by Lucy Gordon
‘It’s very late,’ she said at last. ‘I should be getting home now.’
‘I’ll walk you to your car.’
She tucked her hand in his arm and everything was comfortable between them, as it had always been. But it was no longer enough. When they reached the car she said, almost desperately, ‘Kiss me goodnight.’
Kendall’s embrace was the same as always but his kiss didn’t thrill her, and now she wondered if it ever really had.
‘Faye…’ Kendall said tensely.
‘Kiss me again,’ she pleaded.
‘Better not. Your thoughts were wandering. Like I told you, it has to be all or nothing with me. Goodnight, Faye.’
As she went through the front door Faye could hear Garth’s voice from behind his study door, sounding as though he was on the phone. She was glad, as she couldn’t bear to talk. She went up the stairs, straight to her own room.
A shower made her feel better. Wrapping a soft towelling dressing gown about her she returned to the bedroom and switched off all the lights except a soft lamp by her dressing table. Her mind was in turmoil.
Something had been different tonight and Kendall had recognized it too. It was all because of Garth. He’d kissed her that first night and her body had responded out of sheer surprise. If she’d been more prepared she might have stilled those treacherous impulses. But she hadn’t stilled them and the memories had remained. They had prompted her to reach out to him on the evening after the disastrous press show. But he hadn’t wanted her. They’d grown too far apart. There was an ache of desolation in her heart.
She remembered the lithe firmness of Garth’s body and how good it felt to hold it. He’d been a generous as well as a skilful lover, warm and tender and eager for her pleasure as well as his own.
She knew it was dangerous to dwell on these memories, but they were part of the happiest time of her life. The fulfilment hadn’t just been physical. Garth’s love had filled the world, making her feel valued and totally a woman. Without her even knowing it, a smile touched her lips. Then it faded into a sigh.
She was so absorbed in her reverie that she didn’t see the door open and Garth enter quietly. He stood watching her, his eyes darkening with anger at the look of tender introspection on her face. She thought she was alone, so it wasn’t teasing that made her lips curl in that sweet smile as if she was thinking of something—or someone—who made her blissfully happy.
Suddenly she seemed to become aware of him and turned her head. ‘You shouldn’t be here,’ she said.
‘I wanted to talk to you.’ He looked like a man under terrible strain, and his eyes were haggard.
‘Garth, you can’t just walk into my room. We had an agreement—’
‘It’s not me that’s breaking it, Faye. You gave your word that there’d be no dates with Haines—’
‘I didn’t make a date with him—’
‘Don’t lie to me! You were with him tonight. I saw you as I drove home.’
‘I said I didn’t make a date with him, not that I didn’t see him. I bumped into Kendall as I came out of the concert and had a drink with him. That’s all.’
‘Not quite all. You were kissing him.’
‘You really studied us, didn’t you? Or are you just protecting your investment?’
‘I don’t like people who don’t keep their word.’
‘It was an accident.’
‘Was kissing him an accident?’
‘No, I did that because I wanted to,’ she said defiantly.
‘And to hell with me?’
‘I never gave you a thought,’ she said, meeting his eyes. ‘What’s this all about, Garth? You said yourself there’s nothing for us now but to see this through to the end and say goodbye.’
‘Perhaps I’ve changed my mind,’ he said, reaching for her determinedly.
‘Oh, no!’ She put up a hand. ‘Our agreement—’
‘You broke it, Faye. Now it’s my turn. I don’t like being overlooked and I’m not going to be any longer.’ Before she could protest he covered her mouth with his own, kissing her with fierce, angry intent.
As soon as their lips touched Faye knew what had been missing from Kendall’s kiss. The opposition of her mind meant nothing while Garth could still cause vibrations of pleasure to go through her at his lightest touch. Anger at the way he simply took what he wanted warred with a pleasure that her body had once known, and for which it still yearned.
She couldn’t cope with her feelings because they reminded her how totally he could possess her. Worse still, they brought back the hot, sweet nights of their early love. With that love gone, it was cruel that her flesh still responded to him.
‘Let me go, Garth,’ she told him, eyes blazing.
‘Why should I? This was what you wanted the other night.’
‘Like you, I’ve changed my mind. Let me go now.’
‘Am I trespassing on Kendall Haines’s property? Do you think I care?’
‘I’m not his property, and I’m not yours.’
‘You were mine once, because that was how you wanted it. You gave yourself to me completely, with trust and love. Do you remember that, Faye?’
‘Don’t,’ she whispered.
‘Why not? Do you think I’m going to let you wipe our past away as though it never existed? It did exist. It lived, and it’s part of us both, however much you wish it wasn’t.’
She struggled to speak firmly. She wouldn’t let him win. ‘I don’t remember anything, Garth. The past is dead.’
‘Damn you,’ he said softly.
He took possession of her mouth, and the pleasure was so poignant that she gasped. The hand she put up was meant to push him away but somehow it ended by caressing him instead, fingers in his hair, turning and twisting, enjoying the springy feel.
He tugged at the belt of her bathrobe until it came loose and he could pull the robe from her shoulders and embrace her totally. Half knowing what she did, Faye began to open the buttons of his shirt. She wanted everything about him: his agility and strength, his skill and tenderness, all the things that had once been hers. So much had gone for ever but there was still the pleasure of clinging to him, feeling his hands wandering over her, making her come alive.
Garth held her against him, looking down into her flushed, dreamy face.
‘You remember,’ he said arrogantly. ‘You pretend not to, but you do. You remember everything, how much I want you, how much you want me—’
‘It’s not true,’ she gasped.
‘I can make it true. I’m still there, aren’t I, Faye? Deny it as much as you like, I’m still there.’
‘Yes,’ she said in a helpless whisper. ‘But, Garth, please—this isn’t the answer.’
‘What is the answer?’ he demanded between kisses. ‘Cosy little chats to relive every detail of our mistakes? Who needs words when we can talk like this?’
He smothered her mouth with his own, silencing all further argument. Faye could feel the last of her reason slipping away in the tide of passion that flowed over her.
She felt the silk of the counterpane beneath her back, the slight sinking of the mattress as Garth lay down beside her. His eyes seemed to feast on her, like a starving man presented with a banquet, and he ran a hand appreciatively over her slim frame.
‘You managed the other seven pounds, I see,’ he murmured admiringly. ‘I had a feeling you’d do what you set your mind to. Looks great.’
He didn’t wait for her to speak, but kissed her again. Longing flooded her. It was useless to protest to herself. She wanted Garth as much as he wanted her, and now she could only yield with a deep sigh of fulfilment.
He groaned as he pulled her against him, enfolding her in his arms and running his hands over her beautiful form. Their hearts and minds might have parted, but on this level nothing had changed. Ten years ago their physical harmony had been immediate and ecstatic. It was the same now. He knew how to please her, and he used his knowledge to the full.
&nbs
p; Although it was their physical need that drove them, he was still the considerate lover that she remembered. He knew how to wait, to give her time to feel easy with him again. Looking up, she met his eyes and found them brooding over her like a miser with recovered treasure.
‘You’re still mine,’ he murmured. ‘You always were mine, and you always will be.’
She knew she should dispute this, but the delight flooding through her left no room for argument. Whatever the future held, she was his at this moment and her heart knew it.
The time they’d spent apart had brought its changes and as lovers they were strangers again. But they’d been strangers the first time they made love and it had been wonderful. Now Faye felt almost as she had then, breathless with eagerness, not sure what to expect of him but hoping for everything.
She thought she surprised a moment of hesitancy in his face, as though he, too, were moving cautiously as he reclaimed unfamiliar ground. She knew that look. It meant he wanted to be reassured. So she did so, touching his face gently, one of their old signals, and the result was all she’d hoped. His embrace grew stronger, more confident and possessive. Just as it had been that first time.
And something else was the same, the beauty and wonder of becoming one with him. Once she’d been sure that life could hold no more happiness than this. Now she knew for certain that it was true. The years without him had been a lonely ache of desolation, and secretly she’d always been waiting to come home.
There was a new edge to their passion. Now she, too, had confidence. She knew herself as a woman who could drive this attractive man wild. What was happening had always been bound to happen.
She murmured his name and he looked at her quickly. ‘Faye?’ he said. ‘Faye?’ It was a question, as though he thought she might vanish from his arms.
She held him close, demanding more and more, and he gave freely and bountifully. Their climax was a burst of dazzling light, a flowering of the world that left her exhausted, trembling and utterly satiated.
She could see that it was the same with him. He was gasping slightly from the lengths to which she’d driven him and his face registered pure amazement. Faye wondered if her own face revealed her feeling of triumph.
She looked at him out of eyes that were hazy with fulfilment. Her whole body was relaxed as it hadn’t been for two years. The world was a good place after all.
‘I didn’t mean that to happen,’ he said slowly, watching her.
‘Didn’t you?’ she asked softly. ‘I thought you’d meant it to happen from the start.’
‘I made you a promise—’
Oh, yes, she thought vaguely. The promise.
‘It’s too late to worry about that,’ she murmured, wondering why he was making a fuss about it. Unconsciously, her lips curved into a blissful smile.
‘Don’t smile at me like that,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Not unless you want to drive me mad. Faye!’
He took hold of her shoulders to give her a little shake, but he didn’t let go. He couldn’t. The moment he touched her they both knew their desire was far from exhausted. And this time it was even more irresistible, because of what they’d both discovered.
He said her name once more, before his lips descended on her mouth. Faye gave a sigh of anticipation, and it all began again.
Garth was already downstairs when Faye descended next morning. She waited for him to look up, for the consciousness that would be between them. Perhaps he would smile.
But there was only trouble in his eyes when he raised his head. ‘I owe you an apology,’ he said in a low voice.
‘An—?’
‘Look, I know what you’re going to say. I broke my word. You told me to stay away from you or the deal would be off. Please—’ He raised his hand when she tried to speak.
Faye’s voice faded at once. She couldn’t have forced the words out through the stone that was encasing her heart.
‘Just hear me out,’ Garth insisted. ‘I swear that nothing like it will ever happen again. I was in a bad state last night, business worries, nothing serious, but I wasn’t myself. I’m sure you’re angry, Faye, but there’s no need to be. It’s over, finished. I’ll draw a line under it, if you will.’
‘By all means, let’s draw a line under it,’ she said. ‘Nothing could suit me better.’
CHAPTER NINE
At last it was time for the children to return from Cornwall. After that first delight, Faye was relieved to have their laughter filling the house. The cheerful sound covered the spaces between herself and Garth.
Their passionate lovemaking, so intense and shattering at the time, seemed to have slipped past without leaving any impression on him. Instead of growing closer to her, he’d seemed determined to keep his distance.
The morning afterwards he had been able to speak only of his broken promise. But he’d mentioned that while they had lain together and she’d put his mind at rest. She couldn’t recall her own words exactly, but she knew she’d said that she wasn’t angry about the promise. His obsession with it next day had made no sense, unless he had been using it as an excuse.
As the days went by she realized that this was the answer. There was a constraint in Garth’s manner that hadn’t been there before, and he was seldom at home. When they spoke it was usually to discuss the anniversary celebrations that were nearly on them.
One evening he said, ‘I’m going to Newcastle tomorrow and I have to leave at seven in the morning. There’s no need for you to get up then.’
‘All right,’ she said quietly. It was obvious that he didn’t want her. ‘How long will you be away?’
‘I might stay overnight. Word’s already getting around about the Diamond Range and I’m meeting a consortium that may put in a big order. It’ll be a great coup if 1 bring it off before the range is even launched.’
‘That’s wonderful,’ she said politely. ‘Will you be going in the plane?’
‘No, someone’s driving me up. I can make calls in the back of the car without being disturbed.’
She was awake before Garth left next morning and lay listening to him moving about downstairs, until the front door closed and she heard him drive away.
Sunk in her own thoughts she barely heard the children chattering over breakfast, but at last the word ‘zoo’ reached her.
‘What, darling?’ she asked Cindy.
‘Daddy said he’s taking us to the zoo on Saturday. He will be back by then, won’t he, Mummy?’
‘I’m sure he will, pet. He’s due back tomorrow.’
But she wondered if Garth had remembered the zoo. He’d mentioned staying over for one night, but that might stretch to a second. It would be wise to send him a reminder. Mary, his secretary, would be in Newcastle with him, but she had an office junior whom Faye could telephone.
But when she called his headquarters, she found herself talking to Mary herself. She was friendly, and one of the few people in the office whom Faye found congenial.
‘I thought you’d have gone away with Garth,’ Faye said.
‘I was supposed to but I’ve got family problems at the moment,’ Mary told her. ‘I’d rather not be away overnight. Luckily Lysandra came to my rescue.’
‘You mean—Lysandra has gone with him?’
‘Yes, wasn’t that kind of her?’
‘Very kind,’ Faye murmured.
She gave her message, which Mary promised to deliver, and hung up, trying to silence the disquiet in her breast. She’d settled with herself that she wasn’t jealous of Lysandra, so what did it matter? After the divorce, Garth could marry anyone he liked.
‘Oh, no, he can’t!’ she said suddenly, aloud. ‘I’m not having that woman become stepmother to my children.’
It was a relief to know the reason for her disturbance.
It was good to have the children home and she was determined to make the most of their company. A shopping trip in town turned into a spending spree and they returned with new trainers and sweaters with zoo animals
printed on them. They immediately put them on and headed for the garden.
‘Hey, save those sweaters for the zoo,’ Faye called. ‘You’ll get them dirty out there.’
‘We won’t, Mummy, honestly,’ Adrian called, but even as he spoke he was tussling with Barker for the ball. He finally got it out of the dog’s mouth, and rubbed his hand over the elephant’s head on his chest.
‘Never mind,’ Faye grinned. ‘I can always wash them before Saturday.’
Barker was like a child himself, bouncing and rolling about, chasing after every ball and uttering deafening barks of delight. The trust and understanding between the three of them was lovely to see.
‘Tea in fifteen minutes,’ Faye called, and went into the kitchen. She reached up for Barker’s dry biscuits, for she knew he couldn’t bear to be left out of a meal. He was especially fond of the red ones, so she took two red ones apart. Always afterwards it was imprinted in her memory how she’d smiled as she’d set the biscuits by the kettle in the last split second before the world was turned upside down.
At first she hardly registered that Barker had suddenly made a different sound. But then it was followed by a dreadful scream from Cindy and the little girl came flying into the kitchen.
‘Mummy, Mummy! Come quickly/’
Barker was lying on his side, heaving, his eyes full of pain. ‘He was running and he just stopped and fell over,’ Adrian cried.
Til call the vet,’ Faye said urgently and raced back to the house. Adrian came with her but Cindy stayed with Barker, holding his head in her arms and murmuring comfort.
‘They’re sending an ambulance for him,’ she told Adrian. ‘It’ll be here any moment. They’ll make him better.’
She tried to sound convinced, but she knew what had happened, and how it would probably end. But she would protect her children until the last moment.
Then Adrian said, ‘Someone at school saw his grandfather have a heart attack and he told us what happened.’
Their eyes met and she saw how grown up her son was. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I think Barker’s had a heart attack. He’s quite old.’
Adrian’s eyes were wet and he closed them for a moment while his hand groped for Faye’s. When he opened them he said, ‘We mustn’t tell Cindy yet. She’s just a child.’