He took her in his arms then, wrapping her in his protective embrace. She sunk into the one place she had always felt safe, the one place she could relax and know that everything would be okay.
~*~
Blake held his wife, and even with the craziness raging twenty feet above them, the world finally felt right.
Kris’s tears soaked his shirt, and her nails dug into his arms where she gripped him as if he alone could give her solace. He just pulled her closer into him and soothed her with calm, whispered words of love, of apology, of all the things he had wanted to say to her for the last year.
It took several minutes before Kris relaxed, the tension leaving her body as she melted into his lap. He brushed back her hair then, a rhythmic soothing motion that calmed his own nerves. Yet, he held the greatest elixir for peace in his arms. He had dreamed of this every night while away, of holding her, loving her, and reminding her how much he needed her.
Tucker rustled at the table. Blake turned his gaze toward the boy, watching him watch them from the corner of his eyes while pretending to read a book he held upside down.
Kris stirred in his arms, not pulling away, but readjusting.
“Better now?” He kissed the top of her head nestled in his neck.
She nodded and murmured.
“Mommy?” Tucker had slipped so silently from the table that Blake wouldn’t have known he had moved except for years of observing even the slightest motion.
Blake held one arm out to the boy, and he hurried into a family hug.
“I’m okay, Tuck,” Kris whispered and wrapped her arm around their son too. “I’m sorry.”
Blake heard the words choke in her throat. He knew guilt would be overrunning her now. She expected herself to be perfect for their son. He kissed her head and hoped that one day she would realize that having occasional imperfections would create an even deeper bond with Tucker. At least, it had with his own mom.
He shoved the memories down as he held his family in his arms. They were together. The rest they would get through.
“Maybe a nice, hot shower would help?” He leaned back a ways to read her expression.
She blinked, her blue eyes red, swollen, and bright. Her smooth forehead creased. “Hot shower?”
“Yep, I installed a tankless automatic water heater last year. Since we’re on the well, you can take a long hot shower if needed.”
She hid her head in his neck again. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. Even the hardcore men on my team have panic attacks when enclosed in small spaces.”
“Really?” Tucker asked.
He nodded at the boy. Tucker needed to know that being brave had nothing to do with not being scared. It was acting despite the fear.
“I meant,” Kris said, as she glanced back up at him, her brow furrowed. “I meant, I’m sorry for not trusting you.”
“Oh,” Blake said with a chuckle. He knew admitting that had cost her. His tough girl did not admit defeat easily. “I only wanted us to be safe.”
“I understand that now.” Kris reached up and laid her hand on the stubble that had started growing on his face.
“Does that mean you’re not mad at Daddy anymore?” Tucker asked starting to bounce next to them on the bed.
“Calm down, Buckaroo. Your mom needs us to be calm for a while.”
Kris hadn’t answered. In fact, Blake was almost scared she would. He would rather believe the trust and love that shone in her eyes. He of all people knew that words were sometimes difficult to allow. He would rather she showed him anyway.
“Come on, Tuck. Let’s get this hot water heater working for Mom.” Blake grabbed up his son and carried him to the automatic water heater attached high on the wall.
He explained the process to Tucker while he heard Kris sorting through compartments to find the clothes they had stashed here years ago. Luckily, she was the same size she had always been...small, yet strong.
“Wow,” Tucker exclaimed while pulling his hand back from the steaming water spraying out the shower head. “It’s really hot!”
“Yep, and just what the doctor ordered for your mom.”
Blake noticed a sudden shift in Tucker. After shutting off the water, he set him on the floor and then bent to look in his eyes. “What’s the matter?”
“What about doctors, Dad? What if we get sick or hurt?” Tucker’s forehead scrunched in the same worried pattern that his mother’s did.
Blake reached out and smoothed the wrinkles. “We have supplies, and we’ll do the best we can. We even have some books to help.”
“And your daddy has training.” Kris squatted next to him. She held open her bandaged palm.
Guilt shot through him as he realized he hadn’t checked her wound since they had arrived at the bunker. “Speaking of that, let’s take a look.”
Blake gently pulled away the bandage.
The wound was angry, red and swollen. No pus oozed out, and the blood had stopped, but it worried him. He ground his teeth. How could he have forgotten to check this last night as soon as they made it to the bunker? He gingerly touched the red skin. It was warm to the touch.
“I’ll make a solution while you are taking a shower. We need to remember to clean it several times a day.” He left the consequences unsaid, but the flicker of fear that passed through Kris’s eyes let him know she understood what could happen if her hand became infected.
“Can I help?” Tucker asked. His son had been enthralled with each move he had made, watching his hands, reading his face. Blake could see his little mind working.
“Of course. Now, let’s give your mom some time to relax in the shower.” He stood, and brought Kris up with him. Without preamble he brought her into his arms and sighed. He couldn’t do this without her. He wouldn’t want to.
“Thank you,” Kris said, and he felt a small kiss on the side of his neck.
The contact of her lips on him set his body ablaze. He pulled back and looked longingly in her eyes. He wouldn’t kiss her, as much as he wanted to. He would wait, give her time, and let her come to him.
“Have a good shower, Mommy!”
“Thanks, Sweetie.” She bent down and kissed Tucker on the cheek. Her bottom lip quivered, and Blake knew he had made the right choice...in giving her time.
Once she was in the shower, Blake sifted through all the containers of food until he found the ten pound bucket of salt. Kris had laughed at him at first, saying they would die from high blood pressure before consuming that much.
He had just smiled. She had no idea of all the uses for salt. Not only to season food, but cure meat, which as soon as they left the bunker he would need to hunt. The food rations here would help get them by for a while, but without supplementing their stock, they wouldn’t last much longer than a year.
A ripple of fear coursed down his spine. The bunkers he helped prepare had at least ten years of rations. Would those officials leave the bunkers before then, or wait until most of the civilians had died off? Would they ever be able to restore order?
His mind had become distracted, but as he pulled out the tub of salt, he remembered his son who stood peering over his shoulder.
“That’s a lot of salt.” Tucker peeked into the bucket.
“Yep. We need to salt to live. If we don’t eat salt, we won’t make it.”
“Then why are we using it to wash out Mommy’s wound?”
“It has many uses, son.” He went on to explain them. “A saline solution, which is salt and water, could mean the difference between a deadly infection and a healing wound.”
“Like Mom’s?” His green eyes widened and face paled.
“Don’t worry, Champ. Mom’s going to be just fine. We’re going to take care of her, and she’s a great healer.”
Tucker nodded. “What else is salt good for?”
Blake suppressed a smile. He knew the drill. Tucker changed the subject in order not to think those scary thoughts. He did the same thing. “Well, for curing meat.”
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“Curing meat? Like if it’s sick?”
Blake laughed and squeezed the boy to his side. “Curing meat is something you do to help it last longer. Salt dries out the meat so it doesn’t spoil.”
“Like beef jerky?”
“Something like that.” Blake took a bottle of water and dumped a third of it out into a glass. Then he poured salt into the bottle.
Tucker watched him closely. “Will you teach me how to cure meat, too?”
“Of course. As soon as it is safe to leave the bunker, I’ll go hunting and you can help me cure the meat when I come back.”
“I want to go hunting too! I can shoot my bow real good now.”
“I bet you can, Tuck. We will definitely go hunting together, just maybe not yet. I need to make sure it’s safe.” He tousled the boy’s sandy hair. “For now, why don’t you hunt down a pack of cards, and we’ll play some games.”
Tucker smiled his toothless smile and scrambled to the cupboard where they kept the games. One of the things Blake had learned, not only in the service, but while preparing for the officials’ survivals, people needed mental stimulus and entertainment in order to thrive. He had made certain to install a TV with movies for both adults and children, as well as books, games, cards, and puzzle books. He wanted his family to be as comfortable as possible.
He scanned the bunker and peered at the steel ceiling as if he could see through to the yards of dirt above them. Pushing down the trepidation that he was making the right decision, he eased his stress by telling himself he had prepared the best he could. And he had.
~4~
If Kris closed her eyes while letting the hot water roll off her back, she almost felt like she was home in her own bathroom. Well, as long as she didn’t move in the tiny space. She was glad that Blake had chosen the option with a separate shower. Even as tight as it was, it was better than having to shower with a toilet at her feet.
The soothing shower replenished her. Her heart rate slowed, her breathing deepened, and her mind almost felt clear.
A taste of hope tantalized her. She would pull it together for Tucker. The worried expression on his face still gutted her. Whatever had to be done to keep him safe and as stress-free as possible, she could withstand it. She would be brave for him.
Reluctantly she shut off the hot water. The tiny bathroom had steamed up so thick she could hardly see, and she liked it that way. She could pretend a little longer.
Blake really had accomplished so much that would not only ensure their survival, but brought in as much comfort as possible. A warmth of appreciation spread through her. The memory of his eyes and soothing voice pulling her out of the panic attack clutched at her heart.
She ached to be in his arms again and battled with whether she could or should allow herself that comfort.
After she dried and dressed in the cramped space, she wrung her hair up in the towel, took a deep breath, and re-entered the bunker life.
Blake and Tucker sat at the little table playing with a deck of cards. A smile played at the edges of her lips. Tucker had craved this time with his dad for the last year. Now he had him, and had him for a long and close duration. Blake didn’t have any idea what he was in for.
“Mommy! How did the shower do?”
“It did wonderfully.” She bent to kiss him on the forehead. “How are you doing?”
“Great. Daddy and I are playing Go Fish. He didn’t know I was so good.” Tucker laughed.
“He’s grown a lot,” Blake said in admiration.
“It happened fast.” She pulled a chair up at the end of the table. “Deal me in?”
“First we need to wash out that wound.” Blake stood and waited by the sink for her where he had a small water bottle with murky looking liquid, bandages, and antibiotic ointment.
Her hand throbbed in expectation. She couldn’t imagine salt water feeling great on her open wound. Even the shower had stung the hole in her palm. Unfortunately he was right again, and she knew she couldn’t refuse.
Tucker ran over to the sink to watch the ordeal, so she put on a straight face doing her best to not grimace as Blake squirted the water into her wound. The pain didn’t last long. Soon he had gooped up her palm and placed bandages around it once again.
“Did that moss do a good job, Dad?”
“Well, there’s no sign of infection so I’m hoping so.”
“It’ll be fine. Now let’s get to that game,” Kris said as she sat back down at the table. She looked forward to time with her family. If she could keep the feeling of adventure and of gratitude for being with the two people she loved the most, she could get through this.
The day sped by with card games, taking inventory of their stock, and the boys taking showers. She had made a quick and easy add-water stew, in smaller portions, and they ate dinner while watching a cartoon movie.
When Blake had shown them the TV that swiveled toward them and a CD case full of DVDs, Tucker’s eyes lit up and Kris sighed in relief. She marveled how the table folded in and the chairs swiveled to turn into a small couch. It was a tight fit, but Tucker stretched out over both of their laps and currently breathed heavy in sleep.
The credits rolled as she met eyes with her husband. He had done so much to see to their comfort during this catastrophic event. His foresight, which she had fought at every turn the last six years, had saved them. Her heart warmed looking at him, and once again she ached to be in his arms.
“Want to help me get him in his hammock?” she asked.
He raised his eyebrows, but then effortlessly picked their son up and situated him in the hammock above the bed. When Blake had first brought up the idea, Tucker squealed in delight. He got to sleep in a hammock, and he would be right above them, so he had the best of both worlds.
Blake watched the boy sleep, and Kris met him there, a blanket in her hands. She tucked it around their son.
“He looks so peaceful,” Blake whispered.
“About the only time.” She laughed. “He won’t sleep all night in there, but it’s a start.”
“When did he start sleeping with you again?”
“The night you left.” Kris leaned in and gave Tucker a kiss. “Good night, Sweet Boy.”
She heard Blake clench his jaw, and she turned to look at him.
“I’m sorry I was gone so long.”
Kris took his hand and led him back to the couch. “Tell me about it.”
He sat down, and she settled against him, letting his arms wrap around her.
“It didn’t start out as mayhem.” He paused, and she held her breath. He had never talked about his assignments before. “You know I protect people in high places in the government.”
“The Secret Service?”
“Exactly. Except I belong to a covert team in the Secret Service.”
Kris nodded, afraid to say anything that would stop him from sharing.
“During this assignment, one thing led to another until I found secure locations for bunkers that would house elite government officials. I’ve done things like that before, but from the start this felt different.”
Kris settled further into him and trailed her finger along his rough, thick hands.
“The higher-ups acted strange, stressed. Panic flooded their hushed conversations. They outfitted these bunkers with more heavy artillery and a larger inventory of food and other supplies, enough to last ten years or more. At the end though, I knew with certainty that something was happening, and soon.”
Kris’s fingers stopped. Hearing a touch of fear in Blake’s voice started her heart racing.
“I overheard a conversation saying the attack was coming. They didn’t go into detail, so I didn’t know the source of the attack or what to expect. My immediate thought was of you and Tuck. During that conversation I also overheard them say they would be dispatching my entire team.”
Kris sucked in a breath. She had heard him use that word before and the finality of it caused fear to surge through her.
The thought of Blake being one of his team members in a body bag caused a rush of emotion to overtake her. She clung to the man she promised to live the rest of her life with. The man who had saved them from almost certain doom.
“I barely escaped with my life, and now that all this has happened, I don’t know what to expect. I doubt they would come looking for me. They wouldn’t have the resources.”
Kris gripped his hand. She knew that his position was dangerous, she just didn’t know how involved in things he had been or how close to death. His behavior when he first showed up made more sense now. Guilt sat heavy in the pit of her stomach, but she ignored it as she sat up.
“I’m glad you made it back. Your timing was impeccable.” She let her hand cup his day growth’s stubble.
“I would have died trying. I’m sorry I left you alone for so long. I promise,” he leaned forward, close enough she could feel his breath, “I promise I will never leave you like that again.”
“I’m holding you to that, Hero.” Her mouth quirked into a smile as her eyes left his and trailed down to his lips.
She closed her eyes and breathed in his freshly washed, manly scent. She had worn his t-shirt to bed for a month after he had first left just to have his scent close to her. It made her feel safe and closer to him. Now, with the living, breathing warmth of her husband so close, she had no choice but to act upon it.
Parting her lips, heart pounding, she edged closer, letting her lips touch his, tantalizingly slow. Then a ferocity overtook her husband. He deepened their kiss, threading his fingers through her long hair around the back of her neck and pulling her closer and even deeper. Kris could feel his need as a living thing, something more than physical but an emotional inferno bringing them from one body into one being.
Her breath came in gasps as he broke contact only to plant fiery kisses down her neck. All else faded. The walls that had been oppressive disappeared along with the past hurt. The only thing that mattered was her being right where she belonged, in her husband’s arms. She wrapped her arms around him, and he wrapped his around and under her, lifting her off the couch and to the bed.
Grant Us Mercy (Book 2): Grant Us Mercy Page 3