’
‘Little liar!’
‘And I’m going to marry him. You can’t stop me.’ Putting out all her strength, she broke free of him. ‘You thought it was going to be easy, didn’t you, Garth? When I arrived tonight you were sure I was going to drop into your hands. But I’m not like that any more. I’ve made my own life and there’s no room in it for you.’
Garth was very pale. ‘We’ll see about that.’
; But he was talking to empty air. Faye had fled the house.
CHAPTER TWO
‘Faye, you shouldn’t have been alone with this man. He’s a monster.’
Faye smiled at Kendall Haines, the man she planned to marry as soon as she was free. ‘Garth isn’t a monster,’ she protested. ‘He just steamrollers over people.’
‘All the more reason for you to stay away from him.’
It was the day after Faye’s visit, and she and Kendall were spending the afternoon together at her home. It was as small and modest as Elm Ridge was rich and grand, but it was her very own and she loved it. The furniture was mostly second-hand, and it showed the wear and tear of two boisterous children. The house looked what it was, a place where a family lived, a real home.
Faye was dressed to fit in with the furniture, in a worn pair of jeans, topped off by a flowered shirt.
Kendall’s voice became firm. ‘You must promise never to do such a thing again. I can’t bear to think that you’re still legally his wife.’
‘Not for much longer.’
Faye plumped up the cushions as she spoke so as not to let him see her face. There were things about her meeting with Garth she couldn’t speak of. She was still shocked at the treacherous way her body had responded to him at the very moment she was rejecting him.
‘Do you mean that he’s actually agreed to a divorce?’ Kendall demanded.
‘Not exactly…’
Then he’s still fighting you.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ Faye said with a conviction she was far from feeling. ‘When we broke up he threatened to claim custody of the children if I insisted on a divorce, so I didn’t. But after all this time, he hasn’t any cards to play.’
‘It’s time I went to see him,’ Kendall mused.
‘Ken, no. Don’t even think of it.’
‘But you’re not handling him very well, and perhaps some straight talking would do the trick.’
Kendall believed in straight talking. He was a vet and a minor celebrity in the ecological world. Occasionally he was invited onto television panels, where his forthright manner went down well.
‘Straight talking is the worst thing with Garth,’ Faye protested. ‘He can talk back even straighten’
‘You think I can’t handle him?’ he asked, raising his eyebrows in amusement.
She could understand his confidence. There was a massiveness about Kendall, both in his physique and his personality. He was six foot two, broad-shouldered, with copper hair that touched his collar, and a beard. He sometimes resembled a lion.
But if Kendall was a lion, Faye thought, Garth was a panther, ready to spring and demolish unwary prey.
‘Ken, please, forget this idea,’ she begged. ‘It would only make things worse.’
His mouth tightened slightly in displeasure. Then he shrugged, good humour restored, and drew her close for a kiss. But they jumped apart almost at once as the front door banged and there came the sound of children’s voices. Faye sat up hastily, straightening her hair just in time.
Two attractive children, both dressed in jeans and trainers, bounced into the room and greeted Kendall.
Cindy, almost eight, had the dark hair and intense eyes of her father. Nine-year-old Adrian had his mother’s fairness, her fine features, and her sensitivity. He and Kendall grinned at each other. Cindy regarded her mother’s friend with more reserve but still offered him a toffee, which he accepted at once for he had a very sweet tooth.
‘Tea will be ready in ten minutes,’ Faye said, hugging her. ‘Go and have some sort of wash.’
Both children made ritual groaning noises, but headed for the door. Adrian turned back to Kendall. ‘You will play football with me before you go, won’t you?’
‘Promise.’
Adrian vanished, satisfied.
‘Do we have to jump apart like a pair of canoodling teenagers?’ Kendall asked plaintively. ‘The kids know about us. They even like me.’
‘Adrian especially,’ Faye agreed. ‘But Cindy still adores Garth. That’s why we have his picture over there. It’s part of her make-believe that one day things will come right. I get so angry that he doesn’t treasure her picture in the same way.’
‘Don’t let him get to you,’ Kendall said with a shrug.
‘You’re right. He’s the past.’ She put her arms about him. ‘Once I’ve got this divorce, everything will be fine for us.’
For three days Faye waited to hear from Garth, but there wasn’t a word. Reluctantly she decided that she would have to contact him again, but just now she was snowed under with work.
She was settling down to it one afternoon when a sound outside drew her attention, and she was surprised to see a luxurious black car drawing up outside. The next moment Garth stepped out and headed purposefully towards the house.
Faye pulled open the door. ‘I wasn’t expecting you,’ she said.
‘I only decided this morning. May I come in?’ The question was a formality, as he’d already taken her shoulders and moved her gently but firmly out of his way.
She concealed her annoyance at his high-handedness, thinking that perhaps he’d come about the divorce.
‘You left this behind,’ he said, handing her a parcel. Inside, she found the jacket that she had left behind in her hurry to escape from Elm Ridge. It startled her slightly to realize that she hadn’t even thought about it.
‘Thank you,’ she said awkwardly. ‘It was good of you to bring it yourself—’
‘I wanted to talk to you. We can’t leave things as they are. Are the kids here?’
‘No, they’re out with Kendall.’
‘He’s really taken over, hasn’t he?’
‘He’s my future husband. Of course he’s getting to know them. They like him a lot. Please, don’t let’s have a fight about him.’
‘All right. I haven’t come to fight. Do I get offered a cup of coffee?’
Reluctantly Faye went into the kitchen but she was very aware of him studying the house, the inside of which he’d never seen before. When he’d collected his children for a visit he’d waited outside, or even sent the car with only his chauffeur.
She came into the front room with the tray, to find him studying her computer and the papers strewn on the table.
‘What’s this?’ he asked critically.
‘It’s my job.’
‘You’re still working?’
‘Didn’t your spies tell you? You drove me out of Kendall’s job, but you couldn’t stop me doing freelance work.’ She was struck by a horrid thought and hastily shut down the file she was working on.
‘Don’t worry, I’m not going to twist anyone’s arm to make them fire you,’ he said with a wry smile.
‘I wouldn’t put it past you.’
‘Forget it. That’s not what I’m here for.’
‘What are you here for?’
‘Because I’m tired of waiting. It’s over, Faye. All this living in limbo has gone on long enough. It’s time to make final decisions.’
‘That’s what I was trying to tell you the other night.’
‘But we got distracted, didn’t we?’ he reminded her with a wicked grin.
To her own annoyance Faye found herself blushing. ‘That won’t happen again. I’ve made my decision, and in future I think we should talk through lawyers.’
‘Faye, if you’ve become as strong and independent as you claim, why don’t you deal with your problems, instead of running away from them?’
‘What do you mean by that?’ she demanded angrily.
‘If I’m a problem, deal with me. Here I am. Confront me. Make me back down.’
‘You’d love me to try, so that you could make a show of strength, wouldn’t you? You fight your way; I’ll fight mine. I don’t need to confront you to make you back down over this divorce. I think you should go now. Please tell your driver to— Where is he? Your car’s gone.’
‘I told him not to stay.’
‘When is he coming back
for you?’ ‘Tomorrow morning.’
‘You don’t think you’re going to spend the night here?’
‘And tomorrow night, and the night after. I’m moving in, Faye.’
‘Over my dead body!’ she said explosively.
‘It’s time I studied the influences my children are receiving.’
While she stared at him, speechless, he opened the front door and began carrying in his bags that were piled up just outside.
‘No!’ she cried. ‘This is my home. I won’t have you walking in here without a by-your-leave.’
‘We need to be under the same roof for a while. If you don’t want me here, come back to Elm Ridge.’
‘That’s out of the question!’
‘Then it’ll have to be here.’
‘There’s no room for you. We only have three bedrooms. One for Adrian, one for Cindy and one for me.’
‘We can work something out.’
She was distracted by the sight of Kendall’s car drawing up outside. The last thing she wanted was for the two men to meet now. Luckily Kendall was in a hurry. Having watched until the children reached the house, he waved and drove off.
Adrian came in first. ‘Cindy’s gone round the back,’ he told Faye. ‘She’s got dirty shoes.’ His eager look faded as he saw his father, and he edged closer to Faye.
Watching their faces, Faye followed both their reactions easily. She saw Garth wait for his son’s whoop of delight, then grow tense when it didn’t come. Adrian seemed uncertain. In Kendall he’d found a fellow-footballer, who sympathized with him as Garth never had. Yet he loved and admired his father, and she could see that he was torn between the two loyalties.
‘Hello, Daddy,’ he said at last. ‘What are you—? I mean— Has something happened?’
‘I’ve come to stay for a while,’ Garth said, pretending not to notice his son’s awkwardness.
‘Oh. That’s nice.’
‘Is that all you’ve got to say to me, son?’ Garth asked, with determined cheerfulness. ‘Doesn’t your old man get a hug?’
Adrian hugged him obediently. Faye came to the child’s rescue. ‘Go and change those dirty clothes,’ she said with a smile.
He turned to her with relief. ‘We had ever such a good time, Mummy. I found a frog.’